INCURANTE DELLE CONFESSIONI / Careless Confessions

Disclaimer: These characters are the creative property by the writers of NCIS and CBS. No copyright infringement is intended. Only the plot belongs to me.

Author: TLC

Rating: M / Explicit

Word count: 4,358

Prompt: The most intimate kiss of all – cunninglingus (AU – set sometime during season 8)

Summary: Morning after moments are always awkward but even worse when it's with someone Tony actually cares about.

"Tony? Are you all right?"

Ziva blinked up at him, lowering the arm shielding her face from the sudden soaking rain. An awkward heaviness settled in his throat. He felt rather than saw the slight tension in her shoulders, a self-defensiveness contrasting sharply with the casual grace and smiles he remembered from the other night.

Her tongue poked out, briefly distracting Tony, before moistening her lips, "Come upstairs, we are both getting soaked."

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"Would you like to come in, I know I could use a drink?"

Leaning against his seat on the couch, the lovely angle of her neck tilted like an invitation and her spicy sweet perfume teased his senses, she had always been sexy and seductive (unnaturally so) but tonight she was unreasonably alluring. Tony almost said no, but a selfish hunger – more like hormones – gnawed him and so he followed her petite, shapely figure up the stairs and failed to ignore the way her jeans wrapped her up like a gift.

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Ziva fumbled with the lock for a moment before the key clicked. Her apartment was warm and smelled like apples; vanilla and cinnamon, causing memories of nights spent here just sitting in her presence, laughing, talking – happy – memories coming to the forefront.

Under her breath, she muttered in her native language as she pulled her jacket and boots off, almost violently, avoiding his gaze, "Give me a moment, Tony. I will just quickly change into some dry clothes before I catch a cold."

Tony immediately nodded, a strained smile across his visage, dropping as soon as she padded down to her bedroom. He didn't know why exactly he was here; just that they needed to talk after what happened. He owed Ziva that much after everything she'd been through these past few years.

But not just because of that, if he were to be honest. They're partners, friends, and there weren't many people who doesn't stand for his shit but continues to have his back nonetheless.

Then he had to go fuck it all up last night, cause he couldn't – wouldn't – stop actually think for a moment because Ziva deserves someone who will always put her first. And… and Tony would do that, for her.

He couldn't remember how it got to this point, from the first time they met, the banter that always got him a little hot under the collar, the (not really) vague innuendos, the sexual tension grudgingly formed into respect he had for her as an agent (a person). And her well-earned, irreplaceable, place on the team that melded into protectiveness because Tony couldn't bear it if the same thing that happened to Kate happened to Ziva. Then, the feelings – so many goddamn feelings – he had for her.

And shit, he just wouldn't know what to do if she wasn't in his life.

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"To slimy bastards rotting for the rest of their slimy lives," she clinked her glass against his, shining chocolate eyes glancing towards him. They'd just finished what was meant to case about weapons dealing but ended up a cat and mouse chase with lawyers. Let's just say Ziva and Tony deserved a night off to get drunk.

He swallowed a deep mouthful of honey spiked whiskey, Ziva "borrowed" from Lance.

"Gah, that hits the spot." Tony appreciatively commented, taking the chance to stretch his legs under Ziva's coffee table. He's not at all brave enough to dare put his feet on what looks to be 'red oak'.

"Hmm. Let's not jinx it yet, I do not wish to work tomorrow with a hang up."

Tony snorted, "Hang over." He quietly corrected as she stood up and popped back into her kitchen.

Faintly, he hears putting dishes away, looking through her fridge for snacks – god, he hopes she actually has decent chips. Closing his eyes, Tony attention faded between listening to Ziva and drooping off to sleep.

"Tony? Are you listening? Tony!" Startled, Tony sits upright.

"Sorry," he mumbled, setting his glass down, "Been a long night."

"A long couple of weeks." Ziva huffed back and he doesn't bother to fight the smile tugging on his face.

"If you're trying to get me drunk to take advantage of me, let me tell you that… I won't fight 'ya." He grinned as Ziva refilled his glass.

She chortled into her own drink, her face warm and glowing and so fucking beautiful as her wild curls tumble stubbornly out of her hair tie. "Well, I should have known. I am trying to hang out with you, like a normal person," her voice softened a bit, "I miss this."

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When she emerged from her bedroom, she was fresh-faced and barefoot in a small t-shirt and those fucking jeans again. She passed him to get into the kitchen.

Tony tried (failed) not to recall the feel of the zipper moving down beneath his hand, the warm snug silk of her panties and how she'd bucked into his touch. His fingers curled, twitching against the leg of his pants.

He followed her after a moment.

Ziva started the kettle, still all business-like, "What did you need to see me about so urgently that I had to get all wet for?"

Tony's brain felt like boiling into a puddle in his head, coughing into his fist at the images conjured from such a blunt sentence. He watched her fiddle around, sorting through her tins of tea, completely comfortable in his presence. A tray of fresh almond biscotti's rested above her stove, complete icing sugar and cinnamon.

She'd probably share them with Gibbs, McGee, and Abby conveniently forgetting about Tony then sneaking a batch to the autopsy gremlin and Ducky. He'd bitch and complain then at the end of the night, he'd find his own stash of cookies in his desk with a note – "No need to whine like a child, Tony." And just like that he felt oddly comforted, warmth spreading across his chest as butterflies danced on his organs. Then he'd be ridiculously embarrassed, like for fucks sake they're only cookies.

But it's Ziva, she'd always knew how to cut through the bullshit and make it count.

He pulled his head back to the moment; Tony wished he still had some of the bravado from last night.

"I want to talk about last night," he said quietly, "please."

"Yes, I guessed as much… Tony, what do you want? I mean, from me?"

Tony almost felt like laughing cause that's just it. He just wants her. So he told her.

"You, Ziv. I want to be with you but what I want doesn't matter."

"You are… I- I but the team, Tony?"

"Look, I know Gibbs has these rules for a reason and I respect them… Most of them anyway but this is not gonna go anywhere unless you want it to Ziva. Because I don't know if I'll never stop hoping to see this through."

Ziva stilled by his side but she took a deep breath before looking straight at him, her gaze steady and strong, "I was not expecting anything."

A little insulted, Tony made a frustrated noise, "Why?"

She crossed her slender arms, "I did not want to set myself up to want something I cannot have."

Of course she'd thought through all the possibilities and probably came to the idea that this (them) wasn't going to end well.

But she's wrong, because he knows that they'd earned this.

They deserve each other, he deserves a friend that not just understands but realizes how hard he needs to be a cop – because that's who he is. A partner that will be patient and love him even when he's being, well, Tony. A lover who he can trust unconditionally, to have his back and knows that he will have theirs.

And Ziva, well, she deserves everything.

And Tony would do anything for her.

Cause…

"You have me, I thought it was obvious."

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"Tell me something I do not already know about you," she commanded softly. They sat on her couch, empty glasses and most of the corn chips strewn across the coffee table with less of it in the bowl. Ziva laid all relaxed on the sofa and was facing him with her toes almost touching his leg. He fought to move until they rested against him.

Not for the first time, Tony wished they met under different circumstances where he didn't have to worry about disappointing Gibbs, and Ziva could be free from her father and her past.

She watched him for a moment, all tousled hair and liquid eyes, "My mother was – hard to understand. She was kind and innocent but naïve. Too trusting, I think. She believed in the best in everyone, my father especially. Even after – Ari. I could never comprehend, that a person could have so much faith in hope," her voice snagged ever so slightly at the end, her chest shuddering on a breath.

He heard his own voice as if from a distance, "Senior… I thought he kept remarrying because he was trying to run away from dealing with my m-mom's death but sometime I thought that he just wanted to feel loved again but they never measured up to… you know?"

Ziva's smile was sad and sweet, "People love in different ways, but you can be happy with another. I think that is why my father never remarried. I think he was punishing himself for what he did to our family."

The lights from street flickered above her, covering her in the most seductive shadows, messy and intense and oh-so-fragile as she was.

"Is that what you're doin'? Punishing yourself?"

Something froze in Ziva's expression, "Excuse me?"

"I mean you haven't dated anyone in a – uh while so…" Tony trailed off, just dawning on him that he was way too fucking drunk to have this kind of conversation with Ziva.

"You think because I prefer to be single at this point in my life, I am punishing myself? For what?" She spoke through clenched teeth; Tony glanced down to see her hands fisted into her pants.

"Shit, I did not think this through."

Ziva glanced away before answering, "No. You did not."

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"What do you want?" Tony repeated when Ziva kept silent.

Maybe, she didn't want him – not in that way. Maybe she had second thoughts. She needed someone who could provide her stability in a way Tony could never with working in NCIS.

But standing there – just a few feet from him – with her bare feet and loose wet curls, she made him ache with a strange hollow longing. She could be… she felt like home.

Ziva glanced at the floor, "I am not sure what exactly I want, Tony. Maybe I am just afraid to want it… I am sorry, Tony. I am so confused."

She swept her hair aside while speaking, unconsciously revealing the traces on her neck where he left marks of his own. Her skin was soft all over, riddled with battle scars with stories behind it, but right there – just the curve of her neck was perfect and untouched – Tony couldn't help it. She made the most amazing little sounds when his teeth and tongue lingered, and that he remembered vividly.

He wondered where else he'd left marks on her and it led him to distraction. His skin felt ridiculously warm and Tony had to fight himself from adjusting in his sudden uncomfortably tight jeans. It was just so easy, for her to get under his skin again, just like it was so easy to let himself to want to feel like this all the fucking time.

"I didn't know you were afraid of anything."

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The air between them was tense, stifling – suddenly poised on something. Ziva stared at him unabashedly as Tony forced himself to look back at her without flinching.

"Sorry, I crossed a line," he started, "But Ziv, I know you. More than you think, and it's okay. More than okay to want something for yourself. It doesn't make you selfish and trust me I know a little bit about being selfish."

Her eyes softened as he talked, her face morphing into the vulnerable look she rarely let anyone see. And fuck, Tony wanted so badly to touch her, his hands were developing a death grip on his knees to restrain himself from wrapping his arms around her and never letting go.

"What I want, well who, um, he has been one of the best people I have ever known. Having my back when I did not deserve it. But I can not – will not – ask anything more from him. Because…" Ziva worried her lower lip with her teeth, briefly drawing his gaze there, but he wouldn't dare stop her train of thought when they were just teetering over the edge of something life changing. "I do not know if I can ever be the person he needs, and I love him. More than I ever thought possible but if I ever lost him… I do not know what I would do. And I am scared, so scared."

He was speechless, Anthony Dinozzo Junior – NCIS agent with the big attitude and bigger mouth was dumbstruck. Tony had no idea what to say to that, there was so many things to focus on.

The fact that Ziva just told him – Tony – that she loved him. LOVES him.

The fact that she thinks she doesn't deserve him, the biggest load of bullshit if ever heard it because god, that was just not true.

The fact that she was worried if it ended badly and it has crossed his mind. If one of them got hurt in the field. If Gibbs and Vance found out and pulled one of them out from the team. If Ziva moved back to Israel – to her father. And it seems ridiculous considering the other 100 of fucked up things that could go wrong because it seemed so much worse if they split up with broken hearts.

But then Tony remembered, Ziva loves him, and that's all he needs to make it work. They'll go to therapy if need be – he rather not – but he's committed.

"You should go." Ziva murmured her posture stiff and her face carefully blank.

And all he could think of is making sure she knew that he loved her back, and he wants her.

Wants to take her out on cheesy dates with dinner and ice cream and holding hands in public.

Wants to cuddle with her on his bed watching movies, annoying her with all the fun facts that he knew about the film.

Wants to be her partner in every sense of the word.

Wants to live with her, pick china patterns with her, tease her about how she snores like a second hand lawn mower.

Wants to marry her, with Gibbs, Abby, McGee, Ducky, Palmer, Vance in the front row.

Wants to have kids with her, and he doesn't even care whether it's a girl or a boy as long as they have Ziva's beautiful eyes, her strength and his sense of humour.

And seriously, he wants to grow old with her, spending his last days telling her that he loves her. And nothing could change that.

She swung her legs of the couch, Tony stood up at the same time she did. The sudden closeness was unexpected but thankfully he didn't hesitate to grab her hand and hold her back. He could remember exactly how it happened because he will never forget that look of her face when she realized that he was about to kiss her, her eyes fluttered as her lips parted oh so beautifully and fuck he was kissing ZIVA.

And she was kissing him back!

Oh shit, were her lips always this soft?

Soon, her small hands tangled in his hair and his name was a gentle whisper from her mouth. Tony pulled her closer so all he could feel was her body against his. Her skin was warm beneath his hands and her mouth tasted of whiskey, sugar and salt and something else, some deeper sweeter flavour he wanted branded on his tongue. She shivered when his hands moved until they rested beneath her bra, thumbing the edge of a strap underneath her shirt.

"Love you too, okay, Ziva – I love you," he managed to speak between the movements of their lips, his hands now making longing circles on the small of her back.

He could feel her fingers dig into the back of his shoulders, practically climbing his body.

Ziva laughed in disbelief which Tony swallowed up in another kiss as he cupped her firm (holy mother of god) little ass pulling her flush shamelessly against his hard on and when she moaned into his mouth he was absolutely done.

Halfway to her bedroom Ziva pinned him to the wall, laughing as she struggled pulling his shirt off then hissing when she started to kiss his neck, biting into the ridge of his collarbone. With a swift tug, Tony pulled her top off and slid his hands between her unbuttoned jeans, stroking. The lace cupping her breasts rubbed his chest excitingly as she moved up and down against his hand, hot and slick and fucking shaking in his grasp. When he finally slid a finger inside, she whimpered, "fuck," and the raw expletive on her luscious sweet mouth almost finished him there and then.

"Come on, Ziv – you're not tired already are you?" He whispered in her ear; thinking about anything except how gorgeous Ziva looked right now.

With a final kiss to his neck, she led Tony by the hand into her room, pulling him onto the bed with her. Laying down in the middle of the bed, Tony hovered over Ziva – just enjoying the feeling of her mouth on his.

Tony leaned back onto his heels, palming the length of her thighs.

"I want to try something? Is that okay?"

"Hm? Sure, I trust you." Ziva spoke lazily, her expression open and relaxed, losing herself to the feeling of Tony touching her.

Tony grinned, reaching for her jeans as he sunk down to his knees at the end of the bed. He pulled her pants down slowly, taking care to pause and press warm, wet kisses to her inner thighs with each inch of fabric he worked down her legs. Then he returned to her waist again and repeated the whole process with her panties until Ziva was shifting relentlessly – desperate for relief.

With a firm tug, Tony moved Ziva until she was just hanging over the edge of the bed and her legs hung atop of his shoulders, scooting her forward so that his nose pressed into her belly button. Tony's hands found her things, curling around them warmly as he encouraged her to widen her stance, and then his head was dipping in between her legs. His breath hit her core, making her hips jerk as she gripped the sheets between her fists.

"Oh," she gasped as he teased her with just the faint tip of his tongue and his nose brushed against her clit, smiling despite himself at the surprised noises she was making.

It was strange, eating someone out. He only did so with the rare few partners but damn, he forgot how intimate it was. The feel of her pink flesh beneath his tongue, her musky scent that sends his blood pumping, the salty taste of her essence – now he was drunk for whole different reason.

Tony pressed kisses against her folds, open mouthed with flicks of tongue, and massaged her thighs on his shoulders, keeping her loose limbed and relaxed. Ziva sighed and shivered and with every few licks against her clit her hips would stutter forward like she was trying to keep herself from riding his face.

"You can push," Tony said, only moving back far enough to keep from muffling the words completely. Ziva's arms shook and she let herself fall back to her elbows. "I like it." Just to prove he meant it, he buried his face against her skin, lapping and nuzzling. Ziva whimpered in response and her hips thrust back wildly, but he just pressed in, his mouth open against her and his tongue working at her opening.

Her fingers automatically slid into his hair, gripping the dark strands and holding his head in place as her hips started their own slow, slight rocking motion with the work of his mouth. Tony paused, drawing back before licking a long, firm strip up her center and a low, throaty noise slipped out of her mouth. Surprisingly, her fingers in his hair tightened to the point that was almost painful but all he felt was a shocking tingle running down his spine. And if anything, it spurred him on; his hands squeezed her thighs reassuringly while his mouth grew more urgent against her.

"Yes, yes, yes," she chanted.

He slipped his tongue between her folds, pumping in and out, fucking her slowly until her legs shook slightly against his shoulders; his hands holding her body towards him being the only thing that kept her secure.He pushed his mouth more firmly against her then, taking as much of her as possible with a hungry desperation that had Ziva gasping out his name and Tonyfeeling ridiculously proud.

The muscles in her thighs trembled as Tony dragged his mouth upwards, pressing his tongue flat against her clit and evoking a breathy, drawn-out moan from her.

"That's it," he murmured against her skin encouragingly, making her shiver.

He kept one hand clamped around her thigh, keeping her from squeezing his neck, and used the other to slowly press a finger in. She was slick and weeping and so ready – but he wanted this to be good for Ziva – so he wormed another in to twist and scissor. He was murmuring praises into her flesh, pausing every so often to suck and nibble her clit between his lips.

He twisted his fingers, palm up, and curled them, and her hips lifted in the air following the motion, as he pressed his tongue flat and worked her clit against her pubic bone. The resulting flutter and then sudden clamp on his fingers, so tight it almost hurt, was a beautiful reward. Almost as good as the picture Ziva made, body melting on top of the bed, breasts heaving into the air.

Tony stood up, his own legs shaking a little from kneeling on the ground for so long and moved to join Ziva on the bed. He practically flopped against the mattress in exhaustion but, fuck, was it worth it.

Her hand slid across to his, Tony watched as she brought his fingers to her lips, kissing them softly.

"Thank you," she breathed, voice ragged as she smiled at him.

But really, Tony should be thanking her because she let him IN and he knew how hard that is. It only made it easier to promise himself that there would be nothing he would ever do if there was a chance that it could hurt Ziva.

He won't EVER let that happen, because right here – laying beside Ziva, who was flushed and smiling and he wants to fall asleep and wake up to that face every day– nobody will take this away from him.

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Ziva pushed off the counter with a sigh, "I am afraid of many things. But I do not let that stop me. It is impractical. It is dangerous, especially in Mossad," She paused for a moment, and Tony let her, he'd learnt by now not to push her, "But this… you – what scares me the most."

Tony dipped his knees slightly so they were eye to eye, "You want to know something funny?"

A little startled at the question Ziva muttered a quiet "Yes?"

"I'm scared too." Tony admitted, grinning sheepishly. "But I think what we have is worth the chance, and I'm not gonna lie that I haven't been thinking about this for years. And it's a big risk but Ziva, you're worth it." He pushed her damp hair behind her ear, tracing the soft shell, sensing her swallow as she watched him considerately, "Do you think I'm worth it?"

Ziva doesn't say anything at first but her arms slowly wrapped around his waist and she kisses the hollow skin of his throat. Tony pulled her closer, allowing himself to enjoy this small moment.

"Tony, you are – you're everything to me," she huffed out an astonished laugh, "You are most definitely worth it."

"So?"

"We go slow." She replied sternly, reluctantly smiling though at the happy expression obviously on his face, "And we tell Gibbs and the team but once we are BOTH ready."

Tony immediately crushed her to his chest, grinning so hard that he knew he probably looked like an idiot. "Yes, yes. Anything you want."

Yeah, he's an idiot in love.

Ziva glanced up at him, her eyebrows are raised and she's smirking at him. "Anything?"

Tony rolled his eyes but doesn't bother to disagree, just gently lifted her chin towards him and sucked her bottom lip between his own until it was red and plump. A vague ringing buzzed near his ears and it took a moment for him to realize what it was.

"The water's done," Ziva murmured, not moving. The kettle was whistling shrilly now, breaking the mood.

He released her slowly and she turned the stove off, "Maybe we should go out for lunch? My treat?"

Tony moved behind her and rested his fingers on her hip. "Well if you're offering, I'll take a salami & cheese on rye."

This time Ziva rolled her eyes but slips her hand into his nonetheless as they walk back to the front door.

Yeah, Tony mused, they deserve this.

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A/N: Hey guys, hope this was okay. I've written a explicit sex scene before but this was a thousand times harder especially cause i wanted to do it from Tony's POV but let me know how was it? I've felt like it didn't flow as well as it should but that probably comes with practice? I've proof read this like three times but if there any typos - my apologies.

Enjoy - my Tiva comrades, reviews are most appreciated.