Beep….beep….beep…beep…

"I hate you"

Those were the first words that entered Dean's unconscious mind. He had heard those words before; from Carrie Anderson, his first girlfriend, after he broke up with her, from Linzie Palmer when she found him kissing her twin sister, from Angie Gleason when he told her he was leaving, but not from Sam, never from Sam.

Looking back he knew that he deserved all of their hate. All those girls that he had gone through and not really cared about, but he could live with it. He would rather them be alive to hate him then dead because he got attached. But Sam hating him, he couldn't live with that. He wasn't sure what he had done to deserve those words, those knives stabbing into his back, but there must have been something. Maybe if he had stood up for Sam with their dad more. Maybe if he had let him go on that field trip to the aquarium a couple of weeks ago. Maybe if he hadn't burnt the macaroni last week. Maybe….

Beep….beep….beep…

"I hate you."

Those were the only words he heard. He didn't hear Sam beg him to wake up, or his dad begging for his forgiveness, the sound of Sam's confession was still ringing in his ears. He tried to think back past the squeal of tires, past the shattering of glass, but as far as he got was Sam's words. I hate you.

'I'm sorry Sammy….' Dean whimpered, seeing a 12 year old Sam's face morph into a little four year old boy with a candy grin and sticky outstretched hands. 'I love you.'

Beep…beep….

Where was he? It was dark here and quite except for that constant beeping. Dean tried to twist his neck but the muscles were stiff and refused to move. Where was Sam? He wasn't here, Dean was always with Sam. Dean never left Sam alone, he had learned his lesson a long time ago. His job was to take care of Sammy. He had to find Sammy.

'Sam!' Dean screamed in his mind, pulse rushing and chest struggling to gulp in oxygen. 'Sammy!'

"I hate you."

That's why Sam wasn't here. He didn't want to be here. He didn't want to be with Dean.

There was a funny feeling in Dean's chest; it felt a little like ripping. Like the time when he ripped his stitches in a fight against some bullies. He had been protecting Sam during that fight. All of a sudden it was kind of hard to breathe, like when Sam had fallen off that swing and Dean had caught him with his chest. And all of a sudden it wasn't so dark anymore; there was a pinpoint of bright light that reached towards his corneas. Dean felt heavy and numb, unable to move towards the bright light but that was okay, it was moving closer. The pain in his chest increased, squeezing at his organs and restricting their use. What was he supposed to do without Sammy? Who was he without Sammy?

Beep…

"I hate you."

A tear trickled from the corner of Dean's eye, as he gazed at a four year old Sam's face. The face of a little boy who worshipped him, who thought he was a hero, a little boy who had grown to hate him. And Dean's heart broke

….

Supernaturallloverja

"Dean!" Sam's head shot up at the loud scream of the heart monitor. His bangs were pushed away from his face as a result of having his face pressed upon Dean's arm. He reached forward to brush a trickle of salt water which dripped from the side of Dean's eye. And because Dean was crying tears welled immediately in Sam's eyes and he screamed. He wailed as the doctors rushed around him and pried his hands from Dean's prone body to place him to the side. He bawled as they sent electricity through his brother's body and screeched as it did nothing to stop the heart monitors wail.

Sam slapped at his face and pinched at his arms, begging himself to wake up from this dream. He scrubbed at his forearm until it was bright pink and raw but still he stayed in this nightmare. "Don't do this to me! You aren't allowed to leave! This is just a dream! Wake up! Wake up!"

He charged forward towards the bed, clawing at the nurse's arms and trying to reach his big brother. They pressed him back again, trying to get the teenager out of the way. Finally his adrenaline ran out and the wailing stopped. He gave a last hiccup before sinking to his knees. Everything in him just left, left him a crumpled heap on the hospital floor.

One final thought crossed his mind as darkness claimed him.

He broke Dean's heart.