Hell On Earth
"How are you today Sakura?" The first words out her mouth and she always makes me want to storm out of here.
Snap.
"Just pleasantly fine, you?" Sarcasm hangs onto every word.
"This isn't about me Sakura. Your parents are very worried about you." She folds her hands across her desk staring at me intently.
"Don't all parents worry over their kids? I don't see them throwing their kids into a room with a nosy lady who dresses like some voo doo priestess." I retort bitterly.
"Anger I see. That's the main thing your mother mentioned in our discussion." Her smile as inviting as a shark showing off its dangerous jaws.
I don't bite so she continues "Why so much anger?"
My face hardens into a look of displeasure. The answer to that question is not for her to hear. She just stares at me awaiting my answer. I ball my hands up into fists digging my nails into my skin feeling the breaking of skin. She won't get anything from me.
"Does it have to do with Sasori?" Her question may imply innoccence, but we both know she already has the answer.
I bite down hard on my lip and sink my nails deeper into my skin. I can feel the tender wounds in my fist start to bleed with more pressure. I won't answer her. It's not her business. My life, my love. She needs to back up. If my mom is paying her to get me to talk, then she is just wasting her precious money. I do not backdown. She jots something down then focuses back on me her friendly posture inviting me to bear my soul. No chance in hell voo doo woman.
"He left you...and died correct?" She raises her eyebrows waiting for my answer to come.
That's it. I will not sit here and have my troubles lain bare in front of my face by a stupid lady who understands nothing. I abruptly stand up pushing her chair over. She looks at me not even a bit surprised by my outbursts. Well, let's see how she likes this.
"I'm not telling you anything!" I turn around and swing her door open harshly.
The door bangs loudly against the wall and my mom jumps up rushing towards me. I ignore her as she reaches out to me and storm to the outside. That witch! How dare her. Everyone just thinks they have the right to my mind. To just probe and pick at the way I think and see things. My parents are the worst. Well, mainly my mom. She wants to understand me, but at the same time wants me to understand her. I can't. Anyone who tells their child that someone they love committing suicide is a blessing in disguise needs help not me.
I sigh and lean against the car impatiently. The sun beats down on me making this black apparel hot and uncomfortable. I pull on the handle of the car in frustration. The blood from my hand slips onto the car and I smirk. Win for me. I got blood on my mom's new white car. I lean my head against the car waiting for what seems like forever for my mom to come out. She shoots me a stern looks. I just shrug looking to the car door. She unlocks it and I sink into the passenger seat as she readies the car to leave. The whole way home she throws me her famous looks of disappointment.
"We have raised you to be better than this." She parks the car into the garage.
"I don't want to hear it Mother. You expect me to tell something too precious to a fucking voo doo lady?" A scream wells up in my chest threatening to burst.
She sighs before speaking one more "Precious Sakura? You dated a psychotic unstable boy who was just a ticking time bomb. Do you really call that precious?"
Before, I even realize my actions I reach across the car and loud smack is heard. I look to my hand covered in dried blood and then to my mother's now red cheek. I can't believe I just hit her. But she deserved it right? She was saying such mean things. He doesn't deserve to be talked about that way. Ever. Anger just swells up in my chest at the sound of her words making it harder to breathe. I grit my teeth and snap my band. Once, twice, thrice then four. Five, then six. The anger doesn't recede as I start shaking violently.
"Sakura calm down please." She seems more worried about me then the slap I just gave her.
I stare ahead trying to focus my vision on something steady as my breathing slows. I can hear her pleads to be calm in the back only making me more anxious. I hate her I wished she'd shut up. She has no right to say things like that to me. She didn't know him.
"I hate you!" I slam my hands onto the dashboard angrily.
A sharp pain erupts in my knuckles, but I just wince and turn to her.
"Hear that mother? Get all the doctors you want. It will never fix my hatred for you." I shove the car door open scrambling out.
"Sakura, honey.".- I slam the door shut in mid-sentence not caring what she has to say. With that I storm off to my room.
I throw myself onto my bed and let out a long scream into my pillow from my mixed anger and the pain pounding in my hand. After that, I calmly get up and walk myself to the bathroom. I slowly turn on the sink faucet and stick my hands under the water. I carefully wash the blood off my palms and examine my now bruising knuckles. I glare hard at my hand then look up into the mirror and glare harder at my reflection. I hate my reflection. My stupid thick pink curly mess of hair, my boring green eyes full of hate, and my short plump body covered in all black. I'm a mess. I always was. How could I believe I was ever even beautiful to someone? How could he say those things to me?
It was a warm sunny day and we were just relaxing like always. He looked perfect as always. His red hair settling so neatly across his face and those brown eyes starting so intently at me as I drew into my notebook.
"Mon amour." He feel the heat of his breath as he leans close to my ear.
Sends chills down my spine causing me to stop in mid drawing and looking up into his soft gentle eyes.
"W..what..?" Sasori slips his arm casually around my waist causing heat to rise from my chest up to my cheeks.
"You don't need this." He swiftly grabs the clip holding up my hair and yanking it out.
I whine as my cascades down my shoulders and around my face settling against the middle of my back.
"Sasori! Give it back." I try to reach for it.
Sasori tosses it into the grass far away. I sigh and pout hoping he'd fetch it. Instead, he just leans close to my face with his and brushes his thumb across my cheek slowly. I bite my lip and try not to get lost in his gaze.
"You do not need it. You are so beautiful the way you are." Sasori sets his lips against mine in a quick, but savoring kiss.
As soon as he pulls away my body begs for more, but I stay silent as he leans back a small smile on his face. Without a word I look back at my notebook and finish the drawing of him.
"Sakura open this damn door!" I hear my father yell jerking me back to reality.
I roll my eyes and open the door only to be met by a slap in the face. I stumble backwards causing me to crash to the bathroom floor.
I smirk as I taste blood in my mouth.
"Go on daddy. Teach me a lesson." I don't even bother to get up.
"You will learn respect!" He grabs me by my shoulder, lifting me up and slamming me against the wall.
"Stop!" My mother's voice booms loud making my father jerk his attention to her.
"S..s..sakura.." He stares down at me regret shown on his face.
I groan and sit up rubbing my now sore shoulder. Everything is hurting today and now an explosive pain erupts throughout my skull.
"I'm so sorry Sakura." He reaches out to me slowly.
I shy away from him before picking myself up. The whole world starts spinning as I stumble back into the wall. My mother steps towards me as I slide back down the wall holding on to my head tightly. I blink as spots blurry my vision. I shut my eyes in agitation. A whimper escapes my lips as I feel a hand grab onto my elbow trying to get me back up.
"I'll go get some tylenol." There goes my mother in sudden nurse mode.
My father carefully picks me up from the floor and starts carrying me to what I suspect my room. He murmurs apologies the whole way. I feel myself land softly onto a mattress and open my eyes to only be met with darkness. At first I think i'm blind until my mother rushes in and turns on my bedside table lamp. I hiss and shy away from the light a loud roar filling my ears. My mother quickly pulls down my jaw and sticks a few tablets in between my lips and then tilts the edge of the glass into my mouth. I take a few gulps washing down the medicine.
"Just lay here sweetie until dinner." My mother brushes my hair back softly planting a kiss on my forehead.
I close my eyes trying to sleep, but can thoughts whirl through my brain. My father struck me. He has never even touched me like that before. Was my madness driving everyone else crazy? How far will the insanity inside me grow until I can't take it anymore? What is going to happen to me? Why did all this even have to happen? We could have been so happy. "So happy.." I mumble to myself as the pills start to take effect and I drift off into a nap with all unanswered questions swirling in my head.
When I awaken I feel somewhat groggy. The aches have seemed to disappear to my liking. I rub my eyes sleepily before swinging my legs over the bed. I slowly stand earning a crack from my back. I stretch up yawning loudly. I can hear the low tones of my parents voices coming from their room down the hall. I start to go out the room and then stop myself. I really don't feel like talking, or being lectured. Which I will have to talk and they will lecture. I hear my mother say that she is coming to check on me and I decide it's better to go down. I emerge from my room as she starts walking towards it.
"How are you feeling darling?" She brushes her hand across my cheek sympathy written all over face.
I shrug and avoid eye contact with her fiddling with the bottom of my shirt. I hate the way she looks at me with pity and compassion. How can she be so nice when I hate her so much? It makes me so mad. I just want to punch the sweetness right out of her. She starts to fidget with her own shirt as the silence grows. My father comes out of their room looking at both of us.
"Sakura. Are you alright?" I am shocked as actual concern seems to be laced into his words.
Concern, compassion, and sensitivity was never really my father's strong suit. He was always a man of few words and very many demands. He has always been hard on me. I start to think that maybe it's just because he wants what is best for me, but shake those thoughts away. I can't go soft now. I won't let them know they are getting to me. Part of me just wants to run into my mother's arm and tell her everything. Bare my soul to her and sob as she mumbles words of comfort. I never can though. They can't know of his secrets. Besides nothing they say can take away the constant ache in my heart for something lost.
"Well if you're alright we can have dinner now. We wanted to wait for you wake up." My father starts down the stairs.
My mother and I follow him down the stairs and into the dining room. My mother starts putting dishes and silverware down as my father and I take our seats. She leans over our plates generously slopping food onto the plates. She also takes her seat trying her best to smile brightly at us. I know she is just trying to lighten the mood, but i'm in not mood for it to be lighten. I hate everything. I hate the world. I hate the people in it.
"Let's say grace." my mother commands us.
She reaches for me injured hand as we start to hold hands for grace and I yelp in pain.
"Oh honey I'm sorry." She rubs my shoulder which makes me yelp louder painfully.
"Just don't touch me!" I blink back tears as all the pain from before starts to come back.
She nods and looks down at her food as well. My father says grace and they both dig into their food. I just push mine around with a fork quietly. Only if I could run away eh? Then again I used to have a place to run to. I had safety, but now. Not it's gone. So I'm left here with them who couldn't care any less about me than they already do.
My father looks to me sternly and starts to speak.
"Sakura I am very sorry about earlier." I lost my temper very bad. It will never happen again, but you need to understand you can't keep doing this." He takes another bite of his potatoes.
"Doing what exactly?" I slam my fork down.
"The spiraling depression that you are sinking in. You are only getting worse. I know the way you thought you felt and I know this is harder than anything you have ever been through, but it's unacceptable. You can go yelling at your mother or slapping her. We are your parents Sakura. We demand certain respect and you will give it. It has been a few months now and you should be-" without looking at him I pick up my plate and throw it to the floor making him stop mid sentence.
My mother jumps up as it crashes and little pieces spread all over the floor.
"Sakura. Do you think you can just do as you please?" His tone goes very low as he stands up to face me.
I smirk if a fight is what he wants. A fight is what he will get.
"How dare you say "what I thought I felt." I loved him! I know exactly what was going on. I knew exactly what I was getting in to and I loved him anyway! You never approved. Neither of you did and it doesn't matter how long it has been. I can't make the pain go away. I can't pretend that every day I wish I was in the grave with him!" Tears slowly fall down my cheeks.
"We just want to help. Please calm yourself." My mother sounds so desperate and hurt making think of how weak she always seems to be.
I cover my ears with my hands shaking my head violently. I don't want to hear this. I don't want to hear anything. I cared so much and they are just making it seem like some child's play. They don't understand. They never will. My mother reaches for me and sets her hand on my hair. She goes to speak, but I just tear myself away from her. I take off running up the stairs into my room. I slam my door hard and turn the lock. I'm so sick of it all. I just want them gone. I want everyone dead. Everyone dead and him alive. Back into his arms and back in to love that was so amazing and magical. I slide against the door landing on the carpet. I stare into the darkness thoughts of Sasori swishing around in my head. I can still remember everything we went through. Every kiss and every touch. Like the night I snuck into his room. He was not happy. It was like he didn't even want me there.
"Oww." I pick myself up off the floor.
Only to find myself back on it by being slammed to the ground by Sasori. I yelp and look up into the darkness to find his eyes piercing mine. His hands runs over me and his eyes gets wide.
"Sakura! What the fuck are you doing here?" His tone implies angry as he pulls me to my feet.
"I was scared." I reach out to him.
He brushes it off to turn on his light and sit on the edge of his bed.
"Scared of what?" He runs his hands through his stunning red hair obviously annoyed with me.
"I had a nightmare. You disappeared Sasori. Just vanished. I had to see you. Had to make sure you were still here." I stare sadly at him on the verge of tears.
He laughs at me and smirks at me. I back away a little confused. I thought he'd comfort me, but he's laughing at me? At that I can't help, but let the tears fall down my cheeks as I turn away.
"I guess it was a mistake to come here to you." I grit my teeth. Why do I always misread his signals?
Before I know it I'm jerked onto the bed with him casually leaning over me. He runs his thumb across my cheek catching a few tears.
"I made you cry." He voice etched with sadness.
I look at him and my heart melts at the tears in his eyes. I wrap my arms tight around him and bury my face into his chest. He whimpers mumbling a soft sad "Sorry." I run my fingers through his hair happy for at least the moment that someone wants me. Someone needs me just as much as I need them.
I wipe a few tears from my own eyes and shake my head. He was always like that. Once second stone and then the next he was like a poor lost boy who needed to be saved and I tried to. I tried to save him. I gave him all my love, all my devotion and time even when he told me his condition. I still loved him and did whatever I could for him. And, I still wasn't good enough. I bury my face into the nearest pillow and let out loud uncontrollable sobs. It hurts so much inside. Every day I wake up each day with an ache in my chest and hole in my heart. I scream into the pillow letting out the day's fustration. I hate myself this way. I need him so much and he just left me for death. How could he? I scream into the pillow once more before tossing it around the room. I curl up into a ball and sob into my arms.
"Please come back Sasori...please..." I start to whimper quietly tears streaming down my face.
Eventually the sobs sud-side and I'm left with a dead emotion. I pick myself up and crawl into my bed and under the covers hiding from the world. The world is only going to screw me. Give me more sadness and pain to fill my already broken heart. I stare into the darkness of the covers until I drift off to sleep.