Title: No Advanced Warning
Author: Darkstarspanky aka Carter
Summary: SG-1 gate to a planet with Ancient technology. With this technology, they get themselves into a rather...interesting situation.
Rating: PG
Spoilers: Anything that happened previous to "Heroes I & II"
Disclaimer: Not mine...yadda, yadda, yadda...I only own the SG-1 DVDs and a shipload of tapes...
Author's Note: First off, I'd like to say thanks to Sci Fi Fan Gillian and dinkydow for their reviews! I figured out that other review didn't get deleted. Again, I feel like an idiot. Oi. At least I fixed the review problem. I don't know if I'm actually suffering from writer's block at the moment, I guess once I start writing the ideas just come to me. I don't know. Anyway, I hope you guys enjoy this update!
Sam's POV (I really don't have to keep putting this, do I? Oh, well.)
We're still getting weird looks in the halls as we try and find Teal'c. You'd think these people had never seen teenagers handcuffed together before. I'm sure a fair amount of these people have been arrested before. I've checked their files. The question is: how'd they manage to get assigned here if they've been arrested? Who knows?
"Do you think he'll help us? I mean, I know he laughed at us, but that doesn't mean he'll want to prank anyone." I said as we continued walking down the hallway
"It's Teal'c. He may not look like it, but he can't get enough of pulling pranks on people. Like during that time loop a few years ago...we had some fun."
"Like what? You looked frustrated the day we shut that thing down."
"Ahem...nothing. If you'd been through at least three months of the same day, wouldn't you be frustrated?"
"Of course I would. I think. But seriously, what was that look for?"
"What look?"
"That look! The one you gave me at breakfast when Daniel asked you if you were tempted to do something crazy!"
"Oh, that look. I don't remember."
The man was lying through his teeth. I hate it when he does that. So I decided to throw all military protocol out the window and I slapped his arm. The one I wasn't attached to, that is.
"Hey! I could bring you up on charges for assaulting a superior officer!"
"But you wouldn't..."
Ha! I had him on that one. You know, it's nice to have a CO that has a soft spot for you. That, and it's probably because I'm a woman that he would go easy on me. Hmm.
"No, I wouldn't. And I can see you're taking full advantage of that."
Yeah, he's right. I am. It's just so damn fun!
"Of course not. I would never do that."
"You know I can tell when you're lying to me."
"You can? I mean...I wasn't lying to you."
Whoops. Heh. Almost got caught with that one.
"You were."
"Oh, look! Hi, Teal'c! We were just looking for you!"
Saved by the Jaffa. I resisted the urge to sigh in relief at that moment.
"What has transpired?"
Tricky man. Avoiding all mention of these stupid cuffs. He's the one that put us in them!
"We were just wondering if you could help us with something..."
"Yes, let's go into my lab and talk there."
"Indeed. Uncover the pathway."
"Ahem...lead the way, Carter."
"Yes, Sir."
Se we were on our way. I had a feeling that Teal'c would be eager to join our little band of merry pranksters. Though you wouldn't know it just by looking at the man. It's great to have allies on this base. You never know when you might need to get a little revenge. Did that sound too dramatic? Oh, well.
We got to my lab a few moments later. Once inside, I made sure the door had closed before opening my mouth to speak.
"Okay, Teal'c. We need your help with a prank we are trying to pull."
"Whom do you wish to...prank?"
"Well, Danny boy decided it would be utterly hilarious if he set my alarm clock to wake us up."
"Is that not the function of the clock alarm?"
"Of course it is...what I meant was that he set it when it didn't need to be set. It woke us up and scared the hell out of us."
"Yeah, and I have a feeling that this will be the first in a long line of back problems for me. I'll kill that archaeologist. Just wait till I get my hands on him..."
"Carter...what did I say about that?"
"Fine...but you're only saying that because you weren't the one that landed on your back with someone on top of you."
Teal'c raised his eyebrow, apparently that last statement sounded strange to him.
"It's not like it sounds! It was the handcuffs, I swear!" I said, trying to explain what happened.
"Uh...can we get on with it?"
"Yes, right. Teal'c, we need your help on this prank. We need to make it something funny, but not mentally or physically damaging."
I got a look from Jack.
"Okay, maybe a little bit of physical damage. But nothing that'll be hard to repair. I may be mad at the guy, but I don't want to kill him. I wouldn't never get that mark off my record."
Jack looked at me in astonishment. Apparently he didn't know I was capable of making that kind of joke. After spending over seven years with the guy, it's hard not to pick up a few things from him. Though I used to make those jokes all the time, just not around them.
"What? I can make a joke like that, can't I?"
"Uh...sure. I just didn't think you would."
"May we continue the proceedings?"
"Right. Well, we just want to prank Daniel. Dr. Fraiser suggested that we switch his coffee with decaf. That would at least annoy him until we get something bigger. Then Ja... I mean Colonel O'Neill suggested that we put a crap load of Jell-O in his locker...what do you think?"
Oh...crap. I almost slipped up that time. I think they noticed. The main reason being they were both giving me weird looks. Well, Jack was. Teal'c doesn't really give any looks but the impassive and raised eyebrow.
"At this time I have no suggestions."
"What? Jaffa children never had pranks to play on each other? That's impossible!" Jack said
You know, maybe I should stop calling him Jack. Even if it is just in my head. I almost got myself into trouble a minute ago. Nah...as long as it doesn't happen again, I should be fine. Hopefully.
"But you won't tell Daniel about this, will you?"
"Indeed I will not. I must return to my quarters."
"Okay, go ahead Teal'c. Um...thanks." Jack said as Teal'c walked out the door
"We can always get the mess hall to make only decaf, or just change Daniel's own personal coffee maker...if we use the mess hall coffee makers, then we'll let everyone know so that they can find some caffeine."
"Sure...can we go see the General about getting these damn things off?" Jack asked
"What? You're already tired of being around me? You could have just said something..."
"No...I didn't say that. I just have something to do..."
"And you can't tell me what that something is. Right. Fine, we'll go see about the removal of these cuffs." I said as we started walking
We made our way to the General's office in almost record time. I think there was at least one record we didn't break. He really must have wanted these cuffs off. Now I'm hurt. Gosh.
"Colonel, Major, what can I do for you?" Sergeant Davis asked as we entered the control room.
"We were looking for General Hammond."
"He's in his office."
"Thanks."
We went up the stairs, through the briefing room, and walked straight into the General's office.
"Sir, can you take these things off now?" Jack asked, holding up our joined wrists
"Do you promise not to run away?"
Now the General's doing it too? Has this world gone completely, utterly mad?! We may look like children, but we aren't! Hmm...maybe we should prank the General too. I'll have to mention it later.
"Yes, Sir. We promise not to run away." I said, feeling quite stupid
"Alright. But if you get into any more trouble, they go right back on."
"Then we'll make sure we don't get into any trouble." I said
That last statement translates into: We promise not to get caught doing something stupid so we don't get in trouble.
"Right, what she said."
"I'm going to hold you to that." General Hammond said as he unlocked the cuffs.
"Ah...thank you, Sir." Jack said
Now it feels weird not having this weight on my wrist. Damn. Now I miss it. I'm turning sappy. I need my alien "doohickeys" now. Maybe I can find something good for my own little prank...
We left the General's office and went downstairs, out of the control room and down the hall.
"So, do you want to take care of the coffee, or should I?" I asked
"I think you should. I'll take care of the Jell-O."
"Oh, Sir, make sure you take everything important out..."
"Yes, mom."
"Hey! Is that your way of implying that I'm old?"
"No...but you can't order me around. I'm ranking officer in this operation."
"Heh...at this moment I'm not inclined to follow your orders. We are the same age, after all."
"Ugh...Carter. Fine. I'm sorry. Does that make you feel better?"
"Hmm...the Colonel apologizing...yeah, I guess that makes me feel better."
"Whatever. I'll see you later."
I snickered as I said, "Bye, Sir."
Ah...now for the good part. I have a feeling the staff will be more than happy to help me out in this endeavor of ours. This is just the beginning...he doesn't have a chance. Poor guy. Not. I'll just have to go find some people who aren't so sympathetic to Daniel. He's got most of the women on this base under his spell. Mostly the infirmary staff.
I got them to change the type of coffee with relative ease. I guess I have a few followers as well. Hmm...must mention that to Janet. And to Jack so that he'll go on a jealous rampage, then finally declaring his love for me. Yeah...I didn't think that would happen either. But a girl can hope.
I went to the locker room where Jack should have been doing the Jell-O bit. Hopefully he remembered to take out all the documents for copy. Probably not. So I guess it's a good thing I already did that. I quietly came into the locker room, careful not to make a sound. Came up behind Jack and decided to jump him. In the non-sexual sense of course.
You'd think the man would have noticed something. I mean, he is after all Special-Ops trained. Oh, well. I jumped at him from the side, and took him down. It was quite funny to see him scared out of his wits. Especially because it was me who scared him. As soon as he saw my face, I couldn't hold it in. I started howling with laughter. The look on his face was priceless! This is one of those times I wish I had a camera!
"Carter! What the hell was that for?! Can't you see I was working?!" Jack yelled.
"Yes, Sir. I'm sorry. I just couldn't resist!" I said, while laughing.
"I thought we were pulling the pranks on Danny? Not that I mind you jumping me..."
HEY! When I heard that, I immediately stopped laughing. Does he always have to remind me of that? Now no one is safe! They're both going down...
"Excuse me...you can't afford to talk until you tell me what happened in the time loops...all of them."
Ha ha. That's the quickest I've ever seen him close his mouth...I must remember that trigger.
"Did you remember to take out Daniel's stuff for copies?"
"Uh..."
I gasped. We are so screwed. Then I saw the smirk on his face. That weasel!
"Why you..."
I couldn't think of anything to call him that wouldn't earn me a date with a lawyer.
"Yes?"
"One of these days..."
"One of these days you'll do what?"
"I have no idea..."
"Well, if you're done using incomplete sentences, can we get on with this prank? I need your help."
"Fine. What do you want me to do?"
"Go to the mess hall and find some more Jell-O. Oh, and make sure Danny isn't coming in here any time soon."
"What do you want me to do? Lock him in his office?"
"If you feel it's necessary, then yes."
"Wow...this should be fun." I said, showing an evil grin
"And if it's not, I'm blaming you."
"Not if I blame you first..."
Oh yeah, brilliant. You seriously need to work on that. You sound like a freaking five year old! Someone please slap me.
"Try and come back soon."
"Yes, Sir."
I left the locker room, feeling a little happier. I jumped the colonel, made him speechless, and I get to lock Daniel in his office! This should be one hell of a day. I just have to make sure that everyone at the security station knows not to respond to Daniel's calls.
I went looking for Daniel, but I hadn't found him after about 20 minutes of searching. So I decided I should probably go for the Jell-O. Though I'm not too sure Jack actually needs it anymore. If not, I guess I have my midnight snack planned out for me.
I went back to the locker room only to find that I had been right. Jack had already finished with the locker by the time I got back. So I went to put the Jell-O in my quarters. They don't know I have a mini-fridge in there, and I'm not planning to tell them.
I was still looking for Daniel when I decided to go back to his office to see if he was there. When I opened the door, I got a big surprise. Ugh...slime. I saw Jack in the corner, holding the string attached to the bucket whose contents were now all over me. That's it! I walked over to him, leaving a trail of slime on my way.
"Carter? What are you doing in here? I thought you were looking for Daniel?"
Dumb question. This is Daniel's office, which meant I was still looking for him.
"Oh, I guess you still are, aren't you?"
Thank you, Colonel Obvious.
"Uh...I'm sorry?"
"..."
"Carter...say something..."
I walked even closer to him. At this point, our noses were almost touching. I was just staring at him, and he was staring right back at me. Albeit his was more of a nervous stare. He was also watching me anxiously awaiting my next move. I think he believed I was about to kill him. But I can't kill him if I want to one day have his children...ACK! I have to stop thinking about that. At least for now.
"Okay, if you just want to stare...that's fine..."
I backed away and let him get up from the floor. But I still said nothing.
"Seriously, this whole 'silence' thing is starting to scare me..."
"Run."
"What?"
"Run. Because when I find you..."
With that he tore out of the room and down the hall. I ran out after him yelling,
"Your ass is so mine, O'Neill!"
Needless to say, that got a few looks from the passing personnel. Or maybe it was the green slime still dripping from my body. I really don't know. But I did know that Jack was gonna get it big time. Or at least I would make him think that. Nah, he's gonna get it.
I think I'll put some nice, sharp tacks in his boots while he's asleep...then I'll help him get more slime. Maybe next time we should keep ourselves handcuffed together when pulling pranks, then we wouldn't have to worry about this happening again.
I'll talk to the General about getting those cuffs put back on. I'll just tell him Jack's been getting into a lot of trouble and then he'll get stuck with me. Ah the ways I can torment him. What fun. That and I can sleep in the same bed as him again...it was such a nice feeling.
At least I'm not thinking about children again. Oh, I just thought about it didn't I? Damn it all to hell! As long as I don't say it in front of him, I should be fine. If I do, I can go to my favorite option: run like hell!
I ran into Janet in the hallway, and had to tell her about the incident. She told me that Jack was actually hiding in the infirmary. I guess he thought I would never look there, considering it's his least favorite place. It sucks to be him right now.
"Hey, Colonel. How's it going?"
I found him sitting on the bed with the curtains pulled around him. I saw his shadow jump at the sound of my voice. It's nice to know I have this kind of effect on him.
"Uh...hi, Carter. I'm...fine. How are you?"
"Oh, I'm still covered in slime. And I haven't found Daniel."
I'll make him think he's in the clear, and hit him with revenge when he least expects it. Like Dad always used to tell me: revenge is a dish best served cold. Which reminds me, it's getting a little chilly in here. I really need to take a shower.
"I haven't either."
"That's because you've been in here since you ran out of Daniel's office an hour ago."
"True...are you going to kill me?"
"No. Not yet, anyway. I still need you."
"Thank God."
"But next time you try the slime over the door thing, let me know first."
"Yeah...I guess I should apologize, shouldn't I?"
"Mm...yeah. I would say that's a nice course of action." I said, while nodding.
I have a feeling this will work out better now. Only because he's so afraid of me that he'll listen to anything I tell him to do. If he won't do it because he's afraid of me, he'll do it because he loves me. Well, maybe he doesn't. But I've always thought he does.
He was just staring at me. Again. I don't think he realizes I catch him as much as I do. But it's so cute! Really, I need to stop thinking like this. It's turning my brain to mush. Then it won't function, I won't be able to pull off the prank, or keep my job, or confuse the hell out of people. If that happened, my life would be over.
At least I'd still have my health. Yeah, sure. Whatever.
"Let's go pay a little visit to your Space Monkey."
"Yes, why don't we do that..."
"After we finish this prank on Daniel, you better watch your back."
"I thought you said you weren't going to kill me?"
"Oh, I'm not. I just said watch your back. You never know when I might...pounce on an opportunity."
"Ha ha. Very funny."
"I am, aren't I?"
"Surprisingly for a scientist, you are."
"I'll have to take that as a compliment. Because you know if you insult me, I will have to kill you."
He smiled nervously as I dragged him out of the infirmary. Yeah...I miss the handcuffs. I'm going to talk to the General about this. I'll tell him I fear for the Colonel's safety. You know, that he might inadvertently hurt himself or something. If he doesn't believe me...then I'll tell him...well, I'll think of it when the time comes. For now, I'll just help Jack make more slime for Daniel's office door. What good is being a scientist if you can't create slime?
A/N: Sorry it took me so long once again. I liked bits and pieces of this chapter...but let me know what you guys think! Well, I'll try to get another chapter up by Wednesday, but I can't guarantee it. I still think my writing gets worse with each chapter...but I hope not. Anyway, please review and let me know what you think!
Later,
Darkstarspanky aka Carter
Author: Darkstarspanky aka Carter
Summary: SG-1 gate to a planet with Ancient technology. With this technology, they get themselves into a rather...interesting situation.
Rating: PG
Spoilers: Anything that happened previous to "Heroes I & II"
Disclaimer: Not mine...yadda, yadda, yadda...I only own the SG-1 DVDs and a shipload of tapes...
Author's Note: First off, I'd like to say thanks to Sci Fi Fan Gillian and dinkydow for their reviews! I figured out that other review didn't get deleted. Again, I feel like an idiot. Oi. At least I fixed the review problem. I don't know if I'm actually suffering from writer's block at the moment, I guess once I start writing the ideas just come to me. I don't know. Anyway, I hope you guys enjoy this update!
Sam's POV (I really don't have to keep putting this, do I? Oh, well.)
We're still getting weird looks in the halls as we try and find Teal'c. You'd think these people had never seen teenagers handcuffed together before. I'm sure a fair amount of these people have been arrested before. I've checked their files. The question is: how'd they manage to get assigned here if they've been arrested? Who knows?
"Do you think he'll help us? I mean, I know he laughed at us, but that doesn't mean he'll want to prank anyone." I said as we continued walking down the hallway
"It's Teal'c. He may not look like it, but he can't get enough of pulling pranks on people. Like during that time loop a few years ago...we had some fun."
"Like what? You looked frustrated the day we shut that thing down."
"Ahem...nothing. If you'd been through at least three months of the same day, wouldn't you be frustrated?"
"Of course I would. I think. But seriously, what was that look for?"
"What look?"
"That look! The one you gave me at breakfast when Daniel asked you if you were tempted to do something crazy!"
"Oh, that look. I don't remember."
The man was lying through his teeth. I hate it when he does that. So I decided to throw all military protocol out the window and I slapped his arm. The one I wasn't attached to, that is.
"Hey! I could bring you up on charges for assaulting a superior officer!"
"But you wouldn't..."
Ha! I had him on that one. You know, it's nice to have a CO that has a soft spot for you. That, and it's probably because I'm a woman that he would go easy on me. Hmm.
"No, I wouldn't. And I can see you're taking full advantage of that."
Yeah, he's right. I am. It's just so damn fun!
"Of course not. I would never do that."
"You know I can tell when you're lying to me."
"You can? I mean...I wasn't lying to you."
Whoops. Heh. Almost got caught with that one.
"You were."
"Oh, look! Hi, Teal'c! We were just looking for you!"
Saved by the Jaffa. I resisted the urge to sigh in relief at that moment.
"What has transpired?"
Tricky man. Avoiding all mention of these stupid cuffs. He's the one that put us in them!
"We were just wondering if you could help us with something..."
"Yes, let's go into my lab and talk there."
"Indeed. Uncover the pathway."
"Ahem...lead the way, Carter."
"Yes, Sir."
Se we were on our way. I had a feeling that Teal'c would be eager to join our little band of merry pranksters. Though you wouldn't know it just by looking at the man. It's great to have allies on this base. You never know when you might need to get a little revenge. Did that sound too dramatic? Oh, well.
We got to my lab a few moments later. Once inside, I made sure the door had closed before opening my mouth to speak.
"Okay, Teal'c. We need your help with a prank we are trying to pull."
"Whom do you wish to...prank?"
"Well, Danny boy decided it would be utterly hilarious if he set my alarm clock to wake us up."
"Is that not the function of the clock alarm?"
"Of course it is...what I meant was that he set it when it didn't need to be set. It woke us up and scared the hell out of us."
"Yeah, and I have a feeling that this will be the first in a long line of back problems for me. I'll kill that archaeologist. Just wait till I get my hands on him..."
"Carter...what did I say about that?"
"Fine...but you're only saying that because you weren't the one that landed on your back with someone on top of you."
Teal'c raised his eyebrow, apparently that last statement sounded strange to him.
"It's not like it sounds! It was the handcuffs, I swear!" I said, trying to explain what happened.
"Uh...can we get on with it?"
"Yes, right. Teal'c, we need your help on this prank. We need to make it something funny, but not mentally or physically damaging."
I got a look from Jack.
"Okay, maybe a little bit of physical damage. But nothing that'll be hard to repair. I may be mad at the guy, but I don't want to kill him. I wouldn't never get that mark off my record."
Jack looked at me in astonishment. Apparently he didn't know I was capable of making that kind of joke. After spending over seven years with the guy, it's hard not to pick up a few things from him. Though I used to make those jokes all the time, just not around them.
"What? I can make a joke like that, can't I?"
"Uh...sure. I just didn't think you would."
"May we continue the proceedings?"
"Right. Well, we just want to prank Daniel. Dr. Fraiser suggested that we switch his coffee with decaf. That would at least annoy him until we get something bigger. Then Ja... I mean Colonel O'Neill suggested that we put a crap load of Jell-O in his locker...what do you think?"
Oh...crap. I almost slipped up that time. I think they noticed. The main reason being they were both giving me weird looks. Well, Jack was. Teal'c doesn't really give any looks but the impassive and raised eyebrow.
"At this time I have no suggestions."
"What? Jaffa children never had pranks to play on each other? That's impossible!" Jack said
You know, maybe I should stop calling him Jack. Even if it is just in my head. I almost got myself into trouble a minute ago. Nah...as long as it doesn't happen again, I should be fine. Hopefully.
"But you won't tell Daniel about this, will you?"
"Indeed I will not. I must return to my quarters."
"Okay, go ahead Teal'c. Um...thanks." Jack said as Teal'c walked out the door
"We can always get the mess hall to make only decaf, or just change Daniel's own personal coffee maker...if we use the mess hall coffee makers, then we'll let everyone know so that they can find some caffeine."
"Sure...can we go see the General about getting these damn things off?" Jack asked
"What? You're already tired of being around me? You could have just said something..."
"No...I didn't say that. I just have something to do..."
"And you can't tell me what that something is. Right. Fine, we'll go see about the removal of these cuffs." I said as we started walking
We made our way to the General's office in almost record time. I think there was at least one record we didn't break. He really must have wanted these cuffs off. Now I'm hurt. Gosh.
"Colonel, Major, what can I do for you?" Sergeant Davis asked as we entered the control room.
"We were looking for General Hammond."
"He's in his office."
"Thanks."
We went up the stairs, through the briefing room, and walked straight into the General's office.
"Sir, can you take these things off now?" Jack asked, holding up our joined wrists
"Do you promise not to run away?"
Now the General's doing it too? Has this world gone completely, utterly mad?! We may look like children, but we aren't! Hmm...maybe we should prank the General too. I'll have to mention it later.
"Yes, Sir. We promise not to run away." I said, feeling quite stupid
"Alright. But if you get into any more trouble, they go right back on."
"Then we'll make sure we don't get into any trouble." I said
That last statement translates into: We promise not to get caught doing something stupid so we don't get in trouble.
"Right, what she said."
"I'm going to hold you to that." General Hammond said as he unlocked the cuffs.
"Ah...thank you, Sir." Jack said
Now it feels weird not having this weight on my wrist. Damn. Now I miss it. I'm turning sappy. I need my alien "doohickeys" now. Maybe I can find something good for my own little prank...
We left the General's office and went downstairs, out of the control room and down the hall.
"So, do you want to take care of the coffee, or should I?" I asked
"I think you should. I'll take care of the Jell-O."
"Oh, Sir, make sure you take everything important out..."
"Yes, mom."
"Hey! Is that your way of implying that I'm old?"
"No...but you can't order me around. I'm ranking officer in this operation."
"Heh...at this moment I'm not inclined to follow your orders. We are the same age, after all."
"Ugh...Carter. Fine. I'm sorry. Does that make you feel better?"
"Hmm...the Colonel apologizing...yeah, I guess that makes me feel better."
"Whatever. I'll see you later."
I snickered as I said, "Bye, Sir."
Ah...now for the good part. I have a feeling the staff will be more than happy to help me out in this endeavor of ours. This is just the beginning...he doesn't have a chance. Poor guy. Not. I'll just have to go find some people who aren't so sympathetic to Daniel. He's got most of the women on this base under his spell. Mostly the infirmary staff.
I got them to change the type of coffee with relative ease. I guess I have a few followers as well. Hmm...must mention that to Janet. And to Jack so that he'll go on a jealous rampage, then finally declaring his love for me. Yeah...I didn't think that would happen either. But a girl can hope.
I went to the locker room where Jack should have been doing the Jell-O bit. Hopefully he remembered to take out all the documents for copy. Probably not. So I guess it's a good thing I already did that. I quietly came into the locker room, careful not to make a sound. Came up behind Jack and decided to jump him. In the non-sexual sense of course.
You'd think the man would have noticed something. I mean, he is after all Special-Ops trained. Oh, well. I jumped at him from the side, and took him down. It was quite funny to see him scared out of his wits. Especially because it was me who scared him. As soon as he saw my face, I couldn't hold it in. I started howling with laughter. The look on his face was priceless! This is one of those times I wish I had a camera!
"Carter! What the hell was that for?! Can't you see I was working?!" Jack yelled.
"Yes, Sir. I'm sorry. I just couldn't resist!" I said, while laughing.
"I thought we were pulling the pranks on Danny? Not that I mind you jumping me..."
HEY! When I heard that, I immediately stopped laughing. Does he always have to remind me of that? Now no one is safe! They're both going down...
"Excuse me...you can't afford to talk until you tell me what happened in the time loops...all of them."
Ha ha. That's the quickest I've ever seen him close his mouth...I must remember that trigger.
"Did you remember to take out Daniel's stuff for copies?"
"Uh..."
I gasped. We are so screwed. Then I saw the smirk on his face. That weasel!
"Why you..."
I couldn't think of anything to call him that wouldn't earn me a date with a lawyer.
"Yes?"
"One of these days..."
"One of these days you'll do what?"
"I have no idea..."
"Well, if you're done using incomplete sentences, can we get on with this prank? I need your help."
"Fine. What do you want me to do?"
"Go to the mess hall and find some more Jell-O. Oh, and make sure Danny isn't coming in here any time soon."
"What do you want me to do? Lock him in his office?"
"If you feel it's necessary, then yes."
"Wow...this should be fun." I said, showing an evil grin
"And if it's not, I'm blaming you."
"Not if I blame you first..."
Oh yeah, brilliant. You seriously need to work on that. You sound like a freaking five year old! Someone please slap me.
"Try and come back soon."
"Yes, Sir."
I left the locker room, feeling a little happier. I jumped the colonel, made him speechless, and I get to lock Daniel in his office! This should be one hell of a day. I just have to make sure that everyone at the security station knows not to respond to Daniel's calls.
I went looking for Daniel, but I hadn't found him after about 20 minutes of searching. So I decided I should probably go for the Jell-O. Though I'm not too sure Jack actually needs it anymore. If not, I guess I have my midnight snack planned out for me.
I went back to the locker room only to find that I had been right. Jack had already finished with the locker by the time I got back. So I went to put the Jell-O in my quarters. They don't know I have a mini-fridge in there, and I'm not planning to tell them.
I was still looking for Daniel when I decided to go back to his office to see if he was there. When I opened the door, I got a big surprise. Ugh...slime. I saw Jack in the corner, holding the string attached to the bucket whose contents were now all over me. That's it! I walked over to him, leaving a trail of slime on my way.
"Carter? What are you doing in here? I thought you were looking for Daniel?"
Dumb question. This is Daniel's office, which meant I was still looking for him.
"Oh, I guess you still are, aren't you?"
Thank you, Colonel Obvious.
"Uh...I'm sorry?"
"..."
"Carter...say something..."
I walked even closer to him. At this point, our noses were almost touching. I was just staring at him, and he was staring right back at me. Albeit his was more of a nervous stare. He was also watching me anxiously awaiting my next move. I think he believed I was about to kill him. But I can't kill him if I want to one day have his children...ACK! I have to stop thinking about that. At least for now.
"Okay, if you just want to stare...that's fine..."
I backed away and let him get up from the floor. But I still said nothing.
"Seriously, this whole 'silence' thing is starting to scare me..."
"Run."
"What?"
"Run. Because when I find you..."
With that he tore out of the room and down the hall. I ran out after him yelling,
"Your ass is so mine, O'Neill!"
Needless to say, that got a few looks from the passing personnel. Or maybe it was the green slime still dripping from my body. I really don't know. But I did know that Jack was gonna get it big time. Or at least I would make him think that. Nah, he's gonna get it.
I think I'll put some nice, sharp tacks in his boots while he's asleep...then I'll help him get more slime. Maybe next time we should keep ourselves handcuffed together when pulling pranks, then we wouldn't have to worry about this happening again.
I'll talk to the General about getting those cuffs put back on. I'll just tell him Jack's been getting into a lot of trouble and then he'll get stuck with me. Ah the ways I can torment him. What fun. That and I can sleep in the same bed as him again...it was such a nice feeling.
At least I'm not thinking about children again. Oh, I just thought about it didn't I? Damn it all to hell! As long as I don't say it in front of him, I should be fine. If I do, I can go to my favorite option: run like hell!
I ran into Janet in the hallway, and had to tell her about the incident. She told me that Jack was actually hiding in the infirmary. I guess he thought I would never look there, considering it's his least favorite place. It sucks to be him right now.
"Hey, Colonel. How's it going?"
I found him sitting on the bed with the curtains pulled around him. I saw his shadow jump at the sound of my voice. It's nice to know I have this kind of effect on him.
"Uh...hi, Carter. I'm...fine. How are you?"
"Oh, I'm still covered in slime. And I haven't found Daniel."
I'll make him think he's in the clear, and hit him with revenge when he least expects it. Like Dad always used to tell me: revenge is a dish best served cold. Which reminds me, it's getting a little chilly in here. I really need to take a shower.
"I haven't either."
"That's because you've been in here since you ran out of Daniel's office an hour ago."
"True...are you going to kill me?"
"No. Not yet, anyway. I still need you."
"Thank God."
"But next time you try the slime over the door thing, let me know first."
"Yeah...I guess I should apologize, shouldn't I?"
"Mm...yeah. I would say that's a nice course of action." I said, while nodding.
I have a feeling this will work out better now. Only because he's so afraid of me that he'll listen to anything I tell him to do. If he won't do it because he's afraid of me, he'll do it because he loves me. Well, maybe he doesn't. But I've always thought he does.
He was just staring at me. Again. I don't think he realizes I catch him as much as I do. But it's so cute! Really, I need to stop thinking like this. It's turning my brain to mush. Then it won't function, I won't be able to pull off the prank, or keep my job, or confuse the hell out of people. If that happened, my life would be over.
At least I'd still have my health. Yeah, sure. Whatever.
"Let's go pay a little visit to your Space Monkey."
"Yes, why don't we do that..."
"After we finish this prank on Daniel, you better watch your back."
"I thought you said you weren't going to kill me?"
"Oh, I'm not. I just said watch your back. You never know when I might...pounce on an opportunity."
"Ha ha. Very funny."
"I am, aren't I?"
"Surprisingly for a scientist, you are."
"I'll have to take that as a compliment. Because you know if you insult me, I will have to kill you."
He smiled nervously as I dragged him out of the infirmary. Yeah...I miss the handcuffs. I'm going to talk to the General about this. I'll tell him I fear for the Colonel's safety. You know, that he might inadvertently hurt himself or something. If he doesn't believe me...then I'll tell him...well, I'll think of it when the time comes. For now, I'll just help Jack make more slime for Daniel's office door. What good is being a scientist if you can't create slime?
A/N: Sorry it took me so long once again. I liked bits and pieces of this chapter...but let me know what you guys think! Well, I'll try to get another chapter up by Wednesday, but I can't guarantee it. I still think my writing gets worse with each chapter...but I hope not. Anyway, please review and let me know what you think!
Later,
Darkstarspanky aka Carter