Chapter 6

It's been a few days since Gracie's passing. We're all still torn, but we're almost back to our regular schedule. I still cry out of nowhere, but not nearly as hard as I did that first day. Now we're just trying to keep the boys occupied and getting their homework caught up. We let their teachers know that Gracie passed away and they said they'd give them a couple of easy weeks and then work back up to where they were at before. I couldn't be more thankful.

"Mommy, what's a kink?" Matt asked.

I almost spit my water out, looking over at him. "Excuse me?"

"What's a kink?"

"In what sense...?"

"Huh?"

"Why are you asking what a kink is?"

"Cause Daddy said the water hose had a kink in it."

"Oh..."

Thank God that's what he meant.

"It just means that the water hose was folded a certain way and water couldn't come out," I said.

"Oh. Okay."

"What did you think he meant?" Bryce asked.

I looked at Bryce for a few seconds. "...Nothing. It's nothing, just forget it. Are you done with your activity sheet your teacher gave you?"

"Yep."

"Did you color it like you were supposed to?"

"She said I could color it whatever color I wanted."

"Did you?"

"I made the whole thing pink. For Gracie," Bryce said, holding his coloring page up.

I smiled a little. "Gracie would love that, Mug."

"How come you call me that?"

"Mug?"

"Yeah."

"Because when you were a baby, you gave people a grumpy look, and a lot of people call it a mean mug, so I started calling you Mug."

"Oh. How come Daddy calls Matt Slugger?"

"I dunno, honey. You'll have to ask him later. Do you want lunch?"

"Yeah! What are you making?"

"Macaroni and cheese and chicken nuggets."

"Can I have some of both?"

"Only if you drink a PediaSure."

"Okay."

"And take a vitamin."

"Yuck."

"Take it or leave it."

"Okay..."

"Matt, do you want some of both?"

Matt shook his head. "No. I want nuggets. No macaroni, just my nuggets cause macaroni makes my tummy hurt," he said.

"It's not the macaroni that does that honey, it's the cheese. I'll make extra nuggets just for you. Finish your coloring page, too."

"Can I color mine pink for Gracie, too?"

I nodded. "Sure, sweetie. I'll start lunch after I feed Lily, okay? I need to feed her first," I said.

"How come?"

"Because Mommy starts to hurt if I don't feed her every so often," I said, walking to Lily's bassinet and picking her up.

"Why?"

"Because Lily eats from Mommy still," Bryce said. "She only takes bottles when Mommy's not here to feed her."

"How come?"

"Because it's better for babies that way," I said. "You finish coloring."

"Okay."

I sat down in one of the kitchen chairs, laying Lily in my arms. As I got her positioned to my breast and she started eating, I stared at her. I gazed into those gorgeous blue eyes that she got from her father. As she looked up at me, I smiled. I remember nursing Gracie. She'd curl up to me, one arm under mine and on hand balled up in a fist against my breast. Just like Lily was doing.

"Shar, I'm home," Troy called out.

"Daddy!" Matt and Bryce shouted, startling Lily.

Lily started crying, detaching from my breast, and I patted her diaper lightly trying to calm her down.

"Sh, sh. It's okay, Lily. They didn't mean to scare you, it's okay."

Bryce looked at Lily for a few seconds and he got down from his chair, walking over to me. He slowly ran his finger down the length of Lily's nose, and she slowly calmed down with every time he did it. I looked at him for a few seconds and smiled.

"How'd you know to do that, Mug?" I asked.

Bryce shrugged. "It worked for Gracie, so I thought it would work for Lily, too."

I cupped his chin and kissed his cheek. "Good job, buddy. You're a good big brother."

"I know," he said, sitting in his chair again.

"What's all the racket?" Troy asked, walking into the kitchen. He kissed the boys' heads and we shared a small kiss ourselves before I got Lily to start sucking on my breast again.

"The boys scared Lily. She's okay now. Bryce saved the day."

"Our little hero, he is."

I smiled. "That's right, you're a hero."

"No I'm not," Bryce said.

"Sure you are, you got that really cool badge from the paramedic and everything."

"But Gracie wasn't okay. She died."

I bit my lip lightly. I looked at Lily for a few seconds before looking at him again. "You still helped, though, honey. A lot. When you're older, you'll understand just how big a help you were that day."

"Do I still help a lot?"

"You do. You help with Matt a lot and you help with Lily. You're a really good big brother. You're the best in the west."

"Like a sheriff?"

"Just like a sheriff."