A/N: This chapter is brief, but the hard part is coming. Hang in there :-)
Eames lay in her bed, arms beneath her head, staring at the ceiling. There is no way I could ever ask you to take the burden of being closer to me than you already are. Believe me when I tell you it's not a burden you want to carry. But thank you...for being willing.
Why did he have to be so difficult? Why did she let him get to her like he did? Right now, her gut was churning with worry for him, but there was nothing she could do because he would not let her. He was facing the most difficult time of his life, and by his own choice, he was facing it alone. She wanted to wash her hands of it, of him, and just let him go. She wanted to step away, to let him bear the burden of his decision without her. But she couldn't. Her life would be so much easier if her difficult partner were not part of it. Easier, maybe, but vacant and boring. As frustrated as she was at him, she loved being his partner, and she just wanted to be his friend, but he was pushing her away.
In her mind's eye, she could see his smile. With her mind's ear, she could hear his laugh. Both had been conspicuously absent lately, and she missed them. Recalling the gentle kiss he had given her, she could not suppress a flutter deep in her gut. And then she heard his mother's voice. You have his heart, dear. I can see that in his eyes when he looks at you. A mother knows these things. She knows when she's lost her boy. Take care of his heart; it's a fragile thing.
A fragile thing... Yes, it was--so full of courage and the strength of his convictions, and yet so easily bruised. The same heart that could lure in a perp with ruthless efficiency could also empathize with the most heinous of them. And yet he protected it selfishly by shutting out everyone who tried to get close to him, even her.
That's not something I can ask you to do. He was not going to let her in. He was protecting an already damaged heart, a wounded soul that continually caused him pain. There was no way he was going to open himself up to any more pain than his life already contained. He never stopped to consider that, perhaps, there could be a way to heal the hurt. Letting someone past his defenses did not always have to lead to pain. But she could not think of any way to assure him of that. She knew of no way to convince him that she never meant to hurt him, that any pain their relationship had experienced had been largely of his own making. How could she let him know that she wanted him to let her in, not to use his pain against him, but to ease the burden of a tragic life?
She had tried to persuade him to come to her house, to unwind and talk about what had happened, but he had adamantly refused and asked that she simply take him home. He'd shut down on her before the meal was even done and she got no more from him. He was the most frustrating man she knew! But he was gentle and kind, mostly slow to anger, fiercely protective of those he cared about...of his mother...of her...
He did care about her. As she thought back over the last six years, she knew with certainty that he cared. And he had to know she cared about him, too. Why else would she have stayed? What other reason could she possibly have for pushing him to let her in? She was not trying to invade his privacy. She was trying to help him manage the most difficult time of his life...if only he would let her.
She fell asleep thinking about him, and her dreams were memories of their partnership, of their friendship. When she woke the next morning, her eyes were moist with unshed tears and her heart ached for his pain. How could she help him when he didn't want any help from anyone? There had to be a way...
The next two weeks were difficult as she watched him skitter closer and closer to the edge of his control. She could tell he wasn't sleeping and she doubted he was eating, although she was usually successful in getting him to eat something for lunch. His emotions were raw and his nerves were frayed. Snapping at Ross nearly got him thrown off the case, and she gave in to his request for her to trust him. She did trust him, more than he obviously realized. The Brady case had taken a toll on him, the stress of dealing with a captain who didn't trust him had pushed him even closer to the edge, and he continued to withdraw from her, refusing to let her take the final step into his heart. It was a step she was willing to take, but not one he was willing to let her make.
Every time she reached out to him, he seemed to withdraw further, and she wasn't certain exactly what it was that was driving him away. For every step closer she took, he seemed to back two steps away. Whenever she reached out to him, he rejected her offer of help, withdrawing even further into a titanium shell. She no longer had any clue how to reach him, but she was not about to give up trying. Bobby knew abandonment well, but he had no idea how to handle loyalty. Well, she was going to teach her genius partner a very real lesson in life, love and loyalty, and, dammit, he was going to learn it!