A week later, Castiel decided to visit Dean, so he walked up to the iron gate and slowly opened it. He gave the front door a few knocks and then waited. When there was no reply, he decided to go around to the backyard. Dean was sitting in a lawn chair by the massive pool, alongside a woman with brilliantly red hair and a polka dot bikini who was sun tanning. Castiel caught Dean's attention, which prompted him to smile and motion for him to come over and sit by him.

Cas made his way to an avaible lawn chair next to Dean's, and sat down. The redhaired woman, who he assumed was Abaddon, waved at him as well, and Cas nervously waved back.

"Hey there! How's your day been?" Dean asked Cas curiously.

He replied with a cliché response, "Oh, it was fine. Nothing exciting really happened. I just read my book and went into town to get groceries. You know, the usual."

Dean nodded in agreement, and Abaddon sat up slowly and began to speak.

"Oh that reminds me, Dean. Today I happened to bump into Jo Harvelle, can you believe it? Of all people… I'm surprised she has the nerve to even be 3 feet near me considering what she did last month. Oh, the nerve of some people."

Dean passively nodded, obviously looking like he could care less. He turned back around to Castiel and began to talk. "So later tonight, do you want to go to the bar, and get a couple of drinks?"

Cas looked at Abaddon, surely assuming that the two of them would have already had something planned for that evening. Abaddon looked partially annoyed and went back to sun bathing.

After pondering, he said, "Sure, if you two weren't planning anything, I mean."
Dean shook his head and leaned forward so that only Castiel could hear what he was saying. "Given the choice, I'd much rather be with you."

This made Cas oddly blush, but he shook it off when he felt Abaddon's icy stare at the back of his neck, sending shivers down his spine.

She got up from her seat, and made her way towards the door, carrying an empty pitcher that had once contained lemonade. She stopped and then turned toward Cas. "You know, you should come help me clean up, I mean if you're going to be a frequent part of both of our lives." She said with a charming smile.

"That's a great idea!" Dean said.

Cas felt obligated, so he made his way into the kitchen to help Abaddon. When he walked in she was already forcefully scrubbing away at some leftover dishes that Dean's servants still hadn't cleaned up yet. There was a moment of uncomfortable silence before Abaddon spoke up.

"So… are you married?"

"Um… no. No I'm not."

"Interesting."

Another pause.

"So… you're one of… those?"

Castiel was confused. "One of what?"

"You know… One of the… homosexuals…" She said the last word in almost a whisper, like the word was cursed.

"What? NO! NO, I'm not gay. What gave you that idea?"

Abaddon put down the plate she was in the middle of drying and looked him dead in the eye. "I see how you look at my Dean. With those innocent, puppy dog eyes. And you smile a lot when he's around. Don't pretend like I can't see it. I can, and you need to stay the fuck away from him, do you understand me?"

"Look, what are you talking about?" Castiel demanded.

"I think you know perfectly well, you faggot."

Castiel was extremely shocked and terribly confused. He went back outside to get away from Abaddon to be greeted by none other than Dean, who gave him a smile and grabbed his shoulders, unwillingly sending oncoming butterflies to Cas's stomach. Dean sensed his urge to escape and asked, "Wait, what's wrong?"

Castiel wasn't quite sure he knew himself, so he shook Dean off and started walking back to his house at a quicker pace than normal.

"Where are you going?" Dean shouted.

Castiel just kept walking until he entered his own house, holding in his tears.

Five minutes later, Cas heard knocking coming from the front door. He slowly made his way to the door and opened it, revealing Dean with a very concerned expression plastered on his face. At that moment, all the terrible memories he had tried to lock away broke, begging to be remembered and the emotions hit Castiel like a wave.

…Castiel couldn't really remember much of his childhood, but the one memory that always stuck with him was in the 7th grade. He was always being bullied by one boy named Flynn. He would call him a faggot and a queer. Cas was always puzzled of how such a young boy could be so cruel towards others. Maybe he was having trouble at home, or wasn't good at making friends. Whatever the case was, these words really got to Castiel and found a permanent place in his head where it festered and grew. The boy would continue to torment Castiel throughout his high school years, where Cas would shrug it off, but one day, it went too far.

Castiel was walking to his advanced algebra class, when Flynn walked up to him in the hallway. He was missing his usual snide smirk and instead it was replaced with a cold, hard stare. Castiel ignored him until Flynn violently grabbed his shoulder which stopped him in his tracks. He jerked him around and slammed him into the wall. Cas felt shock and fear fill his body and start to take over. Flynn repeatedly started punching Castiel as hard as he could over and over again, until all Cas could feel was the warm blood dripping off his battered face and a dizzy feeling in the back of his mind until everything slowly faded to black.

Three weeks later, he woke up in a hospital, welcomed by a steady beeping noise and the smell of soap. He slowly became aware that he had been in a coma and that his face had 32 stitches in it. He was very confused and scared, until a young female nurse entered the room.

"Welcome back, Castiel! The outside world missed you!" he remembered her saying with a sweet smile. He also remembered her bringing him hot dinners and medicine while telling him everything was going to be okay, and sometimes telling him funny stories and keeping him company.

His parents never came to visit him. His dad was a CEO of a cigarette company, so he was always worried about his clients more than he was his own son. His mother stayed at home, but was much more interested in grooming the family dog than talking to Cas. They were probably more annoyed by the fact that he was costing the family a lot of money than feeling worried or showing any sort of sympathy towards him in the slightest.

"Grow up, son! The world is rough!" he remembered his dad saying.

"You're such a girl about these things! You aren't man enough." His dad would shout at him.

"Grow some balls!" Dad said.

"Pussy." Dad said.

"You're a disappointment." Dad said.

When Castiel was out of the hospital, his dad came to pick him up. He looked annoyed and in a rush, so Cas quickly got in and shut the car door. They drove in silence for five minutes until his dad spoke up. "So why were you in the hospital anyways?"

"Because a boy at my school beat me up."

"And why did he do that son?"

"He… He thought I was gay."

His dad took a deep breath and chuckled.

"Are you honestly surprised? I even thought you were a fag."

Castiel couldn't sleep that night. The words kept circling his mind and taking control.

"Fag." "Queer." "Failure." "Disappointment." "Pussy."

"Worthless."

Castiel got out of his bed and shuffled around his dark room until he found a flashlight, a piece of paper, and a pencil. He headed out to the roof of his house and entered his mother's green house. He took a minute to look at the moon and the stars through the glass ceiling, wishing he was anywhere but here. He looked around and found a thick long rope and knotted it into a noose. He slung it over one of the rafters and sat down on the cold floor. Picking up the pencil, he began to write a note.

It said:

Dad. I didn't mean to be such a disappointment to you. I tried my hardest to be the son you wanted me to be, but it didn't work. I wished with all my heart that you would come to accept me for who I am. But I guess that's just another dream that won't ever come true. I tried playing football, and boy scouts, but I couldn't do it because I'm always destined to fail, I guess. I want you to know that I love you and I'm sorry.

Goodbye.

He slowly put the rope around his neck and tightened it. He took deep breaths, knowing that they would be his last.

But then he remembered that one nurse from the hospital. He remembered how nice she was to him. And how caring. And he knew that at least one person had cared about him.

And with that, he took the rope off his neck, unknotted it, and set it back on the ground. He then took the note he had just written and tore it up into a million pieces as he tossed it off the building, watching as the gusts of wind blew it away. He smiled to himself and went back inside to his bedroom, still dazed and a little frightened about what just happened, and got back into bed and pulled the covers over him.

Dean entered quickly and asked Cas if he was okay. Somehow, these words awoke something inside of him. He realized that maybe he wasn't going to be okay most of the time, but it's all worth it. Whether he had Dean, or simply just a nurse who truly cared about him, Cas was grateful.

He wrapped his arms around Dean and hugged him. He felt Dean tighten his grip slightly and chuckle to himself. "I'll take that as a yes, then?"

Cas could feel a tear starting to form in the corner of his eye and whispered, "As long as you're with me, yeah, I think I'm gonna be okay."