Alrighty so you're welcome for posting two in a row;)
In this chapter, you shall see more of my beloved Caspian:3 Also, singing!
Imma do the whole modern-day song thing. This song is "Anchor Holds The Sea" by Captains & Captives, I really suggest you listen to it, it's beautiful. Its not how I would imagine their voices, but still. It's my favourite slow song.
LISTEN TO THE SONG
AND REVIEW
oh an yeah I didnt write THG. K.
~Jenna
FOURTEEN
Leaving the house was like ripping a piece of my heart out. It sucked. No one cried, but I think we all wanted to.
My mother packed all our clothes, but left all of Annie's things in her room, untouched. Oriole took some things in her room that he wanted, but left everything else. My mom said to not worry, because we weren't leaving the house for good. It still belonged to Oriole, and we were still coming back here, he would just be living in our district for a while.
I packed my things and met Caleb in the living room. We sit on a couch.
"Cale, I'm really glad you were here. Really." I say.
"Lav, you know that whenever you need me, I'm there." He smiles and reaches over to squeeze my hand. I laugh.
"You're a great friend." At the word 'friend', he kind of winces, but quickly recovers and mumbles a very subtle 'yeah'. I've friend-zoned him. Great.
My father walks in. His face looks very solemn.
"You kids ready? We're leaving in a few."
"Yeah, okay." I say. "Just let me get a few things off the beach."
He nods. I don't actually have anything on the beach, and I'm fairly sure he's aware of that. I just need to say goodbye to it.
Caleb offers to go with me, so I let him. It's not raining as hard as it was a few hours ago. You can hear the pitter-patter of fat raindrops slapping on the old roof, and the there's a slight wind gust, but it's safe to go out to the beach.
I pull on my oversized boots and don't bother to put a coat on. Caleb already has a sweater and shoes.
We trudge past the yard, all wet and depressing. The rain is light, but a shower. I can feel it soaking through my shoulders and jeans, and I know I'll probably regret it later, but I take my boots off as soon as we get to the sand. Caleb starts to object, but thinks better of it and continues without a word.
The wet sand feels good on my feet. The sand isn't smooth like it usually is but it looks pelted in, thousands of little craters where the rain hit. It's a bit mushy, but still hard. I hop on the pads of my feet and make it to the waves. It's a bit rough, but the white-tipped waves look beautiful.
"Forest or beach?" I don't have to ask what Caleb means, but I have to think about my answer.
I take a few moments to respond, in which I squat down and start to built a sand-drip castle by the waterline.
"Forest in the fall and winter, beach in summer and spring."
"Ah, but that's not a full answer. Pick one."
"But I love both," I whine.
He chuckles. "You have to."
I ponder on it for a moment. It's true, I love the beach in warm seasons. And the forest is it's most glorious in the colder seasons, when the wind can blow through trees and you can build fires and see the fiery colours in the fall.
"Okay first," I decide. "tell me which one you think I will choose."
"Beach," he says without pausing. He says it kind of sadly, or disappointing.
And I suddenly realize what he was really asking me, even maybe if he himself didn't think he was.
Caleb was asking me to choose between him and Oriole.
I frowned. "Caleb, you can't make me choose."
He shrugs. "You've always loved the beach. Swimming, like the lake was in the forest too, but it's not the same as the beach I guess."
"Yeah, but what about hunting? I can't do that here," I point out.
He smiles sadly. "You can live without it."
"No," I object. "Hunting is a part of me. The forest is."
"As much as the beach is?"
"I guess so, yeah."
"Well then why are you being so confusing about it, Lavianna? How come you're making seem like you have to pick one?"
I'm not entirely sure were still talking about which district I like better. He never uses my whole name.
"I'm not." I sound like a child.
He sighs. Am I really making it seem like that? Have I made Caleb think that I would choose a Oriole over him?
Would I..?
"Look, Caleb," I straighten up turn to the house. "The train is coming soon, and we have to be ready to go."
He looks down and walks back with me.
I never got to say goodbye to the beach.
•••
I sit in a separate car than everyone else. The train has different compartments for food, bunks, gym, lounge, etcetera, and my family is currently in the lounge, sitting by a fireplace. I choose to go to the back of the train, on them balcony. There's a small seating area that's covered in glass, like a sun room, and the back of the room is opened. The sun is just setting, the orange flames licking the horizon as the dark tree figures devour the pink clouds. The loud wind feels good, and the snow is just starting to fall.
I stand by the rail, when my brother comes to join me.
Caspian stands beside me. I don't say anything, I just stare at the retreating landscape, trees and hilltops and frosty clouds, zooming past us. We must be in Eight by now.
"Are you okay?"
I turn to Caspian. He's turning fourteen in a few weeks, but sometimes, besides his remarkable height, he still looks like my little brother.
I nod and punch his arm playfully. "Yeah."
"Well, you haven't fought with me in a long time," he prods. "and you only ignore me like that when you're really upset."
My eyebrows furrow. "I've been ignoring you?"
Sometimes my brother makes me feel like a terrible person. Not by what he says exactly, it's usually how he acts. He's so sweet, and gentle, like my father. So innocent, and when he calls me out on things, it seems kind of ridiculous, but I feel like I'm being shamed by a schoolteacher. He's just so mature sometimes.
"Well," he stammers. Caspian hates making people worry or feel bad. "I don't know, you've been busy, I don't blame you, Lav."
I wrap my arm around his shoulders (which are almost higher than mine, good gracious) and nuzzle his hair. "Thanks, kid. But don't worry about me, I'm alright."
"That's good." He paused. "So...what's going on with you and the guys?"
I look at him. "Huh?"
"Well, it just seems like you had something going on with Caleb back home," his tone turns into something a bit mocking. Little bugger. "but then I think there's always been something between you and Oriole..."
I squeeze him hard until he lets out a small yelp. I laugh.
"Look, kiddo, nothing's been going on between me and Cale. You know that."
He gets free from my grasp and sits in a chair, looking fairly guilty. Oh no.
"What?" I ask suspiciously. "What do you know?"
I sit beside him and poke his cheek. "Um, nothing."
I just stare at him with my crazy-eye-death-glare, it always cracks him.
"Okay, okay!" He snaps. Yes. "Fine."
I sit back, eyebrows raised. He takes a deep breath.
"So, for a while now...Caleb and I have been talking. And..." He starts out slow. I'm kind of scared as to where this is going. "Well, he told me that..."
"What," my tone is harsher than I intended.
"HetoldmehewasinlovewithyousoIhelpedhimandtoldhimy oumightbetoo."
He lets it out in one big breath, mumbling.
It hits me like a wave of bricks. My brother was going behind my back and gossiping about me, while helping my best friend...what? What did Caleb actually want out of this?
"Wait, what?!"
He sits forward. "Look, Lavie, I thought you did love him. I'm sorry. Super super sorry."
"You knew that he loved me?" I shake my head.
Why hadn't he told me? I would have preferred to know before Caleb dropped the ball. Right? I mean, I would want to know. Wouldn't I?
"Well, yeah. Everyone knew, Lav." His tone is softer.
'Everyone knew'? What? My family? I don't know. I mean, how could Caleb have been so obvious and I not know. Guilt rushes over me. I really have been aloof these last few months.
"Oh," I mumble. "Well, I don't know, Cassie. I don't know how I feel about Cale."
He frowns. He hates it when I call him Cassie. And maybe because I turned Caleb down.
"He kissed me." I blurt out. His eyes go wide.
"Oriole or Caleb?" His words are slow.
"...Caleb," I mutter. "But Oriole tried too." I add.
I need to tell someone. It's been bottled up inside me, and bubbling up to the surface, hurting my throat. I couldn't tell my mom, she'd put and arrow through both they're heads. Maybe. And my father...no.
Caspian and I have always had a pretty close relationship. I tell him things, he tells me things. It's a pretty good brother-sister relationship. But he's not afraid to be honest with me.
"Did you want to kiss them?"
"No." It comes out immediately, but it might not be entirely true. I don't know why I avoided Orioles kiss the other night. Maybe I just didnt want to complicate things. I laugh at myself. Right. As if I could complicate things any more.
He observes me. "Well, it seems like you've gotten yourself into a real mess here, huh?"
I shrug. "I don't know what to do, kid. Caleb says he's in love with me, and Orioles been..." I trail off. "Well, he's in a bad place, and he needs me. What if he's just acting like this because if what happened with his mom?"
"I know that Caleb loves you, that's a no-brainer." He looks at me quickly and smiles guiltily, as if to say, 'no offense'. "And Or...he's upset, and really emotional. I guess, maybe he always did have feelings for you, but I wouldn't get into that now. Maybe wait until he's emotionally stable."
I was taken aback. My brother seemed so mature..and smart. He's only thirteen.
"Thanks, Caspian."
"Yeah," he smiles and pulls my hair.
I look around. I notice he's brought his guitar as it stand beside his chair. I smile. He brings that thing everywhere, ever since Or taught him to play.
"So, how are you about...all of this?"
He hesitates. "I don't know. I really miss Annie. And I miss the guys hanging out with me. And I miss you."
I frown. "It'll go back to normal soon, buddy, I promise."
"Okay." He smiles.
We look out onto the train tracks. We're zooming so fast that it's almost soundless, it's hard to make out the bluer of trees.
"Can you sing?"
I laugh. "Yeah, I think I can."
He laughs too. "No, stupid, can you sing now? Like, with me?"
Caspian and I sing a lot. Together. I have my moms voice, and Caspian gets along, but he sometimes sounds like my father, off key. But he's pretty good. He's gotten better after his voice got lower, and he likes to do duets with me. We've always sung together, since I used to put him to bed with a lullaby, and he eventually joined in.
"Yeah, what do you want to sing?" I get up and stand at the rail again. He follows.
"How about that one mom taught us, when I broke my arm?"
I laugh. Caspian was nine, and he fell out of a tree, and he felt so bad that my mom made him sing songs to feel better.
"Okay," I take a breath. It's been a while since I last sang.
He picks up his guitar and strums a bit, remembering the chords.
"Ready?" I nod.
He starts off slow. He picks and strums. Then we start together, softly, harmonizing together. My voice reaches higher, while he compliments me, his singing lower than I remember.
Baby's an island
Trapped by a lonely shore
Storm or surrender
I'm the ocean floor
It's a bit hard at first, but I straighten up and let my voice take over. I hit the high notes as gracefully. To be honest, the sound of Caspians voice harmonizing with mine and the guitar, it makes chills run down my arms.
And I know you're worried
But everything comes in waves
You feel like you're drowning
I will keep you safe
And I'll be there
Don't be scared
Sometimes the anchor holds the sea
You can count on me
Caspian strums the guitar. It feels good to sing. I feel a lot more like myself now.
Unpack your suitcase
Say that you'll stay and fight
Don't you remember
All the reasons why?
Caspian strums harder and I take a breath.
And I'll be there
Don't be scared
Sometimes the anchor holds the sea
Our voices build, creating a passionate tune. This song's lyrics remind me so much of Oriole.
Caspian and I repeat the bridge of the song, getting louder and fuller with each repeat. I close my eyes.
You can count on me
You can count on me
You can count on me
I take a few breaths as Caspian continues to strum softly our voices get quieter. He looks at me and smiles.
And I'll be there
Don't be scared
Sometimes the anchor holds the sea
You can count on me
Oriole...
WOOHOO HIGHFIVE FOR AWESOME WRITERS *jumps in air victoriously Pokemon-style*