Disclaimer: …I've said this before. None of it's mine but the writing.

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Not That I Care

8

Lux Luna

I wish I was the moon tonight.

--Neko Case

The last few days have been relatively quiet. Roxas has seen three Heartless in a period of four days, all of them Shadows. That's of course not counting the population of five zillion, give or take a few, who live down in the Dark City. The silence is a bit disconcerting, and hopelessly annoying. Roxas hasn't been in a good mood lately; he wants something to fight.

It probably has something to do with the headaches. Three days now, on and off. They happen suddenly, a stab to the head like someone shoved a live wire into his brain. They've also been getting steadily worse; the most recent one a few hours ago was so bad Roxas had to grab a wall just to keep from falling. He's lucky he's on a solo mission; Roxas doubts that Xemnas would be particularly sympathetic.

Roxas swings his legs in open air. He's sitting on the edge of the clock tower in Neverland. Like The World That Never Was, this part of Neverland is cast in eternal night, though for different reasons. It's not as empty as Never Was, though, not by a long shot. The lights of the city pierce the darkness below; it's like looking down on the stars. Of the worlds that Roxas has been to, this is probably one of his favorites.

I wonder if Axel has ever been here.

Five—no, six days now. No one from Team Oblivion has actually physically come back to report; information comes via Marluxia. From what they can tell, Sora entered the castle a few days ago and is on the third floor now. Or perhaps the second, Roxas can't remember. Sora has already started forgetting.

Roxas kicks his feet against the side of the clock tower. Below him, the minute hand creaks and moves, bringing the hour closer to eleven o'clock.

I wonder how that idiot is doing. I wonder if he's learned anything from Sora.

The more Roxas thinks about it, the more he knows there's a connection between himself and Sora—beyond the mere fact that they both have Keyblades. There's something there; Roxas just doesn't know what.

He hates having to leave something so important up to Axel.

I wonder how strong Sora is. He has to be something of a fighter, he's kicked Heartless ass up till now. Plus he killed the guy who was controlling them. Though he's never gone up against a Nobody.

The problem, of course, is the Keyblade. It's just as effective on Nobodies as it is on Heartless. Roxas knows from the times he's sparred with Axel.

Roxas groans and leans back on his hands. Axel, Axel, Axel. I've gotta stop worrying about him. It's not like I care, anyway.

Below, there's a click as the hour hand moves into place. The clock starts chiming the hour. From this close the sound is loud, but at the same time calming. The lights of the city seem to dance. A cold wind stirs Roxas's hair. He looks upward, to the stars. Follow one of them and you'll get to the place this world is named for. Though there isn't much there. It's much nicer here, the stars above and the stars below.

I wonder what he's doing right now, Roxas thinks, and he lies down to watch the sky.

-------

It's not the first meeting they've had since Team Oblivion left, but every time Roxas enters the white meeting room, he's struck by the imposing, vacant chairs. The room feels incredibly empty.

"I've called this emergency meeting to address something that is coming to my attention," the Superior begins without preamble. "We have not received word from Team Oblivion for two days now."

Xigbar sits up straight in his chair.

"Say what?"

"Number Eleven was instructed to make daily updates on the team's progress, as well as information concerning the Keyblade Master," Xemnas goes on, "yet I have heard nothing from him in two days."

There's a bit of a silence. Roxas frowns to himself. A communications cut off? Or has something happened to Team Oblivion?

"What do we do about it?" Xaldin asks.

"There's every chance that the Key guy killed em," Xigbar says, rubbing his chin.

"But Naminè is supposed to be wearing him down, isn't she?" Demyx points out. "I mean, having your memories replaced, that's gotta put a damper on your skills. Plus between Lexaeus and Axel—there's no way those two would die easily."

Demyx doesn't talk much at the meetings, but lately he seems to be getting more confident. Probably because there's fewer people around to tell him to shut up. It's good, though—Demyx is smarter than people give him credit for.

"Putting your faith in an incompetent like Axel," Saïx says in his quiet voice. He shakes his head. "That is just like you, Demyx."

Demyx turns rather pink and opens his mouth to respond, but then Xigbar starts laughing.

"Yeah, knowing him, he probably flipped out and burned the castle to the ground, and that's why we haven't heard nothing."

"Come on now," Demyx says, irritated. "I'm just saying, they're not gonna eat it that easily."

"Demyx is right," Roxas puts in.

"I notice that the weak always seem to band together," Saïx says without looking up. "Perhaps because they are so vulnerable when alone."

Xigbar snickers. Roxas glares at Saïx. He's sick of this. Saïx's dislike of him seems to have increased since the others left.

"Wasting time with insults. That's just like you, Saïx," Roxas fires back. "Huh, I was under the impression that we were faced with a rather important problem, but I guess that's not as important as showing everyone just how funny you are."

Xigbar whistles and Xaldin stifles a smile. Saïx finally looks up and his eyes meet Roxas's. His eyes are frigid. Roxas doesn't care; he's one up on the asshole.

"That's enough," the Superior says harshly. "I'll not have such pointless bickering. Now…it being only two days since I have heard from them, communication problems is of course a possibility. However, based on my own reasoning, I believe that the most likely case is mutiny."

"Whoa, whoa!" Xigbar protests, raising his hands. It's the first time Roxas has seen anyone interrupt the Superior. The others are all sitting up straight now, and even Saïx looks surprised. "Mutiny? Come on now, isn't it a little early to be…"

Xigbar trails off as the Superior's head turns slowly toward him.

"Are you questioning my judgment?" he asks.

"Er, uh, no," Xigbar says. "I just—yanno—it might be jumping to conclusions, is all I'm saying. I mean, someone betraying Organization Thirteen? Just ain't done."

"Indeed," the Superior says, and Xigbar breathes a sigh of relief as Xemnas's head turns away. "I said that this was based on my own reasoning. I in fact had a suspicion this would happen, and that was why I chose the team the way I did."

Everyone is silent now. Roxas is watching the Superior intently, confused.

So Axel and Larxene weren't sent because they're fighters—they were sent for a different reason? Are they supposed to take down the traitors?

A terrible thought suddenly occurs to Roxas: Axel…what if Axel is the traitor? What if he betrayed the Organization?

Would he really do that?

"In any case," the Superior goes on, "there is nothing we can do until we receive more information."

"We could always just go over there, dig up the traitor and kill him," Xaldin says.

The Superior chuckles. "We could indeed. But I think that, mutiny or not, things shall play out according to plan. I am interested to see what happens."

Roxas's gaze goes distant. Mutiny…

"But we'll—" Xigbar begins. Roxas never hears him finish. Suddenly pain blasts through his head, like a hot needle plunging into his sinuses. He takes his head in one hand, hiding his face before the others can see him. The pain intensifies and Roxas clutches at his hair, gritting his teeth.

Then, just like that, it's gone. Roxas lets out a shaky breath. He wipes sweat from his forehead surreptitiously and refocuses on the meeting.

Damn…damn, that was a bad one. What the hell is going on?

"That's true," Xemnas is saying. "But that was only one reason I called you here. Something else has come to my attention. With the defeat of the Heartless, Ansem, the worlds were once again separated and the pathways between them closed. The mass outpouring of Heartless was stopped, and now the worlds merely have the occasional problem with them. However, something else has also happened. The worlds overrun and torn apart by Heartless have been restored. Worlds hitherto inaccessible to us have now been opened. I have a feeling that many Heartless still reside in those worlds, as they were the hardest hit. These worlds must be explored; this means that the mission load will increase for everyone—especially considering that half of us are at work in Castle Oblivion."

Everyone is careful not to make sounds of disappointment. Roxas perks up a little. More missions. More worlds to explore. More Heartless to kill. Excellent.

"How many worlds?" Luxord asks. "What are their names, may I ask?"

"Approximately four," Xemnas responds. "I don't yet have their names. One is less a whole world than it is simply a castle. A second I know is partially a port town, supposedly rife with pirates. The third and fourth are set in China and the African savanna, respectively."

"Pirates, eh?" Luxord says, stroking his yellow beard. "How interesting."

"Yo, I'll take China," Xigbar says, raising a hand.

"Quite," the Superior agrees, nodding. "The world known as Hollow Bastion, once a Heartless stronghold, has been reclaimed by its former residents—but there are still a good deal of Heartless there. I want someone to investigate it as well. Number Seven, I leave that to you."

Saïx nods slowly.

"As for the remaining two worlds," the Superior says, his head turning to Xaldin, Demyx and Roxas. "Number Three will take the castle world. That leaves Number Nine and Number Thirteen to explore the savanna."

"Righto," Demyx says, saluting. He looks exciting.

Africa…? Well. There'll be monkeys there. And lions. Axel would…

"That's decided," Xemnas says. "In the meantime, keep an ear out for any word from Team Oblivion. That is all."

Roxas runs his fingers through his hair. Axel…what are you doing over there?

-------

Roxas is walking to the castle entrance where Demyx said they'd meet. As he passes an open doorway something shoots out and grabs his hood. Roxas barely has time to yelp in surprise before whoever it is tosses him into the room. He hits the ground hard. The door slams shut.

He hears boots on a hard, tile floor and looks up to see Saïx standing over him, holding what could only be described as a giant sword. Roxas remembers its name a split second later—claymore. Which looks more like something you use to pulverize small things with than to cut.

Roxas is suddenly very, very aware of how small he is.

"I suppose you thought you were rather charming back there," Saïx says in a voice barely above a whisper. He doesn't sound angry, but he looks wild. His ice-colored hair is hanging in his face.

"What the hell are you doing?" Roxas hisses. He starts scooting backward. Saïx plants his massive sword into the floor near Roxas's head. Roxas freezes.

Saïx braces himself on the sword and leans down, peering at Roxas.

"You know, Roxas," he says in a conversational tone, "I don't particularly give a damn what people say about me. Especially not you. You are so very far beneath me. Perhaps you are congratulating yourself for displaying enough courage to insult me in front of the other Organization members."

Saïx reaches down and grabs Roxas by the coat, hauling him to his feet.

"But you see, Roxas, that's why I worry about you," he goes on. "You think yourself above everyone else. You think yourself special."

"I don't—"

Roxas is cut off as Saïx's fist connects with his stomach. He goes down on one knee.

Shit, he thinks as he tries to regain his air. Shit, this isn't good.

"I've told you time and time again, Roxas. You're a freak. An over-confident one at that. I suppose that's Axel's influence. You two are such good friends now, aren't you?" Saïx points the claymore at Roxas's throat. "Let me tell you a little something about Axel, Roxas. He cares about nothing and no one but himself. If he saw an opportunity to claim a heart for himself, he would kill you if you stood in his way. He'd kill you even if you didn't, just to be sure. He's a Nobody, Roxas, like the rest of us. Nobodies don't have friends. Freaks even less so."

"Shut up," Roxas snaps, trying to stand. Axel's not…

"He would betray you. He would kill you. He would bring down this entire Organization if he thought it would further his own goals. Mark my words, Roxas—if the Oblivion Project does indeed go to hell, Axel will be the one to bring it down. He will be the one to mysteriously survive, while all the others die."

Roxas shoves the sword away. He grits his teeth as he climbs to his feet, his hands balling into fists. He says nothing. He doesn't want to believe it, but…

"How very pitiful," Saïx says in a sympathetic tone. "I did warn you, Roxas. Freaks like us never belong. Never. But you, you're an over-confidant freak. Over-confidence is the same as vanity, you know." Saïx's face seems to split into a grin. "I think you need to be brought down a notch."

He takes a step forward.

"You're fucking insane," Roxas says, flinching backward. His eyes dart every which way, searching for an exit. He's in a large, empty room; one whole wall is a window. The light of the false moon is shining through. Roxas knows this room; it's on the upper floors.

No one knows he's here.

"What are you going to do?" he snarls, his eyes locking on Saïx. Saïx grins.

"Do? You make me sound like a crazed killer," he says, chuckling. He points his claymore at Roxas. "Fight me."

"…What?"

"I want to show you just how pathetic you are," Saïx says, stepping forward, forcing Roxas to back away. "I want to show you how truly special you are. I want to break you."

Shit, fuck, he really is nuts.

Roxas summons his Keyblade and holds it at the ready. There's no avoiding this. Saïx is advancing on him like a rabid wolf. There's nowhere for Roxas to go. No one is coming; the only one who can stop this is Roxas.

"Go ahead and try it," Roxas yells, stepping back into the shaft of moonlight.

Saïx lunges forward, impossibly fast, as if the massive sword weighs nothing. Roxas guards just in time, but the force of Saïx's attack shoves him backward.

As Saïx steps into the moonlight, something changes. A wild grin spreads across his face. His eyes seem to light up.

"By the way, Roxas," he says in a voice that's deeper than usual. "Have you ever wondered why I control the Berserkers?"

Oh God…

Saïx shoves, and suddenly he seems a thousand times stronger. Roxas stumbles and falls to the ground. Saïx breaks out laughing and inclines his head, looking out to the moon.

"I love moonlight," he says in a voice not his own. "Don't you?"

He's like a completely different person. This is bad…this is bad…

Saïx lowers his head suddenly and his mad eyes meet Roxas's. It's then that Roxas realizes that he is shaking.

Come on…come on! Stand up and fight him! What are you, helpless?! Get up!

Saïx rushes forward and Roxas jumps up to meet him. There's a clang as Keyblade meets sword and Roxas grits his teeth, leaning hard on his feet to keep from being shoved backwards.

It happens so fast that Roxas isn't even sure what happens. Suddenly Saïx drops, spins, and before Roxas can guard, the blunt side of the sword hits him in the side. He's thrown away like a ragdoll and rolls across the floor, coming to a stop on his back. He coughs and something black comes up, little flakes of Nothing.

Roxas scrambles to get up, but then Saïx is there, coming out of nowhere. Roxas dodges as Saïx swings the claymore, but it catches a glancing blow. Roxas hits a wall.

Saïx is laughing again, as if crazed.

"I should warn you. You know. When I'm fighting like this. I tend not to stop until there's no trace of my enemy left. It can be rather messy."

Roxas coughs and rolls up to his knees, spitting out bits of darkness onto the floor. "No way," he says, wiping his mouth.

"What? What was that?"

Roxas turns to glare at Saïx. "There's no way I'm letting you kill me here."

Roxas winces as he climbs to his feet. He stands up straight and points his Keyblade at Saïx, who grins.

No holding back. He'll kill me if I hold back even a fraction. I'm not letting that happen. I have things I need to do.

This time it's Roxas who attacks first. He runs forward with a yell and swings the Keyblade for Saïx's middle. Saïx disappears; Roxas has no time to be startled. He raises his Keyblade in defense and spins as Saïx appears behind him, the claymore swinging downward. Roxas parries and thrusts the Keyblade into Saïx's stomach.

Saïx makes a gagging sound and stumbles backward. Roxas smirks and rushes past Saïx's guard, slashing him across the chest, forcing him back. He raises his Keyblade to attack again.

Then it happens. Like someone set fire to his brain.

Roxas screams and drops his Keyblade, covering his head with both hands. His nails dig into his scalp. But this time it's not going away. The pain continues, like his mind is being torn apart. He yells again, sinking to his knees.

Not…now!

He hears Saïx laughing through the haze of pain.

"Well, Roxas! Whatever is the matter? Having head trouble, are you?" Saïx breaks off laughing like a hyena. "I wonder why that could be?"

Saïx kicks him and Roxas goes down. He tries to crawl away, one hand still clutching his head. Saïx delivers a blow with his sword that sends Roxas flying. He rolls several feet before coming to a stop. His head pounds. He claws his free hand against the floor.

Why isn't it stopping? Dammit! Come on! Work through it, get up, fight! If you don't, he—

Something sharp finds his back. Roxas cries out and slides away across the tile floor.

Saïx clicks his tongue. "Poor boy."

Roxas can barely hear him. It's too much…dammit, I can't even move…move, dammit!

Saïx appears in his wavering vision and he kicks Roxas over onto his back. He then plants the foot on Roxas's chest. Roxas gags and tries to shove the foot off, but then the pain in his head flares up and he crushes one hand against his head with a muffled cry.

"You poor little thing," Saïx says, increasing the pressure. "Just look at you, Roxas. Look how pathetic you are."

Roxas coughs and darkness like blood comes up.

Pathetic…he's right…

Saïx removes his foot and reaches down, lifting Roxas off the ground. He looks him in the face and sighs heavily. The insane light leaves his eyes. Then he tosses Roxas aside as if he weighs nothing.

Saïx covers his face with one hand. "Oh, what am I doing," he mutters. "What am I doing?" He pauses. "You're too pathetic to kill."

Roxas lays on his side, staring up at Saïx, panting. He blinks as he realizes the pain in his head is leaving. His entire body feels drained; he can barely move.

The fight is over.

Saïx's hand slides down to cover his mouth and he looks over at Roxas on the ground.

"There's no point in denying it, Roxas," he says, and he sounds like his normal self again. As if it's normal. "The sooner you accept your own weakness, that you're simply a pathetic, worthless nothing, the happier you'll be. No one cares about you anyway, Axel least of all. If you were to disappear, no one would even notice. If you simply vanished, nothing would change. The world would continue to turn without you. It's the same for any of us. You've just deluded yourself into thinking you're worth anything."

The sword disappears with a puff of shadows and Saïx starts to walk away, leaving Roxas on the floor. Anger floods Roxas's veins like never before.

"Wait," he says between gasps of air. "I can still fight."

Saïx doesn't look back or even stop walking.

"If you tell anyone about this…" he says, "I really will kill you."

And then, with a swirl of darkness, he's gone. Roxas slumps to the floor. He presses his forehead to the cool tile, watching the little twists of darkness leak out of him.

I lost…

Beside him his hand contorts into a fist.

He lets out a roar that echoes in the empty room and punches the floor. He hears something crack in his hand, but he doesn't care. He doesn't care. Nothing matters.

-------

Demyx stands up straight from leaning against a wall and fixes Roxas with a dirty look when he sees him coming.

"Half an hour late!" he says. "You could have at least…whoa. Dude. What the hell happened?"

Roxas looks himself over. His coat is torn, his gloves have split, and he's pretty sure his face has seen better days. Even his hair seemed to have lost its will and is hanging down in his eyes.

Roxas avoids Demyx's eyes. "Heartless. The city. They were…" Roxas trails off with a shrug.

"Oh," Demyx says, eyes brightening with dawning comprehension. "So Saïx gave you his 'bring you down a notch' speech, huh?"

Roxas flinches and doesn't answer.

"Hm. Sure took him awhile. Only took him a week with me," Demyx says, rubbing the back of his head and giving Roxas a knowing look. "Well, I guess cause Axel was here."

Roxas grinds his teeth; he's going to chip a tooth if he keeps this up. As if I want his fucking protection. Axel…I'm so sick of thinking about him.

"Don't take it personal. Saïx hates everyone. He just especially hates people with attitudes. And…weak people." Demyx trails off, looking distant. But then he grins rather nastily. "But you know what? There's always sweet revenge. You know the bathroom on the third floor? Did you know he avoids it like a plague these days? Hasn't gone in once, not since…heh. Let's just say there's a lot you can do with water."

Demyx snickers, but Roxas ignores him. He doesn't want to be cheered up.

Demyx seems to notice. "Hey, man. Don't let him get to you. Look, what with Hollow Bastion, he's gonna be gone for awhile. You take the day off, I'll go to that new world alone. Sleep it off, no one'll notice."

Roxas narrows his eyes. "If you were to disappear, no one would even notice."

"I don't need a day off," Roxas snaps, more viciously than he intended. "I'm fine."

Demyx folds his arms, giving him a "don't bullshit me" look. "Uh-huh. Did he go all moonlight crazy on you?"

Roxas looks away. He's shaking again, with anger this time. He wants to kill something.

Saïx…

"Yeah, thought so" Demyx concludes. "Take the day off, man. I won't tell the Superior."

He waves his hand and a dark portal opens beside him. Roxas stands, shaking, eyes downcast.

"Hey man, really," Demyx says, sounding concerned. "Don't worry about it, okay? Just make plans on how to get back at him. Kill him maybe, do us all a favor."

Demyx smiles gently and steps into the portal.

As soon as he's gone, Roxas's strength gives out. He sinks to his knees.

He was right, he thinks. I'm pathetic.

Roxas crawls to the wall and leans back against it. He looks at his broken hand. It's hardly as bad as the dull ache still in his head. Or the pain where his heart was.

I'll get stronger. Someday…I'll fight him again. I'll fight him and kill him. I'll destroy him.

There's a flash of pain in his head and Roxas hisses through his teeth.

Why…he thinks. Why is this happening to me?

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Nyeh…more violence. Poor Roxas. Our little angst-bucket needs a hug, methinks.

I dunno about this chapter. I hope it wasn't too weird. It was pretty humorless. Some people might take issue with my Saïx characterization, but this is just how I see him. He's an interesting character with a lot of layers, so I hope that came through (if he came off as just a psycho-sadist, I'm sorry).

Anyway, Chapter 8 after another long wait. Hope you like! Feedback is candy for my soul.

The title is "Moonlight" in Latin.