Okay, I am so so so so sorry, high school sucks and my internets down:( I'm really actually sorry, I've written more chapters. But don't worry, I am continuing this story! I know you guys love me too much.

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~Jenna

FIFTEEN

We finish the song. Caspian and I just look at each other. I smile.

I suddenly snap around when I hear someone sigh behind me. Oriole.

Of course.

He stands there, leaning in the doorway, this weird look on his face. Kind of dazed, like he was dreaming of something. He looks into my eyes and smiles. I look down.

Caspian is sort of observing us with a smirk. When I shoot him a look, he's quick to wipe it off his face. I clear my throat.

"Beautiful," he breathes.

I look up at him.

"That was beautiful," he says, a bit louder, to us.

"Thanks," my brother says after a moment of me not saying anything. "Our mom taught it to us when we...uh..."

He trails off because Or is obviously not listening. He's staring at me, and I'm staring at my now quite intriguing feet.

"Anyways," he says louder. "I guess I better go see mom."

I look at him. If he leaves me alone with Oriole I swear-

"I'll just leave you two kids to work things out," he smiles widely. He passes Oriole, patting his back. I notice that he's purposely left his guitar in his chair.

I'm going to kill Caspian.

"So," I smile. "Enjoy your little private concert?" I joke.

He laughs. "Yeah, I really did. It's been a while since I've heard you sing."

I sigh. "Yeah, I can't seem to find the time."

He frowns. "You could always find time to sing," he sits beside me and pokes my nose. "You should always sing. You're gifted."

I laugh. "Or, please. I'm not that amazing. My mother is better."

He shakes his head. "You got her voice. But it's mixed with...I don't know. Something so you"

I guess I can sing pretty well. I enjoy it a lot. I find it a good way to express myself. Orioles right, I shouldn't put off singing anymore.

He laughs and picks up the guitar. He strums for a bit. Finally he clears his throat.

"Look, Lavie," he starts. I pray inside that it isn't about something 'romantic'. "I've been meaning to talk to you about something."

I let out a shaky breath. "Yeah?"

"Yeah. Um." He sets down the guitar and turns to me. "I haven't really been myself lately. I mean, with everything that happened to my mom...and just, life's been difficult."

I stare at him.

"And you've really been the only person there for me. I mean, I've got your family, but you're...Lavianna. You've helped me get out of this bad place, that I didn't want to be in.

I know I've been really difficult. And I'm sorry you had to see me...you had to see me down like that.. I wasn't strong like I was supposed to be. And I let you take the load. I'm sorry. I'm really sorry."

I search his eyes. They're really sad. He had put a lot of the load on me. But who could blame him? His mother just died, and he has no one else. I'm his best friend.

"It's okay...things have just been," I think for a moment. Do I really want to go there? "..confusing. Complicated." Yes.

He nods. "Yeah, I know."

"Oriole," I shake my head and look up. "Listen, I'm sorry if I'm giving you mixed signals..or, I don't know, it's just..."

He sighs. "I know I shouldn't have acted like that, Lav. You don't have to say anything. Those nights on the beach..I'm not saying, I mean, I just think-"

"Caleb told me he was in love with me," I burst, frustratedly.

Oriole stops mid sentence. He stares at me.

I sigh. "And he may have..." I cough. "kissed me."

I thought Oriole had the right to know. I don't want another confession of love or whatever. My two best friends are just...becoming so difficult. They're ruining our friendships. It's not fair. Especially now.

His face is unreadable. Oriole was always the best at a poker face. But his eyes were the giveaway. Right now, they look hurt, angry. Fiery behind the ocean-like reflection.

He shakes his head. "Did you...?"

"Want to kiss him?" I shake my head. "No? I don't know. No."

He nods. "Okay."

After a bit, "Do you love him too?"

I stare. Is it possible to choke on oxygen?

He looks at me deeply. "Do you...feel the same way about him?"

"Oriole, I..." I shake my head and close my eyes.

What's the answer to that? Is there a right one? If I love Caleb, Oriole will stop his approaches towards me, or maybe even stop feeling...whatever he feels. What happens if I say no? I don't even know the answer to the question. Do I love Caleb? I love him like my best friend. But like that?

I open my eyes. They seem glued shut. I refuse to look at Oriole. Anything but Oriole. Anything.

Do. Not. Look. At. Him.

I stare at my feet. I wonder what his face looks like. What does he think my answer is?

What is my answer?

"I don't know." I say quietly.

He sighs.

"I mean," I hurry. "I love him, yeah, as my best friend and like my...I don't know, brother, confidant. But I don't...I don't think I could-"

"Listen," he interrupts. "I've known you your entire life. And I know you very, very well. Do you know what I think?"

I really want to.

"I think," he continues. "that you don't know what you want."

I hold my breath for a moment. He's right. I don't know what I want, what I need, what I hate. I don't know who, for that matter.

"You don't know," he says softly. "how much each of us needs you."

I give up and look up at him.

"You're afraid of hurting us, because you know that someone is going to lose a friendship and be hurt either way. You're going to lose one of us. But you don't know which one you can't live without. You don't know which one you need."

I shake my head disbelievingly.

"That's not...I can't. I can't live without either of you! Why do I have to decide? I don't even know what you're-"

He sighs loudly. "Lavianna, you have to decide, because if you don't," he pauses and contemplates his words. "If you don't, you're going to lose both of us."

•••

I fall onto my bed with a thud. The old quilt, soft on my skin, feels soothing. The fabric is cool and warm at the same time. I inhale the fresh scent it's had for years. Like home.

We arrived home a few hours ago, it was one in the morning. I was so exhausted, but we had to set up a house for Oriole, so we reserved one for him, the one diagonally across from us, one to the right. He would move in tomorrow, he was staying on the couch downstairs till then.

Caleb went straight home, without saying a word. I wonder if he knows what's going on.

Do I even know what's going on?

Yeah, I guess I do.

I've mislead both my best friends and now they both feel something they shouldn't be feeling towards me. And me? I don't even know what I'm doing. I don't know how I'm going to do this. I love them both so much. Honestly? I think Oriole is right. I'm clueless to who I need or who I can't live without I guess. I don't know which one I'm willing to part with.

This is ridiculous.

My head is so loud, I can't sleep. I get up and creak across the floor to the bathroom across my room. I close the door softly and click on the light. It stings my eyes, I have to wait for them to adjust to the orange light.

I take a hot shower, rinsing off the whole months experience. The water feels cleansing as the soap suds slide down my body. I scrub myself down, hoping to wash away all the confusion. I lather my hair and massage my scalp. It's so calming. I didn't realize how much I missed home.

I get out onto the misty tiles and dry myself off. I tiptoe back to my room. It's already ten to four. I've been in the shower almost an hour.

I put on a big shirt, one that Caleb left here about a year ago. I've adopted it. I step into my fluffy sweat pants and socks. I put my wet hair up into a sloppy bun and shuffle downstairs in the dark, in hopes of finding the cereal left unfinished.

I squint in the dark and move over to the kitchen, stubbing my toe. I curse quietly and hold my foot. Limping over to the cupboard, I retrieve my favourite cereal and open the fridge. By the light of the fridge, I pour the milk and spoon the cereal into my mouth. It tastes so good. I love my midnight trips to the kitchen for cereal.

I crunch and swallow while contemplating my situation.

Oriole and Caleb are confusing me. Annie's gone. I need my friends. Caspian is growing up too fast. My parents are being far off. Winter is very depressing. I'm losing myself. Love-triangles suck.

A sound startles me. I snap around and bite my cheek. Oh gosh, I hate that. My cheek feels on fire and I hold my jaw as I squint into the darkness at a tall figure. I inwardly sigh to myself, figuring it's Or. I turn back to the fridge and continue to munch my cereal.

"Couldn't sleep?"

I smile in relief to myself, realizing it's only my dad. I turn back to him and wave.

"You took a shower?" Dad reaches over to the counter light and flicks it on. He nods to my bowl and I retrieve one for him and fill it.

"Mhm," I chew. "Couldn't sleep."

He sighs. "Yeah, me neither."

I hand him the bowl and he gets a spoon, nodding his thanks.

"What's up?"

He shakes his head and takes a huge spoonful or cereal. "Eifh aye noo aye woowoon beh heaw, hm?"

I giggle. He has a problem with eating with his mouth full. Completely full. But I've adapted and learned his language. I shrug.

"Same. I don't know why my mind won't shut up." He looks at me, waiting for me to continue.

I sigh. "Okay, okay. I have a problem."

He swallows and nods. "Being?"

"Well, my problem is that I hate bothering people with a petty problem while we're still grieving. It's stupid."

It's true. Why am I wallowing in my own self pity because my two cute guy-friends love me, while a family member just died? I hate my teenage girl self sometimes.

Dad shakes his head. "Sweetie, if you have a problem, it's okay to worry about it. Yes, we're all going through something, but were still all here for you. All of us." He reaches over and pulls me to his side with his long arm. I turn my head into his shoulder. He smells good, like a fresh shower and dad. I smile. He took a shower too.

"Well," I sigh, after a minute. "I don't know. Girl problems. Or friend problems...boy problems? I don't even-"

Dad inhales deeply. "Uh-oh. I've dreaded this day for a while now. C'mon," he motions toward the island. I look at him quizzically.

He rolls his eyes and hoists me up by my waist, making me squeal. I land on the islands cold countertop with my legs dangling off. I love sitting here. I laugh, remembering. When I want to talk to dad, I sit on the counter and vent. He's like my psychiatrist and this is my comfy chair.

He shushes me and motions to the living room down the hall, and I remember Oriole sitting in the other room. I stop giggling.

"Okay, spill." He reminds me so much of the girl friend I've never had. I almost burst laughing at the eager expression on his face.

I tell him the whole situation, sparing him the gory details of the kissing and handholding and spontaneous declarations of love. But I tell him. About Caleb, Oriole, my confusion, how much I miss both of them.

And it feels good. It feels good to let everything out. It's been building up inside me and I've been so anxious. I like having someone willing to listen without interrupting. Just nodding and continuing to finish his cereal, finally tipping the bowl as he gulps the sugary leftover milk.

I finish with a puff of air and look down, realizing that my cereal has gone soggy. I frown and hand him the bowl, letting him finish it. Dads like my disposal for unfinished food. He'll head almost about anything. He takes the bowl and sets his in the sink quietly.

"So? Diagnosis?" I ask, leaning back onto the cold marble.

He nods seriously and stares at me. "Love triangle."

I sigh. "Uh, dad? I knew that. Thanks."

He chuckles and runs a hand through his messy blonde hair. "Well, I thought it could be a pretty useful piece of information? Yeah?"

"Yeah, no."

"Okay," he contemplates for a moment. "So, what I'm getting from this is that your two best friends say they love you-"

"Ah! Oriole never said he loved me."

He looks at me like I'm an idiot. "He as good as did when he..well he does. He made it obvious and we all know anyways. Plus, choosing? Yeah. He's telling you that you need to pick one to feel about that way. Why? I don't know. But I kind of do."

I nod, leaning my elbows on my knees and setting my chin there, waiting for more details.

Dad sighs. "Well, you know about Gale Hawthorne," at his name, his voice kind of turns hard. As expected. "So he was your mothers best friend. They literally kept each other alive. I think something was going on there. But then, of course, the Hunger Games arrived."

I was hanging onto every word. My parents rarely told us about the Games.

"You know that I've been in love with your mother ever since the first time I laid eyes on her, on the first day of school. Since the first time I heard her beautiful voice," his eyes get dreamy, like they always do when he talks about his past with mom. I smile.

"Yeah, you guys were the Star-crossed Lovers." I laugh. "We all know the story."

He chuckles. "Right. So anyways, when I heard your aunts name called at the Reaping, my whole world went crashing. I knew that your mother would do anything to protect Prim," at her name, his voice goes sad. I've rarely heard about Prim from mom. Dad was the only one who wanted to talk about her. "so I knew that I was going to lose her.

"When she volunteered, I was scared that I wasn't going to be Reaped. I was scared that I would volunteer, or that I wouldn't. But in the end, we went through the Hunger Games together. So we had a lot in common, we had this connection with each other that is rare. Going through an experience like that together, it's a welded bond that no matter who you are, can't be ignored."

"So," I was getting confused. Again. Shocker. "so basically, what you two went through made you guys stronger and created a bond." He nods. "But how does that apply here?"

He swallows the cereal and drops the bowl in the sink and quietly rinses it. "Darling, you just went through something very game changing with Oriole. I saw the way he depended on you. How you depended on him. You two were pillars for each other. You leaned on each other and got yourselves out of the situation. What you two have, that's an unbreakable bond."

What about Caleb?

"As for Caleb," he sighs, reading my mind again. "You are each others best friend. He knows everything about you, you know everything about him. Your bond is as strong as family. I see you two, like brother and sister. You know he would do anything for you, as would Or, but I think it's different with him.

"You connect better with Caleb. More in common. You two are the same. As for Oriole, you two are different...you compliment each other."

It's true, Caleb and I have the same personality, whereas Oriole and I sort of anchor the other.

"So what are you saying?"

"I'm saying that you don't have to choose one of them. I know you love both of them, and maybe you feel something more for one, but you don't have to act upon it if you're not ready. You can love both of them as your friends. There's nothing wrong with that." He rubs my shoulder.

"I do love both of them, but Oriole told me that I have to pick one of them or else I'll lose both of them, and I don't want to lose either of them." I mumble.

Dad sighs. "That's not fair," he pauses. "but he might be partially right. If they feel strong enough, things might get out of hand. But you have to make sure you won't let that happen, okay?"

I nod. "Thanks, daddy."

He kissed the top of my head. "That's why I'm here, little arrow." I smile at his pet name for me. My mothers Big Bow and Im Little Arrow, even though mom hates the name.

I love talking to my father. He's so good with words, his advice always works or makes me feel better. He can understand so many things, and he doesn't judge like my mother does. It's kind of amazing to be Peeta Mellark's daughter.

Dad goes to bed and leaves me in the kitchen. I turn off the light and pad across the hallway to the living room. I look at Oriole, lying on the couch peacefully. He has his hands behind his head and his eyes closed, his chest moving up and down slowly. I grin, he looks so young when he sleeps. He's always looked the same when he slept, since we were little. So innocent.

I really don't want things to change.

I honestly love Peeta. Kay, till next time! REVIEW MY PEOPLE