AN: Okay, so this chapter is pretty emotional and I need to make a few things clear. I don't understand sexual orientation. I know that other people feel differently, and that's fine, but I think people shouldn't be limited by labels or feel guilty about who they have feelings for. If you love and are attracted to someone, it shouldn't matter what type of reproductive organs either of you have. That being said, I know that's not the majority view point. So when I explore these type of issues in this story, I just want you all to be clear on how I feel about these things, not just how these characters feel. Because my views don't necessarily match up with what I believe are these characters' views. Sorry, I will step off my soap box now. I also want to say that the next chapter will have a lot more action. I felt that it was important to establish everyone's emotional states before I got into the bigger plot. I hope you enjoy reading this as much as I did writing it.

*** I do not own any part of Supernatural or any song/other material mentioned in this story.

A Place Between Heaven and Hell

"If I know only one thing, it's that everything that I see
Of the world outside is so inconceivable often I barely can speak
Yeah I'm tongue-tied and dizzy and I can't keep it to myself
What good is it to sing helplessness blues, why should I wait for anyone else?"

- Helplessness Blues by Fleet Foxes

Castiel and Micah followed the waitress to their booth and took up their places on either side of the table. Micah watched carefully as 'Jimmy' opened his menu with his injured hands. She couldn't help but notice how lost and sad he appeared. "So what are you going to have? I'm thinking French toast."

Castiel looked up at her. His head was swimming a bit. There were so many choices and he was having a hard time focusing his thoughts. "I…I believe I like burgers." When Famine had infected his vessel with hunger, he had been vaguely aware of the flavor of the burgers he had been consuming at an alarming rate. While that experience had not ended in a pleasing manor, he had found the burgers themselves enjoyable.

"Oh, well, that's good," she found his phrasing odd again. "I've never had the burgers here, but I'm sure they're good. But it might be kind of hard to eat one with your hands all bandaged up." She made a gesture towards his injuries.

"Right. Humans heal so slowly," Castiel said with no irony.

"Yeah, it will probably be a few days before you're used to it. I would order something that doesn't require a lot of dexterity to eat." She could tell by his face that Castiel was waging a pretty big internal battle. She felt compelled to try to get him to open up, but was cut off by the waitress returning to take their orders.

Castiel had decided on oatmeal and an apple cinnamon muffin. A look of pride flashed over his face as he successfully completed his first human custom as a mortal. If Dean were here, he would surely have made a smart ass comment about my accomplishment, Castiel thought. But the image of the smiling hunter caused him to slip back into his depression. He slouched against the back of the booth and looked up at the stained ceiling tiles.

"So, I'm going to make a deal with you. I pay for this great breakfast we are about to have and you tell me what's going on in that clearly troubled head of yours," Micah said, not really knowing how else to start the conversation. She sat silently as Castiel kept his gaze on the ceiling.

"As much as I appreciate all that you've done for me," he brought down his eyes to meet hers, "I don't think you want to know my troubles." Castiel thought of all the times he heard Dean wish that Sam could have been kept away from all things supernatural longer than he had. Castiel couldn't help but feel the same way for his new friend. But he knew he owed her something. He let out a long sigh. "I caused a lot of damage…to everything I care about. And I don't know how or where to being to fix it. Or if it even can be fixed."

"What did you do?" Micah knew it really wasn't any of her business, but she felt like she was making progress with this lost man. She could see pain and guilt sweep over his eyes, more than what had already been there.

"I betrayed my friends and hurt my family with my choices. Like I said, I thought I was doing the right thing. I was so set in my mission, something that would help repair other mistakes I've made. But I was wrong. And once again, I chose someone I thought was being helpful over my own friends. But he wasn't. He was working his own angle, and I was just a pawn in his plan. And because of my short sight, I have once again caused nothing but devastation." Castiel felt slightly out of breath when he finished. Not because he had spoke for a long time, but from what he was saying. It hurt him to put his actions into words.

"'The axe is already at the root of the trees, and every tree that does not produce good fruit will be cut down and thrown into the fire'," Micah quoted. She wasn't sure why she had said it and she suddenly felt awkward under Castiel's gaze. He was staring at her, mouth slightly agape. "Is that what you think you deserve? To be thrown into Hell?" She started to squirm in her seat. She leaned forward and continued, hardly above a whisper. "I know I don't know you…at all, but somehow I can just tell, you aren't a bad person." She knew she was becoming agitated by the fact that she was making a lot of hand gestures. But she had Castiel's full attention and she wasn't about to let that go. "I don't know how, but I can just…see you." She could feel her throat starting to burn. And in that moment, she knew she had to tell him what had been tugging at the back of her mind all morning.

"Do you want to know how my day started this morning?" Castiel just continued to stare at her. "I woke up because my alarm went off at it's normal time. Only, I know that last night I turned it off. I did that because today was suppose to be the first day of my vacation from work. So why was it still set for 4am? I don't know. Maybe I did forget to reset it. I can accept that." She continued to gesture with her right hand. She could only imagine how deranged she looked and would sound once she finished telling him her story. "But what I can't explain is how I ended up jogging in that park. I can't explain what caused me to stop in the middle of the path. And I especially can't justify what on earth would cause me to walk into those trees to find an unconscious man laying out in the middle of the woods."

"What are you trying to say?" Castiel finally broke his silence with total bewilderment. Micah looked at him with desperation.

"I know this is going to sound crazy. It sounds crazy even to me. But I don't know what else it could be. And if you knew what it was taking me to come to this conclusion, you would believe me." She couldn't stop the tears from welling up in her eyes. She paused before continuing in her frantic whispers, leaning forward farther and looking Castiel directly in the eye. "I think that God wanted me to find you."

Castiel was at a loss of what to say. His head was becoming foggy, but he couldn't help but think about what Daphne had told him when they had found each other.

"You believe me, don't you?" She looked at him with the most pleading expression he had ever seen. "You have to believe me." He couldn't imagine that it had been God that led Micah to him, but he did believed that she believed it.

"At this point, I doubt that God would care if I had never been found out there and just let myself die," he said in all honesty. God had brought him back in the past, but there was no way he was still involved enough to manipulate this random woman into discovering him and giving him aid. "All of that could be mere coincidence." Or a demon plot, but he wasn't going to bring that part up to her. He looked at her again and found her crestfallen. He thought for a moment that she was going to break down in tears, but she just stared at him. Thankfully, that was the moment that the waitress decided to return with their food.

"No," she whispered simply, not even looking at her meal. "It wasn't coincidence. It was fate." She racked her brain for a way to make him understand. "I stopped believing in God a long time ago. So for me to even think this, let alone say it out loud…"she trailed off, knowing that she still wasn't helping her cause.

"It's nice that you think I am worthy of such a generous gesture from a God you suddenly believe in again, but I assure you, it isn't true." He knew as soon as the words left his mouth that he had made a mistake. Castiel watched as tears began to roll down Micah's cheeks.

"Do you want to know why I stopped believing in God?" Micah's voice cracked slightly. Castiel could see she was suffering a lot of emotional turmoil and he didn't want to prolong it, but he could also tell that she needed to explain this to him. She needed to try to make him understand where she was coming from. He nodded slowly.

"If you wish to tell me," he said slowly. She had been so kind to him and his curiosity in humanity was at it's peak now that he was one of them.

"My family was very religious growing up. But not the good kind of religious. Not the 'volunteer at the food back, help the homeless, have a bake sale' type of religious. The kind that put the fear of God into you and then used that fear to manipulate you." She could tell that some of her sadness was turning to anger already at the thought of her old wounds, but she had to make him understand. "But even as a kid, I never thought of my God as being vengeful or something to be afraid of. I thought bad things happened in the world so that we would know to be grateful when good things happened to us. My parents…believed that bad things happened because God was punishing those that could not be forgiven. To let them know that they were sinners and were evil." She stopped for a moment to let the lump in her throat subside.

"So even though I grew up with them telling me all these things, I never believed them. Not truly. Until the day came that experienced first hand how hateful their God was." She almost didn't want to continue. She was just going to stop, accept that she was crazy, and let this man go on his way. But something inside Micah told her to continue. "When I came home for Christmas from my sophomore year of college, I had finally decided to tell my parents something I knew they weren't going to like. I knew they would be upset…that they would possibly never speak to me again, but I couldn't keep laying to them. So, I sat them both down…and I told them I was gay." She looked at Castiel closely to gauge his response, but he seemed fairly unchanged by the new information, so Micah felt comfortable enough to continue.

"I thought that was going to be the hardest thing I would ever experience, but I was wrong. At first, when I let it spill, I felt relieved. I had known for years that I liked other girls, but never quite understood why. That was not something we ever talked about in our house. So just saying it out loud to them was a huge weight off my chest. But then they responded…" She was having trouble speaking now. These painful memories were not something she revisited often. But when she looked up at Castiel and saw the sympathetic and encouraging expression on his face, she had the strength to carry on.

"My father didn't say a word, he just glared at me. But my mother…she…" Her voice broke as a new wave of tears ran down her warm face. "She said that I was evil and that God was going to punish me. She told me that my best option, my only hope, was to beg God for forgiveness and then kill myself…" Micah looked away from her new friend. She knew she had nothing to be ashamed of, but she still felt embarrassed. "She thought that if I was going to Hell anyway, I might as well speed up the process, so maybe God would grant me a little mercy."

They were both silent for a few minutes. Castiel could tell that Micah was crying, but he didn't really know how to respond. He discovered though, that he was feeling something that could only be described as anger. He was upset that this sweet, kindhearted person in front of him had gone through something so painful. But he knew then, in that moment, that he could trust her completely.

"That's when I stopped believing. I know that it's selfish now, to stop believing in God because of something that happened only to you. But I had never witnessed anything so horrible. A mother telling her only child that she was evil and should kill herself rather than admit what she was and be happy. How could I go on having faith in a God that would allow someone to become so corrupt and believe such horrible things in his name?" Silence fell again. Castiel knew that it was a rhetorical question, but he felt like he needed to give her something….some sort of humanly comfort. He reached his left hand across the table and placed it on top of her right, no longer gesturing hand. Upon contact, she looked up at him with tear streaked cheeks.

"I can assure you that God is completely indifferent to sexual orientation." He gave her a consoling smile. She flashed a quick grin back to him, and took a deep breath to calm herself and to collect her thoughts.

"So now do you understand, that when I tell you in this moment, that I believe that God wanted me to find you, what it takes for me to say that?" She gave him that pleading, desperate look again.

"Yes, I understand," he said as he removed his hand from hers. Castiel felt even more confused by everything, but not by his new friend. He would just have to trust that she knew what she was feeling was right. "So what does this mean? What does God want you to do now?" Micah's expression changed to gratitude and determination.

"I think I am suppose to take you to Kansas," she said this in such a matter-of-fact tone that it took a moment for it to sink in for Castiel.

"I can't ask you to do that. It's too dangerous." He hopped that she wouldn't ask why.

"It's my mission from God, Jimmy. Don't you think I know it's going to be dangerous?" She gave him a small, courageous smile.

Dean made his way to the library and leaned against one of the shelves. He looked at his phone to see that he had 7 missed calls from Garth and 5 from Charlie. Since Garth had won this particular game and was more likely to have info about the fallen angels, Dean decided to call him back first. The phone rang a couple times before Garth answered.

To Dean's disappointment, it turned out Garth didn't have much more info than he did. He had figured out that the light show the night before had been falling angels, but other than that he had squat. He did mention though, that he had a friend a few states over that was a bit of an 'enthusiast' about angels, so he was going to make his way over there to see if he knew anything.

"Why don't you just call him? You really want to make that long of a drive to visit this angel fanboy?", Dean asked.

"He's not really one to answer the phone. Not even sure why he has one. He's a bit touched…you know, touched by an angel." Garth snorted at his own joke, but Dean just rolled his eyes.

"Well let me know once you find out something. Oh, I almost forgot. Keep an eye out for Abaddon. Sam scorched her, but that bitch is hard to kill. If she finds out that we still have Crowley, she may start gunning for people we know to lure us out." Dean hopped there wouldn't be a repeat of the 'kill everyone the Winchesters care about' show, so he thought it best to give Garth a heads up.

After they hung up, Dean hesitated to make his next call. Returning Charlie's calls was necessary, but he didn't want to have to answer the questions he knew she was going to have. The phone rang only once before she answered.

"Dean! What the hell is going on?! Are you okay? Is Sam okay? I know that wasn't a meteor shower last…", she raged, but was cut off.

"Charlie, relax! Take a breath before your head explodes." He waited until he heard her breathing, though now it just sounded like she was hyperventilating. "I'm fine. Sam is pretty bad off, but he will be fine. You're right, that wasn't a meteor shower."

"Well what was it?" She still sounded worked up. Dean explained everything they knew to her about the last trial, Naomi, Metatron, and the angels. He did, however, neglect to mention anything about Cas, which didn't go unnoticed by Charlie.

"It was Castiel, right? The one that was trying to close up Heaven? The one that Metatron used?" She could tell Dean was emotionally repressed, but not even being able to say his name? This was bad.

"Yes. He…" Dean paused as he ran his hand down his face. "I don't know where he is," he couldn't keep his voice from shaking.

"That doesn't mean that…that he's dead, Dean. He'll make his way back. He's done it before." Flashes of the Supernatural books went through her mind. There is definitely more to this than he's telling me, she thought. She was much calmer now that she could hear Dean getting more upset.

"I don't think so. Not this time. This time just feels different. I can't even explain why. Maybe…maybe I just know that he's…he's gone." Dean felt like an idiot as a tear fell down his cheek. But he also felt like Charlie was the one person he could be vulnerable with right now.

"Okay, that's it. I'll be there tomorrow night. Make up a room in that sexist bunker for me," she said with as much warmth you could give over the phone.

"You don't have to do that. It'll be fine," he wasn't even able to convince himself with that statement.

"Shush, I'm bringing pie." Dean had never been more grateful to have befriended this redheaded nerd.

After their conversation, Castiel and Micah finished their cold meals in near silence. Castiel couldn't help but feel a little disappointed over his first meal as a human, but he knew that he had sacrificed the experience for a good cause. Micah was still quiet as they climbed back into her car, but she gave him a small, sad smile. She had told him, after he agreed to allow her to bring him to Kansas, that they were going to stay the night at her apartment. Then they would get an early start in the morning. Her apartment was an older building in a nice, slightly crowded part town. Castiel felt like it would be a nice place to live if he were a normal, everyday person. Still in silence, they walked down the hall, but Micah paused as she placed her key in the door.

"Okay, I know we have this whole 'bonding' thing going on, but I have to ask you something," she said innocently as she turned to face her new friend. Castiel nodded. "As a woman, I can't in good conscience let you into my home without making sure…you aren't going to murder me or anything, right?" It seemed so silly, because for whatever reason she felt like she had known him for years. But the reality was that this was a stranger that she had just bandaged, fed, and agreed to drive across the country that she was allowing into her apartment.

"Seeing as you are the only friend I have at the moment, I have no intentions of murdering you," he reassured her with an amused smile. She really was a little strange, but Castiel was glad she was his friend.

"Alright, I guess that will have to be good enough." She returned his smile and opened the door. "So this is the kitchen. You are welcome to anything in there if you are still hungry, but I can't promise any of the expiration dates are within reason. The bathroom is down the hall, first door on the left. This building is pretty old, so the shower is one of those claw-foot tubs. It's not complicated to use. Just make sure you pull the curtain all the way around, otherwise water will get everywhere. There is shampoo and body wash on the shelf and towels under the sink. I am going to run down the street to the store to get you some new clothes, because I doubt that you want to take a road trip in a suit and tie." She gave him another smile and hopped that she hadn't overwhelmed him.

"I don't know how to thank you, for all of this," Castiel felt truly safe and warm for the first time since he had become human.

"Well it's not over yet, sweetie. You go get cleaned up and I will be right back." She gently nudged him in the direction of the bathroom.

Castiel waited for her to leave before he made his way down the hall. After he took care of his new human requirements and removed his rather dirty clothes, he turned on the water to the shower and climbed in. Remembering what Micah had said, he pulled the shower curtain all the way around the tub. He knew that she was generously opening her home to him and he didn't want to make any extra work for her. He couldn't help but notice how bright the white shower curtain made his surroundings. Normally that would be something pleasant, but instead it just reminded him of Naomi's office. He shook his head to try to dislodge the image from his mind.

After a few minutes, he had the water adjusted to a temperature that he could agree with and shampoo in his hair. He was a little shocked at how big the bottle was, since he had only ever observed Sam and Dean with mini bottles of shampoo that they seemed to collect from the motel rooms they stayed in so often. Maybe it was a female thing. He also found that Micah's soaps had more of a floral scent than anything the brothers ever used. Castiel decided that he liked these, but he found himself missing the plain scent of the motel room soap.

Bringing his hands up to rinse the shampoo out of his hair, he suddenly thought he heard someone talking. Perhaps Micah was back from the store, he thought. He called out her name, but no one answered. He went back about his business, until it happened again. I really hope her apartment isn't haunted, I don't have any hunting tools. It was an older building, so a ghost was a possibility.

Turning towards the water, he used some of the body wash to clean his face. It wasn't until he had his hands over his eyes that it happened. He had flashes of light and pain go through his mind. He quickly opened his eyes, but that wasn't as helpful as he'd hopped it would be. The white shower curtain surrounding the tub served only help the horrible memories that had began to play in his brain. Castiel could feel his chest starting to tighten and it became harder to breath. He went to adjust the water to something colder, but was suddenly caught up in the middle of a torture session in Naomi's office.

He closed his eyes, but it didn't help. Now he was replaying having his grace ripped out, with Metatron's voice dancing in his ears. He could feel his keens make a painful impact with the bottom of the tub. Any benefit from his labored breathing eluded him due to the feeling of having his throat slit open. No matter how much he gasped, he just couldn't get enough air.

He felt his hand knock over some of Micah's bottles as the memories he least wanted to relive forced their way into his mind. He could see himself grabbing the hunter's arm, and felt it snap under his angelic grip. He watched in horror as he plunged the long, silver blade into Dean's chest. His friend's face showed shock and pain and he coughed up blood as he fell over dead. And then he looked around. All he could see was the body of his dead friend repeated over and over. Castiel thought he was surely going to pass out soon. His vision was getting dark and fuzzy. He began sucking in air in deep rasps, practically laying on the floor of the tub. He just wanted it to stop.

Then, there was a knock on the door to the bathroom and it opened. "I found you a few things at the store. It's not a whole new wardrobe, but it will last you long enough for us to get to Kansas without having to do laundry. I am going to leave some for you to wear now next to the sink." She paused when she heard him make a few strained coughing sounds. "Everything okay in there? Did you suck some water down your windpipe?" He gasped a few more times, trying to steady himself. His normal vision was beginning to come back and he forced himself back up onto his feet.

"I'm fine," he coughed out. "I just choked on some water," he lied. He didn't want to scare her. She might decide that having a panic attack in the shower was enough criteria to be a possible murderer and kick him out.

"Okay, just be careful. I am going to try to wash your suit and coat. Also, I should put some fresh bandages on your hands, so just come out to the living room when you are done." He could hear her pick up his old clothes from the floor and close the door behind her. He was now able to let out the loud coughs he had been suppressing.

When his breathing returned to normal, he turned off the water and carefully climbed out of the shower. He sat on the closed toilet with his towel wrapped around his waist for another five minutes just to make sure the visions weren't going to come again. He stood up slowly and began to put on his new clothes. What the hell just happened to me?, he thought. All of that because of a shower curtain? He sighed deeply and held his head in his hands as he thought about what had just happened. The horrible memories were pushed back to where they belonged, all accept for the image of Dean laying dead at his feet. Castiel looked up into the mirror and focused on the mission ahead of him. He just wanted to see the brothers again, even if they didn't want to see him. He hopped more than anything that his friends were safe. He hopped that Dean was safe.

AN - I know this one was a lot of emotional crap, and that's good sometimes, but I promise there is a lot more action in the next chapter. Sorry again that it took me so long to get this chapter finished. I just moved across the country, so typing this out got pushed to the back burner. Thanks for reading and let me know what you guys think!