"Tell Nick, or I will."
Joe's words stung me to my core as I walked home from work that night.
After coming to confront me at the café this afternoon, he left knowing more than I was happy to admit he knew. With more than he was happy to admit he knew. I blame their heaven sent gene pool and their god damned sense of manners. I didn't mean to spill out everything, it just happened. I knew he had a point, but the threat was like a stab in the back. Screw him, I didn't even mean for him to find out in the first place. Who the hell did he think he was? What does he know about what's good for me?
Walking home that evening, I held my sweater ridiculously close to my torso. Autumn had come suddenly this year and it left me grateful for the excuse for the extra coverage. The cool breeze left the mark on the side of my face stinging, and once again grateful, for the self-centered people of New York that no one bothered to notice.
To my surprise, I found my apartment empty as I returned home.
Whether my body wanted to or not, had become self-aware of everything related to him in every way imaginable. The sound of his size 14 shoe marching across my hardwood floors, or the slightest indication of him coming anywhere near me, had left me paralyzed. Whether it was the scent of his cologne or the clinking of his keys in his front left pocket, the presence of him sent live wires down my spine. At that moment, the apartment was clear of any sign of him, I could finally breathe a little easier.
But even now, his actions were unpredictable and god only knows how soon it would be before he chose to show up. So when the phone rang suddenly, I couldn't help but jump. I then realized I still hadn't said a word to Nick in the last two days, and God only knows what Joe had told him already.
The number on the screen, however was not the one I expected and left me hesitant to answer.
"Hey, you've reached Kali's home phone. Sorry I can't take your call right now, leave a message after the beep." The dull tone rang out into the still apartment.
"We miss you. Call us as soon as you can." The message was straight to the point and was soon followed by the sound of the tone. Recognizing the voice, the diminutive message wasn't a surprise. It was the one of my childhood, a voice I hadn't heard in a long time. Contemplating whether or not to pick up the phone and answer, the phone rang again. This time another familiar number flashed on the screen.
"I heard you miss me."
"I didn't think you were ever going to answer me!" Nick nearly shouted into the phone.
"Well after you sent your troops in to interrogate me, I figured it was about time I surrendered."
"Why don't we meet up some place?"
"Now?"
"Why not?"
The wavering fear of when Brad decided to make his appearance still hovered above me.
"I'll meet you at Starbucks in 10 minutes."
I felt like I was betraying my beloved job just by sitting here. Ironically enough I felt no remorse for the fact that the man sitting across from me, was not the man I considered my boyfriend.
"You look comfortable." he noted in his usual dry, sarcastic tone. I chuckled. We always did have the same kind of humor, which always made it so much easier for me to talk to him.
"I just feel like I'm cheating on my beloved job sitting in another coffee shop."
"And you don't feel like you're cheating on... him?" It was clear he was trying not to sound bitter, but I knew him too well for that.
I took a long sip of my coffee before shooting back a cynical response.
"It's hard to feel like it's cheating when it never was much of a real relationship anyway."
A few moments of silence ticked by before he instantly jumped into a subject what I've been trying to avoid myself.
"Do you love him?"
"I thought I did. At one point."
"Then why are you still with him?" He whispered, pain lacing his voice.
"Because I'm afraid." I blurted out suddenly, in much the same way I had earlier with Joe. "I'm afraid of how he would… react."
"What do you mean?"
Somewhere in the middle of attempting to answer him, a lump had formed in my throat and my hands were shaking.
"I have to go." I stood, collecting my phone, sweater and keys.
"But we just got our order… Kali, what's wrong?" He placed a gentle hand on my arm to still my movement and I jumped from the sudden reaction.
In an act to comfort me, he pushed the hair out of my face. His gaze wondered over my face in an effort to understand my jitteriness. It was clear when his eyes reached the mark on my face because his eyes had become a mile wide.
Nick's face showed a variety of emotions. Shock, confusion, pain, but most prevailing, anger. But it was unclear what it was directed at just by looking at his facial expression.
Was he angry at himself for not putting together the pieces? Was he mad at me for not telling him directly? Was he mad at Brad for causing it?
His focus altered from my bruise, to study my eyes and face before standing from the table himself. Fists were balled tightly as his sides, his knuckles turning white. As his eyes burned a raging white-hot fire and his jaw clenched causing a vein to pop out of his temple. I had never seen him so pissed off in my entire life. "…I'm going to kill him."
"Nick, please don't." I begged, my own voice quivering out of fear. "Please, promise me you won't do anything. I don't want to see you get hurt too."
"If this son of a bitch thinks that it's fun to push you around, then I think he needs a taste of his own medicine." He seethed through tightened teeth. Nick rarely ever swore, making this whole experience even more shocking.
As he turned to leave, I quickly stepped in front of him to prevent him from moving. "Nick, please. I know you're strong, but it's not worth fighting him over. I'm not worth the time or the effort, honestly." I felt a few more tears fall from my eyes. Placing a hand on his chest, I managed to calm him slightly, but my words made his expression hurt.
"You don't really believe that do you?" He whispered.
I let out a slight laugh, "Of course I do. If I was worth protecting I wouldn't be in this mess in the first place."
"Kali, you need to leave him."
My mood shifted almost instantly, "How the hell do you expect me to do that?"
"I'll come with you." He alleged hopefully.
"I couldn't ask you to do that for me." I spoke completely blown away by his proposal.
"Well you didn't ask. I offered." He left a 20 on the table we had been sitting at, and hailed a cab.
As the taxi pulled up to the curb, he held my hand and helped me in. "Nothing is going to hurt you now, I promise."
He held my hand for the rest of the cab ride.
Even though the apartment I lived in was mine, it made me more uncomfortable than most places. Especially when he was home. As I grew closer to the door, I could hear the TV blaring.
"Is he home?" Nick inquired.
I nodded, my body quivering slightly.
"Hey, it's okay. I'm here, he won't touch you, I promise." He murmured softly, holding me by the waist.
I turned the doorknob, knowing he never had the decency to lock it himself.
"Hey Babe—" Brad smirked before noticing Nick holding me from behind.
"I want to end this." I whispered, attempting to find my voice.
"I'm sorry, I couldn't hear you over pretty boy. What the fuck is he doing here anyway?"
"I'm here to make sure that Kali doesn't have put up with you anymore." Nick intervened before I could gather my words.
"Did I ask you?" Brad stood from the chair he had preoccupied, "Is this true? You're choosing this fag over me?"
I felt Nick jump slightly, as If about to pounce on him, but I continued to hold him behind me. "Yes. I want you out of my apartment… and I don't want see you ever again."
"After all I put up with to be with you? God, aren't you just an ungrateful little bitch?" In that moment, I felt like I had been slapped across the face. Not in a soul-crushing, offensive kind of way, but in a way that woke me up.
"And what exactly was it that you did for me?"
I couldn't recall a time I had verbally stood up for myself around him. There were times we would throw punches and I would shove back, or slap him across the face in an attempt to push him away. Especially more recently, after I had realized that what I considered love was just physical attraction.
"When have you ever gone out of your way to make sure I felt loved, or cared for?" I felt my voice shake, but I was far past caring what he thought of me or what I looked like to him. I was done with being preyed upon. "You didn't, you never have and you never will. Now, I don't think you heard me the first time, get the hell out of my apartment."
His hand had been balled into fists, but he walked right past me without saying a single word or even daring to touch me. Nick and I didn't dare move a muscle until he had shut the door behind him.
Nick turned me around to face me before pulling me into a hug, and I held on to him for dear life in those few moments. He murmured comforting words into my shoulder to soothe my shaking body, but little did he know that for the first time, I quivered with excitement, not fear.
Today had been long, eventful and emotional, making it easy for time to slip away from me so easily. "It's getting late." I muttered sadly, finally pulling away from his calm embrace.
"Why don't you come home with me?"
I nearly laughed at the suggestion, considering this entire day he had acted in such a boyfriend-type manner around me. When I looked at his expression, however, he showed no type of hilarity or humor, only curiosity.
"You're serious?" I breathed, "Don't you think this all moving a little too fast?"
His eyes widened slightly in realization of what of he was asking, "Oh no, I was just… worried about you being alone here… with him having access to your apartment and everything…" He whispered shamefully. I breathed outward contentedly as he explained himself.
"My guest bedroom is open if that makes you more comfortable."
"Isn't that Joe's room?"
"Joe has his own place. If he decides he wants to sleep over at my place he's just going to have to sleep on the couch, because there's no way I'm letting you sleep here alone." Chuckling, he took ahold of my hand. "I just want to see you get better." He suddenly whispered.
"Thank you." I whispered, nuzzling my face into his shoulder.
"For what?"
"For standing up for me."
"I'd do anything to make happy you, Kali. You know that."
I did. He always had, and from this moment on I was sure he always would.
To this day he did, for the most part.