A/N: So what do all of you think? Is it true what the old inuyoukai Kuenai right about the sabotage? Will Rin carry a child to term now? I shall keep my secrets…BUT I have a question to ask: lying before me I have a plot debate. One is shorter and simpler, which I'm more inclined to go with right now. It will be less heartache for Rin and it will progress this story to the point I promised in my title: Runaway. The second storyline is longer and more complex and generates more pain for Rin, but it helps demonstrate Sess's guilt. Unless I hear major outcries for the longer of the two, I'm going to spare poor Rin some suffering and condense my storyline ideas somewhat. Anyway, just throwing that out there.

Sesshomaru is a deep, sometimes despicable character. I remember, and am running off an episode I saw where Jaken described him to Rin as power-hungry, after conquest. I believe he is that way, so he really would be this ruthless. Yet at the same time his behavior toward Rin in the series shows he has a heart. He would likely be an excellent father. Like Inuyasha he demonstrates the desire to protect those that follow him. I believe Inutaisho left him the Tenseiga because he wanted Sesshomaru to grow a heart. Inuyasha has one, Sesshomaru's is there, but buried beneath all the conquest. Wasn't he charged with protecting Inuyasha? Or was that never mentioned? At any rate we all know he broke that in his desire to obtain the Tetsusaiga. He's also a creature of grudges. The clan didn't help him in the war against the invading panthers. So he hates them. Part of me also thinks he holds a grudge against Inuyasha because he was pinned to a tree when Sesshomaru needed him for the panther wars. (I swear, in that episode, Jaken goes looking for Inuyasha, finds him pinned, and reports it to Sesshomaru, and Sess is so mad…) Anyway, that's a little of my interpretation. The question is, can I get him to grow a heart…?

A lot of you are probably going to hate me or hate this chapter. I'm WARNING you now. There's some Sess/Ginrei action here. Before anyone yells at me I would like to say they are both inuyoukai, animalistic, harsh. They may conduct themselves most often with reserve and elegance, but at their core they're like wild animals. I imagine things between inuyoukai as rough and harsh, although they are also capable of tenderness, as I'm sure Sesshomaru treats Rin. Ginrei is hardier, Sesshomaru treats her as such. You'll hate me anyway, but oh well.

Disclaimer: Nope, not a chance. I only own my own characters.

Last chap: Ginrei and Tsukiyume are beginning to explore each other. Ginrei has some strange ideas, she is well educated, cultured, but she has a growing power complex with female leadership. Tsuki misses Rin. Sesshomaru sent his messenger Daken to move Rin from one castle to another: Jouka in the south. He hopes there she will stop her miscarriages because the old inuyoukai Kuenai suspected that was what was truly causing them. He has been trying to get Ginrei to warm up to him, but it's a difficult task. He spent a week with Rin as well, during which he realized she has yet again become pregnant. Rather than stay from day one he left before she realized she was pregnant, but he left Daken with her. While at Jouka I described how Sesshomaru raised Rin and trained her and eventually fell in love.

Battle for Dominance

Jouka was full of memories and old ghosts. Long years ago, Rin had wandered the halls as a child and an adolescent. Her teachers and trainers followed her. Some had been human, but most were youkai, which was the way that Rin liked it. Only a few of her writing instructors were humans, because it was humans who mastered poetry, and multiple forms of calligraphy. Rin enjoyed their classes, but liked to pretend that they had tails poking out of their robes, or scales on their skin.

Humans unnerved her, especially in those early days. It was the youkai who had saved her, fed her, protected her. She owed Sesshomaru everything and she made it a point to show him how grateful she was. Under the floorboards in her childhood room, Rin had hidden hundreds of letters from every year of her life growing up in Jouka. While Sesshomaru was away she wrote to him every thought that passed through her head, every poem her teachers preached, every new kanji character the sensei showed her.

After Sesshomaru had left her in Jouka again, as his mate and an adult, Rin huddled in her childhood room, hearing the past, even feeling she saw it.

Jouka was largely abandoned now. Without Rin hunkering inside it, Sesshomaru had allowed the grounds to deteriorate and he'd moved a number of the servants to his other, larger castle, Nejiro. She had no idea why he'd moved her back to Jouka now. She sensed that he was holding secrets, that he was troubled, but with the outburst of travel lately she never managed to wear him down, to figure him out. It was as if Sesshomaru understood this and wanted to avoid it. She had always startled him by being able to see straight through him, to his core, to read his secrets as if they were letters.

Rin gathered her robes around her, thick to combat the cold and gold colored today to dispel her gloominess. She trudged out of her room and into the hall, searching for the balcony. Jouka was perched high on some cliffs, overlooking a small valley below. As she recalled there was a wild river there, untamed with a rough, whitewater current. Upstream as well as down it was farmed, pulled into wide irrigation channels by farmers growing their rice. But in this narrow section that Jouka overlooked, Rin could see the wilderness and admire its beauty.

Sliding open the door, a bitter wind blasted her, rushing through her hair. Rin frowned and shut it again, but she didn't remove her fingers from the latch. The freedom of the outside world, though it was covered with cruel, biting snow and scoured by unforgiving, relentless winter wind, still called to her through the doors. She cursed her weak human body and withdrew slowly.

In the fields beside that river, Rin had been taught by a monkey demon to ride a horse—not only to ride, but to ride as a man would. A human sensei never would have taught her such a thing. They were biased, refusing to share the knowledge, power, and freedom of riding the horse. An inuyoukai could never have taught it to her either because horses spooked around most youkai. The monkey demon, however, was one of the few that was not seen as threatening. He was a gentle, hairy beast who adored horses, he had the innocent fascination of a child and he meshed well with Rin as a result.

Horseback riding had been one of Rin's favorite activities, and she had excelled at it. As a human she found she could turn it into an art that the inuyoukai never could. She learned balance with the armor Sesshomaru had forged for her; she painted her face to appear as if she were youkai rather than human. She rode as if she were going to war, and sometimes angered her sensei by racing the horse away toward one of the villages downstream to terrify them.

"Lady Rin!" a low, old woman's voice tore Rin out of her memories. She turned and spotted the hunched, wrinkled form of Jijo, her favorite caretaker when she'd been a child.

"Jijo!" her face broke out in a luminous smile and she hurried forward to meet the old woman, hugging her tightly. "It's been so long…"

Jijo had refused to leave the local area when Sesshomaru had transferred Rin out of Jouka and into Nejiro further north. She claimed moving at her age would likely be the death of her, and at the time she had been very ill. Rin had doubted the old woman would survive the winter, but now, years later, Jijo had proven her wrong.

"What have you done with yourself for all this time, Jijo?" Rin asked as she separated from the old woman, still smiling warmly.

"I'm a healer, the villages employed me." Jijo rasped, her voice was worn with age, just as her face was, but despite this age she was still wiry and strong. Her voice carried authority within its depths. "I heard Lady Rin had returned to Jouka, and I had to come back."

"Yes…" the last time Rin had seen Jijo she'd been a youth, a teenager, about to be auctioned off as Sesshomaru's strange human ward. A prize catch for the samurai lords. The only human girl to ever have been raised as a demon…now she was Sesshomaru's mate. She wondered, as her cheeks began to heat up, if Jijo had ever heard about it.

"How long are you staying? Has Lord Sesshomaru abandoned you here again?" Jijo's old, wrinkled face twisted into a playful, knowing smirk. "You're wondering what I've heard on the wind, aren't you my girl?"

Unabashedly, despite her reddened cheeks, Rin answered firmly, "Yes, I was just thinking that…"

Jijo laughed heartily. "I heard the samurai weren't good enough. I heard the old dog called them off and was quite taken with you." Jijo's voice lowered then, loosing its good humor then, "I also heard that you have been suffering some great misfortune. Your unborn babes…"

At this Rin looked away, covering her mouth with one hand as if to stifle her own words. "Is that really such common knowledge?" she whispered.

Jijo sighed heavily. "It is mostly just rumor. The villagers guess. They hear the old dog takes a human as a mate and then they wait for the hanyou to be born. They talk—some say Lord Sesshomaru will not allow you to birth him hanyou." She frowned deeply, "But I know that isn't true."

Rin had turned back to stare at the old woman with horror. "How could anyone say such things?"

"Humans gossip." Jijo answered. "You mustn't let it bother you. It isn't true, that is what matters most—not the idle words of a bunch of useless humans, nothing more than peasants and jealous samurai lords."

Rin shook her head and began to walk, slowly, as if entranced, down the hall. "Don't tell me anymore, Jijo."

"As you wish, Lady Rin." Jijo bowed, though Rin had her back to the old woman and would never see the movement, "May I stay here and serve Lady Rin? I apologize for troubling her, it will not happen again. I am a healer; you may have need of me…"

Rin nodded to herself. "Yes, Jijo. Of course you can stay." She smiled slightly to herself, beginning to recover, "It will be nice to have some female company again."

When her husband returned to the palace on the lake, the maids dressed Ginrei in the rich white winter robe he'd brought as a gift on a previous visit. Ginrei admired the robe for the first time, seeing its richness, its beauty. Indeed, Sesshomaru was a powerful, wealthy lord. She wondered if this robe would be allowed to stay with her after their marriage technically ended.

The maids led Ginrei and Tsukiyume, both dressed richly for meeting with the great returning lord, onto the balcony that overlooked the icy lake. Sesshomaru was already present, staring stonily over the landscape. He didn't look up when the maids slid the doors open and announced Tsukiyume and Ginrei's entrance. They sat, as would be custom, with Tsukiyume farthest away and Ginrei close to her husband.

The morning was bitter and still. The air was unmoving and freezing, as if waiting, ominously. Ginrei sat at Sesshomaru's side and snuck quick glances at her husband as she bowed in greeting and respect. Tsukiyume did the same next to her, but her bow was deeper, almost cowed. The hanyou girl still had reason to respect Sesshomaru. If she behaved well she might be sent back to her brother. If she behaved poorly she put herself in danger, because after all, she was a hostage.

Ginrei was caught in uncertainty. Serve this undeserving husband in the hope of being rewarded? Or thwart him at every turn to punish him for his misdeeds? She'd learned some new things from Jaken in his absence, but none of it in her mind redeemed him. He'd almost single-handedly fought away the invading panther demons of over fifty years ago. He survived and even thrived away from the clan's influence and support. He kept his lands happy, well-fed, and usually at peace. His father was the legendary Inutaisho. There was a younger brother, she'd heard, but Jaken had refused to speak anything more aside from a name: Inuyasha. Tsukiyume appeared to think highly of him—in spite of the fact that she called herself Sesshomaru's hostage and wished to return to her brother—although her belief had been shaken, though by exactly what Ginrei wasn't sure of.

"Tsukiyume. Ginrei." Sesshomaru acknowledged them each in his calm, distant voice. "You are both well?"

"Yes, Lord Sesshomaru." Tsukiyume answered, sitting up first. "And you?" she offered him a small, nervous smile.

Sesshomaru ignored her. "Ginrei, how are your studies? Jaken has informed me that you are well educated."

Ginrei didn't look at him when she answered, instead she directed her eyes out over the lake, taking in the brightness of the bitter snow and the deep dark green of the pine trees scattered around the lake. "I was raised by nobility; of course I'm well educated."

Her rudeness actually made Sesshomaru blink, but only once. "You would do well to learn your place." He murmured, sounding remarkably casual.

Tsukiyume had begun shivering slightly and wringing her hands together. Her white dog ears twittered like a rabbit's nose. "It's certainly cold out here this morning!" she remarked briskly, glancing worriedly between the irritated dog lord and his estranged, rude wife. "Perhaps Lady Ginrei and I should retire indoors; we could continue one of our fighting lessons that Lord Sesshomaru—"

"Tsukiyume." Sesshomaru interrupted her. "You are excused."

For a moment the hanyou girl blinked, baffled at this latest development, but obediently she bowed and rose to her feet, exiting the balcony and disappearing inside the palace.

Alone with nothing but the picturesque morning stillness between them, Ginrei waited for Sesshomaru to speak. She slipped her hands up inside of her kimono and curled them into fists, remembering her fighting lessons with Tsukiyume. The hanyou girl had continued wearing Ginrei down, and eventually Ginrei saw the fights in a different way. She pretended they were dances and learned the movements. Tsukiyume's body was graceful and swift when she demonstrated the motions and explained how one day they might possibly save Ginrei's life. Ginrei grew to admire the motions and the idea of strength behind it. She committed her first lessons to heart and already she could feel a new confidence growing within her.

As the silence stretched on, Ginrei risked examining her husband's profile, his body. He had only one arm but she made out the strength of his body in spite of that loss. She wondered where he had lost it, why, and what he'd been fighting for and who. Her pulse quickened at the idea that he wasn't immortal, that there were days when he was fatigued, when he was weak. Perhaps he was already leaving his prime. His face, however, did not speak of age, or of any lack of strength. His jaw was strong and powerful, but elegant as well. He was well-bred. His mother, whoever she'd been, was a beautiful woman. The red-purple streaks on his face were perfectly straight. The pale hair, long and smooth, his lips surprisingly full and tender in appearance.

It was a shame the rest of him wasn't tender. She might've loved him, he was certainly beautiful enough.

"You are to behave properly, as any good wife." Sesshomaru told her, finally breaking the thick silence. "Do you understand?"

He sounded, Ginrei thought, as if he were speaking to a child. "Yes, I understand." She moved her sleeves together so that her hands could touch without Sesshomaru seeing them and without the nasty, cold breath of the outside world chilling them. She felt her fingers, her claws.

"I will not be visiting you for sometime after this." Sesshomaru announced, calmly. He was examining her carefully as he spoke; Ginrei could feel his gaze on her face. It was heavy, uncomfortable.

That news should've pleased her, but Ginrei found her reaction to be one closer to alarm or perhaps insult. Sesshomaru had helped kill her family; he had forced her to marry him. It seemed only to add insult to injury for him to say he would be absent from her now. "Why?"

"That is none of your affair." He answered blandly.

"I'm supposed to be your wife." Ginrei muttered, daring for the first time to stare at him openly. He had not removed his own gaze. Gold met with silver. "How long does my husband intend to leave me? How can he expect an heir if he is never here?"

Although she used respectful terms, her tone was one of derision and bitterness. She was challenging him fearlessly.

"I am needed elsewhere." Sesshomaru answered with equally respectful words and a tone that was chilly and distant, but his golden eyes blazed with warning and anger. "I will return in a matter of months. I will leave Daken with you as a messenger if you should require me."

"Oh husband, I would never survive that long." Ginrei snarled now, openly, throwing daggers with her eyes, promising murder.

At last Sesshomaru's patience had worn thin. He turned his full attention to her, narrowed his golden, fiery gaze. "You will control yourself."

"I will not." She sneered, and then, abruptly, she lunged at him, growling, deep and dangerous. She slashed with one hand and, having moved with speed that Sesshomaru hadn't anticipated, she caught the inuyoukai lord's left shoulder, tearing into the fabric of his robes violently. The fabric screamed and screeched as it was torn asunder, allowing Ginrei to feel a brief surge of triumph as her claws grazed over Sesshomaru's skin underneath.

Sesshomaru snatched her wrist up then with his single right hand and jerked her roughly away. Ginrei was thrown to the balcony floor. The force of Sesshomaru's one armed toos was enough to send her still skidding into the sliding doors, knocking them from their hinges. Somewhere inside a maid cried out and ran away, her feet tapping wildly over the floor.

"Control yourself." Sesshomaru ordered her again. His eyes were alight from within and narrowed dangerously. He lifted his hand and flexed his clawed fingers. The tips burned faintly green. "I could kill you easily. Do not test me."

Ginrei was already half on her feet, crouched, readied for battle. She moved away from the screen doors, skirting them. "Monster." She spat, adopting an inaccurate, but recognizable fighting stance. Her rich robes, gifts from Sesshomaru, were odd battlements, like pink ribbons tied to a sword. Her silver hair was long, not pinned up. It had been thrown into wild positions by her trip across the floor moments ago. What the maids had spent great time and effort into combing down into perfect neatness was untamed and unruly now.

Her scent was powerful to Sesshomaru, more than it had ever been since he'd known her. Whether that was because of their battle, or because she had spent sufficient time to recover after the catastrophe of losing her family was impossible to say. She was aggressive now and strong, showing her true inuyoukai colors. Deep within him, Sesshomaru felt a growing reaction to her behavior, a desire to assert dominance. Their relationship had changed and come to a head—and just at the wrong time.

"I do not wish to fight you." he offered stiffly.

It wasn't good enough.

Ginrei snarled and lunged at him again, claws at the ready. Sesshomaru snatched her left hand with his right and ducked the other that she swung at him deftly. Knocking his hip into her, Sesshomaru pushed Ginrei backward. She fell but did not cry out with pain or with surprise. She was not yet defeated.

The blow knocked her to the edge of the balcony and beyond. She stumbled, reaching for something to steady herself, but Sesshomaru was there first, grabbing her up from the brink. With his single arm he pinned her to his chest and backed away from the balcony. He used one foot to force the sliding doors open and pushed his way into the bedroom that Ginrei used as her sleeping chambers. The inuyoukai girl struggled with him, kicking and screaming the whole way.

Inside the room Sesshomaru tossed her onto the futon, letting it trip her and then catch and soften her fall. "Stop." He commanded, though the single word came out as a growl.

Ginrei stared up at him, stiff and prepared to spring again. Her robes were askew, revealing one pale-skinned shoulder. Her hair was a mess but her cheeks were bright with the increased blood flow and stimulation of the fight. Animal ferocity had replaced the trained, demure nature she had been taught to observe. Without answering him verbally she lunged once more, her lips were drawn back in a fierce snarl. This time she did not throw herself at him; she shot one leg out and knocked his feet out from under him.

Sesshomaru partially evaded the blow, sidestepping it, but his balance was disrupted enough that he allowed gravity to take him and turned the fall into a strike of his own. He slashed at Ginrei and moved to use his weight to pin her. His claws found home on her exposed shoulder, drawing blood.

The metallic tang in the air heightened Sesshomaru's instincts, increased his need for violence. But as he struggled to gain control of Ginrei, she changed tactics, trying to escape now rather than instigating a fight. She pushed on him using her fists and her feet, slashed at his hand, at his face, trying to drive him off. A few of her blows drew blood, leaving gouges and scratches. The frenzy increased.

A sane Sesshomaru would've noticed the way speech had disappeared, the way it had begun to degrade into animal growls. He might've noticed the spike in their scents. Likely he could've predicted where the animalistic struggle would end and prevented it, but the Sesshomaru in the middle of the battle was unable to do so. He knew only the scents of blood in the air, the instinct for power and dominance over an unruly female. He saw and felt nothing but her movements. He thought only about where her claws and her body would be in the next few moments and how he could control that outcome.

At long last Sesshomaru gained the upper hand. Catching both Ginrei's wrists in his one palm, he pressed his full weight into her, forcing everything but her legs into stillness. Ginrei made deep grunts and tiny growls, but she also whimpered, a sign that she was giving in and losing. Her heartbeat pounded powerfully just below Sesshomaru's own, frantic and wild. Her breath rushed in and out, heaving. Her legs continued to move, but it was a feeble struggle, Sesshomaru's weight was too much.

As the stillness descended, Sesshomaru made the final move. In the wrestling match between two demons the victor in Sesshomaru's position could easily tear his opponent's throat out. Sesshomaru moved his head, as if to do exactly that. He took her throat between his teeth and bit down—but drew no blood. Ginrei whimpered and her body fell slack, relaxing underneath him, but her breathing had not slowed, her heartbeat continued to pound.

Sesshomaru released his grip on her neck only to switch positions, biting the nearest shoulder instead. Ginrei responded then, lifting her head and snatching hold of his ear firmly. He inhaled sharply, pulling away, caught off guard. For a split second he saw her silver eyes, red in the center, wild—and then she was moving again, struggling against him.

Her teeth found his neck and latched on. She fought his hold on her wrists, digging her claws into the flesh of his palm until she drew fresh blood. The scent of his blood sent her growling hungrily. Her mind had switched off, her body had taken over. Her husband was a monster, but her body knew only his rich scent, the strength she could smell in his blood, the exhilaration of fighting with him physically. Ginrei released his neck and attacked his collarbone.

Instinct combined with arousal, and as Ginrei's hands finally escaped his grip, Sesshomaru fought her. He caught her wrists again and pinned them above her head. A slight shift of his weight gave Ginrei the chance to roll him off balance if she wanted to get away, but also allowed him a greater range of movement. He took advantage of that and buried his nose in the crook of her neck, breathing in her scent. He tasted the inside of her ear, making her squirm, and bit her exposed shoulder just hard enough to draw out a little blood.

He growled, enjoying her scent, her taste in a purely wild, lustful way. She was healthy and mature, coming into her prime. Sesshomaru released her hands and turned his attention to her robes. They were torn and stained with a few spots of blood here and there, but he barely noticed as he pulled on them with the clumsiness of desperation. Ginrei only complicated his struggle as she reached for him with her freed hands, pulling on his robes as well to expose his broad, muscled chest. She attacked the fresh skin with her mouth, not kissing but biting. She was sexually inexperienced, but drawn by powerful instincts to smell, touch, and taste him.

Sesshomaru had instincts of his own to follow. Propelled onward, he pulled her against him into a sitting position and then pushed her into a wall for support. The walls were screened, delicate and thin. When the couple impacted the screens shuddered slightly but held. Ginrei's robe had loosened, exposing her down to almost her belly button. Sesshomaru tackled everything, quickly losing control.

This was not the intimacy he shared with Rin. It was a carnal attack driven by raging, out of control instincts. In spite of their emotional distance, physically they were both drawn intensely to one another by their sexual instincts.

Ginrei clung to his shoulders, her claws biting into his skin. Sesshomaru pawed at the last of her robes and under robes, at last exposing her hips...

A voice carried through the hall, amphibian feet pattered along the floorboards. "Lord Sesshomaru! Lord Sesshomaru!" the footsteps drew nearer and nearer to the doorway but neither Ginrei or Sesshomaru were capable of paying any attention to those sounds.

"Oh, please forgive me, Lord Sesshomaru! The servants only just told me you'd arrived!" Jaken was panting after ascending the stairs. He crossed through the halls, peeking into the open sliding doors wherever he could, searching. The maids and Tsukiyume had told him there was some trouble upstairs. None of them wished to be caught in the middle trying to diffuse it, but Jaken was rather fearless when it came to serving his master. He took the task with little hesitation and was now looking through the rooms, expecting to find his very angry master and a brow-beaten Ginrei at his feet.

He stumbled onto the screen doors that led to the balcony. They were knocked out of their tracks, one was slightly cracked. He made small sounds of alarm and fear in his throat, whimpering, and then moved toward the last room in the hall where Ginrei slept. His toady ears were beginning to pick up the sounds of heavy, fast breathing. "Lord Sesshomaru?"

In their fight Sesshomaru had neglected to close the screen door, it was open. Jaken paused before moving forward, aware that he was likely about to make a mistake. His eyes told him it was safe to enter; the door was open after all. His ears and nose told him other wise. He called again; his voice shook querulously, "Lord Sesshomaru…?"

Jaken bumbled forward the final few steps and peeked into the room and at once gave a squawking scream. He fell prostrate at once, covering his eyes. "I'm so sorry, Lord Sesshomaru!" he whimpered, expecting to be torn to pieces. "Those foolish maids sent me up here because they were certain you would kill Lady Ginrei! I didn't know…!"

Jaken's repeated talking and his appearance in the hallway outside the room, jarred Ginrei first out of her sexual trance. Like a caged animal she clawed at Sesshomaru anew, pushing him away from her. He resisted her first attempts, but her struggling broke his own trance soon enough. Ginrei clutched at her robes and fell to the floor, hiding her face and shaking. Sesshomaru recovered more slowly, blinking as if dazed or dizzy, and then, as he registered Jaken's voice pleading, he dismissed the toad without turning around to see him.

"Leave."

"Yes Lord Sesshomaru! Right away, lord!" the toad slunk away on his hands and knees, keeping his face pointed downward. As soon as he was away from the door he hurried away, running down the hall and for the stairs.

When they were alone, Sesshomaru strode forward and slid the door shut forcefully. He didn't turn back to Ginrei when it was closed; he stayed in front of it, staring blankly into the wall, deep within his thoughts. Shame came first, then frustration. Shame for losing control. Shame for the betrayal it constituted against Rin. Frustration because he could still feel the animal within, unsatisfied and longing to complete the sexual act. This in itself brought more shame because of the continued desire.

Gradually he became aware of the gentle sound of Ginrei crying. The scent of her tears came only slowly through the thick musk of arousal, sweat, and blood from their activities before. Shame mixed with guilt, building until at last he found the courage to turn and face her. She was huddled where she'd fallen; holding her torn robes around her, her face was pressed into the hardwood flooring. For a moment, viewing the scene with a now-sober mind, Sesshomaru wondered if he had been the aggressor, if he had lost complete control and tried to force himself on her. But fear had a distinct stink to it and it was not present in the room.

He fought himself, searching for words. The only thing that came was: "Stop crying." The words were gentle but detached.

This of course brought no answer, so Sesshomaru tried something different. "You have done nothing wrong, Ginrei."

The tears continued, unabated. Sesshomaru moved forward slowly, with great restraint, watching Ginrei to make certain that she wasn't frightened by his approach. He knelt near her side and reached tentatively out to stroke her silver hair. "Stop crying." When she didn't flinch from his presence or his words, he added, "It is nothing."

A minute passed and Ginrei's tears and shaking shoulders subsided. Her breathing evened out, but she didn't raise her head or dare looking at him. She took some comfort in his gentle touch, in the fact that he had stayed in the room with her rather than leaving as quickly as he could. Like Sesshomaru, she dealt with shame, but unlike him the entire experience was new, nearly overwhelming, especially since it hadn't been consciously voluntary. The power of the instincts within her was a shock that she couldn't easily overcome.

And then, quiet but steady, she heard Sesshomaru say, "I am…sorry."

She shook her head, "It was my fault."

He rose to his feet slowly. "Let us forget it." his footsteps receded toward the door. After sliding it open he paused and asked, "You will recover?"

She peeked at him from the floor and nodded. "Yes."

"Good." He stepped out of the room and slid the door shut behind him.

When her monthly bleeding did not come on time, Rin thought nothing of it. This was a reaction she'd taught herself because it happened a lot. A week and sometimes two might pass before she bled, but this had become commonplace and meant nothing to Rin. That was why, when it did not come, Rin made no mention of it to Sesshomaru and didn't stop him from leaving. She mentioned nothing of it to anyone, and even forbade herself from thinking about it.

It was only when two weeks had passed with nothing and the nausea set in that Rin could no longer go on thinking it was merely late. Part of her feared this, another rejoiced. She delayed even after the stomach sickness set in. Jijo and the other maids offered her calming teas but she turned them away, seeming instead to embrace the sickness.

By the third day, Jijo confronted her.

As Rin lied drowsily in her bed, buried miserably beneath her covers, Jijo knelt at her bedside and left extra pots in case Rin should—and inevitably would—feel sick again. The old woman took in the colorless pallor of the young woman and shook her head. "Lady Rin."

Her voice, old and croaking as it was, woke Rin. She sighed and stretched slightly, trying to smile. "Hello Jijo."

"Your lips say happiness, Lady Rin, but your eyes say misery." She gestured at the pots that served as bedpans, which had been frequently needed in the last few days as places for Rin to vomit. "Three days! I am no fool, this is no ordinary illness."

Rin sighed again and covered her face weakly with one hand. She fought nausea even as Jijo spoke of it. "No, I don't think it is either."

"And where is that lord when Lady Rin needs him?" Jijo demanded, huffing irritably. "You would not be so miserable if he were here, methinks."

"Lord Sesshomaru has other duties, Jijo." Rin scowled, at once defending her mate, "He…in the past he spent so much time at my side only to…" she swallowed thickly, suddenly blinking back tears. "He used to be able to tell me when I was about to lose one." She choked on her last few words, the pain still seemingly fresh and rushing back. It was true. Sesshomaru had doted on her especially in the beginning, but after a few incidents when he actually scented the child being flushed from her body, he had backed off drastically.

"Shh, shh." Jijo hushed her, stepping forward and weaving her way through the pots at Rin's bedside. She stroked Rin's hair, running her fingers through it as a mother might. "There, there. It will be all right, honey."

A few deep breaths later and Rin had regained her composure, but already she was beginning to fall asleep. Fatigue plagued her more heavily when a baby was going to stay with her for a time. At least, that was Rin's theory. The babies that she lost within a month she hardly counted as miscarriages anymore. Usually she hardly noticed being pregnant at all. It was with the babies that broke her heart that she suffered most, the babies that survived into three months, once into four months.

The four month baby had been the worst. The bleeding terrible, the pain severe. For a time Rin wondered if that baby would drag her into death as well. She remembered it as if she'd known the child, writing out a name for it and mourning it when she worshipped. She called it Aishou, sorrow.

"Surely Lady Rin should summon her lord?" Jijo asked politely, still stroking through Rin's hair. "Lady Rin should not suffer his child alone."

Slowly, Rin nodded. "Help me get up, and call Daken…"

Jijo pulled her from the bed, fetched a robe and combed Rin's hair out. It was not ornate and Jijo left Rin's hair free flowing and un-styled. She accompanied Rin into a reception room across the hall and then brought Daken to her. The grizzled inuyoukai was smirking, as was his usual expression for everything, when he saw Rin that morning.

"Lady Rin." He bowed cordially. "What would you desire of me this fine morning?" but when he looked Rin in the eye she could already see his mischief. He had the dog demon's nose, even if his had aged somewhat. He could smell her new pregnancy; he didn't need to be told.

"I need you to find Lord Sesshomaru and request that he returns to me swiftly."

"Ah certainly, Lady Rin. What should I tell his lordship if he tries to decline? Is the matter urgent?" these questions were all formalities because he already knew by scent what the problem was. Daken took great pleasure in probing; she could see it in his eyes.

Rin's jaw tightened. "Merely ask for him to return. The matter is not urgent."

Daken's mirth seemed to evaporate for a moment, but he regained it quickly and bowed. "My lady." He turned on his heel and vanished out the door.

Jijo was sitting in the corner of the room, behind Rin. She cleared her throat cautiously, "Will he come, Lady Rin?"

"He will."

Ah, I had to publish this because it was written, because I felt like it. I know though, all of you will hate me now. Bring it my readers, bring it. (well, don't be too mean...)