Author's note: Thousand apologies for not updating sooner; also for not answering all of your reviews! Life has been hectic and uninspiring lately, but I have not abandoned my stories.
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III: Lost
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She had not wanted a little brother. Most of all, she had not wanted a new mother.
It had been just the two of them for so long now (and yet sometimes, most of the time, it felt like it was just yesterday when she had lost her mom), so when her dad introduced them to her for the first time, Daley had been sure they would be gone by the end of the week, and she would never see them again.
Imagine her confusion, her resentment, her hope, when she had turned out to be wrong. Daley wanted her dad to be happy (her mom would have wanted him to be happy, and he had been before she went away), and so she tried to be happy for him. But she didn't want a little brother, and she couldn't ever again have a mom (her mom couldn't come back).
So Daley's dirty little secret (the one that Lex was never going to know, except with his perception, he kind of already did) was that at the beginning, she had not wanted Lex. But she had gotten him anyhow, and now, she would not change it for the world, would not give him back.
Daley loved her brother. And she was going to lose him all the same. Just like she had lost her mom.
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Lex looked so tired. Daley knew he was tired, as he hardly slept anymore. If she had been a better sister, she would have gotten him to sleep, would have known how to banish those nightmares. Instead, night after night, the only thing she knew was the phrase it's going to be alright, repeating it over and over again, even when it did no good to either one of them. But then again, lies seldom do.
He was so quiet all the time. Before, Lex had always been a calm child, but still far from passive. He had observed situations with keen interest, had never been afraid to offer his own opinions, knowledge, questions. Now he was so quiet and timid, curled up into himself; lost somewhere dark and terrifying. If she had been a better listener, better talker, better at knowing what to say, she would have found him. If she had been better - better at anything everything - she could had prevented him getting lost in the first place.
Daley had gotten used to doing and succeeding. She had led fundraisings, election campaigns, committees, clubs, simple afternoons with friends. She had approached every task vigorously, not unlike a battle, planning and then executing. Daley hadn't always won, but no one had been able to fault her for not trying.
And yet here she was, in the most important fight of her life, and she was helpless, useless, hopeless. The horrible inevitability of her failure had her in constant silent panic, just waiting for it all to collapse, to go even more wrong. She was going to lose the fight and lose Lex.
Just like I lost mom.
"Daley?" She hadn't noticed that Nathan had come to sit next to her by the fire. Lex sat on her right side, and he looked so tired, and it made Daley's heart ache.
"Daley?" She knew the look that Nathan held in his eyes, she didn't need to turn to look at him, didn't have to take her eyes of Lex. He'd had it for days now, his eyes silently begging, talk to me, tell me what's wrong.
"Everything's fine."
"Daley…"
"Every minute now, you can stop repeating my name. Did you have something you actually wanted to say?" Daley heard the cutting edges of her own voice, the razor blades of her words, but she couldn't stop them from escaping her mouth.
"I…It's nothing. Forget it."
"Already forgotten." The last nail to the coffin. Nathan rose from his place on the ground and walked away.
Daley knew she was cruel, she was already regretting her words, her manner, everything. She hadn't wanted to hurt him, to drive him away, except that she had. For a moment - maybe still a little.
Nathan was so worried about her, and she appreciated it, she really did, but didn't he see that the real focus had to be Lex? That he needed help the most? Why spend time talking to her, trying to comfort her? She didn't need his gentle words, his reassuring presence. It would just be wasted on her anyway.
"What has gotten your panties in a twist?" Eric had appeared soundlessly from somewhere and stood watching Daley with his infuriating smirk.
Great. He was currently the last person Daley wanted to see, or hear, or be anywhere near to. Eric never learned, never took anything seriously, but treated everyone with mock and contempt. Daley knew he didn't care about anyone but himself - he was a danger to all around him.
"Wow, I see the mood really is hitting our metaphorical roof tonight. Try not to have too much a good time."
Daley steeled herself and swallowed the words what good is here for us to have? She continued to steadfastly ignore Eric. The bastard could yap by himself for the whole night for all she cared.
Eric leaned forwards and reached for the water kettle that was hanging in its place above the fire, boiling their precious water. As he juggled the hot kettle with his hands, he shot a quick look towards Lex.
"You alright there Lex?"
He slumped down on the sand, still talking to Daley's silent brother, "What do you say about a game of poker? I've been making these cards from the leaves, they're pretty good -"
"Don't get sand on the kettle!" The idiot was already lowering the kettle to the ground, but Daley's sharp voice made Eric keep his crib of the handle, the kettle dangling precariously inches from the sand.
"Come on Lex, I can teach you if you don't know how to play. It'll be more fun than sitting here doing nothing." Eric reached for the empty water bottle with his other hand, but as he shifted forward the scalding hot bottom of the kettle made contact with his knees - "SHIT!" He dropped both the bottle and the kettle, cursing and grimacing from pain.
"Oh that's just great! Look what you did!" The kettle lay on its side, its contents spilling over, the sand quickly absorbing every drop of their boiled water. All that hard work undone - now they would have to start over again. All because the moron couldn't fill up his water bottle.
"It burned my leg!"
"You just can't do anything, can you? If you would have just shut up for a minute and concentrated, thought about what you were doing - a mistake here can get someone hurt!" Daley's heart was hammering in her chest painfully, the images of past mistakes flashing in bright Technicolor in her head.
"I am hurt!"
"That's just my point! You could have hurt- don't you get it that someone else might have gotten hurt badly and you don't even care!"
"It was an accident." Lex's small voice drowned under the fury of the arguing pair.
"Are we still talking about spilled water here? Look, I get it, I screwed up, but do you have to scrub it to my face all the damn time!?" Eric stood rigidly over the fireplace, facing Daley, who had also jumped to her feet. To Lex, they resembled raging animals ready to tear each other apart.
"You just don't understand, do you? He could have been killed!" Daley's voice cracked, and she fought hard against the tears. She would not cry in front of him - never. Instead, she clung to her anger and resentment, aiming them with full force towards Eric.
"You are a selfish bastard and I don't want you anywhere near me or Lex."
Silence. Then Eric's grave voice, "Don't dump your issues on me." He looked at Lex, sitting hunched and staring at the ground, then Daley, face red and eyes gleaming from anger and fear. "I'm not going to say how sorry I am anymore."
Daley bit her lip and held her ground, refusing to yield. She was right to feel anger, she was entitled to hate him. Eric was a danger to Lex, and he had to stay away from them.
"Good. Nothing you say can never change what you did."
"Stupid bitch!" Eric turned abruptly and stalked away from the camp. Daley slumped to the ground, suddenly feeling tired and sick. It had to be done, she reminded herself. He deserved it. She had to protect Lex.
"You didn't have to be so mean to him - or to Nathan. It's not their fault." Lex's hoarse voice was unexpected and it startled her. She had already gotten used to his silence.
"I - I had to."
"Why?" Lex's words were the words of a small child - a child wounded by someone he loved, by doing something he couldn't understand. Daley's throat closed up, and she tried furiously to think of the right words to explain.
"I…" There was nothing to say.
"I'll go see what the others are doing." Lex stood up and after giving his sister an almost apologetic glance, he walked slowly towards the beach.
Daley wanted to shout for him to stop, but she didn't.
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The truth was, Daley had not wanted a little brother. More than once, she had wished him gone.
Now, it seemed she had finally gotten her wish.
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I know that this chapter was rather bleak, but it won't get any worse, I promise! Things are going to be (slightly) better in the next chapter. A huge thanks for all of you, who still continue to read this. Your support gives me the energy to write.