Chapter 11

Isobel came out of the room.

"Mary." She said.

"Will he see me?"

"He hasn't said he won't." Isobel said, "Just bear in mind he was sedated yesterday, and now he is on morphine."

"Is the pain bad?"

"You didn't hear him this morning." Isobel said.

Isobel went to get herself a cup of coffee and Mary went into the room.

Matthew smiled at her.

"Mary, it's good to see you." The smile at least seemed genuine.

"It's good to see you too." She restrained herself from rushing to his side, although instinct told her that that was what she wanted to do.

"How are you managing?" she asked, almost kicking herself because it was probably a stupid question.

"Alright, I have dropped a few things because I keep forgetting I can't move my arm or hand. It will take some getting used to. Dr Clarkson does not think I will ever be able to use it again, but he has been wrong before." Matthew's gaze went to his legs which were concealed beneath the bed linen. "Before he gave me morphine the pain was terrible, agonising. It's surprising how a limb that doesn't work can cause so much physical pain."

"Not to mention the pain I must have caused you." Mary turned away, lest he see the tears pricking her eyes.

"You haven't caused me any pain, Mary. You were standing up to him."

"No, I meant what he said. You must be so disappointed in me."

"Mary, it happened before we knew each other and you aren't the first woman to make such a mistake, nor will you be the last. I could never despise you and I have no right to judge you."

"I just feel so ashamed. I thought that by marrying him, by sacrificing my happiness I could make it go away, but he will make it public now and, even if he doesn't, then the story will always be out there."

"Please don't be ashamed, Mary. Come here."

She moved closer and he put his right arm around her.

"Mary, you're free now. You're no longer under any obligation to marry him. Lavinia is dead, and she would want me to be happy, although I don't feel I deserve to be after breaking her heart."

"I love you, Matthew." Mary breathed. "I think i have loved you for longer than I even knew."

He reached for her hand.

"Mary, I have always loved you so very much. Lavinia was a sweet girl and she loved me, but I know now I was just making do because I had lost you through my own stupidity." He looked into her eyes and she held his hand in turn.

"We've got more luggage than the porters at King's Cross." Mary sighed, "Please don't bring me to that point again unless you mean it. Besides, I'm worried that the late Mr Pamuk will resurrect himself anytime we argue, and we will because that is what we're like. Both strong willed."

"I pushed Lavinia away when I thought I wouldn't walk again," Matthew said, "But I can't pretend this," he indicated his useless left arm, "will be easy to live with. If you can't live with it, Mary, then please tell me now."

"Edith is marrying Sir Anthony Strallan," Mary said, "Mind you she is possessed of a fortitude and strength of mind I will never have. I went to pieces yesterday. Thankfully Edith and Anthony were there to help out. I want to be with you, Matthew, no matter what physical condition you are in."

"I want to be with you too, Mary," he whispered, "That is all I have ever really wanted."

"It's what I want too," she whispered back.

"I can't ask you properly at the moment, but Lady Mary Crawley, will you do me the greatest honour of agreeing to be my wife?"

"Yes," she breathed, "You bet I will."

OO

Anthony's butler showed Edith into the library, where Anthony was doing the Times crossword. He asked for tea.

"How are you, my sweet one?" he asked her.

"I'm fine, Mary is at the hospital. I dropped her and Sybil off on my way here. She is worried that Matthew won't want to see her."

"I can come and talk to him. I understand what he will be going through after all."

"That might be a big help. Mind you, he has already faced the knowledge that he might never walk again, thankfully that proved ungrounded."

Anthony drew Edith to him with his good arm and she moaned softly, enjoying the sensation of being close to his warm body.

"I love you, Lady Edith," he whispered softly.

"I love you too, you were my hero yesterday."

They drank their tea.

"I look forward to being your wife," she whispered.

"When I came back from the war, I was having terrible nightmares and I was in such a mess physically and emotionally. I thought my life was over. I wanted to see you, but I feared you had found someone else. After all, I never gave you reason to wait for me. But yesterday you helped me prove that I was useful again, and that you loved me. You gave me back my life."

"You are very special to me, Anthony." Edith said.

"Well, if I can help Matthew in any way then my experiences won't have been entirely in vain." Anthony said.

"I think you are the only person who can, because you have been through the same thing. Mary, Sybil and I can't even begin to understand."

"We'll go and see him later, let Lady Mary have some time with him first, I would appreciate you sharing lunch with me, my darling."

"I would be delighted."

Lunch was a deliciously nourishing lamb broth with crusty bread and butter, followed by apple and cinnamon tart with cream.

"I'm in danger of not wanting dinner after that." Edith said.

"You have a smear of butter on your top lip." Anthony whispered as he leaned close and his lips gently brushed hers. The resulting kiss was tender and left them both trembling.

They drove to the cottage hospital later that afternoon.