Words evaporated on the lips of the Exile as she entered the bunker that housed the Telemetry computer. Bao Dur was facing away from her, bent over the terminal in fierce concentration. What seemed like thousands of small parts floated in the air around him, some were coming together to form larger items while others disassembled. She leaned against the frame of the entryway, crossing her arms and watching the scene blissfully. He was the sun in a galaxy of technological constellations that floated about him in a symphony of movement. With the slightest gesture they fell into place as he worked and she held her breath, drinking in the scene before her.
The speed of his progress was amazing. With his hands free to macrofuse, the pieces flew into place at a steadily increasing pace until finally a few remaining parts dropped neatly back into the case by his ankle. "Good morning, General," he said softly, turning to face her and leaning against the terminal, "Did you sleep well?"
She smiled warmly and crossed the floor, placing her hands gently on his chest, "I preferred the awake bits," she whispered, "And I did miss you this morning…"
Bao raised his hand, stroking her newly healed cheek softly and shooting a cautious eye to the entrance, "Your beautiful face…" he murmured smiling softly, "I'm sorry I wasn't there when you woke up…I just didn't want either of us to have to answer any questions until we're ready. And I wanted you to have some time…just to be sure…"
The Exile canted her head to the left slightly, giving him a questioning look, "To be sure?" she asked, "I don't think I would have done what we did last night unless I was absolutely sure…"
He slid his hand away gently from her and peered up at the ceiling, "That's not quite what I meant…" he said. Taking a breath he paused for a moment, gathering his thoughts. "…I just wanted to give you the time and space to decide whether or not you wanted to…just leave it at that…"
Her hands slid from him and for the first time she felt a sickening swell of insecurity from deep within her belly. "Is…is that what you want?" she whispered, almost fearing the sound of her own voice.
He was silent and she felt her hands begin to tremble.
"…it's…it's not that," he said as his eyes scanned the entrance once more, "There are a lot of people milling around here…would you come with me so we can talk?"
She nodded and followed behind, keeping pace through the camp and down the pathway. They walked together in silence, over the twisted roots on the pathway and under the diffused sunlight that streamed through the canopy of leaves above them. When they reached the Mandalorian Cache he pulled two durasteel containers together and they sat, facing one another. He gently took her hands in his own, running his rough thumbs over them. "I'm sorry," he murmured, meeting her eyes, "I guess I'm not very good at this sort of thing…what I was trying to say was that I wanted to give you time, to give you an out…if you woke up with any…regrets…"
The Exile pulled her hands from his and placed them gently on his face. She tilted his head towards her until she was gazing deeply into his dark eyes. She could see the uncertainty that lingered there, "Regrets?" she asked softly, tracing the smooth lines of his tattoos with her fingertips, "How could you possibly think that I'd regret you?"
Something indiscernible flashed in the depths of his dark brown eyes. "I'm sorry," he whispered, "…it's been a long time but it's sort of hard wired in me to expect that."
Concern flitted across her features, "What do you mean?"
He took a deep breath, "With the exception of last night, I haven't been with anyone since before the wars."
She restrained her emotions, not allowing any surprise to shine through and moved one hand slowly down his cheek. She slid it behind his head and ran her thumb gently along the base of his skull, "…and before that?"
His eyes slid from hers, "A few times," he said, "…a long time ago there was someone I cared about but it turned out she was just curious…I was good enough to mess around with but not to be seen with…"
"Oh Bao, I'm so sorry…" she whispered.
"Don't be," he murmured, "It was a learning experience and it opened my eyes. But when Malachor happened, nothing mattered anymore. I'd killed so many fathers, so many sons…how could I go on to lead a happy, normal life with someone? It was impossible…"
"What made you change your mind?" she asked.
"You," he whispered, "…and Atton."
This time she couldn't hide her surprise, "Atton?"
"Yeah. A long time ago he came to me on the Hawk while I was working," he replied, "he asked me about you and if I thought he stood a chance. I lied and said I didn't know…I couldn't get rid of him fast enough. He made me so jealous that I wanted to knock him out…that was my first clue that there was something different going on inside."
She smiled at him and stroked his cheek.
"We've come from the same place," he continued, "I know you don't remember the work on the generator but you carry it with you in the same way that I do. You understand me when there aren't any words. All along you've known just what to do to encourage me, to make me feel like what I do matters. When I woke up on Manaan and I knew that Malachor was finally done, it was like all of my defenses fell…everything just started to flood out and I couldn't avoid my feelings for you anymore. They've overtaken me and that's why I want you to be absolutely sure. If you were just curious or unsure or if you've decided that you…just don't want me…I need to know…"
The Exile stood, twisting her hips towards him and lowering herself into his lap. Sliding her arms around his neck she met his eyes, "Not…not want you?" she whispered, feeling her eyes sting, "How could you possibly think that? How…how…"
Thoughts failed her and she began to pepper his face with kisses, letting her lips fall on his cheeks, brow bone and the base of his horns. He slid one hand tightly around her waist and brought the other to her cheek turning her dark eyes to his and searching their depths. "What are you saying?" he asked seriously.
"I'm saying that I would have never done that lightly or out of curiosity," she explained, "When I was exiled I was so lonely at first…I'd never lived without others and I tried to fill the void with other men…strangers really. What I realized is that sex without love just makes you feel emptier inside. So years ago I vowed to never do one without the other ever again and I haven't…"
His head jerked back slightly and she saw his warm brown eyes flare.
"Last night wasn't something that just spontaneously happened," she continued, "You've had my heart for months…I'm…I'm in love with you…"
His shoulders slumped; she could feel waves of both shock and relief crashing from him. "I love you too," he whispered, bringing her lips firmly down to his. He kissed her feverishly, almost desperate in his desire and she responded passionately, standing with him and tearing at his clothes.
He didn't hold back.
In a moment he had tugged the heavy armor from her body, and sat, lifting her easily onto his waiting lap. She gasped sharply at the initial sensation and then relaxed, knotting her legs around his waist and locking her hands firmly behind his neck. Tossing her head back, she luxuriated in the thick heat of his body as he ran his tongue along her throat. Tilting forwards once more, her eyes ranged along his torso; mesmerized by the rhythm of his powerful abdominals and the rise and fall of his large biceps…
"Faster…" she whispered frantically in his ear.
His eyes rolled back slightly and he brought her lips to his once again, thrusting his tongue violently against hers. He rocked her wildly, savoring her cries as she pushed her fingers in between his horns. When at last she screamed it echoed sharply off the walls of the bunker, startling a flock of newly returned birds into the air outside. He followed a moment later, arching his back as far as it could go and bucking slowly as the sound was cut from his throat. They collapsed in each others arms, drenched in sweat mingled with tears of relief and joy.
They were silent, holding each other tightly as she gently kissed his tattooed cheek, and he ran his large hands along the smoothness of her back.
"I know I've asked this before…"she murmured, "But are you sure there wasn't anything between us back on Malachor?""No," he replied gently, "We weren't close like this back then. We worked together…I thought you were so beautiful…but it was entirely one-sided. It was like you couldn't see me…your heart was elsewhere…"
"I must have thought I was in love then…" she mused.
"Kavar," he whispered, "You spoke of him sometimes when we worked late at night. You never mentioned his name but I had a feeling…"
She nodded in response, "He was my first…and it's not that I regret it, but right now I really wish it had been you…"
Bao smiled softly, pressing his warm lips to her temple, "You never said much but I could feel how much stress you were under…it made you sick half the time. We'd work all night and as soon as the sun would come up you'd run off to the fresher. You were so beautiful…I wished that I could make it go away…"
"You have," she murmured, kissing him tenderly, "You really have…"
They sat, joined together for what felt like an age feeling the coolness of the breeze as it dried their bodies. She finally admitted to watching him in the falls the first time they were on Dxun and he laughed heartily. "I wish I'd known," he whispered, nipping on her earlobe, "I certainly wouldn't have minded your company…"
She blushed in response, "We should be getting back soon…we've been gone for almost three hours and while I hate to let you go I really don't want to be found like this."
He nodded in agreement, gently leaning forwards so she could stand and retrieve her clothes. They dressed in comfortable silence and as she tugged on her remaining boot she took a deep breath and cautiously asked, "Bao, have you ever heard of a gai bal manda?"
The spell of the afternoon was broken in an instant, his spine stiffened and he looked at her piercingly, "Why do you ask?"
She felt her cheeks redden but she didn't flinch under his stare, "Because Canderous has asked me to undergo one today…at sunset…"
Bao dropped his boot and crossed to where she stood, "What did you tell him?" he asked urgently.
"I haven't told him anything yet Bao, if I want to go through with it I'll just show up," she replied simply.
"You…you aren't seriously considering it are you?" he asked, his eyes flaring.
She felt herself bristle inside, "As a matter of fact I am," she replied coolly, "Canderous has been more of a father to me than anyone I've ever known, including my real one…I think it's an honor."
Bao appeared to be struggling violently with something inside, "How?" he hissed, "How could you consider that an honor? They murdered entire planets! They were little more than animals!"
"Were, Bao!" she argued, "And they certainly paid the price for their ambitions, didn't they? But this isn't about the wars, this isn't about the Mandalorians, this is about Canderous and what he means to me!"
Bao sniffed derisively barely keeping his rage in check, "He's a bossy, unapologetic, heartless cannok's ass!" he growled.
"Is that so?!" she shouted, "Funny, because this morning he called me something similar when he thought I was leading you on!"
Bao was silent, his eyes were thunderclouds.
"Not only did he save my life on Malachor but he always takes me to task for things that no one else would dare mention," she continued, "He tore a strip out of me this morning because he thought I had snuck off last night and taken advantage of you. Of you! He said you were a good man and he didn't want me messing with your head!"
Still, there was silence.
"I care about him deeply," she said, slightly deflated, "He guides me in a way that no one else can…I'm going this evening and I am going through with it…tell me…can you love me as a Mandalorian or are you too damned stubborn to let go of the past?"
His eyes were daggers, he refused to speak.
"Bao?" she whispered, choking on his name. He turned his back to her and she felt her eyes begin to burn. She felt that she had her answer. Turning on her heel, she ran back towards the camp as fast as she could possibly go nearly running over Kelborn as she arrived.
"There you are!" he said sharply, "I've been looking for you for hours, if you want to go through with the ceremony this evening you have to come and get fitted for some armor!"
She gazed straight into the T-bar of his helm, choking back all of her raging emotions "Let's go," she said softly.
In the remaining time before sunset, the Exile was given a choice of ten different suits of armor ranging from worn and battle-scarred to brand new and unmarked. She settled on an older, brownish colored set that had been heavily scored along the chest and back. It reminded her of Canderous in a way and she thought it would be the most appropriate. When fitted, she ran through the different aspects of the ceremony with Kelborn and as the sun began to dip towards the horizon she walked towards headquarters. She tried to force all thoughts of Bao from her mind and focus on what the gai bal manda was truly about.
She entered, passing the gathered members of Clan Ordo and her crew. She felt a stab of pain in her heart when she noticed that Bao wasn't there. "I'll be a laigrek's Mother," Canderous barked genially, "Where in the universe did you get that armor?"
"Kelborn gave me some options and I chose it," she replied simply.
He crossed the room and linked his arm into hers, "It just so happens that I came of age in that armor…good choice, kid."
She smiled at him, swallowing her nervousness and they walked towards the head of the room where Kelborn awaited them. Silence descended over the gathering and the Exile relaxed as Canderous took her hand supportively.
"Gai bal Manda means name and soul," Kelborn began, eyeing the crew, "Canderous of Clan Ordo, why are you here?"
"I am here to take this woman as my Ad and she will be as true as blood." he said solemnly, "I will train her to be a warrior in the tradition of Mandalore and guide her to wisdom and honor."
Kelborn nodded and turned to the Exile, "Child, why are you here?" he asked.
"I am here to take Canderous of Clan Ordo as my Buir, as true as blood" she replied, "I will respect his teachings, train hard in the tradition of Mandalore, follow his wisdom and honor him all the days of my life."
"What is the Resol'nare?" Kelborn asked her.
"It is the six tenets to Mandalorian life," she replied, "To wear the armor, to speak Mando'a, to defend yourself and your family, to raise your children as Mandalorians, to contribute to the clan's welfare and to rally to Mandalore when called to arms." she replied.
"Will you follow these tenets of your own free will and without reservation?" he asked.
"I will," she replied firmly.
"Will you accept a Mandalorian name from your Buir?" he asked.
"I will," she replied.
He turned to Canderous, "Have you a name for your child?" he asked.
"I do," he replied, "I have chosen Maysh'la Koht of Clan Ordo."
Kelborn turned once more to the Exile, "Do you accept your Buir's chosen name of Maysh'la Koht?"
"I do," she replied softly, meeting Canderous' cool grey eyes with a smile.
"Remove your breastplates," Kelborn ordered.
They complied, dropping the heavy plates to the floor and facing each other once more. Kelborn brought forth two matching daggers placing them into their hands. "It is not enough to be Mandalorian in name only," he said, "You must become Mandalorian in soul and this can only be achieved by blood. Canderous of Clan Ordo, draw the blood closest to your heart."
With those words Canderous tore away some of the upper portion of his undershirt, exposing the left side of his torso. With a quick slash, dark blood slowly oozed forth from his chest. He didn't flinch.
"Maysh'la Koht of Clan Ordo," Kelborn continued, "draw the blood closest to your heart."
She felt her palms sweat as she tugged at her collar, ripping her undershirt away from her upper breast. Taking her dagger she slashed quickly at the soft flesh above her left breast taking extra care to reveal no sign of pain as the blood slowly flowed.
Canderous moved forwards, pulling her into a tight embrace and pressing his wound to her own. She closed her eyes blissfully, feeling their blood intermingle, feeling his powerful arms around her and his strong hands on her back. In that moment, he truly became her father. When he finally slowly released her she saw the same recognition reflected in his pale grey eyes. She was his daughter.
"These daggers are a symbol of your bond," Kelborn said, "Keep them close to you always. Now turn and face your brethren."
They turned and faced the room and she brightened as she noticed Bao, watching from the back.
"Clan Ordo, welcome your newest sister," Kelborn said.
With that the room erupted into cheers and hoots and she was surrounded by her new brothers and crew. She accepted welcomes and well-wishes from them all, including a begrudging Xarga who pressed her into a brief hug when almost no one was looking.
Canderous raised a hand and the room silenced, "All right you Kath Hounds," he called. "If you head out into the compound you will find enough Juma and Gal for everyone. Tonight is a celebration!" With that, the crowd, including Mira and Atton cheered and began to swarm towards the exit. She noticed that Mical's enthusiasm seemed a bit half-hearted. Smiling to herself, she imagined that he still wasn't over the previous nights festivities.
When they had all exited she sat with her new Buir as they toweled gently at their wounds. "Do you think you'll stick some Kolto on it?" she asked.
"Nah," he replied, "I kinda like the idea of a scar for this one."
"Me too," she replied and they grinned at one another, "Maysh'la Koht, huh?"
"It means 'beautiful strength' if you were wondering," he replied, "I thought it fit."
"I was," she said, "And thank-you, Buir. It really is a wonderful choice."
"I can't take all the credit," he replied, "About an hour before the ceremony I was still trying to pick something when Bao Dur stopped by."
She straightened like a whip, "He came here?!" she asked sharply.
"Yep," he replied, "He just wanted to know about the ceremony so I told him everything I knew. When I told him I was having trouble with the name, he suggested Jin Rah'la but it's a Zabrak term. When he told me what it meant I just translated it into Mando'a and it worked."
Jin Rah'la…General…beautiful strength…
She stood suddenly gazing towards the exit, "Buir, will you forgive me if I go to find him? I think I may owe him an apology…" she said.
He laughed, "Sure thing Maysh'la, and try to have some fun because we fly to Hapes in the morning."
She stopped and threw her arms around him, "I will, thank-you Buir and I love you."
"I love you too, kid," he said softly watching as she jogged out into the night.