Lazarus won the Preakness by four lengths in Baltimore. Even those who had never been to a horse race in their life had heard the hype about Lazarus and her chase for the Triple Crown. Her face was plastered in full color on every newspaper in America as the final race in New York crept closer. Record breaking attendance was expected with many believing that Lazarus would be the first in over 35 years to win the Triple Crown. Some had their doubts as several horses before her had won the first two but suffered defeat in the longest race at 1 ½ miles.

Castiel had unwavering faith.

It was only just 6 am at Belmont Park, the sun just now starting to show itself over the horizon. It was cooler than it had been at the Derby being so far north, and Castiel could feel a chill run down his spine as he approached Lazarus's stall. With stiff fingers Castiel unlatched the stall door and stepped into the filly's room. She gave a soft nicker and reached out her nose in greeting. Castiel responded with a smile and placed his hands on her muzzle, her hot breaths comforting against his hands.

"I'm glad you are so calm about this," he chuckled as he began running one hand up and down her face. "I wonder if somehow deep down you know really what's going on. That you know how important this is." Lazarus lowered her head so that it was resting against the man's chest. "Over a hundred horses have attempted to win the Crown, and only a handful has succeeded. For a filly...it's been nothing but a distant dream. Many will try and bring you down today, but I know you will win. You must win...for Dean." Castiel took the filly's head in his hands and lifted it so that they were eye-level. "Can you do this for me? Can you win this for Dean? I want to see him truly happy, and this would bring him all the joy in the world." Lazarus responded with a slow blink of her eyes and a curt snort. Castiel grinned, "Good."

Dean was a ball of nervous energy the entire day, and no matter what Castiel did to try and calm him down it did not help. "You know," he began as he witnessed his lover down another shot of whiskey, "Anymore of those and you'll miss the race in lieu of being passed out on the floor."

"I'm thinking that might be better than having a heart attack while I'm watching the damn race," he responded, wiping his mouth off on his sleeve which earned him a harsh stare from his lover.

"Yeah, and when she wins and you've missed the race, you're going to hate yourself," Sam responded with a grin. He had put all his cases on hold back at the firm and with Jess firmly in tow they had stayed with Dean and Cas through the entirety of the five weeks.

"Dean, you shouldn't beat yourself up about it," Jess said as she placed a comforting hand on the man's shoulder. "She's already done more than anyone has ever thought she would. You've already won."

"Ah, no," Dean shook his head firmly. "I don't half-ass shit, Jess. It's all or nothing."

Sam rolled his eyes, "It's no use, babe, he's just a stubborn jerk."

Castiel's heart warmed at the friendly banter between Dean and his family and wrapped his arm around Dean's. "Come on, we should head to the barn and make sure Charlie has Lazarus ready. They will be calling for them at the Paddock soon."

"Aw, shit," Dean muttered as he glanced at his watch to confirm that the time had really passed so quickly. "I need another drink."

"No," Castiel spoke sternly, tugging at Dean's arm to get his attention away from the bar and on him.

"Come on, babe! Just one more!" Dean pleaded, pulling Castiel back in the other direction.

"Dean Winchester, if you do not come with me this instance I will refuse to bed you win or lose tonight," the historian threatened.

Jess giggled and Sam offered his brother a pained expression. "Ouch. Looks like he has you whipped, Dean."

"Shut up," Dean growled as he gave in and allowed Castiel to began dragging him away from the bar. "You wouldn't really hold out on me, would you, Cas?"

A small smile tugged at Castiel's lips as he gave a short glance out of the side of his glasses. "I would try, but I undoubtedly think you would have me give in before the night was over."

The corner of Dean's eyes crinkled in delight. "Can't resist that Winchester charm."

"Hmm," Castiel hummed in agreement, "It would seem that way, now wouldn't it?" Finding himself coming to a sudden stop he grabbed Dean's hand and spun the trainer so that they were facing one another. "Dean," he brought his hand to his cheek and held it close. "I just want you to know-,"

Dean gave a heavy sigh in annoyance, "Cas, come on-,"

"No, Dean," Castiel pleaded, "Listen to me. Win or lose today, I love you. Everything has been worth it if for nothing but having been able to meet you."

"Jesus, Cas," Dean whispered as tears stung at the corners of his green eyes, "You say that like shit is going to go down today."

"Don't be absurd," Castiel chuckled, "I just know how you'll be if she does lose, and I don't want you to beat yourself up about it. Promise me you'll be ok."

"Cas-,"

"Dean. Promise me."

Dean let his shoulders go slack and rubbed his thumb across Castiel's. "Yeah, ok."

"Good." Castiel linked their fingers together and they walked out to the barns. Lazarus was pacing in her stall, occasionally stopping to poke her head out in full attention. "She seems anxious..."

"Are you kidding?" Charlie groaned irritably. "She won't stop doing that. I swear, it's like she knows. She is itching to get out of the stall and go."

"Easy there, kiddo," Dean murmured as he placed a hand on her muzzle. She stopped pacing, her ears forward and alert as she breathed into his hand. "Don't wear yourself out before you even get in the gate." She seemed to understand and her muscles relaxed beneath his touch. "Is she ready to go?"

Charlie nodded as she hooked the two leads on to the filly's halter. "Yup. She's ready to go win the Triple Crown."

Dean opened the stall door and grabbed hold of the filly's left lead. "Alright, then, let's go do this."

The paddock was already filling with people waiting to see Lazarus. When the four were within the sights of the crowd and cameras there was an eruption of shouts. Dean and Charlie led Lazarus into the 11th stall. It was a much smaller field than the Derby with only 14 horses allowed to run. All were horses that Lazarus had faced in the Derby, including Morningstar. Castiel and Dean waited patiently for the jockeys to surface with their saddles in hand.

There was no need for Dean to go over the horses as Gabriel was already familiar with them all. There was a silence between them as Lazarus was saddled and the filly began to grow anxious once more. All he really had to offer was, "Don't let her go too early. There's a lot of track out there, Gabe."

Gabriel gave his nod in understanding. "I know."

"RIDERS UP."

Castiel smiled at his older brother as he buckled the helmet on his head, "You will be great."

"It's not about me, little bro, this is all on her."

Castiel helped lead Lazarus to the track before she was handed off and he was left with Dean to head to their place in the stands next to Sam and Jess, but Castiel knew the look on Dean's face. It was one that he had offered his brother and sister years ago. He was about to run. "Dean..."

"I can't watch this, Cas. I don't think I can. Not here, not like this with all the cameras," Dean spoke, his voice ready to crack.

Dean wrapped both of his hands around Dean's and held him in close. "I'll be here, right here, every second of it." The trumpet call came and all eyes were on the field. Dean's grip grew tighter as the horses settled in by the gate ready to load, but Castiel didn't mind. Dean could cut off his circulation and it would be just fine by him. A hush fell over the crowd as the final horse was loaded. Then the gates sprung open and the horses leaped out with fierce purpose.

"She looks so good out there!" Jess squealed in delight as the horses settled, Lazarus sitting fifth to start.

Castiel felt himself grasp at Dean's arm as his heart began beating wildly in his chest. Lazarus and Morningstar stood side-by-side as they started into the final turn, slowly overcoming the horses that had set the pace. The further they rounded the further the gap between the two horses and the pack. When they headed into the final stretch, Morningstar and Lazarus were over five lengths in front of the pack.

"Come on, Gabriel! Come on!" Dean's knuckles were white as his grip grew impossibly tight around Castiel.

"GO LAZARUS!" Jess's wild screams echoed next to him.

Castiel's eyes brightened with excitement as Lazarus began to overtake Morningstar, the crowd going crazy around him as her stride lengthened as she pounded into the dirt faster and harder. With only a hundred yards to go Lazarus was galloping several lengths ahead of Morningstar towards the finish line. "GO LAZARUS!" Time slowed as Gabriel raised his arm in victory as Lazarus crossed the finish line. He was kissing Dean fiercely, not even knowing when he had grabbed on to the man to do so, but all he could feel was pure joy.

But then a deathly silence wrapped itself around the track.

The crowd was no longer cheering and Sam and Jess had stopped offering up hugs and congratulations. Castiel turned his blue eyes back to the field and watched in disbelief. Lazarus's hind leg was not touching the ground. Her head was tossing up vigorously as Gabriel attempted to bring her to a stop. And then she fell. The filly collapsed to the ground sending Gabriel flying across the track.

It took several moments for Castiel to even realize Dean was no longer next to him and for it to dawn on him he should follow. Shoving through the crowd Castiel chased Dean onto the track and suddenly they were both running. The ambulance was already pulling up alongside the horse and jockey, and they were drawing out a long blue curtain lifting it up next to the fallen filly. Castiel's heart slammed still. Even in all his ignorance, Castiel knew what that curtain was for. It was to hide the crowd from the view of the horse meeting its end.

Everything came to a halt around Castiel. All he could register were the sounds of Lazarus's painful cries as the track hands tried to force her down for the vet to administer the dose. Dean was screaming "NO. DON'T DO IT! NO!" Castiel stopped, bile threatening to rise at the scene that played out frame-by-frame before him. This could not be happening.

"She was fine!" Gabriel cried, tears streaming down his dirty covered face. "She...She was," with a strangled cry Gabriel lunged for Castiel and the brothers clung to each other desperately, both crying as they watched the picture unfold.

"Don't let them do it, Cas," Gabriel pleaded into his brother's chest. "Please don't let them do it!"

God, please give me strength. Castiel gave his brother a tight squeeze and pulled away, knowing that it was up to him to try and salvage the despairing situation. Wiping at the tears in his eyes beneath his glasses he hurried over to where Dean was shouting at the on-site veterinarian.

"Let her up!" Dean roared through tears of his own.

"She's shattered several bones in her back leg!" The woman argued. The name embroidered on her shirt read 'DVM Meg Masters'.

"I don't care!" Dean shouted, several of the track assistants having to retain him from throwing a punch at the woman.

"Can she be saved?" Castiel asked as he approached them, trying to keep his voice from shaking as he spoke.

Meg crossed her arms irritably. "Maybe. And by that I mean there is an incredibly slim chance. This is a serious injury, and it's going to cost a lot more than this horse is worth, even after winning the Triple Crown."

"Cost is not an issue," Castiel spoke through unsteady words. "If there is even the slightest chance she can be saved, I want it done."

Meg gave a sigh, casting a glance at the horse that was fighting to keep the handlers away on the ground. "This is beyond my skill to treat. You're going to need a specialist. I know a good surgeon, Dr. Milligan. I'll call him up and have him meet you back in Kentucky. It's best if we can transport Lazarus somewhere close to home." She waved her assistants away and they began folding the curtain up, backing away from the filly who sprung to her three feet with wide and fearful eyes, snorting in terror with her back left leg tucked up underneath her.

"Whoa, Laz, it's ok girl, it's fine," Dean whispered between sobs, wrapping his arms around her neck. "I won't let them do it. I won't let them take you from me."

Castiel carefully approached them. Lazarus was finally still, but her breaths were still harsh in panic and her eyes were on Castiel, weary of anyone who approached her. Castiel took the lead from one of the assistants and ran a soothing hand down the filly's neck, calming her down enough that she finally lowered her head in a way that was all too similar to defeat. Burying his face into her fur he let out a sob. "I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I asked too much of you."

Blinking away the blurriness he sucked in a deep breath and attempted to compose himself. "Dean. Dean, I need you to be strong. You promised me you would be ok no matter what happened. We have to get her into the trailer. Dr. Masters is going to get us the finest surgeon and we are going to save her, but I need you to help me."

Dean seemed to clutch at Lazarus before relaxing himself and nodding. "Ok."

"Gabriel," Castiel called, wanting only those that the filly felt comfortable around working with her. With guidance from Dr. Masters they carefully coaxed the hurting filly into the trailer.

"I'll be with her the entire way," Meg said as she stepped into the trailer and the doors were shut around her.

"Cas..." Dean's voice came out broken and completely defeated.

Castiel took Dean's face in his, both their eyes filled with tears. "Dean, I-," he choked on his words, having nothing of comfort to offer the man. They held each other, desperately trying to find some sort of hope to cling to in one another as the trailer pulled away.

Newscasters didn't bother them as they headed back to the stands. Spectators were crying and holding one another. Jess's mascara was smeared across her face as she and Sam made their way back to them through a paralyzed crowd. Charlie was quick to offer to drive the trailer back on her own so that they could catch the first flight out. Dean protested, but it was short lived in his exhaustion. Sam mentioned something of Dean being afraid of planes, but Castiel would have never known. Dean sat in his seat the entire ride, head hanging low with bloodshot eyes, never speaking a word.

By the time they had retrieved their luggage and pulled into the hospital, Lazarus and Dr. Masters had already arrived with Dr. Milligan standing by. They wasted no time getting to work.

It was an excruciating five hours.

When Dr. Milligan finally did come out he looked exhausted. Black rings rimmed his eyes and his skin was pale, but it was no worse off than those who awaited an answer. "The surgery went very well, but she's far from in the clear. There's still high risk of laminitis forming and she'll have to find a way to stay calm until the bones can fuse. We're getting her into the pool now for when she wakes from the anesthesia."

Castiel's brow furrowed and his eyes narrowd, "Why does she need to be in a pool?"

"A lot of horses wake up in a state of confusion," the young doctor began, "It's not unheard of with race horses to wake up thinking they are still in the middle of the race. If that does happen, it's much safer for her to be in the pool so that she doesn't hurt herself thrashing about. Look, there isn't really anything else that can be done at this point. It's all a waiting game. Why don't we all go home and try and get some rest.

There was a strong reluctance to leave, but they knew the vet was right and they would be no good to Lazarus in this state. Missouri greeted them all with a long face and let them know she would be happy to get food for anyone who wanted it, but no one accepted the offer. Instead they all headed straight for bed, Missouri having prepared a guest room for Sam and Jess.

When Castiel tried to warp his arms around Dean in their bed, he shrugged him off and turned away from him inching to the furthest corner of the mattress. "Dean, please don't do this," he whispered, his voice quivering with hurt as he spoke. Dean did not offer any kind of response. Castiel felt his heart shatter and he curled into a ball facing away from Dean, crying silently as sleep evaded him.

/*/

Dean hadn't slept a wink. It had been almost 5 am by the time they had all made it back from the surgery. He has been awake for over 24 hours, but he had still been able to find peace. Whenever he had briefly slept away he dreamt of Lazarus falling over and over into the dirt, a nightmare that would not stop haunting him. Exhausted of trying to sleep he got out of bed and headed for the shower. It was nearly 10 when he walked into the kitchen, the scent of coffee hitting his nose like a blessing.

Missouri poured a cup for him and handed it over. "Oh, honey, you don't look like you even bothered to close your eyes."

"Yeah, well," Dean shrugged as he pulled out a chair for the bar area right next to the sink where Missouri was working. His eye caught a glimpse of the morning paper. "Can I see that?"

Missouri frowned, "You sure you want to read that?"

Dean hesitated, but then nodded. He was going to have to face the backlash sooner or later. He could only imagine what hateful things they were saying about him now. Missouri handed him the paper and the headline read in bold letters "THE CROWNING OF A WINNER BRINGS TRAGEDY" A photo of Castiel and Gabriel embracing lay under the title.

"June 1st, 2013 - Kentucky Derby and Preakness Stakes winner Lazarus Rising broke down after crossing the finish line of the Belmont on Saturday, unable to celebrate victory when her left hind end gave out. The hushed crowd of a record breaking 104,000 plus people watched as jockey Gabriel Novak was thrown from his mount and Lazarus Rising collapsed to the track.

Lazarus Rising powered by Morningstar to win the Belmont Stakes by over seven lengths in 2:26, making her the third fastest horse in the history of the race, and the first winner of the Triple Crown since Affirmed in 1978. She is the first filly in history to win the Crown.

Lazarus Rising was diagnosed with a fracture above the left ankle. Dr. Meg Masters, the on-site veterinary for Belmont, called it a "life-threatening" injury. "It's a serious fracture," Masters said. "Her career is over and her life could be, too."

As soon as his horse broke down, trainer Dean Winchester ran onto the track to stop what appeared to be the immediate euthanasia of the horse on the field. Owner Castiel Novak embraced the jockey and his brother, Gabriel, as the jockey said, "She was fine, she was fine!"

Fans were crying in the stands as the filly was loaded into the ambulance and taken away.

It was an all-too-familiar scene for trainer Dean Winchester -"

Dean couldn't read anymore. Slamming the paper down he hung his head in his hands. He knew they had made the comparison between him and his father. He had turned out to be everything he dreaded becoming.

"It wasn't your fault." Castiel lifted himself onto the chair next to Dean. "It wasn't your fault, Dean." His hand crawled over towards Dean's, but the man snatched it away.

"It was all my fault," Dean retorted, the muscles in his body tensing. "I should have never have raced a filly against colts. It was impossible and stupid."

"Dean, how can you say that?" Castiel asked in disbelief. "She won. She did the impossible."

"At the cost of her life!" Dean slammed his fist against the table top.

"Son, you need to calm down," Missouri frowned, quickly grabbing anything that was in jeopardy of breaking if he had another outburst.

But Dean blatantly ignored her. "She is going to die, because I wanted so badly to prove to everyone I wasn't my dad, but I did the exact opposite. I proved to everyone how much of him I really am!"

Castiel stood from his seat, trying to reach out to Dean but he only slapped his arm away. "You might as well just fire me, Cas, because I'm just a no-good curse!"

"Dean, don't-," Castiel tried, but was cut off as he flinched from the continued yelling.

Dean was alive with rage and anger. Loss and emptiness. So much emptiness. "I break everything I touch, Cas," Dean shouted, tears stinging at the corners of his eyes. "I'll break you, too."

Dean watched as Castiel curled in on himself, and then he turned around and headed for their room, unable to look at his face any longer. Although his eyes were wet, there was just not enough for tears any longer. He had expelled everything that was in him to cry.

There was a knock on the door and Sam entered the room with a frown on his face. "That wasn't fair, Dean. Cas didn't deserve that."

"I'm only trying to spare him the pain I bring everyone," Dean responded, eyes cast on the floor.

"You aren't like Dad, Dean," Sam argued as he took a seat next to his brother on the bed. "If you were, you would have let them euthanize Lazarus on the track without so much of a word. You wouldn't have cared. But you do. Everyone knows how much you care for Lazarus and how much you care for Castiel. What is like Dad is pushing him away. He pushed Mom away and look what happened. Don't do that, Dean. Please, don't push Castiel away."

"What if she doesn't make it, Sam?" Dean's voice trembled, his heart aching with an incredible force.

"Then it won't be because you didn't try. Accidents happen. Athletes get hurt. This wasn't because you decided to push her too hard. It just...happened. And it sucks. But this isn't anyone's fault. We've done everything we could do. Now it's just up to Lazarus." Sam placed a hand on his brother's back.

Sucking in his breath Dean apologized, "Sorry for waking you."

Sam gave a snort, "Yeah, that would require me having been asleep in the first place. Besides, it's not me that needs to hear an apology."

Dean swallowed and gave a nod, pushing himself up and off the bed. "Thanks, Sammy..." He flashed his brother a weak smile and headed back to the kitchen, but Castiel wasn't there.

"He's on the back patio," Missouri spoke, mixing a bowl of something together as she did so.

Dean nodded and headed for the glass doors that lead to the porch. Castiel was leaning against the railing that overlooked the entire farm. Rubbing nervously at the back of his neck he approached Castiel and said, "I'm sorry..."

Castiel looked up at him with sad eyes. "I told you once that I didn't care that you were cursed. That I'd rather have you. I still mean that, Dean."

Dean felt his heart fall in his chest. "I don't deserve you, Cas."

"You are not the one to decide that," Castiel responded. "Please, Dean. Please don't try to go through this alone. Let's get through this together." He took Dean into his arms and ran his fingers through the ash brown hair. "Do you remember, the first day we met? When I asked you if Lazarus could win? You told me that what made a great racehorse was their heart. You said that the greatest racehorses were ones who wanted to run and that would settle for nothing less than victory. Lazarus never settled for anything other than winning on the track, and she will settle for nothing less than living."

Dean wrapped his arms tighter around Castiel and let the older man stroke his head. "I love you, Cas."

"I love you, too," Castiel responded, giving his forehead a light kiss. "Now, let's go see how she's doing."