Karen had long, auburn hair and a gap between her teeth and spoke with a thick Boston accent. She looked self-assured and confident. Accomplished. Everything Quinn wasn't.

"I hate her too" Hannah whispered in Quinn's ear.

"I don't hate her" Quinn lied or didn't lie or whatever.

"I didn't want her here. This is my graduation party, I should get to decide."

"You already had your graduation party, Han. This one is just so Puck can pretend he was a part of it."

Puck's baby sister clearly wasn't a baby anymore. She was going off to college in the fall; the first of the Puckerman's to do so. Mrs. Puckerman was proud and weepy today even though they had already had the real graduation a few weeks ago.

"I just don't like her" Hannah mumbled.

"You should try" Quinn insisted faintly. "Puck seems to like her."

She couldn't keep her tone neutral and Hannah grinned. Her smile was exactly the same as Puck's. It was as if someone had duplicated their grins.

"He would rather be with you."

"No, he wouldn't, Han."

"Well, I would rather he was."

Quinn draped her arm around Hannah's shoulders and squeezed. It consoled her that it didn't matter how pretty or smart or successful Karen was, Puck's family would never let her take Quinn's place.

"I should go and say hi" Quinn sighed. "I promised to be nice."

With Hannah at her side she approached Puck's girlfriend. She was checking her phone and didn't look up until they stood right in front of her.

"Karen, this is Quinn" Hannah introduced. "I don't think you've met."

Clearly Karen had no warm feelings for Quinn, understandably, and as they shook hands both their gazes were cold.

"Nice to meet you" Quinn lied.

"You too" Karen lied, equally skilled.

Hannah got pulled away by someone who wanted to take picture and then they were alone. Quinn was just about to raise her glass and leave. She could be polite but that was it. She had no plan of chatting about the weather with this girl.

"So you're the one who's been screwing my boyfriend" Karen asked or assumed.

Quinn just stared at her. She was making a grimace and looked evil and mean and Quinn wondered if Puck's type was cruel girls.

"Oh, how great, you two finally met" Mrs. Puckerman swooped in, saving Quinn from having to answer.

"Yes" Karen said, her face sweet again now. "It's terrific to finally meet the famous Quinn."

Elisabeth Puckerman laid a hand on the small of Quinn's back, a motherly gesture that made Quinn breathe out in relief. She couldn't understand why Karen intimidated her so when no other mean girl had done so. She hated no having the upper hand.

"Quinn, honey, can you do me a favor?" Puck's mother asked. "There's more coke in the fridge. Can you grab some?"

"Sure."

Quinn escaped Karen and the sun and went inside. She hadn't been inside Puck's house in a year. Not much had changed in that time. Frankly not much had changed since she lived here back while being pregnant. Mrs. Puckerman still seemed to love pictures of flowers and crochet cushions and had still not bought new curtains.

"Mom sent you in to fetch something?"

Quinn turned her head to see Puck stacking cookies onto a plate. He was wearing a nice shirt that almost looked ironed. She wondered if Karen had done it for him.

"Drinks" she replied hoarsely.

She opened the fridge and was relieved by the coolness that welled over her.

"I've never seen her this proud in my life" he said. "I don't know how many times she said the word college since we came back."

Quinn smiled.

"I know" she said. "But you know, she's still proud of you too."

"Yeah, but it's not the same."

Quinn nodded because she understood to some extent. Frannie, her own sister, was married to an investment banker and already had two kids. Judy loved talking about that.

"I've been thinking about finally getting that teaching degree" Puck said, shyly.

Quinn looked up.

"You are?"
"Yeah, I mean, I love teaching. And you know, a piece of paper proving that I'm certified wouldn't hurt."

"That's great, Puck" she said and really meant it.

"Well, it won't be Yale or anything. Probably just night classes at the community college…"

"Not everyone has to go to Yale."
"Nope" he grinned. "Just you."

She shrugged.

"And look where it got me, unemployed, back in my hometown, living with my mom."

He stepped closer, obviously done with stacking the cookies. He took the bottle of coke from her and she wished he hadn't because she needed something to hold on to. She had no idea what to do with her hands now.

"I get that things are shit now" he began. "I get that. But I still think that you try again, to get another job doing what you love."

She stared into his eyes and remembered how safe she had always felt while being around him. He had been her safe haven and Kevlar shield. How she had survived this year without him she didn't know.

"And Quinn?" he said. "Could you… not tell anyone about the degree thing? I just… don't want anyone to know about it yet. If it doesn't work out."

"Of course" she promised and hesitated for a second. "Does Karen know?"
He bit his lip which was what he did when he didn't want to tell the truth but not lie either. Puck didn't lie.

"No" he admitted. "Not yet."

"Okay" she whispered. "Okay."

He opened his mouth to say something but some aunt bustled into the kitchen, demanding more chocolate chip cookies and the moment was over and Quinn felt like fainting.

…

Quinn had half-expected him to change his mind over the coming weeks. She was almost sure that he was would have change of heart and pack his bags and leave. But he didn't. And life continued mostly like it had before. She still went to school and he still went to work. They came home in the afternoon and Puck made dinner and Quinn kept working on her documentary. They still watched TV on the couch and she still brought him to all the lame Yale events. The only difference was that everything was better now, so much better. He slept in her bed and kissed her cheek before dropping her off at school. She rubbed his shoulders while watching Top Dog and kissed the spot just below his collar bone until they forgot what the show was even about.

And late summer turned into fall which turned into winter and he was still there. In December he brought her to the Christmas party that the faculty of his school was having. It was their last night in New Haven before going home to Lima for Christmas (and Hanukkah) and Quinn had separation anxiety. The thought of not being with him all the time was so unappealing that she wasn't even looking forward to Christmas itself.

"Cheer up" Puck coaxed her as they walked into the school's faculty room where the party was. "It will be nice to see your mom, right?"

"I'd rather be with you" she admitted which made her blush because she wasn't used to being honest.

Puck slid his hand into hers. They were the youngest ones there, except some babies and toddler who couldn't be left at home. Quinn had strangely enough never really pictured what Puck's work place looked like, or the people who worked there. Basically it looked like every school in the country, except for a bit more run down. The teachers looked nice and were in their forties and was already a bit buzzed on eggnog.

"Noah!" a lady called out.

She wore a Christmas sweater with a huge dear on the front and earrings in the shape of snowflakes in a strictly non ironic way.

"Hello, Vera" Puck greeted her. "Nice sweater."

"Oh you know, it's only Christmas once a year" Vera replied, visibly pleased by his comment. "Who is your lady friend?"
Quinn extended her hand and shook Vera's.

"This is my girlfriend, Quinn Fabray" Puck introduced. "And this is Vera, our principle and my boss."

Quinn smiled at the girlfriend part which was crazy since she had been many people's girlfriend before, but never felt like smiling at that word then. It just felt like it meant more now. Like a vow of something.

"Wow, you're the Yale girl, eh?" Vera asked, nodding happily. "Noah here brags about you a lot."

"I don't" Puck assured her.

"Oh, he does. But that's fine. He's just proud of you."

Quinn had no idea of what to reply to this. She just stood there smiling and nodding and still holding Puck's hand in hers. Vera eventually left to talk to someone else and left them alone again.

"I don't brag about you" Puck repeated.

She laughed and stood on tiptoe to kiss him. They sat down next to the science teacher and her husband Maurice and their twins. They spoke about mortgage rates and democracy and pollution and Quinn laughed at dumb jokes and held one of the sleeping children.

"You seem so grown up here" she whispered in Puck's ear. "This is your work place, and your colleagues..."

She didn't know to explain it better so she leaned her head onto his shoulder.

"It's not fancy" he shrugged. "But you know, teachers, teachers are the best people. Smart but never pretentious."

She handed the sleeping baby Francis back to Maurice when it was time to go home. They stepped out into the night air and she held tight to his hand and wished that her life could always be like this.

"You are the best person I know" she mumbled. "Smart but never pretentious."

"I didn't mean to include myself in that" he hurried to say. "I'm just subbing for someone who had a hernia."

"But you are" she insisted. "You're perfect for this job; you fit right in with those people."

"I don't know anything-" he began, but she interrupted him.

"You're the wisest person in the world. Who cares about Freud or the French revolution or whatever? You are compassionate and wonderful."

He bumped her hip with his, trying to make a joke out of it.

"You're just saying this because you're in love with me."

She bumped him back.

"You should get a teaching degree, Puck. And then you can do this all your life, teach kids and have wonderful colleagues with Christmas sweaters."

He didn't respond and she didn't push it because this was their last tonight together in two weeks and they could discuss it later. Suddenly she didn't feel panicky about being parted from anymore. They had all the time in the world to be together.

…

She watched him from across the backyard. Karen was glued to his side, laughing at his jokes and touching his arm. And it finally dawned on Quinn that Karen probably really loved him. She hated that thought; that someone could love someone that she loved. And she realized that Puck loved Karen back. And suddenly she felt very lonely.

"You don't have to like her" Mrs. Puckerman told Quinn silently.

"He wants me to."

"Well, that's asking for too much."

Quinn nodded mutely. She wondered how much Puck's mother knew. She wondered if she knew that this was all Quinn's fault; that if she hadn't ruined everything, Karen wouldn't even be here. Quinn deserved no pity or sympathy.

"They look happy" she acknowledged and wondered how words could hurt so much to pronounce.

"Maybe" Puck's mother said.

"He deserves to be happy."

"So do you."

Quinn turned away her face because she had no idea how to be happy if he wasn't with her. She could avoid breaking down and maybe get stronger, but not happy. She needed him in her life. It was the tragic truth.

"I still watch that film you made, honey" Mrs. Puckerman went on. "I still watch it once in a while and I cry for the two of you."

"Beth is fine" Quinn said, even though that meant nothing.

"Yes… All I mean is, you shouldn't be here in Lima or working in a diner in New York. You should make documentaries like that."

Quinn wondered when Puck had told her about her waitress job. She wondered if they often spoke about her.

"There are a lot of things I want" Quinn smiled. "It doesn't mean it will come true."

Puck's mother shook her head slowly.

"I don't believe that, honey. You can achieve anything you want."

Quinn opened her mouth to thank her but spotted them kissing, her hands on his neck and his in her hair. And she again doubted everything.

"I need to go home" she said and turned her back to leave.

She got to her car and had almost managed to escape. When she felt a hand on her shoulder she instantly thought of Puck, but the hand was smaller and the touch lighter.

"Please don't go" Hannah begged. "Please don't leave because of her."

Quinn looked over Puck's sister's head because she didn't want to see his features in hers.

"I just can't do it, Han. I'm sorry."

"You need to tell that you want him back."

"I can't do that."

"Why not?"

Hannah's voice was desperate and pleading.

"He has Karen now. It wouldn't be right or fair or even worthwhile to tell him anything."

Quinn laid a hand on Hannah's shoulder and swallowed.

"This doesn't change anything between you and me, Han. You can still call me anytime. I'm sorry I didn't tell you that sooner."

"It doesn't make sense" Hannah exploded with a rage that Puck had lost in his teens.

"I know."

"She's ruining everything."
"No, Hannah" Quinn sighed, swallowing once more. "I ruined everything."

…

Quinn spent Christmas with the small part of what still was her family. Her father wasn't there and her sister was spending the holidays with her boyfriend's family in Indiana. Judy and Quinn ate pre prepared turkey and listening to Bing Crosby sing about white Christmases and exchanged gifts. It was very quaint and very quiet. In the evening, Puck called her to wish her Merry Christmas (even though he didn't celebrate it) and invited them over for a Puckerman family party. Quinn managed to drag her mother along and then lost her in the crowd.

"You have the biggest family in the world, and I have the smallest" Quinn complained to Puck when he found her.

"Well, at least you have a dad" he joked.

"He's an ass."

"Yeah, but still, you know, a dad."

She rolled her eyes. It was great relief to be around him again. She was turning into one of those people felt uncomfortable without their boyfriend. Quinn had always despised those people.

"Quinn! It's lovely to see you!" Mrs. Puckerman called from the kitchen.

Quinn felt Puck's mother's arms around her. She had always been big on hugging.

"Hi, Mrs. Puckerman. It's good to see you too. Happy Holidays!"

"You too, dear. Did Puck offer you a drink?"
"Not yet."
"Oh well, come with me. I'll get you one."
She led Quinn away with a firm grip on the wrist to other side of the room where she poured a glass full of some kind of white liquid. Quinn craned her neck to try to spot Puck again, but he was lost in the sea of Puckermans.

"I really can't explain how pleased I am" Mrs. Puckerman exclaimed.

"About what?" Quinn asked.

"You and Noah. I knew… I expected there was something going on, you know, since he never moved on from your place and got a job and settled down. But you never know, you know."

"Right" Quinn agreed. "Right."
"I just wanted to tell you that I think it's brilliant. Hannah and I, we both love you so much. This is such great news."

Quinn smiled and took the drink from Puck's mother. She would always remember living in this house during the pregnancy as one of the happiest times of her life, despite everything. Mrs. Puckerman had cried when she found out about the baby, but never said anything of disapproval. She had bought books and vitamins and held Quinn's hand when it all got too hard.

"Thank you for having us over" Quinn said. "My mom and I, I mean. We don't have much of a family anymore."

"Oh, that's nonsense, honey" Mrs. Puckerman scuffed. "All of these people here, they are your family, just as much as they are mine."

"Because of Beth?"

"Yes, because of Beth. And also because you are you, and we love you very much."

Quinn wanted to thank her, even though that seemed like the wrong thing to say.

"Just promise me that your children will be brought up in the Jewish faith" Mrs. Puckerman went on, probably only almost joking.

"You'll have to fight me on that, Elisabeth" said Judy, who had appeared out of nowhere.

"I think it's a bit early to worry about this" Quinn interjected but it was too late.

Their mothers were already discussing traditions and Jesus and what else. Quinn shook her head, thinking that there was nothing in the world that scared her more than having more children. She had track record of doing things wrong, of messing everything up, and kids was a big deal. She never wanted her children to end up like her.

…

"You can't just send me text telling me that you quit your job" Santana accused Quinn.

"Sure. Fine. My bad. But you didn't have to come here to tell me that" Quinn argued back.

Of course she was not really arguing and Santana wasn't really accusing. This was basically just the way they spoke to each other; the way they had since middle school and it seemed stupid to stop now.

"Tanya had to work and yeah, being alone in Hamptons isn't as fun as it sounds" Santana said.

"It doesn't sound fun at all."

"Well, then it was exactly as it sounds."
Santana was tan, very tan, as she lay in her hot pink bikini on a lounge chair in Quinn's backyard. Quinn looked like ghost next to her, all pale and thin and sharp edges. She hadn't been by the pool all summer. Santana however looked like she had done nothing else.

"Why did you quit?" she demanded.

"I hated that job" Quinn said.

"I know, I figured that was why you kept working there. Self-punishment or whatever."

Quinn rolled her eyes behind her sunglasses. She secretly very pleased of Santana's sudden arrival to Lima. It felt more like old times when she was here and suddenly Quinn craved the old times like crazy.

"I don't think I'm coming back to the city in the fall" Quinn told Santana, even though she hadn't even thought about it prior to this minute.

"You're leaving me with Berry and Kurt?"

"You lived with them for like three years before I moved in."

"And it was miserable."
Quinn knew that wasn't the truth, but it didn't matter.

"Tanya thinks I should move out of there" Santana told her.

"And get your own place? No offence, San, but you can't afford that."

"She probably thinks I should move in with her" Santana answered, in a very nonchalant way that Quinn could see right through.

Quinn had met Tanya several times and liked her. However, she was in her mid-thirties, had two kids from a previous marriage and was a lawyer. Quinn couldn't wrap her head around how Santana had stuck with this woman for almost a year.

"What about the kids?" Quinn asked carefully.

"Yeah, they would live there too, I guess."

"And you would be okay with that?"
Santana shrugged and changed the subject.

"Mom told me that Karen is here too" she said.

"Yeah" Quinn replied.

"You met her?"
"Yeah."

"And?"
Quinn abruptly felt very hot in the sun. Too hot. She needed to cool off, to clear her head. She stood up, took the sunglasses off and dived into the pool that Puck used to clean.

"I see…" Santana said as Quinn came up the surface again.

"What?"
"Nothing. What did Karen say?"
"Something about me fucking her boyfriend."

Santana raised her eyebrows in surprise.

"She's always been very sweet to me" she said.

Quinn sighed. She had expected that. Karen was probably a great person, nice and kind and everything. Quinn was the one at fault and was treated thereafter.

"It's quite hypocritical, don't you think?" Santana said. "How she's pissed at you and not at him. I mean, it's not like you forced him."

Quinn shrugged.

"Well, she loves him. You tend to forgive people you love."

…

"Have you any fucking idea how much I paid for this apartment? For your education?" Russell Fabray screamed in Quinn's face.

She backed hastily away, always retreating from him when he was enraged. She clutched the dining table with her hands, something to hold on to.

"Dad…"

"Yale is an expensive school. Don't you understand that?"
His face was red and sweaty and she hated him. You weren't supposed to hate your father, but Quinn couldn't help it. He scared her.

"I do" she said.

"Then why are you wasting my money on film making?" he spat at her.

She wondered when they last had spoken without him screaming at her. She couldn't remember.

"Who told you?" she asked meekly. "Look, journalism is still my major but…"

He cut her off before she could explain herself further. Quinn guessed that it was Judy or Frannie who had let it slip about the documentary thing. It wasn't a secret; really, she had just refrained from telling her father because she had known this would happen. She had wanted to avoid a surprise visit by her father as long as possible.

"And that's not all, I've learned" he went on, smiling in all his rage. "A little bird told me that you're sharing this apartment, which I've paid for, with Noah Puckerman."

She looked away from him, wishing she could yell at him and tell him to leave and she was a grown up. She wished that she was braver, that she had the guts to not hide in the corner.

"Yes" she whispered in the tiniest voice she had, the voice of the eight year old Quinn who he had slapped across the face ripping her church dress.

"Let me get this straight" her father went on, too loudly, always too loudly. "I pay for your school, for a nice place for you to stay. And what do you do, Quinn? You shack up with Lima's delinquent number one, the boy who barely graduated, who comes from a family of failures."

"Please don't-" she begged and hated herself for begging.

"Is this some kind of rebellion? Trying to make me even more ashamed of you? Don't stop at getting knocked up at sixteen, Quinn, no, go on. Screw away your future too."

Once in High School when Quinn had made Rachel cry, Emma had taken her into her office and given her a glass of water and asked where does all this meanness come from, Quinn? She had not replied anything back then, but here it was the answer. Her father had taught her all she knew about making people hurt.

"You don't know him" she whispered.

"Don't know him? He corrupted you when you were just a kid and here he is, still going strong."

Quinn stepped even further away. She wished that the apartment was bigger so that she could disappear from view.

"Please" she croaked again, as someone unlocked the door from the outside and stepped in.

Puck had takeout in one hand and his keys in the other. It was obviously snowing outside and he had small flakes on his face, in eyelashes and on the shoulders of his leather jacket.

"And here he is!" Russell exclaimed sarcastically.

Puck met her eyes and she wanted to say how sorry she was.

"Mr. Fabray. I didn't know you were coming" he said, stepping out of his shoes.

"Neither did I. I thought I would be at home, drinking a beer and watching a game, but nonetheless, here I am."

"Right" Puck said slowly.

Quinn looked up into the ceiling and prayed to a god she wasn't sure she believed in anymore for this to be over.

"How is life, Puckerman?" Russell went on his false voice. "Is the plan of living of my daughter going well for you?"

"Excuse me?"
"Was she the only one stupid enough to let you in?"
Puck turned from the man she knew and loved into the school boy filled with rage that he had once been. She hadn't seen him angry in ages. However as soon as she saw his face darken and his jaw clench, she was reminded of their high school years. Of the boy he had been.

"Don't call her that" he hissed and she hated how much rage there was in his voice.

She hated that she was the cause of him going backwards instead of forward.

"She evidently fell in love with you. You call that smart?"

"You should leave" Puck snarled.

"I own this place, Noah. I can stay as long as I want."

They stared at each other; her boyfriend and her father. One that she loved so much it made her dizzy with fear. And one she feared enough to make her dizzy.

"She is an adult" Puck said. "We can get another apartment. She can take loans to pay for school. You don't get to make decisions for her anymore. You lost your right to do so when you kicked her out at sixteen."

Quinn said nothing still. Neither did Russell. He just smiled a smile that lacked joy and left. The door slammed loudly behind him. Quinn hurried to lock it. Puck was still wearing his leather jacket. The snowflakes had melted into water drops that dripped down the shoulders.

"You shouldn't have let him in" he said, sounding tired.

"I know" she whispered and hated herself for being the weakest person in the world.

…

Quinn was shopping for groceries when she felt a tap on her shoulder. She turned to see Karen standing there, in the dairy aisles, with a red basket on her arm. She fought her first instinct, which was to run away. Instead she smiled her fakest smile at the woman who had everything she wanted.

"Hello Quinn."

"Hi."

"How are you doing?"

"Fine" Quinn replied in her most polite voice. "And you?"
"Great. If I could just find the razors. Noah's run out."

Quinn pointed at the checkout. Karen smiled in relief. She smelt faintly of a flowers and the same kind of body lotion that Frannie used. She looked younger up close, less collected and more fragile. And out of place in this small town store. This was strangely enough Quinn's home turf.

"They have them behind the counter here. Apparently kids steal razors and condoms."

"Thanks."
"Sure."
They stared at each other some more. Karen didn't speak with her evil voice now, she smiled nicely and Quinn wondered what she had done to deserve that. Strangely enough it didn't feel much better than being snarled at.

"I'm not as terrible as you think" Karen said suddenly. "I'm not a horrible person."
"Neither am I" Quinn replied, which probably was a lie, but Karen didn't have to know that.

"You slept with my boyfriend" she said, not accusingly, just stating the facts.

"I didn't know he was your boyfriend" Quinn said honestly. "He didn't tell me."
Karen pursed her lips. Actually Quinn didn't care if she believed her or not. They would never be best friends. Quinn wouldn't weep if she never saw this girl again.

"I just wanted to tell you" Karen began again. "That I really love him. He loves me too, I think, and we have good things going on. But every time you get involved, something shifts. Something goes wrong and I start to doubt and…"

"You should talk to him about this. Not me" Quinn interjected.

"I have. He tells me that it's nothing to worry about, but I'm not stupid."
"Puck doesn't lie."
Karen sighed.

"No, I know. God, sometimes I wish that he would."
"What's your point, Karen?"

"He might believe that we are fine, and that you are something of the past. But... that's not true, is it?"

Quinn began to look at the stack of milk based drinks without sugar again. Judy had a special brand that she always bought and Quinn couldn't remember which one it was.

"You should really talk to him" she repeated simply.

"I mean, you are beautiful and he can go on forever about how smart you are and… I can't measure up."

Quinn felt no sympathy for her. Maybe it made her a heartless person, but Karen had the upper hand. She had Puck. Quinn had nothing, but a basket full of sugar free groceries and a broken heart.

"All I'm asking" Karen exhaled. "Is that you stay away from us while we're here."

Quinn inspected her face. There was even fear in her eyes. Fear and a stubbornness that Quinn could relate to.

"We have the same friends. We even have a kid together. It doesn't just work that I ignore him for a summer."

Karen sighed. She looked deeply troubled, almost in tears. Quinn still felt no sympathy. She passively watched Karen cringe under the weight of her troubles.

"The kid. Beth. Right. Your eternal bond" she said sarcastically.

Quinn straightened her back.

"I need to go, Karen. My mother's waiting in the car" she said hurriedly, brushing past her on the way to pay.

"Don't you want him to be happy?" Karen hissed in her ear as they walked. "Don't you want that for him?"

Quinn ignored her and paid and walked away. It wasn't until she got into the car that she remembered that she hadn't bought half the things that were on the shopping list.

…

"I got to hold him once" Alisha told the camera. "Once and then they took him away."

Her posture was still straight and her gaze still focused, but there was something different about her. Something had broken within her; had snapped in two.

"Do you know where he is now?" Quinn asked, fighting her keep any emotion out of her voice.

"No."

Two letters filled with pain and hurt. Quinn tried to read the next question from the piece of paper she had in her hands but tears clouded her vision. She had honestly thought that making this documentary would make her feel better, not worse.

"You know where your kid is right?" Alisha asked, filling the silence.

"Yes" she said.

"How did you manage that? They all wanted closed adoptions, every couple, even the gay ones without that many options."

Quinn looked up. Alisha had tears in her eyes too though there was no change in her posture. She looked proud and fragile at the same time.

"It's complicated" Quinn began.

"I bet" Alisha commented.

"Our friend's biological mother adopted her" Puck helped out from behind the camera.

Alisha laughed, hoarsely and dryly.

"Wow."

"Yeah."

Quinn needed to steer the interview back to Alisha because all this crap about Beth was useless. She was not including anything about her own life. Not a whisper.

"How do you feel, Alisha?" she asked, softly and kindly.

Alisha's eyes never left the camera lens but if she had, Quinn was pretty sure that she would have rolled her eyes at Quinn.

"How do you think I feel?"
"I don't know. Describe it."
"I can't."

"Would you please try?"

Alisha crossed her legs and uncrossed them and crossed them again.

"I feel like I will never be happy again."

Silence filled the room again. Quinn knew silence meant that she would have to edit the raw footage more carefully, and despite that she said nothing. She didn't know what to say.

"But you will" Puck murmured.

As he was placed behind the camera, he was the only person Alisha saw. Quinn was glad that it was him. He wasn't supposed to speak; his job was managing the camera, but she was happy he was here because he always knew what to say.

"You don't know that" Alisha argued.

"It will suck. Life will suck for ages. I felt unhappy enough to act like an idiot for my entire junior year, even got myself into juvie. But then, then it got better, day by day."

"That's a fucking cliché" Alisha snapped.

"No, it's not. It sounds like it because it's been repeated over and over. But the reason it has been repeated so many times because it's true."

Quinn stayed quiet. She tore the paper with questions in two because they were all stupid and naïve. Sadness flooded through her, almost drowning her. She fought for the surface, reminding herself that she had gotten through it, that she had come out on the other side.

"At least you two had each other" Alisha whispered. "I'm all alone."

Quinn didn't argue when Puck turned the camera off and went to make hot chocolate. Quinn turned on the TV and found a rerun of that monkey show they loved and Alisha spent the night on the couch where Puck used to sleep.

"I'm sorry I shut you out" she whispered into his ear, her face hidden darkness. "I'm sorry we didn't have each other to get through giving her up."

"I know" he whispered back. "You don't have to apologize."

"I'm sorry you went to jail and fell behind in school and…"

He rolled closer to her and pressed his lips against her forehead. That wasn't enough though. She wanted him to tell her that he forgave her.

"I'm sorry you couldn't lean on me" she almost mouthed into the dark room. "I'm sorry I left you all alone."

…