Chapter 20

One thing that Scorpius had to love Rose's cousins for was the way they forgave him. After a few days of wariness and "don't end it again" warnings, they accepted him again.

Not, of course, that he had much time to dwell over whether he was accepted or not. The O.W.Ls were fast approaching, and all the time Scorpius spent with Rose was in silence, revising. The euphoria at winning the Quidditch Cup was cut short by pre-exam panic for the fifth and seventh years, although Hugo, Lily and James could still be heard discussing the final match for weeks afterwards.

They'd heard the stories, of fifth year students having breakdowns and panic attacks and all those other fun things, but seeing it firsthand was something else entirely. Somehow you never expected the people you'd grown up around to burst into tears in the middle of transfiguration, or have an anxiety attack when unable to make their potion the right colour.

But they did.

"I'm-not-ready-I'm-not-ready-I'm-not-ready-I'm-not-ready-" Rose muttered, over and over, at dinner the night before their first exam.

"Rose, all you've done for weeks is revise." James pointed out.

"It's not enough!" Rose snapped, her voice higher than usual, her face pale, her eyes wide.

"Rose, you'll be fine. All of you." Lily said comfortingly. Beside Rose, Allison closed her eyes as though hiding from some horror, Cassie made a squeaking noise that may have been an attempt at a reply, and opposite Rose, Elizabeth carried on playing with her food, seeming not to hear. Albus was staring at a tiny stain on the white tablecloth as if facinated.

"How're you holding up, Albus?" Hugo asked, and Al looked up and shrugged.

"Can't be that bad, can it...?" It was a genuine question, half-hopeful half-terrified, and James and Fred exchanged looks.

"I haven't the heart to lie to him." James sighed finally. "Not when they're all such wreaks."

"I know." Fred agreed, then turned to the group. "You'll be fine."

"They're not as bad as you think." James assured them. "And they're over before you know it."

"It's waiting for the results that's the hard part." Alastor, several seats down but apparently listening, added. "But don't worry so much; it's the N.E.W.Ts that you've got to worry about." And then, as though he'd reminded himself of his own upcoming tests, he shuddered and turned back to the book he had propped open against the gravy jug.

"Don't remind me." Rose muttered. She pushed her untouched plate aside, and shook her head. "I think I'll go do some more revision."

"Rose, you should eat something." Hugo said hastily. "Just a bit - come on -"

"No." Rose said, and then offered a tired smile. "But you can tell mum and dad you tried." He grinned back, and she turned and walked from the great hall.

"Rose - Wait up." Scorpius called, hurrying after her. "Where are you going?"

"To revise." She replied, and let him fall in to step beside her.

"Me too." He said instantly. "Want to go out by the lake?"

It was endearing - and slightly annoying - that he always asked so tentatively, as though she'd refuse or shout at him. Which, given her moods, she could very well do. But he didn't have to expect it.

"Sure." She shrugged. "Let me get my stuff. I'll meet you here in a few minutes."

----

All too soon, alarm clocks rang all over the school, and fifth year students dragged themselves out of bed, most with that sinking, empty feeling in their stomachs, some shaking, a few even crying.

Rose wasn't shaking or crying, but she was extremely nervous. Once again, she sat at the Gryffindor table, looking at her plate as though unsure what to do with the food Lily had put on it.

"You have to eat." Hugo told her. "Come on, Rose, just some toast."

"Hugo, I swear if you leave me alone I'll tell mum and dad you made me eat breakfast three times over." Rose told him, in the kind of tone that warned her patience was thinning.

"You sound just like mum when you talk like that." Hugo replied, unable to pass up the opportunity to annoy her. Little brother's right, of course.

"Hugo, I'm going to -" Rose's fierce voice died instantly when Professor McGonagall stood, and addressed the hall. "Oh-no-oh-no-oh-no-oh-no-" She repeated quickly under her breath instead, as the fifth and seventh years were given their instructions.

"Oh-no-oh-no-oh-no-oh-no-" She continued as they filed out of the hall, clutching Al's arm in a vice-like grip and then, when he joined them, Scorpius' as well. Neither boy chose to mention the pain or the bruises that would undoubtedly be left behind.

And then they entered the dungeons and had to separate, as all the students couldn't fit in one room and keep an appropriate distance from one another.

"Good luck." Scorpius whispered as he entered his room; Al whispered the same as he entered his, and Rose walked into hers alone, wishing her surname was alphabetically closer to Al or Scorpius or one of her friends.

By now she was shaking.

Everyone had told her not to worry; "you can only do your best"; "it's not the end of the world if you get "Ps" in everything," but Rose couldn't help feel that this was the defining moment of her life: that everything depended on the outcome of these exams, and her performance in all the others rested on this first one.

She took her seat behind a cauldron - the fire underneath was already lit - and listened as the examiner gave the silent class the name of their potion.

Rose closed her eyes as everyone around her began to tentatively measure ingredients, doubtfully choosing the amounts they needed, and tried to call the particular potion to the front of her mind.

Four mille-litres of armadillo bile, three grams of shredded daisy roots, seven clockwise stirs and simmer for two minutes exactly before adding...

Rose's eyes flipped open as the entire instructions came back to her, and relaxed as she measured out her armadillo bile. This was OK; this was almost easy.

----

Albus wasn't the best potion maker, but as he left the room he was half-certain he'd done pretty well. Definetly a pass. Maybe even an "E".

"How'd it go?" Scorpius asked, as he slid up to him, his voice croaky from not using it in the last couple of hours.

"OK. I think. You?" Albus replied, shivering slightly at the cold of the corridor, unexpected after the warmth of the fires in the room.

"Fine. It went fine." They both halted at the end of the corridor, leaning against a wall to wait for Rose. "How do you think she is?" Scorpius asked, searching for her face in the thin crowd.

"I bet she made it perfectly. You know what she's like - she's got all her books memorised."

Scorpius opened his mouth to speak, then closed it when Rose came out of her room on a fast walk, her hair sticking damply to her face from the heat of her potion - she always leaned too close to the cauldron - her face flushed - from relief or despair he didn't know - and purple shadows under her eyes, telling the world she'd barely slept of late.

"Well?" Al demanded when she reached them. Rose bit her bottom lip, glanced back over her shoulder as though to find the answer, then shrugged.

"I think I did okay..."

----

The sentence was repeated often over the next few days, with the fifth years getting gradually saner as the end of their exams got closer.

By their last exam - Charms theory - Rose was paler than Scorpius, purple circles contrasting distastefully around her eyes.

"You need to sleep, Rose." Was all she seemed to hear as she toyed with her breakfast. She was forcing food down to keep them all quiet, but of course, her family wasn't happy with that.

"I'm not staying awake on purpose." She snapped irritably. "I can't sleep."

"Well, last exam today." Scorpius told her. He'd taken to sitting at the Gryffindor table at breakfast, which, although not common behaviour, wasn't against the rules. "You'll sleep loads tonight."

"And probably all day tomorrow." Lily pointed out.

Rose just nodded silently, repeated the definitions of all the Charms she could think of in her head, and silently thankful it would all be over soon.