Hannah was sorting out which clothes to bring with her to college. Quinn sat on her bed and gave advice while the rain poured outside. Puck and Karen weren't in the house, Quinn didn't know where they were and decided not to ask. She was here to see Hannah after all, not them.

"What about these?" Hannah asked, holding up a pair of jean shorts.

"There's summer in Pennsylvania too you know."

"A yes then?"
"Yeah."

"It's really raining, huh?" Hannah commented.

"Yeah" Quinn said again absently.

Her gaze slid over the window and she wondered if Puck and Karen were outside and if they were wet or… She stopped herself and turned her attention back to Hannah who smelled the inside of a sneaker.

"Just put them in the freezer" she said. "The smell will go away overnight."

"Mom said the same thing. Sounds weird."

Quinn laughed.

"Yeah, I guess it does."

Quinn began to fold the clothes that Hannah had decided to leave in Lima. She held out a pink t-shirt with butterflies on it and smiled. It was the kind of shirt that was okay to wear in High School, but not in college.

"Do you think about it a lot, Quinn?" Hannah asked. "The fact that you are a mom too?"
"I'm not really, though."
"Like I'm not really an aunt?"

"Hannah…"

"It's just weird, isn't it? I see them around all the time, Beth and Shelby, and I'm not allowed to go up and say hi."

Hannah was looking down at the sneakers, at the floor, away. Quinn sighed heavily.

"It's Shelby's rule, Han. She has all these pamphlets about not complicating thing more for Beth."

"She will never know me? Or mom? Or your mom?"

"I don't know" Quinn said honestly.

She had been so preoccupied with how much more she had been allowed to see Beth this summer that she had forgotten about everyone else. Her mother never mentioned it, they never spoke of the face that the first grandchild belonged to someone else. Quinn realized she had been selfish.

"What can be bad about having a big family?" Hannah asked earnestly.
"I don't know. Nothing, I guess."
Puck's little sister looked frustrated and her cheeks flushed to pink. Quinn hated how much she had messed up other people's life by getting pregnant all those years ago. And she hated herself for forgetting about it.

"She looks like you" she said. "Don't you think so, Han? She really looks like you."

"Maybe."
"Look, this will never be easy. Not for you or me or for Beth. There is no right or wrong way to handle it, but Shelby decides. I signed off my right to Beth a long time ago and with that I also signed away all of your rights. It's not fair, but it's me you should blame."

"I don't blame you."

They sat in quiet for a few minutes. The rain kept pounding against the window and the sky turned darker every second. Quinn should probably leave before it started to thunder. She didn't want to be stuck here if Puck came back.

"Do you think you will want to have more children someday?" Hannah asked.

"No" Quinn replied instantly, like a reflex.

"Really?"

"I don't think I would be a good mother."
"Why not?"
"I'm not compassionate, I'm not… I just know that I wouldn't be."

"Is that why you and Puck broke up?"

The question was blunt, but Hannah's voice was soft and curious and careful. Quinn wondered how many times she had wanted to ask her brother this and never dared. Somehow it felt nice that she trusted Quinn enough to ask.

"Partly, yes."

"Maybe you'll change your mind and you can get back together."

"It's not that simply."
Hannah exhaled.

"It never is…"

Quinn smiled.

"No, I guess not."

They heard footsteps on the stairs and Quinn froze. But the feet on the wooden floor were light and it was Elisabeth Puckerman who stepped into her daughter's room.

"Dinner's ready, ladies" she announced.

"I better get going back" Quinn said, getting up and peering out of the window.

"He's not coming home tonight" Hannah said.

"Hannah" Elisabeth mumbled.
Quinn wanted to ask why he wasn't coming home. Where was he? Had he left town for the summer and not told her? She had asked to be left alone, to move on, finally, but the realization of not seeing him made her stomach ache.

"Please stay" Hannah begged.

"The weather is getting worse" Quinn insisted. "I better go home now before…"

"Quinn" Puck's mother said softly. "Please stay. You, me and Hannah. My daughters, who are both leaving again so soon. What will I do without you?"

Quinn swallowed. He wasn't coming home. She nodded. Hannah clapped her hands together and led the way down the stairs. She passed his room and saw a pink bag inside filled with Karen's clothes. This told her two things; they slept in his bed together, which wasn't a big surprise but still felt uncomfortable for her. And they hadn't left for the summer. They were coming back. Quinn wasn't sure if she should be soothed or worried about that fact.

…

Frannie married her fiancé Eric on the first day of autumn. Quinn stood next to her in a peach colored dress and held the bouquet during the ceremony. Eric swore to love Frannie until the very end and she echoed his words in a hushed, awestruck voice. He placed a ring on her finger and kissed her lips carefully and then suddenly she wasn't a Fabray anymore.

"I'm so happy" Frannie gushed into Quinn's ear.

Quinn squeezed her sister's hand briefly before she was pulled away for photos and smiles and congratulations. Judy and Russell sat together on the first bench. Quinn knew that he had a new girlfriend, Frannie had told her during the bachelorette party, but she wasn't here today. Quinn was relieved that her father had had enough grace to leave the new girl out of this, to at least give the impression of that they were still a family. She didn't say hello to him though, just nodded vaguely and went to find Puck who was hiding in the back.

"There you are" he said happily, pulling her closer by the waist and kissing her.

"Here I am" she said as if those three words had some meaning and maybe they had.

"That was a nice ceremony" he said tactfully.

"Yes" she said, at first earnestly, but then smiled evilly. "Did you like part when the white doves were released the best or when we all had to sing My Heart Will Go On?"

Puck grinned.

"Both. I can't choose."
She wondered if he was thinking about marrying her. If this spectacle of a wedding had made him inclined to ask her. She wished he wouldn't. And she wished that he would. It would be the final proof. If they were to be married, they were unit, they would have to sign papers and swear to God and he couldn't just leave her. It was an insurance against being alone. But she wasn't ready; she was too young and too fragile and they disagreed on one very specific issue.

"Too bad you and I can never get married" he said, sighing loudly and slinging an arm around her shoulders.

"Why not?" she played along.

"I'm Jewish, remember?"

"So?"

"What venue would we chose? A church or a synagogue? A reverend or a rabbi? Do you convert or do I?" he asked teasingly.

"Oh, darn" she exhaled, fingering the cross necklace that had hung around her neck for years and years. "I knew this religion thing would end up making life difficult."

"And another thing, I don't think your daddy likes me very much, Q. He probably won't pay for your white doves."

He pouted and she laughed and kissed his newly shaven cheek. He smelled like cologne and fresh air. She thought that she had him, with or without a binding contract. And if she ever felt like it, she would ask him to marry her. He wouldn't say no, she was sure. He was better at accepting surprises and big gestures than she was. They could elope, to France or New York or wherever. They would get some old man and his wife off the streets to be witnesses. They would kiss and eat a restaurant dinner and kiss again in a cab somewhere new. She didn't need her daddy to pay for that.

"He seems like a nice guy" Puck said, pulling her out of her thoughts. "Eric, I mean."
"I'm sure he is" Quinn agreed.

"Do you think they'll be happy?"
"I think Frannie is so in love with idea of being married and having a family that it doesn't really matter who the guy is. But yeah, I think they will be happy together."

"He did agree to release birds inside a church" Puck agreed. "He must love her."
They took pictures for hours, of Frannie and Eric, and only Frannie and of Frannie with her five bridesmaids. The last one the photographer insisted on was a family portrait. Quinn stood next to her sister outside the white church and clamped her hand as the flashes went off. Her father stood on her other side. She noticed a ring one his left hand. A new ring. He was married or getting married and she hated him with more intensity than she had in long time.

…

"I bought us tickets to Paris!" Judy announced radiant with glee. "You and me! Two weeks in France!"

They left the next day and flew down the French capital. They told no one goodbye and laughed about it, even though it was more sad than funny that no one would miss them. The Eiffel tower looked small and the Mona-Lisa tiny, but Paris was huge. They drank red wine, just a glass per night because it was too hot to drink more. The cobbled streets hurt their feet and all the bread was white and Quinn loved it all.

"We went here on our honeymoon" Judy said the fifth evening. "Your father and I."
"I know."

"I don't remember it being this beautiful."

Quinn wanted to say something about her father ruining everything, but she didn't, because more mentions of him might ruin this dinner too, just like he had destroyed so many before this one.

"I think her name is Jessica" her mother went on. "The woman he married."

Her gaze was fixed on the street. People passed them, talking rapidly in French or Italian or Japanese. Paris was never quiet. Just like the Bushwick apartment when Quinn had sought company and noise. People everywhere, talking and arguing and singing.

"He will probably cheat on her too" Judy sighed.

"Probably" Quinn agreed.

A waiter brought her a dessert even though she hadn't ordered one. He blinked at her and disappeared. Quinn handed her mother a spoon and they shared the chocolate fondant as the sun set.

"I've been thinking about what you said, honey. About selling the house or… doing something with my life."

"Good" Quinn said.

"You're leaving again soon, right?"
"Yes."

"There's really no reason for me to stay in that town."

"If you feel that way, then no."

"Frannie's in Connecticut. They have the house and the kids. And did she tell you that she's pregnant again?"

"No, I haven't talked to her in ages."

"Around Christmas, she told me. Then she'll have the twins and a baby to take care of. I mean, Eric is wonderful, but he has to work."

Quinn nodded.

"You should help her" she said softly. "Mom, she would love it you were to move closer to her."

Judy smiled. In the evening light she looked young again, not worried, almost excited. She talked for an hour about how she had already looked up apartments online and found someone who might want to buy some of their old fashioned furniture and what she might get for the house. Quinn nodded and agreed and felt both hopeful for her mother's sake and scared for her own. This left no plan B. She had to move back east, get her own place and a job.

"More wine?" the waiter who had given her the dessert asked politely.

He was tall and dark and she decided to let him be the first boy she had kissed besides Puck in almost five years. They paid and she lingered and he kissed her against a cold wall. She didn't remember his name and didn't want to know it. He tasted all wrong, but that was fine for now. He was supposed to be different. When he wanted to go to his place, she shook her head and took a taxi back to the hotel. Baby steps, she thought, as she undressed in the pitch black room.

"Did you have fun?" Judy asked into the blackness.

"Yes."

"Were you safe?"

"Yes" Quinn replied.

But that was a lie, of course. For the first time in a year she had done something that wasn't completely safe. It felt thrilling in a way she had forgotten she was able to feel.

…

They all told her that she would grow sick of it in the end, the endless editing and making phone calls and getting coffee for Lisa. Quinn never argued and secretly agreed with her new colleagues. She would probably hate it, maybe even soon, but now she loved it. Working wasn't like school, everyone told her that too and it was sometimes true and sometimes not. Everything she had learned at school was useful here, everything from history and geography to knowing how to work computer programs. But this wasn't a competition. They were a team. Quinn and Sam and Betty and Clarke and Lisa all worked together day after day, trying to finish series that already scheduled to air on PBS next year. And Lisa might hate her, but that was fine. Quinn was used to people hating her.

"You love it, don't you?" Puck asked.

She nodded and felt guilty because he wasn't settling in at the school where he was teaching. The kids were older and more troubled and there was more of then, crowded in tiny classrooms with bad ventilation. He came from work with headaches that even aspirin didn't seem to cure. She massaged his temples with soft fingers and with a feeling that nothing she did really mattered to anyone but her.

"You should try and find somewhere else to work" she told him.

"Nah. Just think of all the teachers that have given up on these kids."

"They're not your responsibility" she argued.

"They are kind of are, though."

She didn't understand him, how he could be so impossibly selfless and how he could still love her when she was not.

"You are doing your thing to help kids, and I'm doing mine" he said softly and she thought that is wasn't the same thing.

"I'm working with a documentary series about the evolution of gardens and gardening."

He laughed and wrapped his arms around her and kissed the bridge of her nose.

"You know what I mean" he told her, but she didn't really.

She looked around their new apartment and thought how lucky they had been to find this place. She adored it, every nook and cranny. It was bigger than their old place, but not too big, The windows were bigger and the ceiling higher. She thought about that if Puck hadn't loved this apartment every bit as much as she did, he might still be talking about buying a bigger place. With space for kids and toys and cots. And she wondered how much longer she could delay having that conversation again. How much longer she would prevail before having to see the disappointed look on his face and feeling dread in her throat.

"Are you sorry we moved?" she asked instead, her face against the skin of his neck, kissing away the headache and everything else she could muster.

"Of course not."

"You loved your old job."

"I'll love this one too, I promise. I just have to adjust" he assured her. "I haven't heard you say that you loved something you did in years. That's good enough for me."

"I liked Yale" she said defensively.

"Yeah, because it would lead you to this. This is your dream, Q. I'm so happy that we moved here so that you could pursue it."

She wondered if he was aware of how bad he made her feel. Selfish and self-absorbed and mean.

"What about you? What's your dream?" she asked, desperate to make plan for him, to travel to India or go skiing.

"I have you. That was my dream. Everything else is just a bonus" he grinned and turned around and kissed the hands that massaged his head.

She laughed as he wrestled her down on her back on the couch. She giggled as he pulled off her blouse and kissed her exposed skin. But silently she knew what that bonus was. And she could never give him it.

…

When Judy and Quinn stepped out of the taxi, she spotted him immediately. He sat on the doorstep, silently, motionless, not reading a book or listening to music. She wasn't surprised to see him, not really. Not that she had thought he would be there, waiting for her, it just wasn't that strange her that he was.

"Hello Noah" Judy said happily, kissing both his cheeks in the Parisian way she had picked up.

"Mrs. Fabray" he said politely. "You want help with that suitcase?"

She shook her head.

"No thank you, honey."

She unlocked the front door and stepped inside. Quinn stood in front of him. She didn't ask why he was there. She didn't mention how she had asked to be left alone, because she needed to move on. There was no point. And she understood.

"How was your trip?" he asked.

"Wonderful" she replied, sitting down next to him on the hard stone door step.

Too close, of course, but even if she had stood eight feet from him, it would still have been too close.

"Where did you go?"

"Paris."
"You've been gone a long time."

"Only two weeks."

She wondered how he had known that would be coming home today. Or if he had known. But she didn't ask that either. It didn't seem to matter.

"Does Karen know you're here?" she asked instead.

"Yes" he replied because he never lied.

"Okay."
She was jetlagged and tired and smelled of sweat. She longed for shower, but longer for him more. He was like a basic need to her. Food and water and air and him.

"You didn't tell me that you left" he said, not accusingly, just stating the facts.

"No, I didn't."

"I thought you had gone back east."

"No, not yet."

He had bit down the nails on his fingers. She had never seen him do that before. It seemed like something she would do, not him.

"I'm going it. Getting the degree. I made up my mind."

"That's great" she said softly. "Your mother will be so proud."
He smiled. She swallowed and reached for her phone. She turned it on for the first time since leaving America fourteen days ago. She had five missed calls and seven text messages. Most of them from Santana.

"I don't like it when you leave" he said. "I never have."

"I know. I'm sorry."
"Don't apologize. You don't have to tell me anything."
"I didn't run away. It was just a trip. With my mom. This wasn't me running again."

"I know."

They sat in silence for a long time. Quinn could hear her mother opening windows to clear the stuffy summer air out of the house. She didn't come out; didn't rush them.

"I kissed someone" she told him. "A man. A waiter."

"Why?"

She studied his face. He was not unaffected by this news, she could tell. It pleased and worried her.

"I wanted to try it."

"And how was it?"
"Different."

"Different from what?"

"Different from kissing you."
He nodded. Maybe he was thinking about how kissing Karen was different from kissing her. She hoped he didn't. She hoped he was thinking about her and the waiter and how jealous it made him feel.

"Mom's selling the house. Moving away."
"Really?"
"Yeah."

"No reason for you to come here then."

"There's Beth" she replied.

"Yeah."

He got up and stretched his legs. He looked so tall when she herself was sitting down. Big and important and wonderful. And of course being away from him hadn't helped. She didn't love him any less.

"I have to get back" he said.

"Okay."
He nodded and looked at her and when she thought he was about to leave, he bent down and kissed her. Instinctively she wrapped her arms around his neck and as he pulled her to her feet, she followed without protest. He kissed her and she kissed him and tried to tell him things that it wasn't fair to say in words. And his kisses told her things too. Things that made her heart swell and ache.

…

It was the night before they were leaving for Lima to celebrate Christmas that Alisha turned up on their doorstep. She wore no makeup and her clothes were wet as she stepped into through the doorway. Quinn had no idea how she even knew where they lived now.

"Puck said I could come anytime" she said defensively.

"Of course" he said, taking her soaking coat. "Sure. Anytime."
It was almost midnight. A hailstorm was plaguing the entire east coast and there she was, out of nowhere.

"Are you okay?" Quinn asked.

"Fine."

She wasn't. Quinn could tell by the way she wouldn't meet their eyes. It was three hour bus trip from New Haven to Boston. Coming here wasn't something you did on a whim, because you wanted too.

"You're wet through" Quinn said and went to get some dry clothes from her closet.

When she returned, Puck was making hot chocolate and talked in a soothing voice. If he was worried, there was no sign of it. She herself wondered if her heart was banging loudly enough for the others to hear.

"Here you go" she said, handing Alisha a pair of sweats and a soft t-shirt. "You can change in the bedroom if you want."

She watched as the girl exited the living room and shut the door behind her.

"Did she say anything?" she hissed immediately.

Puck hushed her.

"Calm down" he almost mouthed.

He kept stirring the hot milk on the stove. She went over to stand right next to him, for comfort and so that he could whisper in her ear.

"She has a bruise on her face" he told her quietly.

"I didn't see it."
"It hasn't turned blue yet so it's probably fairly new."

"Someone hit her."
He nodded. Quinn exhaled slowly.

"If she came here, she must be scared" she whispered.

"Yeah, probably."

Alisha came back out. She looked like a child in Quinn's clothes and no makeup. Puck served her a steaming cup of hot chocolate and no one asked any questions. Quinn wanted to, but trusted his judgment to wait. He was the people person after all.

"Are you done with the documentary now?" Alisha asked. "Like… for forever?"
Quinn latched onto something to talk about that wasn't concerning the mark on Alisha's cheek.

"It was my senior project, and now senior year is over."

"So that's it? It was just for some grade?"
"Of course it wasn't" Quinn hurried to say. "I just… I'm not really in a position to decide what I work with at the moment. It's just an internship, you know."

Alisha looked away. Every breath she took seemed to drain her.

"Okay" she said finally.

"Okay" Quinn echoed.

She and Puck exchanged a look, and no, they were not going to Lima tomorrow. Their mothers would understand if they were a bit late. Quinn found a pillow and a blanket and covered Alisha will them on the couch. It was almost three in the morning when she herself curled up in bed and shut her eyes. When she woke up again at seven, Alisha was gone.

…

"Are you packing up to leave?"

Quinn shoved the cardboard box further into the car's trunk before turning around. Karen was wearing running clothes and had sweat dripping down her forehead. She looked like the epitome of health with her rosy cheeks and white teeth. Quinn felt disgusting with her hair in a bun on her head and sleep in her eyes.

"No, this is my dad's stuff. We're going to give it back to him" she replied.

"Right. Puck said that you're parents are divorced."
"Yes."
What in the world would bring up the subject of her parents when Puck and Karen talked? What about Judy and Russell had anything to do with her?

"Good to get out with the old, I guess" Karen smiled.

Quinn only nodded. She didn't understand the sudden perkiness. Karen had been civil to her in the supermarket, but stopping on her run to discuss family matters seemed over the top. They weren't friends. Not even close.

"How was Paris?" she went on asking.

Quinn gave in. Clearly Karen wanted to have a pleasant conversation and it seemed easier to give in to that then to be sullen and run off.

"Great. I can't wait to go back."
"I know… I studied a semester in France in college, and oh my, I never got over it."
Quinn smiled. She glanced towards the house where Judy was packing more things in more cardboard boxes. The move was really happening. The days of Fabray's in Lima were numbered.

"I'm getting ready to go back to Boston" Karen told her in a pleasant voice, like it was nothing of importance. "It wasn't really part of the plan to stay for this long."
"Summer is passing quickly" Quinn commented, which was no really relevance to what Karen was saying but still seemed like a logical thing to say.

"Puck's staying. For Beth and his mom and to help Hannah pack."
Quinn got the message. Karen was leaving and Puck was going to remain here and Quinn should stay away.

"I know he came to see you after you came back to Paris."

"Okay."
"Puck doesn't lie" Karen sighed.

"No, I know."
They stood facing each other for almost a minute. Quinn thought that the encounter was soon to be over, but it wasn't. It had just begun.

"Do you know how we met?" Karen asked. "Puck and I?"
"You work at the same school."

"Yes. My first day I spotted him, talking to two boys who had been fighting. He was so calm and collected and serious. I think I fell in love with him right there. But then we talked, and he mentioned you, several times. Not to tell me he was unavailable, no, just because he wanted to. His girlfriend had said that and this and I knew I'd better get over the crush."

"Karen…"
"And then one day, almost a year later, someone told me that it was over between you two. I was his friend, his colleague, and I just wanted him to feel better. We all did. He was so, so sad. Only kept his face for the students. I made him talk to me, and I hated you. Because you have broken his heart. And because even though you had, he still loved you."

Quinn stared at Karen's sweaty face. This whole situation was absurd. If a neighbor looked out the window, they would see two girls having a chat on the sidewalk, not picturing this love story or confession or whatever this was.

"And then I think he fell in love with me too. So quickly and wonderful and I made him happy again."

Quinn wanted to throw up. Karen was punishing her by telling her this. There was no other explanation. I made him happy again.

"But you know it too, right? Why he fell in love with me?" Karen asked.

"No" Quinn replied.

"Yes, you do. Because I am everything you're not."
"What is that supposed to mean?"
"I don't run away. I stay and console. I have a stable income and apartment that I bought with my own money and a family that loves me. I'm happy."

"And I'm not?"

Karen just shrugged.

"He fought so hard for you. To make you better and keep you and love you, and with me, it's easy. I already loved him. If he stays with me, I will love him forever. We will have kids and a big house and grow old together. That was what he was attracted. I am everything you are not."
Quinn turned away. This was all irrelevant. Karen knew nothing. Karen hadn't been with Puck that long, she was just girl and he was just a guy and there was nothing that they shared that was important. Karen was being naïve.

"I make him happy" Karen repeated.

"So did I."

"He has to choose in the end, between me and you."

"He already has" Quinn argued.

"No. He is with me because he couldn't have you. Now you're here and he pines for you and he has to make a decision. We have to make him make up his mind. I'm not the kind of person who sits home and waits while my boyfriend is with someone else. I have too much self-respect for that" Karen told her sharply. "And so should you."

"I do" she said.

"Good. Summer is ending and we can't go on like this."

"No" Quinn agreed. "No, I guess we can't."