Standard Disclaimers apply. I do not own the song "Sakura" by Kawaguchi Kyogo.
A/N: Here's chapter 15 of Rewind! Sorry for the delays in updating…I've been too caught up with my school work. There's just so much to do, and since school is my priority, I hope you guys can understand the delays.
I also realized I've been neglecting poor Sesshoumaru here, so for those who like Kag/Sess, enjoy! Please read the lyrics; they are linked to the story.
Enjoy and review!
Title: Rewind
Chapter 15: Always by your side
(Sango's POV)
There's something wrong with me.
I can feel it.
There's something terribly wrong with me.
I don't know why I am feeling this, but somehow, I fear seeing Miroku now. It's this odd feeling of something inside me cringing and wanting desperately to hide away whenever he comes near me. I own no explanation for this unexplained feeling of mine, but maybe it is the look in his eyes that scare me.
I know he wants to talk to me.
But I don't know how to talk to him.
I thought about this just now, and how I wished we could go back to when we were kids, where forgiveness was only too easy to dole out. The hatchet would be buried, and never to be seen again. However, in reality, this was usually not the case.
Ever since the day when we found the earring on the car and confronted Asami, I had been thinking of the situation between me and Miroku. He was innocent; he did not do anything. However, there was more to that.
I thought, if he was a husband who never ever gave me such problems, I'd have believed him instantly, even when Asami was so-called pregnant with his child. No amount of lies could actually instigate me in the direction of not trusting him. However, the truth was not so. It was not the first time he got into trouble with the women he flirted with outside.
On a deeper outlook, this was the problem our relationship faced. The little cracks he had been adding constantly with his frivolous behavior around the members of the opposite sex had led to our relationship crumbling apart instantly when trouble hits. It was just too vulnerable, lacking in trust as a glue to hold us together.
Yesterday, I went back to our home alone. He volunteered to watch over Asami, the baby, Kagome and Sesshoumaru throughout the night, while I take a good rest before taking over from him in the morning. I was initially unwilling to do so, for somehow I felt queasy receiving what I deemed as "scraps of kindness" from him, but thinking about the three patients who needed me in the morning, I agreed.
It was then when I realized the keys to Kagome's apartment was with her mother, Mrs. Higurashi, and it was too late to go knocking on their door for the keys. Before I could insist on sleeping at the hospital, he handed me the keys to our apartment.
Not just 'the' keys, but my keys.
The same familiar Kogepan key ring was attached to it.
The sight of the familiar little toy clenched around my heart like a warm fist, before I only nodded dumbly, took them from him, and left with a small bow.
I know I am being hopelessly useless, and if Kagome were in better spirits, she would have given me a dressing-down. I know she would want me to forgiv-, no, there was nothing to forgive now since he did not do anything wrong, but to forget and move on. She would want us back together again, just like all other friends of ours wished.
But they don't understand. It is not as easy as it looks for me. I was never the sort of girl to run to him crying and talking about the entire incident.
It is just not me.
When I arrived at the apartment, I took the chance to visit all that I so sorely missed, walking around the house and touching the little details which used to constitute my life. But when I reached our bedroom, it was when I couldn't help but break down into a sobbing mess.
There, in the entire room, was my presence.
Everything has been left the way since I walked out of the door, mentally vowing never to return again. Nothing was out of place.
The side of my bed still held my pillow, the wardrobe still held my clothes, the dressing table still held my beauty products and toiletries, and my slippers were still placed neatly outside the bathroom. The novel I was reading before I left was left on the side table as well.
On top of that, the vase by the side of his bed still held the spray of lavender I got for him. Tied in the very same blue ribbon.
He used to suffer sleepless nights sometimes due to work stress, so I would always get him some lavender to help him sleep better. But now, the flowers were already wilted and dried up, the petals no longer held their scent, but he still keeps them around.
I don't know how long I cried. The dull, throbbing ache in my chest did not allow me to stop.
(Kagome's POV)
"Good morning, darling. How are you feeling today?"
I dabbed the damp cloth around his lips to hydrate them, before starting my daily routine of helping him wash up. The dreary ward did not seem so dreary to me now. Could it be because I had grown accustomed to the gloom lurking in this place? I do not ever wish to get used to it.
Drawing the curtains, I looked outside at the trees, which were all growing greener as the days came closer to summer. The vibrant spray of flowers by the hospital bed, under the shine of the artificial lights, paled in comparison to the greenery under the sunshine outdoors.
"It's beautiful out there, Sess. Look at all the sunshine, shining down upon earth." I smiled, despite knowing I would not get a reply from him. "I want to go to the beach this year! It's been so long since we last did…I wonder if I can still fit into my bikini."
"Not to mention the summer festivals coming up…I must eat at least ten cups of crushed ice this summer! We'll see who eats more this time round!" I added, pushing myself back to where the bed was.
"Inuyasha came by to visit you yesterday with Kikyo-san. Aren't you happy for him that they are getting married? He will not hold the Japanese customary wedding rites unless you are present at the ceremony, so you have to wake up soon, or Kikyo-san will be waiting."
It was not easy moving around in a wheelchair, but I've gotten accustomed to it. I had to manage as much as I could, for Sango and Miroku were now busy with the birth of the new baby and Asami's problems. It would not be fair to impose on them all the time.
Dipping the cloth into a small basin of lukewarm water, I wringed it dry before unfolding it. The water dripped back into the basin, and I couldn't help but notice the way the droplets clung on to the white gold band around my ring finger.
"You know, I went to take a look at Asami's baby yesterday with Sango." I said, wiping each of his fingers with the cloth, careful not to miss a spot. He was always a hygiene freak. "She's a cute little thing."
Wiping the palm, I held his hand in mine, feeling the lack of strength underlying the skin. It didn't feel like the hand which held mine throughout the most difficult times, or guided me when I was lost.
"Sango told me, she was going to adopt the child. Isn't that simply wonderful?" I squeezed his hand gently, but he did not respond at all. "However, she did not say anything about forgiving Miroku. I was just thinking, why couldn't they put by their differences and reconcile?"
"I know you would call me a worrywart, but I cannot help but think again, how would the absence of the father affect the child's growing process? It will be bound to affect her, won't it?" I asked, unconsciously placing my hand over my own abdomen, where another little life resided.
The little life belonging to the two of us.
Thinking of the other little baby made me think of my own. Is mine going to grow up without its father by its side? What if Sesshoumaru never recovered from his coma, and had to sleep here for years?
I would not be able to survive this.
"Have you thought about our child, Sess?" I asked softly, rubbing the cloth over his cheeks, careful not to come into contact with the tubes connected to his being.
"It deserves a father too, doesn't it? You have to wake up, alright?" I brushed the bangs back from his forehead, feeling his skin under my fingertips. "Please promise me that…and don't go back on your word, alright? You've slept for too long…"
I tried to prop myself up on my arms as far as I could in the wheelchair, before gently laying a kiss on his cheek.
"Silence means agreement, Takamori Sesshoumaru." I whispered, not caring if I sounded like a child. "Since you promised me, I'll sing you your favorite song. Don't go back on your word."
Taking a deep breath to steady my slightly quivering voice, I started on the first few notes of "Sakura" by Kawaguchi Kyogo. The simple lyrics, the beautiful melody…they were what my husband loves about the song.
"Boku wa soba ni iru yo
Kimi wo warawaseru kara
Sakura mau kisetsu kazoe
Kimi to arui-"
(I am by your side
To make you smile
Counting the seasons in which the cherry blossoms dance
I will walk wi-)
I did not get to finish the chorus, for a knock came from the door and opened to reveal Miroku standing in the doorway.
"Good morning, Kagome." He greeted, before asking. "Am I disturbing?"
I returned his smile, before shaking my head slowly. "Please come in."
"I heard you singing from outside, Kagome."
"Oh, really?" I felt slightly embarrassed at being heard by Miroku. "I must have sounded terrible…"
"No, not at all." He shook his head, looking at a sleeping Sesshoumaru. "You sing beautifully, Kagome. Why not you continue? I am sure Sesshoumaru would love to hear you sing."
The look in Miroku's eyes was so soft and sincere, and they filled my heart with indescribable warmth. I nodded slowly, before continuing with the song Sesshoumaru used to sing to me while we did nothing on the weekend afternoons but enjoy each other's company.
Keeping my eyes on him, I sang.
"Boku wa soba ni iru yo
Kimi wo warawaseru kara
Sakura mau kisetsu kazoe
Kimi to aruite yukou"
(I am by your side
To make you smile
Counting the seasons in which the cherry blossoms dance
And keep walking with you)
"Mabushii asa wa nazeka setsunakute
Riyuu wo sagasu you ni kimi wo mitsumeteita
Namida no yoru wa tsuki no hikari ni furuete ita yo
Futari de"
(The dazzling morning somewhat seemed unbearably sad
I was looking for you as if I was searching for a reason
The nights we cried together were quivering under the moonlight)
"Boku wa soba ni iru yo
Kimi wo warawaseru kara
Sora no nai machi nukedashi
Niji wo sagashi ni yukou"
(I am by your side
To make you smile
Escaping the skyless cities
Let's go search for the rainbow)
As I sang the words which I was so familiar with, I could not help but feel a great surge of pain from the depths of my heart. Only how long ago was it when he was singing to me?
It has already been a week since he slipped into a coma…what if he stayed like that forever?
"Boku wa soba ni iru yo
Kimi wo warawaseru kara
Yawarakana kaze ni fukare
Kimi to aruite yukou"
(I am by your side
To make you smile
Being blown by the gentle wind
I'll keep walking with you)
Finishing the last chorus, streams of tears were once again making their way down my cheeks. As I opened my mouth to sing the last part of the song, I recalled the way he used to sing it.
The seriousness in his eyes, the small smile lingering on his lips, and the sincerity the words held.
"Ah, kimi ga iru.
Ah, kimi ga iru."
(Ah, you are here.
Ah, you are here.)
Exhaling, I inhaled again before singing the last sentence.
"Itsumo soba ni iru yo…"
(I'll always be by your side…"
Upon finishing the song, something in me snapped, and I began crying almost hysterically for what seems like the millionth time in the past week.
"You promised to wake up! Why aren't you responding?" I sobbed, shaking his unconscious form, ignoring Miroku's cries of "Kagome, calm down!".
"You promised! You promised!" I cried bitterly, burying my face in his chest. His heartbeat was steady, but his body was motionless.
"Itsumo soba ni irutte itte kureta noni! Nande okitekurenai no? Hidoi to omowanai no, Sesshoumaru ?"
(To think you promised to be by my side always! Why do you not wake up? Don't you think that is mean of you, Sesshoumaru?)
"Kagome…" Miroku said softly. "Kagome, look!"
I didn't respond to him, all I did was sob harder with every sentence.
"Watashi to aruite yukoutte yakusoku shita deshou? Yaburu tsumori nano? Yakusoku shita noni…"
(You promised you would keep walking with me, right? Do you intend to go back on your word? To think you promised me…)
Feeling my tears soak through the thin material of his hospital robes, my sobs ceased instantly when I heard a familiar voice, hoarse from disuse, but very much alive.
"Ko…konna ni dakishimetara…douyatte…kimi to aruite yuku…?"
(If you hold on to me like that…how am I going to walk with you?)
My head snapped up and turned sharply to the right, only to see my husband smiling weakly at me through the film of tears clouding my eyes.
Bewildered, I whispered. "Sess?"
"Itai yo, soko…" He mumbled weakly, inclining his head slightly in the direction of where I was pressing onto his injuries from the car accident.
(It hurts there…)
I hurriedly removed my body weight from his being, before turning to Miroku, whose eyes were shining with joyous disbelief.
"Miroku…" I whispered, the shared joy reflected in both our eyes. "Am I dreaming?"
"No, Kagome, you're not…you're not!" He laughed, putting his hands on each side of my shoulders. "Right, Sess?"
My husband nodded slowly in agreement.
"I…I'll get the doctor!" Miroku smiled, hurriedly running out of the room while looking back to throw us smiles of relief and excitement. "I'll inform Sango, Inuyasha and Mrs. Higurashi too!"
I turned my attention back to Sesshoumaru, as another tear escaped my eye.
"Thank goodness you're awake…" I cried, reaching out to cup his cheek with my hand.
He returned my teary smile, before whispering softly in his weakened state.
"Itsumo soba ni iru yo."
(I will always be by your side.)
To be continued…
A/N: Need I say more? I am sure all of you must be bubbling with happiness like I am now! This was such a romantic chappie…this is my idea of a little gift to everyone. Happy Valentine's Day to all!