Dean cracked open his eyes to blue skies. The kind of sky you painted on walls and in murals, with just the right number of cottony clouds, and not a single wisp of smoke or pollution. As the world came into focus Dean began to realize what was missing. Pain. He could feel no pain. His only sensation was a soft wind tracing over his flesh. Dean rubbed the pads of his fingers to the ground, expecting the scrape of car yard dirt, but instead wisps of delicate grass tickled his palms. Where was he? Dean gingerly raised his shoulders and began to sit up, ready for ripping agony in his guts, but instead there wasn't even a pull on his abdomen. Dean glanced around, craning his neck to all sides and seeing only green grass and blue skies.

"Bobby?" He called through a rough throat. Where was that grizzly hunter?

"Bobby isn't here baby." Dean jumped at the sudden voice behind him. He jerked around coming face to face with a woman. Gold hair flowed down over her shoulders and cascaded down her back, big blue eyes blinked at him, crows feet just beginning at the corners. She gave him a wide smile through pink lips and lifted one hand from her lap to stroke Dean's cheek. He leaned into the touch greadily, closing his eyes and breathing her in deep.

"Mom…" She scooted closer, pulling her eldest into a bear hug. She wrapped her thin arms around his broad shoulders and pulled his head to where her neck met her shoulder. Hot tears dripped down her collar bone, and a small hitch worked its way into Dean's breathing.

"I'm here baby." Dean pulled away after a moment, watery eyes taking in the sight before him. He tugged his bottom lip between his teeth, contemplating his next question.

"Am I dead?" Mary looked at him kindly, smiling softly.

"No baby." Dean nodded slowly, confusion tugging his brows together.

"Then what's going on? Where am I? How are you here? I mean I'm not complaining but I just…" Mary hushed him softly, chuckling under her breathe as her son began to babble. She tugged his head back down to her shoulder and threaded her fingers into the soft hair at the nape of her neck.

"You're here because you need some guidance, I'm here to give it to you." Dean tightened his hold, his arms snaked around her mother's trim waist. "You have a choice Dean."

"What are the options?" Dean murmured into her neck, not quite ready to pull back from the protective embrace.

"You can give up, or you can fight." She answered gently, rubbing a hand down his back and along his spine.

"You mean I can live or die?" Dean spat back a bit harshly. He regretted the tone but Mary didn't seem to notice, she just set her chin a top his head and nodded. "Is it bad that I don't have an answer?"

Mary pulled back, untangling her son from her grip and looking him in the eye. "I know. I know what you have been though, all of it, and I know it isn't coming to an end anytime soon if you choose to go back. So no, it is not 'bad' that you don't have an answer. Of course I am biased, you are my baby boy, but this is your choice sweet heart. I'll help you to decide, give you any guidance I can, but in the end you decide."

Dean nodded, breathe catching in his chest. "Mama I don't know what to do." A choked sob escaped his throat and he dived back into her embrace. He let tears drip down and soak into his mother's white gown. "I don't know if I can take anymore. I try mom, I try so hard, but nothing ever seems to go right.

I do everything I can for Sammy. I help him with his homework, I make his dinner, I try to protect him, but I always seem to mess it up. I know he said he doesn't really hate me, but it's only a matter of time. How many more screw ups can I commit before he really does hate me."

"Now you look at me Dean." His mother snapped, raising his head to be eye level, eyes ablaze, "You are not a screw up. You are amazing. I am so sorry for all that has been placed on your shoulders, and I know that you see that your father is doing his best, but it isn't fair. It isn't fair that you are a mother, father, and brother to Sam, it isn't fair that you have had to not only take care of yourself since the age of four but also a little brother. But even through all of that you never complain, you take it in stride, and you do an amazing job. Don't you see that your brother idolizes you? You are Sam's hero, and you always will be."

"You really think that?" Dean questioned sniffling back his emotions.

"I really mean that." Dean nodded, swallowing down his feelings and wiping away a trail of tears.

"It's not just taking care of Sam though, It's patching Dad up, it's being a good little soldier, its listening to the two people I love most tear each other apart and then leaving me to pick up the pieces. I mean, maybe they would get along better if I was gone."

"Dean Winchester don't you ever think that!" Mary scolded, wincing at the resentment she could see etched in her son's face. The most painful thing for Mary being that it was resentment for himself.

"Why wouldn't I think that?! I'm who they are always arguing about!"

"Now you listen to me and you listen good. Your brother and father are too alike for their own good. They will always find something to fight about, if it's not you then it will be something else. You are not the problem, you are the only thing that keeps this family together. And it isn't right, and I don't blame you for wanting out but I will not let you think that you are the problem." They sat in silence for a couple of moments, staring at each other and soaking in the words.

"I miss you Mom." Dean finally broke the silence. Tone broken and raw, "I miss your presence and your calm, I miss your voice telling me angels are watching over me, I need that right now. How am I supposed to go back to a life without it?"

"I miss you too baby, and I wish I didn't have to leave you, but you aren't alone. Your father loves you more than anything, I know he has strange way of showing it but it's true. And Sam, well you are Sam's world."

"I know they need me, I know, but I can't help but think about what is going to happen in the future. If I go back , how do I know I won't just get ripped to shreds by a werewolf next week? Or have my neck snapped by a poltergeist? Or what if I don't get hurt? What if it's Sammy? I don't think could survive if something happened to… if he…."

"Baby that's life." The world was beginning to fade around the edges. The grass bleeding its color and beginning to blend into the blue above. The wind stopped suddenly, leaving the startling sensation of nothing. "We've run out of time, you have to choose baby."

"What?! I'm not ready! I'm not ready for you to leave." Dean clung to his mother, arms wrapped tightly around her and face buried in her blond waves. Mary pulled him close, tears standing in her eyes as she let her son go for the second time.

"Maybe this will help you decide." Mary repositioned her son so that he was lying with his back on the grass and his face up to the sky. She hovered over him, hands stoking his cheeks and hair. "Maybe things aren't meant to last forever. We live, then we die. And what we do in the middle, that's what makes us who we are."

Dean nodded and Mary released her hold, "close your eyes baby."

Dean complied and felt a sudden stillness. Who was he? He was Dean Winchester.