Dantooine
Three months before the destruction of the Mass Shadow Generator
"Please…don't do this…"
Kavar's voice was strangled, barely a whisper as he grasped the sides of his desk. His knuckles were a stark white against the rich russet of its surface and he stared intently at the wall opposite, refusing to meet her eyes.
She moved to where he stood, sliding her hand up along his spine in a gentle caress. "I've done everything you've asked of me," she murmured, "I've meditated with you; I've placed my faith in the council, I've waited…I can't ignore the war any longer…I have no choice but to leave."
He turned towards her, placing his hands gently on her shoulders and gazing intently into her dark eyes, "You ALWAYS have a choice," he said, "War is not something to embrace. You have no idea what you are rushing towards or the implications you will face…"
"Is that what you think?" she hissed, shaking her shoulders from his grasp, "Do you honestly think that I haven't agonized about this decision?"
His expression was pained, "I know you have, but you have no concept of what it is to be at war," he said, "I do…you know I do…ignoring the council is one thing, but why would you ignore me?"
The intensity of the moment was too much for her; she turned on her heel and crossed the room folding her arms and grasping her elbows tightly. She wished that he would just get angry with her, to shout, to be totally unreasonable like Vrook...it would make leaving him so much easier. But he wasn't, he was ever gentle, ever kind and filled concern for her…it was very nearly impossible to look into his deep blue eyes and walk away.
"I'm not ignoring you…" she whispered, "Quite the opposite…don't you know by now that everything you say, every look, every accidental touch resonates inside me? This isn't about you..."
He crossed the room, standing dangerously close behind her, "What do you mean?" he asked.
"You know that I form connections to others in a way that most cannot," she replied, "It binds my students to me but there is a price for such an ability. I don't know how this has happened or why but I can hear them Kavar…millions of innocents as they are cut down along the Outer Rim…it is muffled…distant but it is there, especially at night. I can't ignore it anymore…don't tell me that I can't possibly understand the magnitude of war…do you know how many children I hear?"
He was silent but placed a strong, supportive hand on her back.
She turned to face him, drinking in the sight of the soft silver-blonde waves of his hair and the square of his jaw, "I am leaving Kavar and nothing will change that...I don't want our last moments together to be spent in anger…"
Her hands slid upwards to the roughened warmth of his face, his dark blue eyes reflected a powerful internal struggle but he did not move away from her. Leaning in she kissed him very gently. He pulled back, "Please…"he whispered.
"No…" she murmured, "For years we have lived together, worked together and stifled all natural impulses...I know you have…I've felt it…that ends tonight..." She kissed him again, catching his bottom lip between her teeth. He stiffened momentarily; stifling a gasp and feeling his resolve slip away. He pulled her close, kissing her passionately, almost desperately as she tugged at his robes. With one gentle Force push his desk was cleared and they moved towards it, shirking various layers as they went. She leaned back, pulling him towards her - a moment of short, sharp pain and there was nothing else in the universe but blissful oblivion.
The Exile's eyes snapped open; the memory had overtaken her like a tidal wave. She had spent hours in meditation but her consciousness was continually drawn back to that moment in time. In her mind's eye she could feel the cool surface of the desk and the heat of his skin beneath her hands. That morning before the last kiss goodbye he had vowed to protect her from the wrath of the council. He had been her first love and to watch him as he sat placidly during her hearing in the Jedi Temple months later had been more than she could bear. The price for her faith in him had been exile. She had met his eyes as she stabbed the centre stone with rage, unblinking and unrepentant.
She had hated him.
It was unfathomable that she could have forgotten the Padawan to the one man who had played the most important role in her life. By the time she left for the wars she had been professionally paired with Kavar for two years, instructing younglings in basic weapons techniques while he had supervised the senior students. The time she had spent working on the generator had been virtually obliterated from her memory, but he was the constant in the time that led up to that period. The fragments that returned to her always involved him, her loneliness without him, the nausea that the stress had brought on and the meals that she had missed because of it. It just didn't add up to her that Bao did not, even knowing that she had also forgotten Mical.
Checking her chronometer she realized that she had less than an hour left in flight so she headed towards the Medical Bay to get clearance.
"Are you feeling better, Master?" came Mical's soft voice as she entered.
"Sorry?" she asked.
"I have felt your turmoil and have wanted to aid you," he said, "However, there is something distinctly private about it…I decided that the best course would be to reserve action until you were ready to speak to me. Was I correct?"
The Exile crossed the floor, smiling warmly at her young Padawan, "You were absolutely correct as usual," she said, "But, can I ask you something?"
"Of course," he replied.
"How…how in the name of the universe could I have forgotten you?" she frowned.
His pale blue eyes were thoughtful, "Perhaps due to necessity?" he replied, "Your mind has deliberately obliterated anything that would remind you of the Mass Shadow Generator and that would include me."
Seeing the shock that spattered across her features he continued quickly, "Please do not mistake my meaning, I had nothing to do with the construction or activation of the generator. However, after I left the academy I did some basic espionage for the project and you would have encountered me on a few occasions."
"But that seem so minor!" she implored, "That a few meetings could wipe away years in the Enclave? And what of your instructors? I remember all of them and some of them were very close friends of mine, wouldn't that trigger something? Anything?"
"I do not believe that it would necessarily," he replied, "The brain is a highly prioritized organ. It meets your most basic and urgent needs first after which the others fall into place. Survival is the most basic need of any creature, above food, above shelter and above memory. I believe that normally your ability to recognize me would be tied to the Enclave but I think that your mind has prioritized your survival. I am no longer tied to anything in your mind; it has overridden those triggers to protect you."
It was a simple thing but it made so much sense to the Exile and she sighed with relief, "Thank-you Mical," she said kindly, "You've helped me more than you could possibly know…but, if you don't mind I'd like to be cleared for battle?"
"You are welcome Master," he replied, "I have something here that I must complete but if you would like to meet me in the garage in ten minutes we will begin?"
"That sounds good to me," she said, heading into the hallway, "And Mical? Thanks again…"
He colored to the roots of his hair and smiling shyly, he returned to his work.
She continued on to the Garage, pulling her hair up into a tight knot and grabbing a practice weapon from storage. Bao sat at the workstation, his head tilted towards the open panel in his mechanical forearm. His dark brown eyes were focused on the Macrofuser he held in his good hand as components floated from the work surface and into the small opening. She paused for a moment; his progress in such a short time had been nothing short of astounding. He had incorporated a large, glowing blue energy cell in the outer side of his upper arm and another just below along the forearm.
"Hello General," he said softly without turning from his work.
He had always known when she was nearby, it was one of the first things that alerted her to his Force sensitivity and she smiled.
"Hello Bao," she replied.
Replacing the last component he returned the Macrofuser to its place and turned to face her, "I take it you've come to terms with what I've told you?" he asked, smiling gently.
"Yes," she replied, "Actually I was just wondering how many other Masters have gotten the offer to become a Padawan."
"I'm sure Master Vrook would have been very sympathetic and understanding if you'd tried it on him." he replied and they both laughed. "I'm glad you're this relaxed, I was worried that once the shock wore off you'd be angry with me."
"No Bao," she replied, "I was never angry, more shocked that you were Padawan to Kavar and that I couldn't remember you. We used to be very close…"
"I know," he said, his voice lowering to a whisper, "I mean…I didn't know for certain but I could feel the connection when you were around…I'm sorry if I unearthed any painful memories…"
"No Bao, that was a very long time ago," she replied, "We did reconcile a bit on Onderon however and I've made my peace with it. What upsets me the most is not being able to remember you…and I wish I could more than anything..."
He moved towards her, placing his warm hand gently on her battered cheek, "Your beautiful face…" he murmured, running his thumb lightly over her bruising and drawing nearer to her.
The sound of footsteps just outside the Med Bay clanged on the metal flooring, drawing ever closer to the garage.
He leaned in quickly and lowered his lips to hers. His kiss was fleeting but warm and coursed through her veins like electricity. She shivered as he gently released her and turned back towards the workbench.
His timing was perfect as the footsteps rounded the corner.
"Are you ready Master?" came Mical's bright voice from the entryway.