As a caution before hand, I would just like to warn you that is a pretty graphic and heartbreaking chapter. I hope I don't upset anyone by writing this. Trigger Warning: Rape/Abuse.
The next morning, I awoke to a loud pounding sound. I grabbed my phone from off of my side table to check the time and noticed I had 5 missed calls and 2 texts. 3 of the calls and both of the texts were from Nick, that didn't surprise me. The other caller ID however sent an uncomfortable shiver down my spine. Suddenly, his familiar booming voice could be heard.
"KALI! WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU?!" He roared through the door. He was pissed. Of course he was pissed, I missed not one, but both of his calls.
I rolled out of bed and glanced over at the mirror. I realized I didn't have the decency to change out of my clothes from last night. I was too emotionally drained last night to think or do anything else but sob. I shook off my thoughts as I sprinted over to the door and opened it with shaking hands.
"Where the fuck were you last night." Brad growled, the alcohol was evident on his breath.
"I-I was at a friend's." I rambled, at a loss of better words.
"Well, were you too busy at your friend's to answer my god damn phone calls?!" The growing volume and testosterone in his voice made me shield myself back into the wall.
He placed his hands on the wall on both sides of me, trapping me beneath him. A familiar fear came over me and I felt a few tears trickle down my face.
"Don't play innocent me, don't think I didn't see the headlines from last night." He scoffed, with a raging fire burning in his eyes and repulsion radiating in his voice.
"Wh-what headlines?" I couldn't imagine the kinds of things they were saying.
His face formed upward into somewhat of a smirk, pulling me into him. "Don't play dumb with me. You were at that fucking asshole's house last night." He sounded more annoyed than upset or hurt at the possibility of me with someone else. "Nick Jonas and his girlfriend's indoor date ends in tears." He narrated in a sarcastic tone.
"Was I not good enough for you?" He sneered, pushing himself yet even closer still. "Did I not give you what you wanted?!"
His fingers started trailing up my shirt as he whispered into my ear, "You're the damn prude who doesn't want to have sex unless i'm telling you much you mean to me." His voice was hoarse as his fingertips reached my bra. "Is that why you were crying, last night? Did he try and force him myself on you too, but you too much of a cunt to give him what he wanted?" An abrupt rush of courage came over me and I slapped him in the face before attempting to push him away.
He grabbed my arm and slammed me up back against the wall. Slapping me back across the face and nearly toppling me over, he took me by surprise. "You and I both know I'm not that easy to give up, princess." My hand flew to my face in pain and I noticed what felt like blood in its place. He was always so careful about not hitting me anywhere too visible. Whether it was out of fear of getting caught or just out of sheer luck, I didn't know. My hand remained clung to my face out of shock and pain.
"Do we understand each other yet? I'm in charge, sweetheart." He whispered in a sickening mock tone of affection. "I don't get why you wanted to wait in the first place… I'm your boyfriend, I get to have you all to myself… any time I want to." His fingers began to roll up my shirt.
I figured there was no use in fighting how about this now… he was drunk and easily three times my size. He'd had his way with me before… this time would be no different. He had no boundaries and I had no fight in me, not today. I would have lost anyway. He continued making his way up my torso as my tears had become sobs.
I remembered the first time Brad had taken me. He had obviously had a few drinks in him when he surprised me by visiting me unexpectedly one night. He had nothing else better to do than come and see me, he claimed. He was my boyfriend, I didn't object to the random visit. It was no surprise to me when he wrapped his arms around me and pulled me for a drunken kiss. He wasn't known to be too affectionate sober. Soon the kisses became more passionate, more urgent. A side of him I wasn't too used to seeing before.
I remembered the way he pulled away to look at me with glassy eyes, the way his fingers were trailing up my torso. The need in his eyes. I didn't know how to respond to the hoarse voice in my ear asking me to join him in bed. I was so nervous, I didn't have any experience. I didn't want to disappoint him. However, the voice soothingly whispering kind things in my ear calmed me down. He temporarily soothed my fears with soft words. It was all so unplanned and unexpected. I felt shaky still when he finally got me into bed for the first time.
Even now, all those stories of how it was supposed to be loving and the most magical night of life were starting to sound like utter bullshit. A pure fairy tale, far from the life I live. Sometimes, I can still feel the pain coursing through me even now. He took no pity on me that night. He claimed that it would have hurt still, even if he did.
He had slept with me a few times since then, each time still painful, but less painful than the last. Wasn't this supposed to be fun and enjoyable? Wasn't I supposed to be enjoying myself? It was different for everyone, I guess. He seemed to be enjoying himself, except for the times my pain became unbearable and I yelled out in pain.
His eyes widened out of surprise slightly as his hands reached the top of my shirt. I knew the markings on my skin were bad, but I didn't know how badly. I didn't have the courage to face them in the mirror, and the fact I usually were nothing but sweaters usually helped hide them. He pulled my shirt back down and gave me a look of disgust.
"God, you look horrifying." He said with absolute distaste. "I think I could handle your whining tonight anyway." He pushed me away, nearly throwing me to the ground. He held a hand to his forehead and sighed.
He held himself against a wall to slow his swaying and looked over at me. "I'm going to the store to get some more liquor… then maybe tonight I'll be able to stand your whining in bed. I'll see you after work, bitch." He smirked, smacking my ass and finally leaving me alone to my misery.
The warmth of his breath and his threatening words still left goose bumps on my skin. I wasn't sure why I found the idea of him taking me felt so traumatizing. It wasn't technically rape… was it? I mean, I was letting him do whatever he wanted to, I didn't fight him. I didn't protest. No matter how much I was against it.
I somehow managed to pull myself out of my horrid thoughts and into the shower. I didn't know how long I stood there not moving, feeling the warm water turn ice cold on my skin. I stood there just scrubbing away at my skin until it felt raw. I could still feel his touch… the bruises were still there…. no matter how I much I scrubbed. Why did I feel so dirty, all the time? No matter what I did, or said, I wasn't going to be enough. I gave him my all, always attempting to keep him happy and satisfied. No matter what I did, or what I said, I was going to ruin something. Why did I bother doing anything at all?
Again, I would just like to apologize on the content of the chapter and I really hope I didn't upset anyone.
In other news, thank everyone and anyone who is reading this! I would also like to thank my dear friends Zoey and Milly for their support and feedback in me!
As always, reviews are always greatly appreciated!