Title: No Advanced Warning

Author: Darkstarspanky aka Carter

Summary: SG-1 gate to a planet with Ancient technology. With this technology, they get themselves into a rather...interesting situation.

Rating: PG (language, mostly)

Spoilers: Anything that happened previous to "Heroes I & II"

Archive: If anyone wants it, let me know first.

Disclaimer: Not mine...yadda, yadda, yadda...I only own the SG-1 DVDs and a shipload of tapes...

Author's Note: Um... alright! It's been an immensely long time since I updated this. I hope you all will forgive me! I hope you enjoy this chapter as much as you have the others! Though I do have to warn you, this story might be a little inconsistent at first, until it picks back up again... I can't really remember everything I had planned for this story [looks down in shame. Well, read and enjoy (and review?)!!

Sam's POV

I heard Jack pick himself up off the floor and groan.

'You have such a way with people, did you know that?'

I heard the thought float through my mind. That's not the pot calling the kettle black at all, is it? Besides, I have excellent people skills compared to his. Even Teal'c does sometimes. And he just threatens people when they piss him off.

'You seem to like me well enough.'

He's just mad cause I beat him at his own game. He hates it when that happens. I felt like doing another victory jig, but thought better of it. I could see his shadow rounding the corner and didn't feel like sticking around to see the aftermath of my actions. Cowardice at it's best!

'My feelings have nothing to do with it. General Hammond is the only reason you're still on SG-1.'

I could just feel the smirk that once again graced his lips. That was downright low. And not true. I decided not to dignify that last remark with an answer. Despite the fact that I had an extremely witty one planned.

'No you didn't.'

'Oh, damn it all! No matter how hard I try, there's no escaping you, is there?'

"Nope. I'm everywhere," Jack said as he tackled me from behind.

I let out a surprised noise as we fell to the floor, knocking down one or two crates on our way.

I shifted my body underneath him so that we were face to face.

"You've got to stop doing that."

"Oh, but it's just so much fun."

I just grunted in response. I'm sure once I find a bunch of bruises all over me, he won't be saying that. Well, at any rate, I never said that. Well, at least not when I was the one being tackled, anyway.

We were still situated in that manner when Daniel walked in, who was followed by Teal'c. I looked around me. We were all just standing there (or in my case, lying on the floor with Jack on top of me), staring at each other.

"… this is kind of awkward…," I said.

"Yeah… it's gettin' there." (A/N: Yeah, totally stole that from "Moebius Part II".)

After about five minutes of awkward silence and staring, Jack and I finally stood up. Wait a minute… who is driving the ship?! No one? Oh, great. We're gonna die. Happy ending for us, then.

"Hey, uh, not to be a party pooper, cause, you know how much I hate doing that, but don't you think someone should be, oh, I don't know, flying this damn ship?!" Jack exclaimed.

Daniel looked at us all with wide eyes and ran out of the room.

Teal'c finally spoke, "Does Daniel Jackson not realize that while in hyperspace it is not necessary for the pilot to 'steer' the ship?"

Oh, I'd forgotten about that. While it's probably a better idea to have someone sitting there in case something decides to go wrong, (which, of course, never happens to us) just so that everyone doesn't die. That would be a wonderful ending to this equally wonderful adventure. I wouldn't even get to properly make out with Jack! And I really hope he didn't hear that.

'Hear what?'

'Huh?'

"Apparently not. Otherwise he wouldn't have rushed to get back."

I think that was the most normal thing I've managed to say since this whole fandango began. Amazing. Ah, how I miss being normal.

Just then, Jack tripped over one of the fallen crates.

"Damn it! How'd that get there?!"

Or maybe I don't. Hahahahahahahaha. I do believe this is why I've stayed with the program so long. And this time, it wasn't even my fault.

'Are you saying it was your fault the rest of those times?'

I refused to answer. I have the right to remain silent as apparently anything I think can and will be used against me in telepathic debates. Can life get any better? Well, considering I'm still stuck on this ship, albeit slightly more amused, I think the answer we are looking for is "yes".

"So anyway… Teal'c, how much longer," I asked.

"Another day of traveling remains."

Hmm. Alright, I can handle that. As long as it isn't me tripping over misplaced crates next time. Which, hopefully there won't be a next time.

I've been keeping watch on my surroundings for the past three hours but... it seems I spoke too soon. While I didn't trip over misplaced crates, I did trip over our fallen sleeping bags and packs. Now how did those get there?

I heard a little bit of snickering coming from behind one of the towers of crates. Oh, it figures. It seems this war is without end. Hmm... this means I must come up with a better plan of retaliation. And keep it a secret this time. Or at the very least keep any plan a secret.

Not getting a reaction or response, I heard Jack leave the area. The look of disappointment and confusion must be crossing his face right about now. Maybe that in and of itself is a good prank.

Who am I kidding? Of course it isn't.

My mind started to wander to the vision I'd had earlier. I know we didn't do anything unprofessional… well, not totally, completely and utterly unprofessional anyway. But that felt different than any hangover I've had before. So is there something I'm just not remembering? That I'm not allowed to see? Oh, God. Am I going to lose my job?

Pfft. Not likely. General Hammond wouldn't easily admit it, but he'd like to see Jack and I finally get over this whole "sexual tension" thing. Though maybe not by having a kid… eh, I'm sure he'll take what he can get. Besides, everyone would just love a little one running around. I hope it looks human. Riiiight. Getting a bit ahead of myself here. While I'm basically in my prime to have a kid, it would be a big change.

I guess I'll have to wait and see. I've got bigger fish to fry at the moment anyway.

Prepare to be annihilated, Jack!

Author's Note (take two): Well, after a horribly long hiatus, I am back! I know, you all probably thought I'd died or something. I'm sorry it's so short, but I figured I should get something up so you'd know I'm still around and I really do intend to finish this story! I'll do my absolute best to get another chapter up about 5 million light years faster than the last update, so stay tuned and thanks for reading!