A/N: wow, sorry it's been a while. I am living life in the dorms now, no partying despite what you all may think, but it has left me more distracted from writing even still, which is sad. But I have begun to manage again. Outside of my bedroom at home I wasn't comfortable writing, and for me writing has always been a thing I did in seclusion. Now with a roommate all the time with me, it was very, very hard to teach myself to write in spite of it. I hope this is up to my usual standards then.

The beginning of this story is more about Ginrei and her struggle with coming to terms with the fact that she's still alive, and about Sesshomaru's inner struggle with what to do with her, whether to give up on her or to risk some emotional attachment by trying to pull her back from the brink himself. Rin and Tsuki will come more to the fore later, when Ginrei's fate is steadier.

Last Chapter: Sesshomaru wimped out and didn't tell Rin even though we all know he should have. Daken, a messenger inuyoukai under Sesshomaru's employ, relayed word that Ginrei isn't doing very well, she needs company, she's depressed, she's trying to commit suicide. Sesshomaru told Jaken he's coming with him. And then of course Sesshy and Rin did the nasty. whoohoo...

Secret Letters

"Wake up my lady!" the women were shouting as one, loudly, trying to rouse her. Ginrei put one hand over her ear and smashed it against her head, trying to drown them out. The bed was warm, soft, and filled with comforting dreams of her family. In her dreams they lived and surrounded her, holding her, laughing, sharing all of the stories they used to tell. She was not married to a strange lord that she never saw in her dreams. Her dreams left room for the wonderment of her childhood, the cherishing of forbidden crushes on cousins who called her names for being a girl.

One of the human women pulled the covers from around her, roughly. Ginrei looked up then, curling her body into a ball in response to the sudden cold. She threw swift glares at the women around her, looking for her blankets sleepily.

"You must get up!" one of them was shouting, the fattest, the one that also brought her meals—and the one that had stopped her from taking her own life. She frowned with renewed energy.

"Your husband is coming to visit you! You must be bathed! You have not bathed in days, my lady!" a different woman was speaking now, chittering away in her high voice. Ginrei despised her for her energy, for her words. Your husband is coming to see you. She thought bitterly of the tall inuyoukai lord, Sesshomaru of the Western Lands. He had a handsome gaze with his amber, honey colored eyes, but he was the one who had disgraced her to the exile of the palace, to living without her family, to dishonoring her.

In the weeks since she had last seen him, Ginrei's feeling toward him vacillated wildly. One moment she longed to see him to prove to herself that she was in fact still alive. The next minute she dreaded seeing him for fear of what he would want from her, if he would try to touch her or demand that she perform some sort of act to pleasure him. It was his right as her husband, of course, she could not truly refuse him, but the idea made her tremble with fear and revulsion.

The women began pulling at her, tugging at the loose sleeping robe she was wearing. They tore it free and began trying to dress her in a thicker robe for walking to and from the baths. She watched them dress her as if from a distance, as if her body were nothing but a puppet being manipulated by the maids. They dragged her away to the bath where they had already poured heated water.

They stripped her and helped her into the water. For a time they let her soak, though always two of the women waited, watching her in case she tried to drown herself. Ginrei didn't have the presence of mind to come up with the idea. She sat where she was, eyes barely opened, feeling the warmth of the water. It was a great, gentle pleasure, one that helped to banish her depression almost as well as the bed did. She let the warm, moist vapors enter her lungs in deep, long draughts, lulling her slowly into sleep.

It didn't last nearly long enough. The women swamped her only a few minutes later, jabbering and clucking like chickens after a grasshopper. Ginrei followed them in a daze, allowing herself be let out of the tub and watching as the women scurried around her, reminding her of busy ants, all with purpose, even if they were thoughtless and unintelligent. Ginrei envied them that purpose, longed to share it again. She watched them with narrowed, envious silver eyes.

The maids dressed her in a white kimono, simple, yet elegant. It felt too cold to Ginrei, not right for the season, and as they lead her to the sitting room—where she would sit and eat with her husband—she had a horrifying thought. What if this was a robe for the night, not meant to stay on her skin long at all? Was this the night her husband would consummate their marriage?

She shivered as the maids opened the sliding doors to the verandah that circled the small palace on the lake, allowing a breeze to float in from over the water. It stank still to Ginrei's nose, but since her initial arrival the scent had improved as the sludge and dying debris in the garden was slowly cleaned by the human workers. With her acute youkai ears Ginrei listened to their words throughout the day, envying their freedom, despite their low social positions and the grunt labor of tending the gardens.

The breeze touched her silver hair, still wet from the bath and she shivered, suddenly stopping all movement, even her breath. She knew instinctively that her husband had arrived in the palace. There was another youkai presence. She fought the desire to turn and look for him, for the face she both dreaded and longed for, the simple presence of another youkai—

And then she heard the high pitched voice and small, quick footsteps and realized there were two youkai presences, but only one of them was inuyoukai. When she inhaled, passed the smell of the lake on the breeze and the gardens outside, she could make out the scent of a male—but he was lowly, weakened, and sweating.

It was not her husband after all.

For a moment she felt cold with a rush of relief, and then was swamped with hot perspiration. Her face burned. Where was her husband? Why had he sent a commoner? Why was there some other youkai—she concentrated, narrowing her eyes, seemingly, at the dull green-blue of the lake outside and determined the identity of the other youkai—a frog? A toad youkai? Perhaps it was a fortune teller, she thought. Small youkai such as that often perfected the craft and went to work for powerful warlords, like Sesshomaru.

When Ginrei had reached a certain age, leaving childhood behind for adolescence, her father Seiyo and her uncle the warlord Nishiyori had arranged for just such a thing. It was tradition that, with so many daughters, they would have their fortunes read and handed out. Some were set for marriage as breeders, some for education and then marriage. Some to act more as diplomats, servants, or artists for entertainment. Others still were deemed teachers. Ginrei's fortune was read as murky, unclear. Her future was interpreted as being left wide open. Seiyo and Nishiyori decided that they would educate Ginrei then, until such a time as a marriage might present itself.

That open fortune seemed a mockery now. Ginrei was a prisoner in multiple ways. A prisoner within her own tortured mind, as well as physically alone inside the secret lake palace. Ghosts made up her family; violence waited when she closed her eyes or tried to think coherently. The massacre had colored her life now, destroyed it and changed her. She was no butterfly any longer, she wasn't living, merely existing in a perpetual state of loss…

There were no outward tears for the frog/toad youkai and the commoner to see when they entered the room. Ginrei allowed herself to see them briefly before she bowed, but then she closed her mind off. The commoner was Daken, the toad was a self-important green creature with big eyes and a thick cane he could barely support. It might have been proper, as the wife of Sesshomaru, to offer them greetings as her guests, but Ginrei felt no such inclination.

"Lord Jaken," as always Daken's voice held its ironic, mocking tone as he began the introduction, "may I introduce Lady Ginrei, Lord Sesshomaru's wife."

Ginrei had not yet risen from her bow, but remained lethargically on the floor. Even so, she sensed the toad's shock. He flinched, he choked, he demanded, "Wh-ewhat? Wife?"

Daken answered with patience and without humor in his voice. "Yes. Lord Sesshomaru's wife."

"Sit up girl!" the toad called, gulping.

Ginrei did as he commanded, but she did not lift her face to him. Jaken shifted in his spot across the room from her, leaning forward on his little frog knees. "Look up at me!" despite his high voice and the commands he was issuing, Ginrei noticed he was not harsh. She obeyed, letting her gaze rest on the toad's dull brown-gray robes, on the thick, gnarled staff.

He blinked widely and addressed her directly. "You have fair hair!" then he looked back at Daken, "How is this possible? Daken," the toad stumbled slightly, uncertain of how much respect to offer the inuyoukai in his title. "Lord Sesshomaru cannot marry close within his family—when was he married at all!"

Daken was struggling not to smirk, but for him the expression was perpetual, almost constant. "Lord Jaken, I assure you, Lady Ginrei is not related to Lord Sesshomaru. They are properly distanced from one another."

"When did this marriage occur? Why wasn't I informed?" Jaken demanded, with no certain amount of hurt in his tone.

"The marriage occurred several weeks ago, my lord." Daken nodded his head once.

Ginrei watched the toad's head dip and wobble as he absorbed the information. It wasn't long before he had another protest. "But what about Lady Rin? Surely—" the toad stopped speaking for a moment and made inaudible sounds of worry and fear. "Rin isn't going to like this! Does she know about it?"

"No. I have counseled Lord Sesshomaru to speak with her on it, but he has refused to listen, apparently."

Ginrei listened intently now. This was entirely new information to her. Gossip that intrigued her. Sesshomaru had a second female at his beck and call, and Ginrei, the wife, was the secret. She allowed herself to stare more frankly at the toad and the commoner, interested.

"How did this happen? Why did Lord Sesshomaru…?" Jaken was flabbergasted, hardly able to speak.

Daken continued to be lightly amused with the entire situation and answered in that tone, "At the end of the war with the Middle Lands. She is one of Nishiyori's kin. Her father was Onshoku Seiyo."

Jaken fell silent, the huge eyes flicking back and forth around the room as he struggled to think through this new information. At last he turned toward Ginrei and made eye contact. "My lady," he offered her a bow, "I am Lord Sesshomaru's most loyal retainer. It will be an honor to be at your service."

Ginrei watched the toad flatten himself into a bow before her. She glanced between the prostrated toad and the smirking Daken and felt a wave of dizziness come over her. The title she had been thrown into was one of surprising power. As one of so many different daughters in the Nishiyori household, Ginrei had had little power. Nishiyori's own daughters came higher in the order of things than Ginrei had as Seiyo's child. She was not destined for land, for rule, perhaps not even for marriage. But Ginrei had been content with such a fate. To be trained, educated, to read, write, perform, and be with her female kin was enough of a life.

Now she was queen-like, with her own retainer? She stared unseeingly at the toad, overwhelmed and intrigued at once.

Cautiously she looked toward Daken. "Where is…?" her words died before she could utter his name. Most hated and most wanted at once. The one responsible for ruining her life—by providing Shimofuri and Sasugainu with troops—and saving it at once through marriage.

Daken knew what she was asking. His smirk grew more powerful still. "Lord Sesshomaru, my lady, is not far away. At my urging he has made a detour to acquire gifts for you." he looked over at Jaken and gave a barking laugh. "Sit up Jaken, Lady Ginrei is still very new to this."

The toad sat up, looking undignified and embarrassed. He fell into scrutinizing Ginrei fixedly, eyeing her up with his wide, yellow-orange eyes.

A woman, one of the older maids, slipped silently into the room and began setting down trays of tea. Ginrei watched the steam rising from hers and felt her mind withdrawing from the room around her, hiding away.

"Lord Sesshomaru will be here in about an hour, I would expect." Daken announced, and when she looked up at him, she found that he was staring at her now with compassion. She turned her face away, withdrawing again, uncertain and weak. The thought of her husband, the thin night robe wrapped around her body, his need for heirs and the usual, carnal male desire her female kin had always gossiped of, made her stomach twist. She twined her fingers around one another, wringing them until the tips turned white.

In truth, Sesshomaru had not hurried off to do as Daken had advised. He spent a great deal of time in hiding just outside the grounds of the secret lake palace. In the shadows of the forest there, Sesshomaru pondered his "wife's" fate. Plagued by nightmares, lonely, lost, and unhappy. She was unlikely even to conceive heirs under that kind of mental stress and emotional trauma. Rin's own miscarriages disrupted her fertility so that one loss left her grieving and weakened the next one's chances. Her losses were cumulative and though he adored her and wished to have pups—even if they were only miserable hanyous—he was beginning to dread them. When he joined with Rin physically there was always the chance of another pregnancy, another miscarriage.

Both the inuyoukai bitch and Rin were alike in a shared past of violence. Rin had actually died. She owed him everything, and felt a growing loss because she could not bear him children. Sesshomaru expected no such thing from her, perhaps even preferred no pups with Rin, but such a wish was unfair to her.

Perhaps all of his females would be cursed for one reason or another, or even by his own doing, as was the case for Ginrei.

He debated the idea of going into the castle, excusing all of the servants, maids, Daken and Jaken, and then executing her. He would turn the palace into a place of prayer then, if he felt the inclination. Then he could return to Rin and start over. The next wife would be one he consulted with Rin over, involving her as if she were an equal. She would be able to pick the inuyoukai bitch he married, the female that would provide the royal heirs. Rin could even take them from the bitch and raise them as her own if she so desired.

It seemed like a smart idea for a time, but Sesshomaru's feet never moved from his spot overlooking the lake palace. Eventually, without truly giving the decision thought, Sesshomaru left for the nearest town and picked out a few gifts for his "wife."

A servant of Sesshomaru's castle, one of the human guards, walked into the woods at the end of his shift, much to the bafflement of the other men he served with. They looked between one another, perplexed, but then went about their business, preparing to return to wives and families, hungry at the end of their long shift guarding the inner palaces where Lady Rin and Lord Sesshomaru lived out their days in luxury.

In the quiet of the woods, the single guard met with a heavily tattooed, mostly naked man. At first appearance he appeared to be a man, but much closer and it could be seen that his eyes were yellow, his ears sharply pointed, and the loincloth around his waist did not secure the bushy tail to his rear. He was a wolf demon, and he'd been hired to carry messages from this informant.

"Has Sesshomaru left the castle?"

"Yeah," the guard sniffled a little, wiped his snot across his sleeve in one motion. "Rumor has it he'll be gone for a while. Finishing some war business or some other crap like that. It was a lie I think. Going for blood is my guess." He hacked and spat off to one side.

The wolf youkai watched him with keen, sneaky yellow eyes. "Good." He grinned without emotion, exposing deadly canines as he did and extended out one hand. "For your trouble." There was a tiny cloth sack clutched between his clawed fingers. The guard took the money, pulling out a coin and testing it with his touch. (A/N: Actually I have no idea what currency they used in feudal Japan, rice? Coins? Pretend I know what I'm talking about, it was probably rice.)

"Before you go," the wolf youkai spoke in a low, throaty voice, "Take this too." Now he clasped a folded and sealed letter. If the guard had cared to look at it much, he would've noticed that the seal on it was from the Middle Lands, from Shimofuri specifically. "Make sure it gets to the hanyou girl living there—Tsukiyume."

The guard took the letter and tucked it into his clothes. He was preoccupied with the money, whether it was real or fake. His eyes were beginning to gleam as he realized the value of the sack in his palm.

"Thanks." He grunted and turned his back on the youkai. "Same time next week?"

"Yes." The wolf youkai replied. Then he bounded off, already half-wolf as he took his first step, and headed for the Middle Lands as fast as he could.

By the time Sesshomaru arrived, Ginrei was exhausted psychologically. The strangeness of the males that Sesshomaru had sent before him, the toad retainer and the old, grizzled inuyoukai Daken, were overwhelming her. The quiet gossip of women, the gentle voices, the crying babies, the laughter as they spoke of relatives and handsome lords fighting in distant battles. The toad and Daken were nothing like that. Their conversation was about politics, about past wars, battles, and many other things that interested her nothing now.

They forgot that she was a victim in a most recent war. She was a survivor and a victim. As the toad and Daken spoke, she felt herself sinking deeper and deeper, running away. She imagined the faces of her family, of her cousins, her sisters, even her father, who had been a distant yet worshipped figure.

And then she felt Sesshomaru's presence sweep over her, a tingling sensation raced up and down her spine. She shivered and lowered her face. The maids' footsteps rushed here and there as they hurried to prepare more tea for the master of the palace, the guy that paid their salaries.

The bald little round-headed man, the egghead, came into the room and dropped to his knees, announcing the arrival of the esteemed Lord Sesshomaru of the Western Lands. As he fell into a bow, Sesshomaru swept into the room swiftly, his face cold and his eyes almost angry. Jaken gulped and at once prostrated himself. Daken followed suit but with more of a pause. Ginrei ducked only a little. Fear made her tremble, made it impossible for her to remove her eyes from him.

Sesshomaru sat nearest to her, though his body language was stiff and uncomfortable. The maids rushed around hi, placing another set of tea and dragging away what had been served to Ginrei, Jaken, and Daken before. As one of the maids took away Ginrei's untouched tea, Sesshomaru spoke, halfway clearing his throat. "You did not drink any of it."

Ginrei stared at his knees and remained in her awkward, partial bow. "No, Lord Sesshomaru." She answered, wincing at the quaking in her voice.

"You will drink this cup." He motioned with his single hand at the new teacup the maids had placed before her, still steaming. It was green-brown with a rich white foam. Then Sesshomaru lifted his voice slightly to one of the maids as she was walking away. "You will bring another cup for her."

The maid nodded and scurried away as if she'd been chastised.

Daken was faintly smirking at Sesshomaru, though when the younger lord looked his way he instantly averted his eyes and asked Ginrei, "How have you been, my lady? Well, I hope."

Ginrei lowered her eyes even more, trying to hide her face. She felt her lips twisting, trying to curl into some sort of disdainful sneer. How could he ask such a thing of her?

When she found that she couldn't answer, or didn't trust herself to do so without revealing her bitterness and pain, Jaken tapped the floor with his think staff, startling Ginrei into looking up at him. "You must answer when spoken to!" though Ginrei did not know it, Jaken was using the same tone he had on Rin when she was a child.

"Jaken," Sesshomaru said, quietly.

The toad cowered, apologizing immediately. "Yes, my lord? I'm so sorry, Lord Sesshomaru, I thought—forgive me?"

Sesshomaru said nothing, only shifted his position slightly, and threw a glare at Ginrei. "You will drink, wife."

Ginrei flinched and reached for the cup obediently, but her hands shook…

"Lord Seshomaru." Daken said sharply, "Perhaps you have a present for Lady Ginrei." He was giving the younger inuyoukai a meaningful stare.

Sesshomaru ignored him. "Do not spill that. Drink it." he was cold, without emotion at all. Yet in Ginrei's panic she imagined irritation, disgust, rage. Her hands quivered and shook. The tea spilled over the rim and onto the silky night robe she was wearing. She cried out, whimpering.

Now there was irritation in Sesshomaru's voice: "If you are going to be my wife you must be stronger than this. You are inuyoukai, you are stronger than this."

Ginrei tightened her grip on the cup and brought it to her lips. Every swallow was bitter, her face burned with embarrassment, her heart pounded inside her ears. When the cup was empty she set it clumsily back onto the tray and put her hands in her lap, right into the wetness of the spilled tea. It stung, still hot, as did her throat, but she tightened her jaw and stared blindly ahead.

Sesshomaru watched her for a time, and then looked to Jaken. "Jaken, I have brought you here to keep Ginrei company." He noticed that the silver-eyed bitch was looking his way and sneering slightly when he did not add a title to her name. As her husband he didn't have to perhaps, but considering how little they knew one another, it should have been done out of respect. The way he spoke it was familiar, as if they had been married properly, as if perhaps they shared emotion.

"Me?" Jaken croaked, shocked. "But, Lord—"

"You will stay with Lady Ginrei now and keep her company in this palace. You will also begin tutoring her any way that you know how."

The toad's eyes were bright and huge. "Y-yes Lord Sesshomaru!" he bowed quickly, formally accepting his duty and once more began to eye Ginrei.

Sesshomaru leaned slightly forward, looking around Ginrei to the egghead man still by the door. "You." he called, "Bring my wife her gifts."

The egghead bowed and scurried off. Silence took over the circle. Even Daken appeared mildly unhappy with the current situation and mood. Ginrei stared at her hands in her lap, at the greenish stain in her robe. At last the little man returned, awkwardly carrying a small chest with him. It was an elaborate thing, ornate and colored with lacquer and gold. The egghead set it between Ginrei and Sesshomaru. Ginrei made no move for it and showed no interest, but her posture had stiffened somewhat.

Sesshomaru opened the chest, the snaps creaked metallically, Jaken made a few quiet noises of eagerness, as if the presents inside were for him. Daken resumed his smirking. Only Ginrei remained unchanged, tense and nervous.

Out of the chest came a thick winter robe, white and pale gold. Tree branches in gold, snow in white and gray over the already white fabric. Sesshomaru laid it on the floor beside her.

"Lord Sesshomaru!" Jaken gushed, "It is the perfect thing for her!"

"Jaken." Sesshomaru grunted, "Shut up."

"Yes, my lord."

Sesshomaru pulled another gift from the chest; this one was a silvered mirror, bright, shiny. Painted flowers adorned the edges. He placed it on top of the robes gently, watching Ginrei with a casual, uncaring gaze.

Ginrei had never received gifts like this before, she stayed where she was, unmoving, afraid of doing something wrong that would bring down Sesshomaru's wrath. She both despised having to obey this strange inuyoukai who'd helped kill her family, and feared not pleasing him. Finally she bowed low and stayed there. "This lowly one thanks Lord Sesshomaru for his beautiful gifts."

Sesshomaru dipped his head so slightly it was hardly visible. "You are welcome."

At last the maids came and took Ginrei away. They clucked over her stained robe and sent her to bed. The gifts were taken as well, including the chest. Robes were piled inside it the lavish wedding robe, the winter robe, others that Ginrei had never worn. She wore a light thing to bed, burying herself in the covers and ignoring the maids when they tried to rouse her for dinner. She feared Sesshomaru storming into her room and forcing her out of bed to eat with all of them, but no one came.

Late in the night Ginrei came awake, startled, crying out. Someone's hands were around her throat, throttling the life out of her. She fought the grasp, pawed at her attacker's face. But when a light flashed on she saw that it was Kanbi—no it was her sister, a cousin, Ransou, her father Seiyo, and Nishiyori…

She sprang up in her bed, shouting incoherently and froze, stunned all over again as she saw a shadow looming in the doorway to her room. It was an inuyoukai, tall and proud with a ruler's bearing. She knew at once that this was her husband, Sesshomaru.

She opened her mouth, trying to speak, and then shut it again. Her breathing was loud and fast in the darkness.

"You are afraid." He spoke with a deep but very quiet voice. Ginrei wanted to see his face, to read it, his voice was a lost cause and would tell her nothing. "What did you dream of?"

She felt shameful tears springing to her eyes. She cursed her treasonous body, making her out to be such a weakling before this powerful lord who just so happened to be her husband and to hold her fate in the palm of his single hand. Her throat burned, it closed up on her when she tried to speak.

"Don't cry." He ordered, sternly.

Choking slightly, she tried to hide herself back in the sheets of her futon, praying he would lose interest in her and leave.

There was a long pause, throughout which Ginrei struggled to calm herself, but as the silence went on she felt sanity slipping from her, finger by finger, right out of her grasp. At last, Sesshomaru spoke, "Tell me what I must do." After about a second pause he threw in her name, sounding both stiff and soft at once. "Ginrei."

"What?" her voice croaked. She wanted to see his face but knew that even if she lifted away the covers he would be shadowed by the hallway light behind him and the darkness of her own room.

"You are unhappy."

Why did he care? Why did he bother? Of course she was unhappy! Her entire family was dead; she was married to a lord that had stolen her from them! Every day she lived was a disgrace to Nishiyori and Seiyo…

"I will not have you trying to take your own life. You must be strong. You are my wife."

She cringed beneath the sheets, though his tone was only stern, holding no threat for the most part.

"Jaken will educate you." he seemed to lose steam now, uncertain, searching for her to speak and assure him that things would be better with the addition of the little toad into her life. When she did not answer him, Sesshomaru moved, Ginrei could hear the rustle of his robes. He moved closer to her futon. She stiffened at first and then found that her breaths shook with fear. She felt helpless, and suddenly she was reliving the night of her family's death. The snow, the darkness of the gardens that had once been so beautiful but had become places where an army of monsters lurked. The inuyoukai, cold and remote and powerful, with their long, curved blades ready to strike…

Before Sesshomaru drew any closer to made a small terrified sound, her shaking intensified. She closed her eyes against the tears, but with his keen nose Sesshomaru could easily still scent them.

He was making no progress with her at all. In desperation he remembered Daken's words, of who this female was before she'd been brought to him; one of many daughters, wives, sisters. She was from a nest of women. Males frightened her, males had brought her nothing but violence recently…

Desperation made him speak: "There is a hanyou in my care. Would it please you if I sent her to entertain you?"

Ginrei hardly heard his words; she was too busy struggling with her own fear, her flashback and its ensuing panic. Sesshomaru had half ceased to exist.

Sesshomaru paused for a moment, still sensing her fear and pain. She was as good as unable to answer him. Uncomfortable in his position with this creature that was supposed to be his wife, Sesshomaru turned to leave. He did not belong with her, couldn't handle her suffering…

But he didn't walk away; he hesitated, and then at last moved back toward her, slowly. With a gentle touch, he reached out to the lump of covers, simply laying a hand on her, hoping that perhaps it would stir her out of whatever waking nightmare she had entered.

Women were often weak, sheltered things. Though Ginrei was an inuyoukai, wellborn and pure blooded, she was sheltered. Violence was a new thing; she was like a crushed flower. Sesshomaru was callous; violence had long since ceased to bother him. Yet, as a very young pup, he had shied from violence as well. Rin, in her own way, had been much the same. As a child she must've been like Ginrei, struck mute by the death of her family, but after his rescue and resurrection of her, Rin had hardened, making herself more into a man than a weak court woman. It was that strength that often fascinated Sesshomaru. He could respect her above all others.

But Ginrei appealed more to a paternal, protective side of him. She was the mute Rin, struggling to survive on her own. But unlike Rin, who identified humans and human war as the evils in her life, Ginrei saw her evils as Sesshomaru and the male inuyoukai wars. She was married to the cause of her misery…

She was a wounded, offended bitch. Old dogs cannot be taught new tricks, but perhaps a young one could be broken in with a new master.

"No harm will come to you here, Ginrei." He let his voice roll slowly, lazily off his tongue, and he used a deeper tone that a father might use. It was a tone he had used when speaking to Rin as a child and sometimes while training her. "I will not allow it, but you must answer me. What must I do? The hanyou girl in my service, would you like her to stay with you?"

Ginrei's shaking quieted somewhat, though Sesshomaru could still hear her breath whistling rapidly. Sesshomaru moved away from her, allowing a scowl to cross his face in the darkness. "In the morning I will ask you again."

He vanished from her room, little more than a wraith or a dream. Only the faint creak of floorboards gave him away as he moved down the hall and into one of the other bedrooms. Ginrei was left to shake and fight her demons alone once more.

"Lady Tsukiyume." A man's voice called from outside the screen door. The hanyou girl looked up, orange eyes bright and alert. She didn't answer the call; instead she looked toward her tutor, a crotchety old man in a dove gray robe.

The tutor, called Kuenai, scowled irritably. Without turning to look at the intruder, he snarled, "She is in the middle of a calligraphy lesson, you fool."

"There's a letter for her."

Tsukiyume's ears pricked up now, attentive and alert. "A letter?" her voice squeaked slightly with surprise. Her hands, delicate although clawed, were poised over some rice paper that was flecked with gold. A few black droplets of ink dribbled onto the paper and she gasped, pulling her hand away from it.

Kuenai choked and snatched the rice paper away. "You stupid, stupid girl!" he cursed vehemently and stared with a critical eye at the inkblots on the paper. "Lord Sesshomaru is a strange sort of fool to be wasting his resources—and my time—on you."

Tsukiyume frowned, but her ears folded back helplessly, showing a mixed response to his berating. Kuenai was a youkai, a long lived and well-established teacher. It was true; he was probably more talented at teaching than Tsuki ever would be as a student. His effort and talent was mostly wasted on her. But Tsukiyume worked hard, practicing even outside of her classes, trying always to impress her teachers, and through them Sesshomaru as well.

But right now she was more interested in the letter waiting for her than Kuenai's insults.

"Please sensei," she bowed, awkwardly moving her wrist to avoid dotting the table now with black ink. "May I receive the letter?"

Kuenai sneered at her. "It's a wonder you can read at all, girl."

"Please sensei." She repeated, ducking her head lower to hide her irritation.

"Fine—but then it's back to your lesson."

"Thank you!" she placed the brush back in the inkwell and pushed herself up hurriedly from the floor, rushing to the screen door. She slid it open and saw on the other side a human man with a snotty nose. It was a guard, still wearing his rich decorative armor with Sesshomaru's crest of the Western Lands. In one hand he held the letter, still sealed. Tsukiyume snatched it from him quickly and bowed, murmuring thanks. Before the man had walked away she had already torn it open, recognizing the seal as her brother's and mother's.

At once she saw the symbols and saw Shimofuri's delicate handwriting, much like her own. His words were warm, pretty, and familiar.

Tsukiyume,

I pray this finds you well. I have received your letters, sister. Sesshomaru has trained you well indeed. Your hand has improved, as has your language. He is also training you to fight, as I understand it. You are pleased with your lessons, you enjoy Lady Rin's company, but I must ask you: Do you wish to come home? Sesshomaru has no intentions of releasing you. I want you to know I have asked him to free you on many occasions. It is frightening Tsukiyume, but you must know, when I receive your letters the seal on them has been broken. Someone is reading your letters. That is why I have not used Sesshomaru's messengers, I do not trust them. I wish to speak to you freely, but he will not allow it.

The war in the Isei is finished. Sasugainu and I no longer require his help, yet he continues to hold you as a hostage. He is a ruthless leader, Sister. You must watch over yourself, Sesshomaru has grown too powerful. Soon he will have heirs to replace him, he is more ambitious than I could have imagined. I fear for you Sister. Be careful. I am doing all within my power to get you safely home.

Tsukiyume, there is—

Kuenai grunted nearby, making Tsukiyume jump and dunk out of his grasp just in time. The old youkai sneered at her. "That's a long letter. Who is it from?"

There was a glint in his eye that Tsukiyume didn't like. She clutched the letter to herself fiercely, as if it were her brother himself. "It's for me, sensei."

"That's not what I asked." Kuenai snarled. He was moving a little closer again, shuffling on his old feet.

Tsukiyume pulled at the neckline of her outer robe and shoved the letter hurriedly inside. "Sensei, it is time for my lessons to resume." She tried to smile innocently, but Kuenai had not finished with his suspicion.

"You will hand the letter over to me."

"It is mine." She protested, but though her voice was strong inwardly she felt feeble. How could she stop him really?

"You are in Lord Sesshomaru's house. I am your teacher, you are to respect me and always obey me or I will report your bad behavior to Lord Sesshomaru. Now, hand over the letter. I will read it and then give it back to you." Kuenai thrust out one wrinkled, clawed hand and waited, expectantly.

Tsukiyume shook her head. Quiet but firmly, she said, "No."

Kuenai's face became dangerously still. There was a moment when Tsuki was unsure what was going to happen, and then Kuenai lunged for her. Screeching, Tsuki leapt just in time, evading his grasp. She crossed the small lesson room in one bound, clumsily knocking over the table and all of its ink and rich rice paper too. Kuenai howled with rage.

"You little hanyou bitch! You stupid, foolish girl!" he gestured madly at the table, the dribbling ink, the smeared and ruined papers…and then he ran howling at her again.

Tsukiyume yelped and ran away at once, driven by instinct she barely knew she possessed. Throwing the sliding door aside, knocking it off its hinges with her surprising burst of strength, Tsukyume charged into the hall. Maids cried out with shock, throwing themselves out of the way as Tsukiyume rushed past them with Kuenai just behind her. The full blooded youkai sensei was faster than Tsukiyume likely was, but not within the confined of the castle. As they twisted through the screened hallways, Tsukiyume's smaller frame was able to manage the corners better. Kuenai slashed and smashed through a few walls, cursing the whole way.

Tsukiyume at last rounded one corner and found herself in the royal hall, the place where two enormous bedrooms sat across from one another, Sesshomaru and Rin's quarters. It was early morning. Rin often liked to stay inside her room then and read texts that had reached the palace from the mainland, or things from the monks, and other little treasures of the learned. Tsukiyume knocked the sliding door away and rushed into Rin's room, panting.

"Lady Rin! Rin!"

Rin was indeed at her small writing desk, laboring over some parchment, squinting down at it. When Tsuki burst into her room she gasped, startled. "Tsuki—what—"

And then Kuenai burst into the room, snarling, claws bared and ready to deal damage.

"What is going on here?" Rin demanded, pulling at her robe to try and hide herself from Kuenai. "Has everyone gone mad now that Lord Sesshomaru is away?"

Kuenai calmed himself somewhat, seemingly enough to regain the power of restraint and speech. "The hanyou bitch received a letter and refuses to allow me to read it." he sneered at Tsukiyume and snarled, "Treasonous bitch!"

"It's my letter." Tsuki swallowed thickly and let her eyes land pleadingly on Rin. She prayed that Rin would adhere to privacy and allow her to keep the letter without question.

"Who is it from?" Rin asked, appearing confused, cautious.

Tsukiyume felt her hopes dashed. If Rin were to read the letter she would probably be unhappy with it. Shimofuri had had the letter delivered in secret; he had spoken of Sesshomaru without respect, offering him no proper title. He had given Rin the proper title, but it was clear that there was resentment between Shimofuri and Sesshomaru. Could Rin honestly be expected to take sides against her mate?

She decided there was no way out but to tell the truth. "My brother."

Rin's features brightened. "Ah." She turned to Kuenai and said, "You may leave, I have the situation under control. Thank you, sensei, for your concern. You are a loyal servant to our family."

Kuenai, at one time, had also been Rin's calligraphy teacher. With Rin he had been starting from scratch. She was human and born a peasant. He had expected nothing from her in the way of intelligence, but she had surprised him many times over by being exceptionally bright, comparable perhaps even to Sesshomaru when Kuenai had tutored him. As a result of this, Kuenai had a surprising, begrudging respect for Rin. Now he was hardly able to disobey her order though it was clear he disagreed. Rin had grown from being a student to the lady of the household. She was his boss now.

Kuenai bowed and, with one last glare to Tsukiyume, he departed out the broken slide door. Maids skittered out of his way, watching him warily and then fluttering around the broken screen door, trying to fix it to give Lady Rin the privacy she deserved as the mistress of the house.

Rin turned back to Tsukiyume and sighed, smiling slightly. "He's a bit of a hothead. He nearly did the same thing to me as a child once, Tsuki. His shouting brought Sesshomaru, and after that single instance Lord Sesshomaru sat in on every one of my lessons to protect me." She smiled warmly, her eyes glazing over with the sweetness of memory. Sesshomaru was both father figure and lover, in a strange, all-encompassing relationship. Tsukiyume often did not understand it, but she understood a protective male figure, the bond between. Hers was in the Middle Lands; his letter was still against her skin, tempting her to read the rest of it.

"I'm sorry for all of the commotion." Tsukiyume bowed a little, feeling her cheeks burning, "I thought he was going to kill me."

Rin smirked and waved a hand through the air as if to dismiss an invisible Kuenai. "That old guy is all huff and bluff. He was a warrior in the days of Inutaisho, but he's been old for a long time. Sesshomaru once beat him when Kuenai bullied him in class, and forever afterwards he's known he was old because his own students could best him. But now he's had his honor insulted. Sesshomaru has forced him to educate human and hanyou girls."

Tsukiyume tried to smile but she felt tense, caught between Kuenai, her brother, Sesshomaru, and Rin. Where did her loyalties lie anyway?

Rin noted her discomfort and sighed, stretching a little before she spoke. "So, what did young shishi-sama have to say?"

"I, uh, haven't finished reading it yet."

Rin nodded, "Ah, well, feel free to do so, it's time for my bath anyway." The maids swept in, on cue, and began hustling about, picking up clothing and shepherding Rin out of the room.

Before Rin left, Tsuki decided there was one thing she could reveal to Rin that was fair. "Lady Rin?"

"Yes?" Rin hesitated just at the broken screen door. The maids spilled in and out around her.

"Shishi-sama says that the letter I write to him come with broken seals. Someone is reading what I write to him."

Rin stared at her for a moment, blankly, then her face twisted into a frown. "I'll have to speak to Lord Sesshomaru about that."

Tsukiyume bowed from the waist up. "Thank you very much Lady Rin, thank you."

When Rin was gone, Tsukiyume pulled out the letter again, feeling it slowly at first, trying to imagine what was going through her brother's mind as he wrote it, what was he thinking? At last, with a deep breath, she let her eyes focus on the writing again, on the last two paragraphs.

Tsukiyume, there is one last thing I must tell you. Has Sesshomaru told Lady Rin of his true reasons behind taking the Isei province? Do you know of his wife? I must tell you this if you do not already know it. Knowledge is power, knowing Sesshomaru's secret gives you power over him. If it was not already known to you, I would advise you to keep your counsel, Sister. Do not tell Rin that I have told you, and certainly not Sesshomaru. Keep it secret for now.

You may write to me through my own secret messengers. The guard that delivered this letter to you will carry your letters to my messenger. It will be every evening of the fourth day of the week, at the change in the guard. You must seek him out if you can and he will carry your letters to me so they will be safe and secret. Continue to write letters to me through Sesshomaru's messengers, but do it knowing they will be read and known. It would be wise of you to burn my letters as they come.

Blessings and good fortune to you Sister,

Shimofuri

Tsukiyume's hands were shaking as she set the letter down onto Rin's desk. Her thoughts were spinning wildly. A wife? Whose wife? Not Sesshomaru's certainly. A marriage would have been huge. The ceremony involved, the vows, the sake. And Rin would have to know.

Secret.

She reached again for Shimofuri's letter and reread it, searching for other small things that might give her hints. Soon he will have heirs to replace him, he is more ambitious than I could have imagined. Has Sesshomaru told Lady Rin of his true reasons behind taking the Isei province? Do you know of his wife?

The war in the Isei was to get Sesshomaru a wife?

There was a flurry of activity in the hall. Panic took over Tsukiyume. She hurried to the corner of Rin's room where a brazier was burning, providing both light and heat, and she shoved the letter into the flames. The rice paper lit the fire differently, casting wild colors like a tiny burst of fireworks. Tsukiyume shuddered as she watched it burning.

What kind of political game has this all turned into…? When Rin reentered the room, Tsukiyume felt a twinge of fear and sympathy for the human girl. How could it be true?

woooo yes, an update, and it's even LONG for you too...write me reviews, I love them and I love you all and yeah, I am a review whore.