Ahh, Chapter 3. When the story really begins to either pick up or get lost.

If you are reading this, I am probably already dead. 16 people die every second (it's probably gone up by the time you read this), and the odds that I'll be one of them increase every second as more and more of them die.

Nah.

The song Torgo sang in the last chapter was "Singapore" by Tom Waits, and I think I gave a shout out or two to bubblymuggle4's excellent pastiche, "MarieSue".

Now, let's conclude my brief Hunchback segue, and move on with the story.

"What the fuck are you doing?" screamed Esmeralda, who was surprisingly fouled mouthed when Disney wasn't present.

"I am spying on you!" announced Torgo, dramatically, like Tyrone Power might if he yelled more. "I shall now return to Notre Dame cathedral, where Judge Claude Frollo awaits, and I shall reveal all your plans and locations to him! By tonight, some French people will come down here and gut you all with bardiches. Bye now!" He leapt into action, and was fleeing down the corridor, but Esmeralda chased him.

"We need to have a round-table discussion," announced Clopin, so the rest of them stayed in that room. "We shall debate our options at great length. But first, the Gypsy Matchbox B-Line Klezmer Conservatory Blues Explosion Choir Dancers will perform a medley of Jimmy Buffet material."

"But Jimmy Buffet hasn't even been born yet," observed Joe.

"Shut the fuck up."

Esmeralda ran pretty fast, although Torgo knew a form of proto-Le Parkour, but he was allowing her to catch up just to see what she was going to do.

"Don't tell Frollo!" she shouted, which is surprising hard to do while running.

"I must, madam. I serve The Judge blindly. And I like the Archdeacon guy. He's cool, too."

"Stranger," she said, "is there any way I could persuade you not to tell Frollo?"

And thus transpired the most contrived reason for doing it in a sewer yet recorded, with the possible exception of It.

Oh, yeah, and that's the reason she refused to sleep with Phoebas. She didn't want him finding out that she had lain with a satyr. It had nothing to do with Gringoire.

The Archdeacon was a much nicer man than Frollo, even though in the book, he was Frollo, so he was usually much nicer to Torgo. He was, after all, voiced by David Ogden Stiers, whose character in Beauty and the Beast was much nicer than that played by Tony Jay. Or the character Tony Jay played in the other Beauty and the Beast, the one with Ron Perlman and Linda Hamilton.

"What have you been off doing?" the Archdeacon asked, when Torgo came back into the cathedral.

"The Judge had me spying on gypsies, your Grace," he said. "But I couldn't find any."

"Oh, Monsieur Frollo will be so disappointed," said the Archbishop, sadly. "I'll have to bake him some cookies, or he'll be sulking all day."

"I will see you later, Your Grace. I'm off to go have a beer with Quasimodo."

Torgo enjoyed having beers with Quasimodo, because the hunchback was completely deaf from all the bell-ringing and, therefore, his voice sounded even funnier than Torgo's. Well, almost.

Torgo woke up now.

"That cap will have to hold you for now," said Eulenspiegel.

Torgo paid him, and they had coffee.

"Where are you headed next?"

"Valley Lodge, for a vacation," said Torgo.

"Are you in a hurry?" asked the Dutchman.

"Not terribly. Why?"

"Because there is a wizard with whom I can put you into contact. He may be able to restore your hand altogether."

"That would be good, sir. I thank you profusely."

Eulenspiegel rummaged in his bag for a moment, and then found a card, which he gave Torgo.

"Now, were I you, I would be careful around this man. He can help you, but he's very dangerous, and you do not want to make a bad impression."

The card contained a phone number, an address, and the words "The King".

The back had "Not the one in yellow" written on it.