—

CHAPTER 9

Leonard fidgets in an uncomfortable, high-backed wooden chair. He sits across from Deputy DiSalvo, feeling wary that the man has asked to speak to him and his friends separately. The deputy's office is small, but his desk and filing cabinets are tidy, so the room doesn't feel overly stuffed. The deputy himself is about Leonard's height, but he has a more rotund belly, a fringe of greying hair, and a mustache that hasn't been in style for decades.

Smoking is not allowed in the building, yet somehow everything still smells like stale cigarettes. The scent soon becomes masked by the more pleasant aroma of coffee as the deputy pushes a cup across his desk. Leonard is nervous and afraid for Amy, but he gratefully accepts the beverage. It's two o'clock in the morning, and he wants to be able to help as much as possible. The caffeine should be a welcome addition to his bloodstream.

"Sir, have you heard anything yet?" Leonard asks, anxious to hear news about the search for Amy.

"I'm afraid not, but it may take them a while. Searching in the dark is a complicated process. We may not find much until morning. By the way, feel free to call me Jack."

"Okay."

"I know this is a difficult moment, and I appreciate you folks coming down here to help us out. So for starters, how do you know Amy?"

"Um, well, she met Sheldon five years ago. They spent a lot of time together at our apartment, and I became her friend a short time later."

"Are the two of them romantically involved?"

Scratching the day's stubble that has grown on his chin, Leonard has to think about that one. "I guess you could call it that. Romantic seems like the wrong word, but yes, they are boyfriend and girlfriend. Well, actually I suppose I should say 'were'. Amy ended things right before she left to go on this trip."

"I see." Jack raises an eyebrow and starts writing in a notebook that sits on his lap. "So, does she often go out hiking?"

He scoffs. "No. As far as I know, athletic endeavors aren't Amy's forte."

"Why do you suppose she chose to go out on this trail, then?"

It feels weird to talk about his friends' personal lives, but under the circumstances, Leonard supposes that it's best to be straightforward. "Sheldon was Amy's first real relationship, and they'd been together for a long time. If I had to guess, I'd say that she found the breakup difficult and wanted to take a vacation that would provide her with a distraction. I can't really say for sure, though."

The deputy nods and jots down some notes. "Did she seem upset at the time she left?"

"I don't know. I was in Las Vegas when they broke up and didn't see her before she left. If she was as hurt by the breakup as Sheldon has been this past week, then yes."

"So, since you didn't speak with her during that time, you don't have any sense of whether she might have been inclined to harm herself or not, do you?"

Leonard is startled by the mere suggestion that Amy might do something like that. But it also occurs to him that he doesn't know her very well at all. Other than her love for Sheldon, her terrible fashion sense, and her surprising friendship with Penny, he knows little else about her as a person. Certainly not enough to know the answer to a question like that. It bothers him that he can't answer something as important as this, and it makes him wonder if he should've been a better friend to her.

"I—I don't think so. But no, I don't know her well enough to be certain."

Jack clears his throat and leans back into his office chair, scribbling away at his note pad. The chair tips at a precarious angle, and Leonard wonders if the deputy is at all worried about it falling over completely. With wheels at the base, tipping it like that is a risky gambit. Leonard can't stop himself from envisioning the balding man's chair rolling out from under him, leaving the guy sprawled out on the ground.

It's a jarring change from his previous train of thought, and he feels guilty about his lack of focus at a time like this. He supposes that it's natural for his mind to want to think about something mundane under these stressful circumstances, but he chides himself internally for the lapse.

"I'd like to know more about Amy's relationship with Sheldon. You said that she broke things off. Do you know why she would do that?"

"I think she was frustrated with the pace of their relationship. Sheldon's not exactly the easiest person to be close to."

"I'm not sure I know what you mean by that. You said before that you don't think of their relationship as romantic. Why not?"

That's not something that Leonard feels comfortable explaining, not that he would be able to anyway. "I suppose it's romantic to them, in its own weird way. Beyond that, I think it's best that you ask Sheldon if you want to know something like that."

"Fair enough, but tell me this much. Would you say that he was in love with her?"

Leonard doesn't even have to think about the answer to that question. "Without a doubt. And I would say that he still is. When she broke things off, Sheldon seemed blindsided by her decision, and he spent all of the past week trying to track her down so that he could attempt to set things right."

"Was he angry about the breakup and the fact that she took off?"

"I wouldn't say angry. Upset, yes. I've noticed lots of little indications that he is stressed out. Sheldon has a rigid routine, and he's been deviating from it since she left. He's not eating or sleeping the way that he usually does. But from talking to him, I'd say he has also been in a lot of denial. He is certain that their breakup is temporary and that they'll be back together soon."

"Why would he think that?"

"He believes that they have had a simple misunderstanding. I don't know about what exactly, and before you ask, no, I don't know what he's planning to do about it."

Jack turns the page in his notebook, and Leonard takes advantage of the momentary break to have another sip of coffee. After writing a few things down, Jack asks, "When's the last time that any of you had communication with Amy?"

"Penny got a text from her on Tuesday evening but didn't hear anything from her today."

Leonard remembers that Wednesday has now faded into Thursday. "Well, I guess I mean yesterday."

"Did you see Sheldon on Wednesday?"

"Yeah. I mean, we both work at Cal Tech, and we had lunch together like we usually do."

"And he wasn't acting weird in any way?"

"No weirder than he always does."

That earns him another eyebrow raise. "Oh? And how weird is he usually?"

"I don't… I didn't mean that in a bad way. Sheldon's just a very, um, unique person. He's a genius, but he doesn't always relate well to other people. The words 'arrogant' and 'annoying' have been used. You'll see what I mean when you talk to him. But once you get to know him, he is all of those things, but he's also a good person who cares a lot more than people think he does."

"So it was an ordinary day for both of you?"

"Well, I suppose Sheldon's plan to take the afternoon off wasn't ordinary. He's usually too wrapped up in his work to even consider that kind of thing."

Leonard is starting to wonder why this guy keeps asking so many questions about Sheldon. It seems both strange and irrelevant.

"Tell me about this afternoon and evening."

"Okay. I finished work and got home around 7:00, and that's when Penny told me that she hadn't heard from Amy. We went over to get some flashlights from Sheldon and see if he wanted to come with us."

Jack looks up from his notebook. "Do you know of anyone else who has recently had any kind of fights or disagreements with Ms. Fowler?"

In the instant that the deputy says 'anyone else', Leonard realizes exactly why the man's questions have had such a slant towards his best friend. It seems impossible that someone could suspect Sheldon of any kind of crime, especially with regards to Amy. He looks right into the investigator's eyes and says, "I don't know of anyone who has had any kind of fight with her at all, much less anyone who would harm her. And that includes Sheldon."

Rubbing his mustache, Jack responds, "It is normal in a case like this to examine all of the possibilities, and we like to begin with those closest to the person in question. I don't necessarily believe that a crime has even been committed here, but it's important that we consider any sources of strife in Amy's life. I hope you understand."

Leonard folds his arms across his chest, not placated in the least by those words. He narrows his eyes at the man who is supposed to be helping them. "And I hope you understand that Sheldon loves Amy, and so do the rest of us."

—-

It's not cold today, but Penny feels a phantom chill in the air anyway. She rubs her hands together for warmth and tries to pass the time by eavesdropping on Leonard's conversation next door, but she can't quite make out what they're saying.

Sheldon is in another empty office to her left, and once again she finds herself wishing that she could hear him jibber-jabber. He probably wouldn't, though, even if he were in here with her. The trip out to the trail was spent in nervous silence, and there's no way Sheldon's feeling any less awful about things now. Penny isn't either.

After ten minutes or so, Deputy DiSalvo opens the door and takes a seat across the table from her. He offers her a cup of coffee, but she doesn't think that it would sit well in her queasy stomach. Uninterested in any kind of small talk, Penny prefers to cut to the chase.

"Did you find Amy yet?"

The deputy sniffs and says, "No one has called in from the site just yet. However, I did have someone contact the hospitals and the morgue, and I can tell you that no one has been admitted who matches Amy's description."

Penny taps her foot, trying to work out her nervous energy, but her movements halt and she closes her eyes at the word 'morgue'. She takes a deep breath and reminds herself that the important part of that news is that Amy is not there.

"Can you tell me a little bit about Amy and your relationship to her?"

She gathers herself, feeling relieved to have the distraction of a new line of conversation to pull herself away from her previous thoughts. It's not easy to think of a succinct way to describe her unusual friend.

"Amy is one of my closest friends. She's super smart and works as a neuro-scientific something or other. I've never known anyone who is as tenacious and good-hearted as she is."

DiSalvo gives her a pointed look. "Would you say that she is happy?"

The question takes Penny aback. "She has been acting a bit weird over the last few months. Well, she's always a little peculiar, but she's been kind of moody. I mean, anyone who's crazy enough to date Sheldon is bound to have some rough days, but—"

"What's crazy about dating Sheldon?"

Even under these terrible circumstances, the question makes her snort. "What isn't crazy about it? Sheldon's not exactly a typical kind of boyfriend."

"Oh? In what way?"

"In a lot of ways. He tends to place more importance on his work than he does on anything else. His attempts at compliments tend to come out sounding more like insults. I guess he's affectionate in his own way, or at least I know he tries very hard for her, but…"

It's difficult to come up with the right words to summarize those two. Their relationship is so different from anything that Penny has ever experienced. Still, it has always seemed to suit them.

"But what?" the deputy prompts.

"I don't know. They both love each other, but Amy tends to want to progress their relationship while Sheldon often holds back. Like, they have dates, and he even hugs and kisses her, but it's all preplanned in this ridiculous contract he had her sign."

The deputy looks perplexed. "A contract for dating?"

"Yup. It has all kinds of things about their relationship in it. Rights, responsibilities, and restrictions."

"That sounds quite controlling. Was Amy okay with it?"

Penny manages a brief smile at the thought of how ecstatic Amy had been at the beginning. "Originally, she was thrilled about it. She was just so happy to have him as her boyfriend. Over time, though, I think she found the restrictions to be more and more annoying."

"Does Sheldon always dictate their interactions?"

"What? No, no, definitely not. They've always compromised pretty well. They both do each other's weird sciency stuff together and take turns cooking and picking movies and stuff. Amy is no pushover."

"Leonard told me that they broke up. Do you know what went wrong?"

That's a tough one. Even though she has spoken to Amy, Penny still doesn't understand it. But she's never entirely understood what goes on between them anyway. "A little bit. I think she started to see Sheldon's, um, reluctance as a kind of rejection. She was frustrated, which makes sense because 'frustrating' might as well be his middle name."

The deputy looks up from where he has been busily taking notes. "Oh?"

"Yeah, you'll see what I mean when you talk to him some more. Anyway, Amy told me she thought Sheldon might be able to find someone he'd be more interested in."

"I see. Do you think either of them are involved with someone else at this time?"

Penny scoffs. "Just no. That's ridiculous. And you know, I told Amy that she's wrong too. I get that she's impatient, but I tried to remind her of how much Sheldon has grown. That man hates change, but he has changed so much with her and for her. I was hoping that this trip away would help her clear her mind and be able to see that again."

The room falls quiet, the only remaining noise being the sound of DiSalvo turning a page in his notebook. Having someone to talk to beats sitting in this cold room by herself, but she can't help but wonder why he's so interested in Amy's relationship with Sheldon. "How are these questions supposed to help you find her?"

He looks up and answers, "It's valuable to get a sense of what's been going on in her life so close to the time she went missing. From what I've heard, this breakup with Sheldon was a major life event for her. It helps us narrow down our guesses about what she might be thinking, what she might have done, or where she might have gone."

Before Penny gets a chance to figure out what he means, DiSalvo picks up their conversation and says, "Okay. So earlier you said that Amy was a bit moody. I'm not clear on what that means. Do you think she could be depressed or otherwise at risk of self-harm?"

Well, that must be what he meant by 'what she might have done'. The idea is sobering. Penny sits and thinks about it for several seconds before she can come up with a response.

"I know how much Amy loves and is devoted to Sheldon, and I'm certain that the breakup has been devastating for her. But one thing I can say for sure is that Amy is an optimist at heart. I think that this hiking trip was, in large part, an effort to stay positive and move forward."

"You say that she was devastated. How was Sheldon after Amy broke up with him?"

Penny raises an eyebrow. "Not good. I mean, he loves her—way more than I ever would've thought him capable of. He's been pretty heartbroken."

"How so?"

"He doesn't eat unless we remind him to, and he even missed some time at work, which is something that never happens. He also stalked her social media accounts and tried to hack into her iPhone."

Penny watches while DiSalvo continues to write notes into his little book. She hopes that her last words didn't come out wrong. Maybe it wasn't a good idea to use the word 'stalk' when speaking to an officer of the law. When the deputy next speaks, she realizes that he did, in fact, get the wrong impression.

"Have Sheldon and Amy ever had any kind of physical altercations, or has she indicated to you that she might be afraid of him in any way?"

Aghast, Penny says, "No! That's insane. He would never hurt her."

Her mind scrambles for the words to make this guy understand. "Seriously, like, if there's a bug in his apartment, Sheldon has to come over and ask me to go squish it for him. That man is incapable of physically harming someone. Besides, he was in Pasadena all day, not out on a hiking trail."

"All day?"

Penny snaps her mouth shut. She knows that Sheldon took the afternoon off from work and that he arrived home late. There's no way she's going to offer that particular tidbit now, though.

The deputy clears his throat and says, "Okay. It's very helpful to know all of this. If we can get these things out of the way, then it will free us to concentrate on other possibilities of what may have happened to Amy. Under the circumstances, it is most likely that she is simply lost or injured at the hands of Mother Nature. But when we find signs of blood like that, we have to consider everything. Our first loyalty here is to Amy."

Picking at her fingernails, she has no argument for that.

"So, uh, how about the rest of Amy's friends, family, and co-workers? Does she get along well with everyone, as far as you know?"

Penny crosses her arms and sighs. She feels hesitant about continuing this conversation, but at least this question isn't about Sheldon. "I think her mom loves her a lot, but she is overbearing and still thinks of Amy as a child. As a result, Amy doesn't see her too often. She doesn't talk much about the rest of her family. As for friends and co-workers, I'm not aware of any trouble."

In all of their girls' nights, Amy rarely speaks about any of those things. Penny and Bernadette bring up their families and complain about co-workers, but Amy just listens. She never gave it much thought, but now Penny wonders what kinds of things her friend has been keeping to herself. She says a quick, silent prayer of hope that she will get the chance to ask her someday soon.

The deputy nods and writes a few more things down. Even when she squints, she can't read his sloppy handwriting. When he looks back up to address her, she glances away, lest she be caught trying to snoop.

"I really appreciate your help, Mrs. Hofstadter. We're going to do everything that we can to find your friend."

—

Down to one last person to interview, Jack is anxious to speak to this ex-boyfriend of Amy's that he's been hearing so much about. His curiosity is even strong enough to keep the urge to sleep at bay. He's going to have to be out early to deal with the search again in the light of day, and he'll need at least a few hours of sleep to be functional, but for the moment he feels wide awake.

Out of the three of them, this guy looks to be in the worst shape. His hair is mussed, his face is pale, and his eyes are rimmed with red. Jack has seen a lot of people at the worst moments of their lives, and he can tell that this is a bad one for this fellow. To top it all off, the dude stinks.

"Can I get you some coffee?" he offers, hoping that it might perk the guy up and drown out the stench of this room at the same time. Sheldon is slouched in his chair, staring into a garbage can.

"I promised my mother that I wouldn't do drugs, but on a day like this, why not?"

Unsure of what the hell that means, Jack scratches his head and steps out of the office. He walks down the hallway to the coffee area, and pours a cup for each of them. When he returns, he hands one lidded styrofoam vessel to Sheldon.

When Sheldon stretches his shaky hands out to accept the cup, Jack notices a makeshift bandage on one of his fingers.

"How'd you cut your hand? It looks like it's still bleeding."

Sheldon has taken only one sip of coffee, but he quickly sets the cup down in front of him and tucks his injured hand out of sight. With his eyes closed tight, he begins to sweat, and Jack starts to wonder if the guy is going to faint.

"I don't know. I didn't notice it until we got here. It probably came from hiking in the dark. Nature is a cruel and heartless bully." Sheldon tips his head down, and his breathing pattern sounds odd.

"Are you alright?"

"I threw up in your garbage can," he admits. "I don't do well with blood."

So that's what that smell is. Jack rummages through a few desk drawers and locates both a band-aid and some room deodorizer. He sprays the room with a floral spray, but it doesn't work all that well. Now the room just smells like vomit mixed with sickly sweet flowers.

He hands the bandage over to Sheldon, who pulls the blood-tinged paper towel off his index finger and hastily covers it again with the flesh-colored band-aid. Having completed this task, Sheldon sits back, breathing as if he's just completed a marathon. It looks like the guy does indeed have a bit of a phobia.

Or then again, maybe not. Maybe he is upset about something else.

"You haven't asked me about the search for Amy," Jack says. It's not a question, but he figures it will provoke a response. At the very least, it should distract Sheldon from his bleeding finger.

"If you had found her, you would have told me by now."

That's a fair point. "We called the local hospitals, medical centers… and the morgue."

"She's not there," Sheldon snaps.

Jack raises an eyebrow. "How do you know that?"

Like a stubborn kid, he folds his arms and insists, "She's just not."

His logic is that of a child as well. Unfortunately, it is difficult to spot the difference between the protestations of a man in denial and the accidental revelations of a man with a guilty conscience, and Jack isn't sure what to make of the man's odd response.

"Oh, so you know where she is, then?"

"What? No, of course I don't."

Jack rubs his own tired eyes and decides to point out how ridiculous all of this sounds. "I've heard that you're a highly educated scientist. 'She's just not' doesn't sound like a very scientific assessment of the situation. Why would you say such a thing unless you do know something about where she is?"

The distraction of the conversation seems to have settled Sheldon's erratic breathing. He shrugs. "Intuition is superstitious nonsense. Still, if she were dead, I would know. She's not. Therefore, she must be out there somewhere. I wish you would stop wasting all of our time so that we could go find her."

Dealing with distressed family members in the midst of a crisis is never easy. Neither is dealing with the growing guilt of a man who has committed a crime and whose world is crumbling around him. Jack narrows his eyes, still unsure of which kind of man he has before him.

Ignoring Sheldon's complaint, he sets about asking his preset questions. "Tell me about Amy. What's your relationship to her?"

The question earns him a scoff. "This is a colossal waste of time. How is discussing my relationship with Amy going to help us find her?"

Jack stares at him. He's not going to let him get away with answering a question with a question. After a few seconds of silence, Jack wins the staring contest and Sheldon begins a more helpful response.

"Amy is my girlfriend. We've known each other for five years. She makes my life better by just about any measure that you could think of."

The reverent, wistful tone of his voice when he talks about his girlfriend is unmistakeable. Jack almost feels bad about what he has to say next.

"I heard that she recently ended your relationship."

"We've had a misunderstanding. There are some things that she doesn't know, but I'm certain that I can make her understand."

"Understand what?"

Sheldon gives him a look of impatience. His soft voice has returned to its previous arrogant inflection. "That we belong together."

"How do you plan to do that?"

He looks at Jack as if he thinks the officer is stupid. "I'm going to talk to her, obviously. Amy's a smart woman, and she understands me. Everything will be fine."

Leonard and Penny's descriptions of Sheldon's interpersonal skills seem more and more apt as he talks to the man. Jack decides to try to shake him out of his momentary confidence. "Has Amy been showing any signs of emotional distress? Do you believe she would be at any risk of causing herself harm?"

It works, and Sheldon fidgets and wrinkles his brow with uncertainty. "She's—she's been mad at me recently. Frustrated. I have that affect on people quite often, for some reason. It's not usually a problem with Amy, but…"

Jack has a drink of coffee and waits for him to finish thinking it over.

At last, he shakes his head. "No, I don't think that she would hurt herself. I can't believe that she would."

Sheldon's hands are trembling again. Maybe it wasn't such a good idea to have given a jittery man coffee. It's in both of their interests to keep him calm, so Jack tries to offer some small measure of consolation. "Okay. For what it's worth, your friends said they don't believe she would do that either."

As for Jack, he's not so sure that he agrees with the three of them. He gives Sheldon a moment to gather himself and take a few more shaky sips of coffee before he digs for more information. "Tell me about your day. I know it's been a long one."

After setting down his cup, Sheldon hugs his arms around his waist. "It started off as just a normal day at work. I had the afternoon off, which I spent working on something for Amy. Then I went for a walk. When I got back, Penny and Leonard informed me that she had not checked in at her usual time."

"What were you working on for Amy?"

"That's private."

"I won't tell her."

"It's personal and irrelevant to finding her."

He decides to let it go for now. "Where'd you walk to?"

"Nowhere. I just wanted to see if I could understand the appeal of taking a long, aimless stroll. It hasn't been entirely clear to me why she chose to go on this excursion." Looking confused all of a sudden, he asks, "Why does any of that matter?"

Jack shrugs. "It probably doesn't."

That's a lie. It may turn out to matter a great deal. At this point, it is clear that he is looking at one of two very different possibilities here. Either Sheldon is an innocent man who is deeply upset about his missing ex-girlfriend, or he is a guilty man who's regretting a terrible act.

Maybe Sheldon's afternoon walk involved a drive out to the Pacific Crest Trail first. Maybe he succeeded at stalking Amy via her phone and couldn't wait to try to 'make her understand'. Maybe she was not receptive to the man's newest attempts to dictate the terms of their relationship. Maybe they will find her lying at the bottom of that canyon in the morning, not due to an accident, but due to an impulsive shove. Heartbreak and unrequited love have ignited the temper in otherwise nonviolent men before. This guy would not be the first to have done such a thing.

Looking annoyed by the current line of questioning, Sheldon shakes his head and crosses his right leg over his left. As he does so, Jack notices the bright whiteness of his sneakers. This man doesn't seem like the sort who gets out to exercise much, so it's no surprise that his shoes look brand new. But it isn't the glaring white that catches Jack's eye the most. Instead, it is the traces of blood on the toe of his right foot.

"It looks like you stepped in something."

Sheldon looks down and his eyes widen when he sees the stain on his shoe. He kicks both sneakers off his feet and then closes his eyes, hugging his arms around his midsection again. "I-I must've stepped in…"

It doesn't seem like he is going to be able to finish his sentence. Jack hopes that the young man won't start hyperventilating again.

"I'm going to need you to leave the shoes here when you leave. Your friends too."

Sheldon nods and bends at the waist, curling his body towards his knees. It's an obvious attempt to comfort himself, which becomes even more clear when he starts rocking back and forth in his chair. He looks pale and sweaty again, so Jack nudges the garbage can closer to him just in case.

There's no doubt that he's suffering a great deal. Unfortunately, Jack still can't tell if he is overwhelmed by fear for his missing loved one, or if his physical reactions are caused by guilt wracking his body as well as his mind.

Before he can even consider asking anything further, Jack's phone rings. He pulls it from his pocket and steps out of the room and down the hallway to answer it.

The report from the field is not very helpful. It's not very hopeful either. Amy has not been found, and the scent that the dogs picked up led from the area of blood to a spot off the trail in the direction of the canyon. Jack runs his hand through the little bit of hair that remains on his balding head and tells his fellow deputy that they can resume the search at seven AM. Both sleep and daylight are a necessity at this point.

—-