Martin looked in the shiny, reflective surface of the cockpit cupboard and groaned. The one day he really needed to look smart, and all he managed was looking like a very short, tubby rugby player. The cut on his lip was now red and swollen, not to mention sore. It made him look even more like a pretend pilot than he normally did. Just then his phone buzzed in his pocket. He took out the Nokia, flashed up the text message, and groaned again; 'bloody hell!'
'Something the matter Martin?' Asked Douglas, as he ducked through the narrow doorway into the cockpit (Martin was always jealous of that stoop to get through the door, he had never had to do the manly stoop in his life.) Douglas climbed carefully in to his co pilot's seat and started prepping the plane for takeoff.
'No. Nothing,' Martin growled. Douglas cast him a sideways glance
'Lip looks sore. And I have never seen you so attached to that mobile than you have been in the last week.' He commented lightly. Luckily Carolyn chose that moment to burst onto the flight deck, 'He's coming. Nearly here. Arthur has gone to pick him up. Is everything ready? Flight plan OK? You two settled?'
'Good. Also good. Arthur, really? Ready. Ok. And since when have you cared if we are comfortable. God knows, that would be a miracle on this plane.' Douglas answered each question in turn much to the annoyance of his boss.
'Yes, Arthur. It would look strange if one of the Pilots went to carry his luggage and Arthur promised me he would be normal'.
Just then they heard the sound of Arthur being normal. 'This way then "Mr Grey'' He said the name after a pause and in a very conspiratorial manner. 'It is a real pleasure to welcome you onboard this onboard experience. We hope you have an enjoyable flight do let me know if there is anything that myself can do to facilitate yourself during the period of aviation... a Spy, a real SPY. WOW.'
'Can you please stop saying my name like that young man? I fail to see what is funny,' came a clipped response. The voice was deep and could have rivalled Douglas' for manly tone. Carolyn rolled her eyes and went to assist; 'yes thank you Arthur...'
Douglas flicked a few more levers, 'I'll do take off then?'
'Yes, fine' Martin was distracted and clearly hadn't concentrated on the question. He slipped his phone away onto his pocket after typing a hasty response.
'You going to try and give this one your CV too? That went sooo well last time.'
'Uhuh. Wait, what, noo! Though, being a spy, can you imagine?!' Martin was concentrating now, looking at Douglas like a small boy at Christmas.
'No, never thought it would be for me really,' Douglas stretched in his seat, preparing to fly. 'You have to pretend to be someone else, and why would I want to do that?'
Martin grumbled something rude through gritted teeth.
'Plus, I'm sure it's not as exciting as all that. I mean, case in point, this poor sods flying MJN!'

Carolyn was busy, having shoved Arthur hurriedly into the galley, showing Mr Grey to his seat. He was not a very responsive man. 'And if you need anything, anything at all, just let me know.'
'Thank you,' was all he responded shortly, already distracted by the papers he had pulled impressively from his brief case. Carolyn took the opportunity to look at her latest passenger. He did certainly appear the part. A big man with wide shoulders, he looked like he would win in most fights. His hair was cut close to his head, receding in a manly, rather than an old age way, from his temples. His brow was set and his suit sharp. Carolyn may even have admitted to herself that he was rather attractive. Not, you understand, that she would even admit that to anyone, especially not Herc.
Mr Grey looked up sharply and caught her looking. Turning red she spun on the spot and practically fled back behind the curtain to the galley.

Arthur got barrelled into for the second time that afternoon. 'Ow. Oh hi Mum. You ok, you look a slightly funny colour? He really looks like a spy doesn't he?' Arthur's eyes were wide with excitement.
'What, oh yes. Arthur what were you doing in here, you scared the living daylights out of me?'
'Nothing. Just watching.' Carolyn pushed a stray hair back from her face and exhaled 'Yes, well, don't lurk in future; I would rather die another day thank you.
Right, go and serve him a drink for takeoff Arthur. And for god's sake, be normal!'
Arthur, excited by the opportunity to go and talk to Mr Grey again, hurried to get the drinks tray. As he sidled up to Mr Grey he could barely hide his massive grin. 'Drink 'Mr Grey'?'
'Yes please young man. A diet coke.'
'Rightho 'Mr Grey'.'
Mr Grey sighed and looked up at last. 'Why are you saying my name like that?' he said with a disparaging tone.
'What way?' Arthur asked innocently.
'And do you have something in your eye?'
Arthur looked confused. 'No that's a wink 'Mr Grey''
'And why, pray tell, are you winking at me young man?'
Arthur looked straight into the big man's eyes 'Well, obviously that's not your real name.'
Mr Grey simply gazed back uncomprehending. 'You know, that's you spy name.'
'No, young man, that is my name.'
Arthur, thoroughly put out, screwed up his face thinking;' but that's really boring. You will be telling me that you don't have an exploding pen next.'
Mr Grey sat silently for a moment simply staring at Arthur. Without a word he went back to his paper work. Arthur refused to move. 'Is that in code?'
'No.'
'Not even a little bit?'
'No'
'Well I bet its really top secret spy stuff.'
'No, it's my electricity bill. Now please go away.'

'He's not a spy.' Arthur banged open the door of the cockpit dispiritedly, carrying coffee for the pilots. They had been in the air for an hour or so and were holding a steady altitude over Northern France. Arthur placed the tray down and stood between the two pilots gazing out of the window. 'We nearly there yet?'
'No Arthur, not for ages.' Arthur looked so disappointed that Douglas decided to take pity on him. 'I know shall we play a game?' Martin groaned. 'What about countries of the world alphabet. That's an easy one.'
'Oh yes please.' Arthur lent down on the back of Douglas' chair. There was a pause as they all listened to a weather report from ATC (scattered clouds), then Douglas cleared his throat and started, 'Argentina.'
Martin chipped in there 'Brazil'
'ummm. Ummm,' Arthur scratched his head, proving evolution to be true on one small movement. 'There must be one..C..C...Kuala. No that's K.'
Douglas rolled his eyes. 'While you think Arthur, what did you mean 'he's not a spy?' I'm fairly sure he is you know.'
Arthur looked relieved to be let off from the game that was out foxing him. Instead he pulled out the Rubix cube and started slotting the pieces around. One side was nearly all green. 'Noo he's not. Mr Grey is his real name! And he doesn't even have any gadgets. I watched him for ages, he even clicked his pen three times and nothing happened.'
Martin laughed, 'what were you expecting Arthur, a man with a golden gun?' Arthur thought for a moment, they could see the cogs working.
'No, just someone a bit cooler.'
Carolyn walked in. 'If that man were any cooler, he would be ice,' She put on a deep voice 'No. Yes. Thank you.' Those are the only four words he knows!''
Douglas glanced round at her, 'What's got your riled?'
'Mum fancies him.'
'Arthur!' Carolyn rounded on him, 'I do not 'fancy' anyone ('Not even Herc?' Martin chipped in) and even if I did, I would not fancy that rude, obnoxious man.'
Douglas laughed,' you do, don't you. The manly man is apparently your thing. Under the impression that he could be the spy who loves you?'
Carolyn snapped,' oh do be quite.' But you could barely hear her over the sound of raucous laughter. 'Oh for crying out loud this is an aeroplane, not a comedy show. Grow up, all of you. Arthur, go and make supper.'
'Okay Mum. 2 minutes, 1 minute, 4 minutes?'
'Surprisingly Arthur, that's right.'

Both Shappies left the flight deck, leaving Martin and Douglas still sniggering like naughty school boys. As their laugher died Martin, an errant curl sticking up from the side of his head, turned to Douglas and asked, 'Got any of that French chocolate left from last trip? I fancy a little aperitif.'
'I believe you mean hors d'oeuvre. The Milka? Yes, I think I do. Top of my bag, can you grab it; I'm somewhat busy flying a plane.'
Rolling his eyes, Martin stood, stretched and walked to the flight deck cupboard. As he pulled out Douglas' flight bag and riffled through it for the bar of chocolate something caught his eye, ' Douglas what's...wow?' Martin had pulled out a sparkling bracelet. He held it up to the light, inspecting it closely. The jewels glittered in the cockpit sun; there were a lot of them. 'Who the hell is this for, cause, thanks, but it's not really to my taste?'
Douglas gestured for it 'Thank you Cynthia, but it's not for anybody. I got given it back.' He spoke in a clipped tone but still Martin, oblivious as always, continued.
'Who gave this back?'
'Helena.'
The flight deck went very quiet, like the start of a storm. 'Yes, thought I might get that response.'
'Douglas, I'm sorry I shouldn't...'
'No, it's fine. You didn't give it back. She did it this morning. We had a meeting with the lawyer, things got a bit messy and well, she said she didn't want any reminders. Bit rich if you ask me, given that she was the one who slept with Hoi Min.' He saw Martin's confused expression and added, 'The Ti Chi teacher.'
'So she gave it back. Silly if you ask me, clearly doesn't know how much it's worth, how much I was willing to spend...I got it in Moscow that time.' Douglas went quiet for a moment and then said sadly, 'from Russia with love.'
Douglas trailed off looking sadly at the item. As always when things got 'personal' Martin had no idea what to say. He floundered around like a confused sloth for a moment, clutching at the Milka.
'Chocolate?' He plumped for after a minute's deliberation.
'How kind,' Douglas said, his sly smile returning. 'Offering me my own food.'
'Sorry,' Martin mumbled.
'About the food, or Helena?' Douglas gave a wry laugh devoid of humour. 'Well you know what they say, live and let die.'
Martin though for a second as he retook his Captain's seat. 'Live. Live and let live.' He corrected.
'Not in this case,' said Douglas bitterly. But Martin knew he was joking. Sadly, he was well aware that whatever Douglas said about his nearly-ex wife, he really did love her and was, against everything the First Officer stood for, upset by her betrayal.
To try and lighten the mood, he asked 'What is it worth?'
'More than you,' quipped Douglas, but his lighter tone was back and so Martin let out a quiet sigh of relief. 'But you know what they say; diamonds are forever, so I thought it was worth it. Clearly we had different concepts of forever.'
Martin saw the thunderous look return to Douglas' face and decided it was best to drop all topics and simply let the First Officer 'fly some plane' for a bit. Douglas placed the bracelet in his top pocket and the cockpit sunk into a slightly difficult silence.