I am late! I know, I know. But you guys could not believe the week I have had. Terrible!

Regardless, I am here again updating! This chapter is only part one, and be warned it is a lot of romanctic, lovey dovey. So if you like to be cute, you will probably like this! For those of you out there, who like a bit more action, Part two (coming soon!) will hold all that and more!

In regards to a review, I know that some may see Kaidan's name as cliche', and I guess it is. But for me, for a man to give his life the way Kaidan Original did, then that deserves to be immortalised. I also think that Ashley and Shepard would think so to. After all without him, none of this would be possible.

Also a big shout out to all the people sending reviews! They have been really positive and helpful.

It is great that so many people are getting into the story.

Again, all you readers out there, if you have an idea or a thought about how to make my brainchild better. Or even if you want to see it go in a certain direction.

You never know, it could end up in the story!

Okay, so without anymore delays, here is the next update!

(I own nothing)

Chapter Four: Explosive Part One

Shepard was good at compartmentalising. He had been ever since his childhood. When you grow up in an environment like that, you learn how to make things hurt less than they do.

All that anger and pain, is put in a box. And that box is never opened.

The day he joined the Alliance, it was his eighteenth birthday. It was the worst day of his life.

Some would consider this to be his acceptance of a higher calling, leading him onto his future destiny. But in all honesty, he joined the Alliance for selfish reasons. He just wanted to escape from his past.

Escape from the heartache and horror, and leave it behind him. And the day he joined, he made one of the best decisions of his life, for entirely the wrong reasons.

Of course, when the Alliance recruited in the Slums, they knew that any potential recruits would come with a whole host of psychological issues. But no matter how many times, the base psychiatrist at Arcturas tried to talk to Shepard about his problems, and the nightmares that woke the whole barracks.

And so it was against the psych's better judgement that Shepard undertook the N7 training program, but when David Anderson encouraged someone, they didn't normally refuse.

Anderson knew about Shepard's difficulties accepting his past, but he also recognized exceptional potential when he saw it. Shepard had something that most men didn't have, an ability to overcome terror, and move on from it. The fact that he refused to confront it, offered him an advantage as a soldier, even as it hurt him as a man.

The program was harsh. If you couldn't make the cut, you couldn't make the cut.

While the Alliance operated within strict parameters of how marines were treated, The Villa had no such qualms.

The head of N7 operations in the time that Shepard did his training, was quiet fond of telling them that he had never even read the rulebook of standard operational procedures.

Torture was something that was common in the N program.

As an N1, 2,3,4,5 and 6, you had to learn to be able to withstand the worst situations known to the galaxy.

As an N7, you had to be able deliver the worst situations known to the Galaxy.

And Shepard learnt how to deliver.

Amidst all the skills, training and sleepless nights they had to endure, Shepard learnt something far more valuable.

The ability to forget.

And so when he received his N7 status, and looked over the small crowd of family and friends, gathered to celebrate the other recipients, he did not feel nostalgic.

He didn't need his family, they didn't deserve to be remembered.

Surprisingly, it was this acceptance that helped him to become a better person. And on the day he defended Elysium from Batarian raiders, he could proudly say that he did it to save lives. And that the Alliance, was more than just an escape, but was his future.

Over the course of the Reaper War, from the first Normandy to the final run on the beam in London, Shepard made a new family. His friends, he knew were real.

And Ashley, she was more than he could have ever hoped for.

She gave him a purpose, a reason to strive. And she loved him. And he loved her.

But when Kaidan was born, he felt something strange and familiar in him.

The sense of duty towards his small family was a feeling he had had before, a long time ago.

Because with the nightmares of his past returning, so to had his old protectiveness.

And he felt the same towards Kaidan, that he had towards Isaac.

So when Ashley was asleep, the low glow of sunrise entering her hospital room, Shepard cradled Kaidan in his arms and whispered.

'I'll keep you safe'

He was determined, that this time, he would not break that promise.

Ashley was finally allowed home.

After three weeks in the hospital, she had put her foot down before Shepard demanded she have more rest. If she needed to rest for longer, she would do it in the comfort of her own home. Not in a hospital, which was frequently bombarded by the paparazzi, desperate to get photos of Kaidan.

Ashley also hadn't been able to talk to Shepard about their fight, something which was playing on her mind since his admittance that he was sorry. Between the two of them, apologising for their actions was a rare occurrence. But when it did happen, it was always an open invitation for a discussion.

Unless, of course, Ashley was wrong and Shepard was going to behave like a stubborn mule again.

Watching Shepard carry Kaidan around the flat, was an experience.

While Kaidan had soft hair like Ashley's, he had Shepard's piercing blue eyes. He regarded everything around him with a fierce intensity, almost as if he was plotting out all the available escape routes and defence positions in their home.

But what else could expect, from the son of two Alliance officers.

Ashley already had high hopes for her son, like any proud mother. She could see that he was highly intelligent.

He had also been confirmed as a biotic, to the surprise of his parents.

Both Shepard and Ashley had no biotic skills, they had also not requested that Kaidan be genetically modified to have the required modules to become a biotic. The doctors had quickly determined that he had not been exposed to any eezo in the womb. And they had come to the conclusion that because, in the course of their careers, both Shepard and Ashley had been exposed to so much eezo, this had permanently altered their cells, causing all offspring to have biotic abilities.

Kaidan had the potential to be an extremely powerful biotic. Another trait seemingly gifted to him by his namesake.

Shepard said he was a bit nervous by the idea of a bunch of moody, biotic teenagers, Lifting him just because they were mad. But Ashley was certain that with their experience, Kaidan and possible siblings wouldn't cause too much damage.

As Shepard settled Kaidan into the cot he had set up in the living room while Ashley was confined to the hospital, Ashley sat down on the couch.

He stroked a finger, over a now content Kaidan's head, and gazed at him lovingly.

He really will be such a great dad, she thought, even if he is an annoying husband.

With that thought in mind, she steeled herself for their second, hopefully less hormonal, talk.

Shepard turned to see Ashley staring at him with a determined look in her eyes and braced himself for the discussion that he had been dreading.

'Shepard' she started simply. 'Why did you run away?'

Unsure about how to answer, he hesitated.

Ashley, seeing his reluctance, fought down the flood of irritation that came over her. She was determined to let him tell her something which was obviously a big issue for him.

'I..' he started, and then swallowed. 'I was afraid.'

He let out a nervous laugh at her, when she attempted to hide her eye roll at his comment.

He let out a deep breath, and sat down next to her, grasping her hands in his.

'The nightmares, they were about my... childhood' he said.

Ashley resisted the urge to grip his hands tighter. Shepard never talked about his past. It was never something that came up between them before now. He was always so focused on the future, she also tended to overlook, what appeared to be a rather traumatic childhood.

She realised now, that maybe it had more effect on him then he would have ever admitted. And to be so afraid to tell Ashley...

Well, it couldn't have been easy.

Shepard was in turmoil. He didn't want to tell Ashley too much, but if he only told her a little bit he would feel like he was lying to her.

But he was lying if he said nothing as well.

'I was born in New York Ash. In the slums and you know that I joined a gang there.'

Ashley nodded; she had been there when Finch had confronted Shepard outside of Chora's Den.

'What I did... What I was...' he struggled. 'They used me. I was good at killing people. I had no family left, and I was angry.'

A flash of hands. Shuffling feet. A knife slips in, leaking blood.

Shepard shook the memory away.

He was worse than Thane.

Ashley seemed to be absorbed in his omission, and hadn't seemed to realise that he had slipped into a memory.

'So , these nightmares, are about your past when you killed people for the gang?' She questioned.

Shepard shifted his eyes down. He had to lie.

If she knew the truth.

'Yes.' He breathed.

Ashley drew in air, before gripping his chin, forcing him to look her in the eyes.

'Shepard. When I married you. I made a vow, that I would love you know matter what. And I do. You had a bad childhood. But it wasn't your fault. You were just a kid. And the man I married isn't that child anymore, he is Commander Shepard. Nothing you can tell me about your past, wouldn't possibly make me go anywhere. My place is with you, for better or worse. I just can't believe you didn't know that already.' She finished, eyes red.

Shepard felt his eyes burn at his deception. He pulled her into a hug and held her close.

'Ashley...' he whispered to her. He felt so guilty. He still couldn't tell her, but that wasn't her fault.

'How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.' Ashley's eyes returned to Shepard as he continued to recite.

'I love thee to the depth and breadth and height my soul can reach, when feeling out of sight. For the ends of Being and ideal Grace. I love thee to the level of every day's. Most quiet need, by sun and candlelight. I love thee freely, as men strive for Right; I love thee purely, as they turn from Praise. I love with a passion put to use in my old griefs, and with my childhood's faith. I love thee with a love I seemed to lose. With my lost saints, I love thee with the breath, Smiles, tears, of all my life! And, if God choose, I shall but love thee better after death'

Ashley smiled through the tears that now ran down her face.

'Elisabeth Barrett Browning?' she questioned through giggles.

He nodded, relieved that she was no longer upset.

She laughed at his puppy expression. Kaidan started to giggle as well, and Ashley rushed over to him and picking him up.

Shepard watched as she danced with a happy Kaidan in her arms.

At least the crisis was averted for now.

But Shepard knew the truth would come out, sooner or later

Ashley just knew him too well.

'Shepard! How could you keep this little cutie from us?' Tali purred as she grabbed Kaidan from Shepard's arms.

'Oh you are so gorgeous, my little nar Earth' she cooed to the baby, who was happily patting her visor. She gave a quick glance at Garrus who was regarding Kaidan with an air of uncertainty.

'Come on Garrus, it is just a baby. Who knows? We could have one soon!' she squealed before being swallowed by a crowd of William's sisters.

Garrus gave Shepard a long suffering look, before pulling him towards the distinctively male side of the room.

'So.' Shepard started with a sly grin. 'A baby?'

Garrus groaned.

'Don't you start to Shepard.' He growled. 'Tali has been pushing for adoption ever since she found out that Ashley was pregnant.'

Shepard regarded his friend thoughfully.

'I thought you would want a kid Garrus. You would make a great dad.' He said.

Garrus shot him a look, his twitching mandibles indicating nervousness.

'I wouldn't be... opposed to the idea. But don't you think that it is a bit fast?' he finished with a whisper, in fear of being overheard by a baby crazed female.

'WHAT!' Kasumi shouted from behind them.

Garrus winced at the volume of Kasumi's shout, as heads turned toward there direction.

Shepard glared at Kasumi and shushed her. The last thing Garrus needed was an argument with Tali, and he really didn't want there to be a fight it the middle of Ashley's party.

And he hardly wanted to be on the end of an argument with her either.

Kasumi continued at a bare whisper.

'What the hell do you mean, to soon? Tali's the one for you blockhead, so what's point in waiting? You've known her for years; there is nothing left to surprise you!'

Garrus' mandibles twitched together angrily and Shepard backed away, well aware that this could go on for hours.

He turned away to survey the scene.

Nearly all their friends had come to the party.

Wrex and Bakara were trying to keep some semblance of control over their kids, who were running around the entire apartment. Grunt and Sarah's partner, Jarl, were talking about killshots. Sarah, and the rest of Ashley's sisters were surrounding Tali, who had successfully retained control of Kaidan. Liara was sitting in a corner quietly talking to Miranda. Since the end of the war, Shepard had a sneaking suspicion that Miranda was Liara's new agent in the field. But so far, neither of them had confirmed his thoughts. Jack was having an animated discussion with Samara and Brynn. Brynn and Jacob had arrived at the party with their own daughter Cara, who was currently playing with one of Wrex's kids and Jacob. Ken and Gabby, appeared to be having a rather uncomfortable discussion with Zaeed, as the kept trying to extract themselves from his enthusiastic hand waving.

James, unfortunately couldn't come, he was currently on a mission to do with his N training, so he couldn't get leave. Ashley's mother also couldn't come, much to her disappointment. She had been looking forward to meeting her grandchild, but she had been urgently required to help save a mass production farm on the verge of collapse.

Searching for Ashley, he suddenly felt her snake a hand around his waist and lean in on him.

'What do you think Skipper? Not a bad turnout?' She questioned over the hubbub of the party.

He smiled down at her. He knew that she loved showing off Kaidan. She was a proud mother.

'Yeah' he replied. 'I surprised so many people came actually.'

Ashley replied with equal vigor. 'When we demand people's presence, they usually turn up Jay.'

Shepard nodded in assent, some of the invitations may have sounded more like orders then most. And people didn't normally disobey the Commander's orders.

Still, Ashley was having some reservations about the gifts the guests had brought for Kaidan.

Wrex's had been a mini-model Mako. Something he assured Ashley, could be remotely stopped. Still, if Kaidan had inherited his father's driving skills...

At least the windows were strong.

The party had ended, and Shepard stared and surveyed the damage.

Ashley's motherhood had entitled her to an exemption to all domestic duties.

Not that he would of let her poison them with her creations, but now he also had to do the cleaning.

Oh the joys of fatherhood.

Ashley herself was snoring on the couch with her hand draped over Kaidan's sleeping form.

She needed her sleep. She was taking the shuttle to Linden Vale, the new colony where her mother lived tomorrow with Kaidan, she wanted to surprise her.

It also provided Shepard with an opportunity to return to the slums. While he enjoyed his family, he couldn't let go of the burning need to find out what the Reds were doing here. Whatever it was, it couldn't be good.

Ashley sighed, bringing Shepard out of his thoughts and a smile stretched across his face.

He moved Kaidan to the cot in their room, before returning and picking up Ashley in his arms. She curled up against his chest and muttered.

'I love you' She whispered.

'I love you too.' He whispered back, before laying her in their bed and drawing the covers up around her.

She fell back to sleep instantly, hugging his pillow in her arms.

He went over to Kaidan's cot, and watched his child breath slowly and peacefully.

Kaidan would grow up in a different world to his. Opportunities existed everywhere and his future was bright. He would never have to fear for love, or friendship.

Kaidan, and all the children of the galaxy stood as a standing claim to the memory of the Reapers. That life, and hope would always blossom against any darkness.

His friends were building their futures. They had fought and lost alongside him, but they were ready to embrace the new order they had so hardly won.

Ashley was in her prime, he had never seen her so happy. Kaidan was a light that shined through her. He had never seen her so gentle and soft.

But for him...

He was a liar, and he was falling back into his dark place. When she left for Linden Vale with Kaidan, he would be alone.

Alone with his thoughts.

Isaac would be outside The Swinging Dreadnaught Club, he always got high with his friends there at night. Jay walked up to the familiar slumped figure. The bass of the club pounded through Jay's blood, and he felt a sense of anger.

Isaac raised one lazy, bloodshot eye towards him, and a sly smirk crossed across his face.

'Come to take me home bro?' he slurred out.

That was always the routine. He would find Isaac, and bring him back to the apartment. Then he would go on a job, and when he returned, Isaac would be gone again. Leading Jay on a chase to find him.

Usually Jay felt guilty, he knew he was the reason that Isaac was an addict. If he had never done what he did, then this would never had happened.

But Jay was sick of feeling guilty, and could feel the anger begin to consume him.

After months of working with the Reds, he had developed a callous too thick for Isaac's bullshit.

He had had enough.

And with that thought, he spat out a curse.

'You disgust me.'

Isaac moved surprisingly quickly and grabbed Jay's arm.

'What the fuck? I fucking disgust you?' He yelled.

'Get. Your. Fucking. Hand. Off. Me.' Jay demanded coldly.

'Why?' Issac screamed. '

Why the fuck should I do what you say? It was YOUR FAULT! YOU WERE THE ONE TO MAKE ALL THIS FUCKING HAPPEN! YOU COULDN'T JUST LEAVE THINGS THE WAY THEY WERE! YOU SELFISH SON OF A-'

He was cut off by Jay's fist's contact with his face.

He looked shocked as he stumbled back and fell down.

Jay loomed over him and a look of fear cast over Isaac's face.

'Don't blame me, for doing the right thing.' He said, before striding away into the street.

That night he moved his thing out of the apartment.

And that night, was the last time he ever saw Isaac.

Shepard returned to the room. A silent tear ran down his face.

He faced the next few days with a renewed determination.

He was ready to confront his past.

So, what are those review you are dying to write? Any questions at all. As I said, I welcome reviews.

I promise, part two will be out soon...