I'm really sorry that this took so long, but I really don't like this chapter. It just wouldn't write. I've had the next chapter written for a little over a week, so it should be up by either later today or the day after tomorrow. I would also like to apologize in advance in case I offend anyone in this chapter with the references to Catholicism. It's nothing personal, I just felt that it helped show how much he is falling apart. Haha, completely accidental. Falling Apart 3
Idiot. Fuckhead. Wanker. Pussy. Cocksucker. Worthless piece of shit. With each insult, with each curse, you punch her pillow as hard as you can. With each punch, insult and curse, you grow a little weaker. Exhausted from your short temper tantrum and a week of mild insomnia, you flop back onto the bed. There is simply no way around it; being stupid enough to get caught (by the one woman whose thrall you worship, no less) makes the urge to swallow a full fucking bottle of codeine threes increase more than three-fold.
You actually almost find it funny that there was once a time when your stuck up Catholic sensibilities kept you from things like self-mutilation and suicidal thoughts. Lately you only ever go to church when you have Parker on a Sunday, and the only times you ever pray are for Parker too. Your hardy Catholic mother is probably starting to worry because she hasn't heard from you in a week.
From your mother your mind jumps to the last time that she worried about you, really worried. Those were the days of murder and honour. Ha, honour. Try though you might, you've never truly convinced yourself that your military services were, in fact honourable. Any explanation of how killing fathers and children and mothers and friends could possibly be remotely moral would be, for lack of a better term, helpful.
But regardless of your family oriented conscience, what bothers you more than your mother worrying about you is knowing that your beloved partner is worrying about you. Trying so hard when you're giving up on yourself like the mother-fucking fuck-face that you are. And you can't get enough of her concern. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. So fucking tired. Fuck. Fuck. Fu…
So thanks for reading and please, please, please review.