Disclaimer: Nomura, Squeenix, Disney and all those others own the characters, stories, and all that jazz. Warning: Post-Chain of Memories, so may contain spoilers.

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Not That I Care

13

Cracks and Splinters

"Sometimes I'm terrified of my heart

Of its constant hunger for whatever it is that it wants

Sometimes I'm terrified of my heart

Of the way it stops…and starts."

--Poe

Being alive has never felt so good, even if it's only technically half-alive.

It's probably the thousandth time in the past week that Axel has thought this. Even he'll admit that it was a close call. Just portalling himself back to home-sweet-home took about half his strength; for a little while there, he really did think he was going to die. But here he is now, a week later, alive and with no more holes in him. Back in the Castle That Never Was with the good old Organization. Axel never thought it possible that he would miss such a shitty place so much, though Roxas is mostly to blame for that.

Roxas. Roxas who is safe again, for the time being, now that Sora is in deep-freeze to regain his memories. Roxas who hasn't changed at all in the time that Axel was away. Roxas, who said himself that he was glad Axel had come back alive.

Roxas who is currently bitching Axel out for not taking this newest mission seriously.

"You could freaking pick up the pace a little. That Heartless infestation isn't going to just wait for us, you know. Do you know what happens if we screw this up? Saïx happens. This is his world, and he is not happy that we're here in his territory, so would you mind walking just a tiny bit faster so that we can go home and not have to deal with that psycho?"

Axel almost laughs at how familiar this is, how easily they've slid back into their routine, as if Axel was never away. He turns it into a whistle at the last second.

"Someone's got his panties in a bunch. Relax, would you, it's a beautiful, sort of bluish-gray day in Hollow Bastion. And I can't walk any faster, I might upset my wounds."

"You are perfectly fine."

Axel rubs at a non-existent injury on his leg. "Ohh, the pain. How it aches. How your indifference drives shards of suffering into my heart."

"You don't have a heart. And what the hell are shards of suffering?"

"Point," Axel concedes. "Why are we here then, anyway? Let that moon-crazy bastard deal with it, if this is his world. You know, they've got this new ice cream in Twilight Town? I'm not one for sweets, but I hear this stuff is good. We could be there right now, relaxing."

Roxas shrugs ahead of him, narrow shoulders rising inside his black coat.

"Saïx is away on some other mission," he answers, ignoring the second part of Axel's comment. Axel doubts the kid is much for sweets either. The news about Saïx gets Axel's attention, though, enough so that he walks faster to catch up with Roxas. Hollow Bastion is a maze of streets and stairways and alleys, but their destination should be close by now.

"What kind of mission?"

Roxas shrugs again, glancing toward Axel. "Xemnas didn't say."

Axel frowns to himself. Saïx on a secret mission—to where? To do what? The older worlds are all locked by now, and Heartless appearances there have dropped from few to almost none. It's the new worlds that are the Organization's current focus, since the flow of Heartless there is virtually unchecked for the time being. But there are fewer new worlds than there were old, and all the remaining members of the Organization have been assigned to keep watch of one. There's no reason for Saïx to go anywhere else, especially in secrecy.

Unless Xemnas and Saïx are conducting their own investigation into what happened at Castle Oblivion, which makes sense. Axel isn't too worried at their turning anything up that they could use against him, but the idea of Saïx poking around makes him uncomfortable. Saïx is meticulous, methodical, patient. Axel has his own methodical, manipulative streak—and it's a pretty wide one—but Saïx tops him when it comes to attention to details. If Axel forgot even the smallest thing, Saïx will find it.

And there's a chance he will. There were too many unknowns at Castle Oblivion. Sora did manage to kill Marluxia in the end, and Riku killed Lexaeus before Axel had to worry about him. The only figurative blood on Axel's hands is Vexen's, and the Superior knows about that—knows and understands and has decided not to tell the others, Roxas included. But there are still a lot of things Axel can't be sure of. Like what exactly Larxene and Marluxia were planning to do once they had control of the Organization. Like what happened to Naiminé, the Riku Replica, and Riku himself. Like exactly how Lexaeus, Vexen, and Zexion were moving, and what they planned to do with Riku.

Zexion. Something Axel is trying not to think about. Short, bookish, talkative Zexion who always had his hair in his eyes. He was annoying, but Axel didn't particularly like him or hate him either way. Axel tries not to wonder whether Zexion really had to die, especially at the hands of the Riku Replica. The Replica had gone completely nuts at that point—Axel didn't stick around to watch, but he can only imagine just what the Replica did to Zexion. But it had to be done. Axel couldn't afford to leave any loose ends lying around. He didn't have the strength to kill Zexion himself, after the fight with Sora—so he had the Replica do it for him.

Axel tells himself it doesn't matter. Directly or indirectly, he caused the deaths of most of his comrades at Castle Oblivion. He might have been following orders, but it was also a decision that Axel himself made. He knew the consequences then; he accepted them. Living with that won't be a problem. He hopes.

There's one other thing, though, something that has been niggling at Axel ever since he got back—the Man in Red. Tall, well-built, seemingly mummified in red bandages—Axel saw him with Riku, just before he portalled out, and the man had been incredibly familiar somehow. Axel didn't understand it, but he had a feeling the Man in Red had a lot to do with some of the things that happened at Castle Oblivion.

"You look deep in thought."

Roxas's voice jars Axel out of his reverie and Axel blinks hard, shaking himself back to reality. He snorts and rolls his eyes at Roxas.

"I was deep in thought until I was so rudely interrupted."

"Well, you admitted to it, that's a first. Is something wrong?"

"You mean aside from the fact that we're walking into a horde of Heartless when we could be napping and relaxing and having Sea-Salt ice cream in Twilight Town?"

"I don't even like ice cream," Roxas sighs. "We're here."

Axel can already hear them, practically smell them. The two Nobodies are deep in Hollow Bastion, and they come to a stop at a corner, pressing their backs to the wall. Roxas looks around the corner.

"Lots," he says. "Lots of varieties, too."

A grin spreads across Axel's face and he summons his chakrams to his hands. This is the first time this week that they've encountered Heartless. It's been so long.

"Lots is good," Axel says, stepping past Roxas. "Let's go."

"Wait, what—?"

Axel leaps around the corner and, with a roar, throws himself into the mess of Heartless. There are lots of them, probably close to a hundred—Shadows, Large Bodies, reds, greens, blues, yellows, mushrooms, almost every kind Axel can think of. He doesn't care. He's free again, free to kill as many things as he wants without having to care about it.

The first sweep of fire takes out a handful before they can even react. The Yellow Operas, the lightning users, are the quickest to realize the danger and surge forward to face Axel. The others turn and come in waves, the slow Large Bodies moving slowly, the ones in the air zipping forward. Axel releases one chakram and sets it ablaze, then sends it into the mass of writhing Heartless bodies. With his other he slashes and stabs at those too careless to get close to him.

Roxas leaps in from behind, slashing a Red Nocturne, a fire user—the only ones Axel can't kill, since fire only makes them stronger. Axel hardly notices Roxas, plowing forward through the Heartless. Something latches onto his ankle and he summons his fire—there's a shriek and a Shadow Heartless goes up in smoke. Axel calls his other chakram back to his hand and spins, slashing outward as two Darkballs float in from behind. He whirls around, his coat swishing, and takes both chakrams in one hand. He makes a sweeping motion with his free hand and a whole path of land explodes into flame, taking out about ten Heartless. Four Red Nocturnes shoot free, charged by the fire.

There's a roar. Axel turns, knocking two Shadows out of the way, to see a Behemoth looming over the two Nobodies. It looks like some kind of dinosaur, four-legged, bulky, with shadowy tusks that curl up above its head. It opens its mouth wide and roars again, and the smaller Heartless flock to it, organizing, preparing.

Axel lets out a cackle. "Excellent! Now things are getting interesting!"

"Axel, this is too much," Roxas says, appearing beside him. "Most of them were already the strong kind, and now a Behemoth?"

Axel just laughs. "Whadaya wanna do, run for help? No way! I'm gonna have me some fun!"

"Axel, we need to work together!"

But Axel is already rushing forward, yelling, his chakrams spinning near his hands. Darkballs come at him from the right, Air Soldiers from the left, and the Behemoth ahead gathers itself for a leap. Fire bursts outward, catching some of the Darkballs and Air Soldiers—the rest dodge or break through unscathed. Axel stops, skids, and slashes outward with his chakrams. The remaining Darkballs vanish into smoke and darkness, but the Air Soldiers, always agile, evade and attack from above. Axel feels claws in his shoulder and calls his fire. Flames burst up around him, catching two of the Air Soldiers, which shriek and dart away to try and escape. Roxas comes leaping through the air, cutting them down with one slash.

There's a roar and a shadow falls over Axel. He looks up to see the Behemoth has leapt into the air and is falling toward him like a meteor. He and Roxas leap out of the way and the Behemoth crashes down, shaking the earth and sending both Nobodies to the ground.

Lightning strikes Axel and pain shoots all through his body. For one wild second he thinks of Larxene, but then he leaps back to his feat and takes down the Yellow Opera with a fireball. He flings both chakrams and they tear through three Shadows and a Blue Rhapsody, killing them instantly.

Suddenly dark purple smoke fills Axel's vision and his lungs seem to catch fire; he doubles over, coughing, and sees a Black Fungus through the smoke.

Poison gas, right. Well, let's see if it's flammable.

He can taste darkness in his throat, but he calls on his fire. There's an explosion and the scream of Heartless as the fire spreads outward, destroying the mushroom-like Black Fungus and several other nearby Heartless. This time instead of letting the fire go out, Axel keeps it going, building it stronger, spreading it farther. His chakrams spin faster than racecar wheels near his hands, catching fire and becoming orange streaks in the air. They start to circle him, slashing at the Heartless closing in. Tendrils of fire leap out all around him, reaching for the dark monsters all around Axel.

"Whooo!" Axel roars, fire spinning and leaping and dancing around him. "Eat this, assholes!"

The Behemoth charges him and then rears back as an explosion of fire attacks its front and underside. Through the rippling air and smoke Axel sees Roxas make a flying leap onto the Behemoth's back and start slashing at its head.

The fire is intensifying, creeping over Axel's body now, writhing and dancing around him like a thousand angry snakes. The heat is starting to hurt his eyes. The fire spreads further, and pink hearts seem to turn all of Hollow Bastion pink with their light.

"Axel! Axel!" Roxas is on the ground again, the Behemoth dissolving into shadow behind him. "You're releasing too much energy!"

Axel can barely hear him. The flames are roaring in his ears, searing his vision. He can feel the fire starting to prickle across his skin, and for some reason his hands are shaking. Somewhere deep inside him something is happening—something is rising, taking shape, crying to be released. Axel holds onto it, trying to force it back down, but the force is persistent.

Not yet, not yet…

Axel throws his chakrams out beyond the wall of flames around him and senses the weapons honing in on Heartless, killing them one by one. Tongues of flame follow the chakrams, seeking out the Heartless that escape. Two Red Nocturnes break through Axel's flames, untouched—both chakrams come back and cut them both in two.

The force inside Axel is growing in strength, screaming for liberation, and with it is coming something strange—feeling. Sensation. Color, sound, light. So familiar and yet so strange. Axel's whole body is shaking now. He's losing control.

Then suddenly, something hits the back of his head hard. He goes down and his face hits concrete. The fire dies. The force inside him sinks back into nothingness, into the void where his heart was.

"Sweet fuck!" Roxas curses from above him. Axel looks up, rubbing the back of his head. Roxas is glaring down at Axel like he means murder. The sleeves of his coat are smoking.

"What the hell is the matter with you?!" Roxas demands. "Are you crazy?!"

"You hit me? Why the hell did you hit me?"

Darkness looms behind Roxas, and Roxas doesn't answer. He spins around and hacks his way through a handful of Shadows and Blue Rhapsodies. Axel starts to get to his feet, but his muscles feel like jelly and he sinks back to the pavement.

What the…what the fuck happened to me?

There are only a few Heartless left. Axel watches from the ground as Roxas deals with the rest, spinning, dodging, practically dancing as he kills the last of them. Axel forces himself to a sitting position. Roxas drives his Keyblade through the last Darkball and stands with his back to Axel, panting, his Keyblade still at the ready before him. Silence falls over the street.

For awhile, the two Nobodies remain motionless. Then Roxas disappears his Keyblade and whips around, his laser-eyes set to kill.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" he snarls, sounding like it's all he can do to keep his voice level. "What the hell was that? Were you trying to kill the Heartless and us?"

Axel rubs his head, feeling rather indignant. Roxas hit him. "What did I do?"

"I don't know, but I could feel it. It was like you were going to fucking explode or something. Rattled my teeth. You were releasing way too much energy. What the hell were you thinking?"

"I wasn't thinking, I was fighting. I didn't explode, plus I killed most of the Heartless, so what are you complaining about?" Axel thinks that if he were on his feet this would sound a lot more compelling, but still.

I don't get it…what happened to me? Why did I go all weak like that?

"I had to run through your stupid fire just to stop you!" Roxas makes an angry motion with his arm and winces, drawing his arm up to his chest. Axel stiffens.

"Wait—did you—did I burn you?"

"It's nothing," Roxas says through his teeth. "You didn't even know I was there, did you? God damn it, Axel, you could have killed both of us. You're the fucking fire-user, you should know better than to let it get out of control like that. What the hell happened? I've never seen you get like that."

Out of control? The fire was…?

"Get like what?" Axel mutters.

"Completely lose it," Roxas snaps. "You looked like you'd gone crazy. I mean Saïx crazy."

Comparing him to Saïx. That's a low blow, but Axel is starting to wonder if he doesn't deserve it.

Was I really out of control? It felt like normal…except for that thing I felt, that force…suddenly I felt strong, totally powerful, and totally…

Axel's eyes widen and he realizes.

Totally whole.

The power he felt—it was the power from his heart. He had unconsciously drawn upon it while battle crazed; but there had been nothing there to draw on. It had been that power, that void that had been yawning inside him, wider and wider until it threatened to consume him.

Axel puts his hand to his chest and clutches his coat.

It was my heart. I could feel it. For a second there, I could feel it. I remember. God, I can remember what it felt like, having a heart. I can remember why I wanted one so badly.

His fist tightens and he grits his teeth.

But if I had let it go on, it would have killed me.

"Is that what it takes, then?" he whispers. "Is dying what it takes?"

"What? What did you say?"

Axel gets slowly to his feet, still shaking a little. He sighs and faces Roxas, looking him in the face, avoiding looking at the burns on his arms.

"I'm sorry," he says. "I lost it, I don't know why. Just haven't killed Heartless in a long time I guess…"

Roxas gives him a narrowed look, and for awhile he doesn't say anything.

"Are you okay?" he asks at length. "You've been strange since you got back."

Axel snorts, looking away from Roxas. "You try spending a month in that goddamn castle and see if you don't come back a little fucked up." He hesitates, and his eyes flick briefly back to Roxas. "Are your hands alright?"

"I'm fine."

I burned him, I can't believe it. I've never burned anyone—well, I mean, not accidentally anyway.

"Sorry," Axel mutters.

Roxas heaves a sigh and shakes his blonde head. "Let's just get back."

-------

The nearly-exploding thing took a lot out of Axel; as soon as they get back to the castle he collapses into bed, leaving Roxas to give the report. Axel doesn't exactly care what the kid tells the Superior—truth or lie, it won't matter. It won't change what happened.

He isn't sure how long he sleeps, but when he wakes up he still feels weak and still tastes darkness in his throat. He lies in bed for awhile, staring at the ceiling (white. Everything is still so goddamn white), thinking.

That feeling before, the feeling of power rising inside of him—his heart—it was rather like seeing color after spending your whole life blind. Like hearing music after being deaf for years. It was like tasting something that you lost, that you never thought to experience again—for the briefest of moments, only to lose it again. Only to have it taken from you again.

"God damn it," Axel snarls and punches the wall behind his head. Pain shoots through his hand but he doesn't care.

It's like waking up back then, waking up and not remembering but knowing that I had lost something so important. It's the same feeling as then.

It's not fair. And what a ridiculous thing to think, but Axel can't help himself. How can people like Sora, Riku, all those little brats—how can they have hearts when there are people in the world who don't? When Axel doesn't have one? You live as a Nobody for as long as Axel has and you get used to it and learn to stop complaining. But it's different this time. Axel got a clear, beautiful, terrible look at exactly what it was he lost and then had that vision snuffed out again.

It's just not fair.

I want to feel it again. But is dying the only way to get our hearts back? Is that the price we have to pay?

Axel gets to his feet and pads across his room to the window. He pulls back the curtain and looks out at the heart-shaped moon floating high above. Kingdom Hearts.

Or is that the answer? I'd forgotten why that stupid moon was so important to us. I'd forgotten why it's all the older guys talk about. Kingdom Hearts, Kingdom Hearts. I understood it once, but I stopped believing in it. Now I think I get it again.

Two choices—death or completing Kingdom Hearts.

Axel closes his eyes and leans on the windowsill, sighing.

I think I'll take the latter. Fine. I'll start working harder. I'll start taking this job more seriously. Because I want to feel it again, no matter the cost.

Axel stands there for awhile, eyes closed, feeling the light from Kingdom Hearts on his face. Eventually he stands up straight and stretches, then turns and heads for the door. No more sleep tonight.

He paces the halls silently, walking without purpose or direction. He passes a training room and sees Xaldin practicing with his wind spears. The older Nobody takes no notice and Axel keeps walking until he finds himself at the cafeteria.

Roxas is sitting at a bench, book open on the table, a mug of coffee in one hand. Axel tries to back out but Roxas, never one to be fooled, looks up at the sound.

"You're up."

"So are you." Axel looks around the room. There's no escape now, so he steps into the cafeteria, trying to look nonchalant. "Thought I'd see what Luxord is always raving about when he talks about tea."

Roxas makes an indiscriminate sound and returns to reading his book. Axel hesitates by the doorway, wondering if he should just leave. Eventually he gives it up and walks into the room, heading for the mugs and the tea bags. He puts a mug of water into the microwave and stares at it, watching the microwave light, because he doesn't want to look at Roxas. Roxas is wearing his coat and gloves, and he never wears his coat and gloves at night. Axel wonders how bad the burns are.

"You know, when you were talking about last hurrahs and making a sun the other day, I thought you were just kidding," Roxas says after awhile.

Axel doesn't look at him. "I never kid, Roxas, I am always serious. See, this is me being serious." Axel makes the kind of face he thinks Xaldin would make. The microwave beeps and Axel pulls out his tea.

"I don't understand you," Roxas says under his breath. "Every time I think I have you figured out, you go and do something totally insane."

"I'm an unpredictable kind of guy," Axel says, sitting down across from Roxas. He summons a tiny flame to his hand and watches it for a moment. "Comes with the territory—fire and all. Fire's the same way." He snuffs the flame and takes a sip of tea. Not bad.

"No wonder fire kills people indiscriminately."

"Listen, it's not like I meant for what happened today," Axel says, getting irritated. "I said I was sorry. I just…pent up energy or something. Look, I'm just as weirded out as you are. I don't lose control like that. It just doesn't happen. So I'm not gonna let it happen again."

"What exactly were you doing, anyway?" Roxas asks, fixing his laser-glare on Axel. Axel tries to be angry, but he can't bring himself to do it. God, but he missed that glare.

"It was like…I don't know how to describe it in words," Axel says. He pauses, rubbing his chin and taking another sip of tea. It's good stuff, though Axel thinks he still prefers coffee.

"There was this power inside me. Coming from that void, you know the one. It was my heart, Roxas. I felt it. Just for a second. Then it was gone."

Axel sighs and rests his hand in his chin. "If I'd let it go on, I probably would have killed you and me and everything else in the vicinity."

For a long time, neither of them speak, absorbing what Axel has said.

"Your heart, huh?" Roxas says at length. "What did it feel like?"

"Like everything. Everything possible."

Roxas is silent, but Axel thinks he hears him whisper, Wow.

"Your hands," Axel says, gripping the tea mug with both hands and staring down into the green-brown liquid. "Are you…alright? I really didn't mean to burn you."

"I figured as much," Roxas says, flexing both hands. "I'm not exactly the expert, but I'm thinking that friends usually try to avoid burning each other."

Axel laughs and Roxas smiles.

"I'm not gonna let it happen again," Axel repeats. "So you don't have to worry. It kind of sucks to lose something like that all over again, so I don't want to try it again."

They fall silent again, and Axel finishes off his tea. He lifts the mug to throw it against the wall like normal, but then decides against it. He sets it back down and gets to his feet, suddenly tired again.

"Axel."

Axel looks down at Roxas, who isn't looking at him.

"What really happened at Castle Oblivion?"

Axel stares at him for awhile, long enough that Roxas eventually looks up. It's been awhile since Axel looked into Roxas's eyes, really looked into them, and he had forgotten how blue they were. Completely unlike Sora's eyes. So much better than Sora's eyes.

Sora. How long will it be until he wakes up? What will he remember when he does?

If he finds out about Roxas and comes after him, he'll have to come through me. And this time, I won't lose.

"A lot of stuff. Lots of fireworks, like I said." Axel sighs and folds his arms, looking away. "I hated it there. It was awful. Everything was awful. Even with everything that went crazy, the mutiny. It was fun to watch, but it was awful. I mean, for fuck's sake," Axel bursts out. "Larxene didn't have to fucking die. Marluxia didn't have to be so blind and stupid. Zexion didn't have to be in the wrong goddamn place, on the wrong goddamn side. Vexen didn't…" But Axel trails off as he realizes what he was about to say.

He rubs the back of his head and laughs it off.

"Look at me being all angsty. Totally unlike me. What do I care about those idiots? Whatever. Shit went down, that's all you really have to know. I'm going to bed."

Axel turns to go, but then Roxas is talking again.

"Axel…I'm sorry."

Axel turns back. Roxas is staring at him with that look, that stupid look he got the times that he thought Axel was dying. Axel hates that look.

"Whatever," he says, and turns and leaves.

-------

Axel senses a presence as he is waking up, the way you can sense when your cat is leaning over you or when someone is standing in the doorway behind you. He opens his eyes and the first thing he sees is an X. He squints. There are eyes behind the X and icy-blue hair hanging around it.

It takes Axel a moment to understand what he is looking at.

"Sweet holy fucking shit," Axel says and sits up. Saïx moves away before they can crack skulls and gives Axel a look that is half-amused, half-sadistic. Axel scoots away against the headboard; Saïx is sitting further down the bed—Axel's bed, which is creepy in and of itself. Axel looks around the room quickly, searching for a quick exit.

"How the fuck did you get into my room? Why the fuck are you in my room?"

"The Superior has elevated me to second-in-command," Saïx says lightly, as if it's a non-issue. "I can go anywhere in this castle that I want, Axel."

Saïx? Second-in-command? Axel feels sick.

"Dude. Get the fuck out of my room."

Saïx leans toward him, close, way too close for comfort.

"I've been investigating you, Axel. I thought something was a little wrong with your Castle Oblivion story. And m as the Superior trusts you, and I cannot fathom why he does, I'm afraid that he agreed that you weren't entirely truthful in your report. He asked me to go there and confirm what you told him. And do you know what I found there, Axel?"

Axel gets to his feet and walks for the door, but then Saïx is there, blocking his way.

"I said get out of my room, you freak."

Saïx starts walking forward, forcing Axel backward.

"Nothing, Axel. I found nothing," Saïx says, and Axel finds himself with his back to the wall. "Very convenient for you, isn't it? No, Axel, no evidence with which I can possibly condemn you for the traitor you are. Nothing, that is, but what the moon tells me."

"You're insane. You're crazy."

"You don't understand, Axel," Saïx says, shaking his head in an almost sorrowful way. "Fire speaks to you, water speaks to Demyx, and the moonlight speaks to me. Did you know that the moon is a mirror, Axel? It reflects everything that has happened. And I can see those reflections."

Axel can feel his face turning white, actually feel it.

Saïx leans into Axel's ear.

"You killed Vexen in cold blood, didn't you? You murdered him."

Axel says nothing.

"You didn't do it to gain Marluxia's trust. You didn't do it because you were following orders. You did it because you wanted to. You murdered a comrade for no reason other than that you wanted to."

Axel says nothing.

"How did it feel, Axel? It wasn't like killing a Heartless, was it? A Nobody can think, even if it can't feel. It can talk to you. It can beg for its life. Did he beg for his life before you killed him, Axel? Did you like it?"

Axel closes his eyes and says nothing.

"And you call me the crazy one," Saïx scoffs. "I know about Vexen, and I know the other things you did there, Axel. Of course, I can't prove it. The Castle is fading, falling into darkness, as is its world and its moon. I have no evidence that I can show Xemnas. But I know it, and you know it. I know there's no guilt in you, but I wonder. I wonder what would happen if I told the others? If I told fragile little Demyx? He looks up to you, you know. Or what if I told Roxas? He still considers you his friend, doesn't he? I tried to warn him, truly, I did. You're not the kind of person to have friends, Axel, except to betray them. I tried to tell him that, but he didn't listen. I wonder if he would change his mind, if I told him what you did?"

Axel summons his fire and flames leap up above his hands. His eyes snap open and he glares at Saïx. He thinks about all the ways he could kill him. Incinerate him. Shove the fire down his throat and burn him from the inside out. Boil his brain in its own fluids.

Saïx smiles.

"You look like murder, Axel."

"You need to leave," Axel says, and he can barely recognize his own voice. The fire rises. "Now."

Saïx keeps grinning, though his eyes narrow. He shrugs, nonchalant, and opens a dark portal.

"Think about it, Axel," he says. "There's no avoiding it, after all. You can't change what you are, and what you are is a traitor. Sooner or later, you'll betray him."

Axel moves forward, but then Saïx is gone. The portal closes and the darkness vanishes. Axel roars a curse and the fire explodes before disappearing as well.

He falls back against the wall, staring at his hands. More than anything right now, more than anything in the entire world, he wants to hunt Saïx down, hunt him down and kill him. Axel has done it before, and he knows he can do it again. It was easy with Vexen, if painful—it'll be far easier with Saïx.

Calm down. Just calm the fuck down. Oh, goddamn it, damn it all…

Axel grits his teeth and slides down the wall. The worst possible thing has happened. Saïx, Saïx of all people, now has something to hold over him.

And here I thought this day couldn't get any worse. Silly me.

Axel makes a sound like a caged jaguar and covers his face with both hands.

What's wrong with me?

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Wow, finally a chapter, after what, two months? Looks like I'm not getting this up by Sunday at midnight like I promised…so sorry! But I'm only an hour late, so maybe you can forgive me .

Really kind of angsty, violent chapter here. Sorry about that. Hope none of you mind. Hope also that you like this, considering how long I've kept you guys waiting. I feel really bad about that, but this semester has been absolutely god-awful. Fortunately it's ending very soon, in about four weeks—yay!—and come summer, I'll definitely be able to update more regularly. I'll also try to get another chapter up before then, but with finals coming up, I don't know if it's going to happen.

Dunno if I like this chapter all that much, but I guess it works.

Anyway, thanks ever so much for sticking around this long and for being patient and all. I love you guys!

Feedback is candy for my soul.