Wow..I've never written so much in a week. Ever. Getting so inspired to write is awesome and it's even better when I see all your response. Overwhelmed doesn't even cover how I feel now..
Thank you all..
So, this is the last chapter of this story.
I have to say that this has been the most emotionally invested story I have ever written.
I'm pretty sure that I've eviscerated and dissected episode 1x06 to every single line and screen shot: I sincerely hope that it wasn't too much of spoilers/lines and contents. I just have all these feelings and thoughts when I watch the episode and wanted to put them all down on a page.
Don't know if you guys feel the same but I still get my feelings in a jumble when I watch the 'Besides me the whole damn time'-'FitzSimmons making the anti-serum lab scenes': they're so powerful..The acting, the music, the words.. I can't get over them...
And don't even get me started about the cargo ramp scene..
Anyway, off we go with the last chapter.
P.S: This story has been re-edited. Thanks to StarryDreamer01 who has become my wonderful Beta. :)
DISCLAIMER: I don't own Agents of Shield. Neither Katy Perry's song Unconditionally.
Unconditionally
Chapter 3: FitzSimmons
-:-
So open up your heart and just let it begin
Open up your heart and just let it begin
Open up your heart and just let it begin
Open up your heart
Acceptance is the key to be
To be truly free
Will you do the same for me?
Unconditional, unconditionally
I will love you unconditionally
And there is no fear now
Let go and just be free
'Cause I will love you unconditionally (oh yeah)
I will love you (unconditionally)
I will love you
I will love you unconditionally
-:-
Her arms and legs were flailing and she found herself rotating as she fell down.
Down, down...down. How long had she been falling?
Her mind was registering events slowly; in other circumstances, it would have been a full overdrive of information. She would have mused about this first-hand experience of Newton's gravitational theory, of the seemingly lack of friction of her body fending through the air while there was actually some. Or just the fact that she was, literally, flying.
Her voice came out weak: the force that was pushing her down was compressing her lungs.
Or was it just plain fear?
How long before the impact?
What would happen first? The electrostatic pulse or the crash into the sea waters after a hundreds thousands meters downfall?
What was going to kill her first?
She didn't why she wasn't feeling terrified about her imminent death. Her mind felt strangely clear and her heart...
Her heart was thumping, savoring it's last moments of activity.
She closed her eyes for a moment and his face appeared. She heard his voice amongst the winds.
Her heart thumped faster, accusing her of leaving him alone. Regret and guilt mingled together.
'It was the only thing to do...'
She wouldn't let him die. Not with her. She wanted him to live. Without her, yes.. Alone and maybe haunted, yes.. But live and breathing.
She was selfish enough to decide for him. Once more.
'Leo..'
Her eyes opened, tears leaking out and flying away in the wind.
And then she saw something coming straight towards her. From above.
-:-
One hour. Sixty minutes. Three-thousand six-hundred seconds after she jumped.
He counted to keep his mind at ease.
It took them one hour to reach land. And he still didn't know if Ward had found her.
Agent Coulson, May and Skye had rushed down the stairs, moments after Ward had dived down and he had forced himself to get up and explain what had happened.
Coulson and May had rushed upstairs to call every territorial official they knew, national and international, to put up a rescue party in the Atlantic.
Skye lingered a moment before going after them. She looked at him.
"He'll find her, Fitz," She said, smiling -more like grimacing with her lips turned up- "No.. Surely, Ward must have already found her and saved her. They'll both be ok."
He looked at her.
Had it been only two days ago that he had attempted to flirt -rather pathetically, he admitted- with her? When he showed her understanding for her situation with Ward? When he fought the mild wave of annoyance towards the tall, broody agent?
Two days ago, he had minimized his relationship with Jemma, brushing off the 'psychic link' Skye told they had with a shrug. He was too busy savoring the small victory of her talking and laughing with him to care about anything else.
He had minimized them.
'I'm a bloody idiot,' He realised.
He nodded at Skye, not trusting his voice to even agree with her. He managed a small smile and she seemed convinced by it because she smiled, a bit more broadly now, and went upstairs.
He watched her disappear from sight and his lips formed a straight line.
Jemma would have seen through his smile right away.
She would have known that he was pretending. She wouldn't have left until he spoke about it, even if it meant waiting for hours, talking about random topics or staying in silence.
They knew each other enough to know when something bothered the other. It was a silent agreement they had to never question the other but wait, patiently, for the other to open up and talk. They had a small part of themselves that was reserved and private and they both respected that. They shared so much with each other that having that small sphere of thoughts sacred for themselves was completely fine.
But now he wondered if it was really fine..
(Then you had to go and drag us into this flying circus! He burst out, voicing something that wasn't even related to the delivery machine or it's wrong calibration as she accused him. His nerves were too strained. Just like hers. Being rational wasn't contemplated..)
He wondered if hiding their most secret thoughts and fears from each other, hadn't just brought to this situation..
(I'm not afraid... He was lying, he knew it and she knew it too. This sudden, desperate, anger fueled him. Why was she talking about this now?! Why ask him about being afraid while it should be the reverse? Him asking her? Why was she always the brave one to start these confrontations?)
To them not understanding each other. Completely.
His head snapped up when he heard the ramp being pulled up. He watched the sky disappear slowly. The same sky that had made her disappear in front of his eyes.
Darkness surrounded him. The sirens had disabled all the lights except the emergency ones.
The only source of light came from the inside of the lab, above the main monitor.
He turned around and dread filled his body.
He never thought that he could be afraid of entering the only place where he felt sure of himself. The place where there weren't judging people and awkward looks when he spoke of machines and prototypes.
Without Jemma there working, standing or simply sitting without doing anything, it just felt foreign.
Unfamiliar.
Without her talking to him about her discoveries and studies, how he could he work? How could he do anything in any lab -yet alone their lab- if she wasn't there by his side?
He swallowed a lump in his throat.
How could he do anything without her by his side?
He depended on her. Too much, he knew that but it had always been like that.
It was like this ever since he stopped being only Fitz and part of FitzSimmons. The perfect partnership. The scientists for this selected team of Shield agents. The ones that gave a rational answer and solution to all the irrational aspects of this work.
But Fitz alone..? What could he do?
He would answer half of the questions, waiting for another to answer the rest. He would make deductions that no one would complete. He would be alone.
Out of place in his sacred place, the lab.
Out of place in the unknown, the field.
"We are each other's Shield."
He had taken that mutual promise for granted. An ever persistent condition.
He had taken Jemma's presence beside him for granted.
He slid down against the lab's glass doors again. He sat down with his head in his hands and waited.
It was the only thing he could do.
'Jemma...'
-:-
When the Bus was going to land, he forced himself upstairs. He couldn't bear to see the cargo ramp open...and see her fall all over again.
His remaining teammates were all gathered in the meeting room, in silence and waiting for a call.
Agent Coulson informed him that they were flying over the North Africa when the ramp opened (When Jemma jumped...) and they had begrudgingly got the help of the Moroccan and Tunisian offices. Boats had been sent along with helicopters to retrieve the two.
There was a confidence in his voice, a certainty that they were alive -that the two of them were alive- that almost made him laugh and cry at the same time.
Skye was checking every website and page on the Internet to see if some random boat, ship or naval transport had found them.
May stood by the screen, monitoring the autopilot before she had to take her place in the cockpit. As she moved to leave, she looked at him.
He blinked, unsure whether to keep the gaze or drop it. Their interactions have always been minimal and reserved to missions.
Was she expecting him to lose it? He knew that she thought he was weak. She probably saw his uncertainty more than anyone else. He still recalled her statement during their first mission.
"If you're going to be in the Field, Agent Fitz, you have to get your hands dirty."
He had retorted arrogantly, starting his bots and getting them to the work but deep down, he knew that she was right. He just didn't want to admit it.
May looked at him, expression blank and unreadable as always but her eyes seemed to soften for an instant and then she turned and left the room.
She probably understood what he was feeling, being a SHIELD veteran and all...
He realised that she was giving him a long-time advice back then. Being a Field-agent meant to be strong both body and mind. He was green on both sides..
He kept standing by the screen, watching the maps. He felt the Bus start the landing as he concentrated on the spot where Jemma must have fallen. He wondered what she must have thought during the fall, a thousands meters plunge into air and then water.
He took a deep breath as the very vivid mental image came to his mind, making his heart thump again. Tendrils of fear laced his brain. Uncertainty doused him.
He realised that if he had been in Ward's place, he would have risked to not save her.
He could have panicked mid-air.
He might have misused the parachute.
He might have let Jemma die in front of him.
He started to count again. He had to keep his mind busy since he didn't have anyone that would talk him out of his thoughts.
One.
Two.
.
.
.
One hour, forty-seven minutes and thirteen seconds after she jumped.
They found them. Both. Alive.
-:-
She woke with a start, after dreams of floating then plummeting down at full speed, eyes wide open. She gasped for air for a moment and then took a deep breath to calm her heartbeat.
It was only then that realisation hit her.
Jumping from the Bus.
Leo screaming.
Falling through the sky.
Agent Ward reaching her.
A sting of pain. An electrostatic pulse.
Her heart still beating.
Floating slowly with Ward holding her.
Plunging into cold, salty water.
Bobbing to stay up as exhaustion took over.
A voice telling her that he got her.
Then, it was blank.
She was alive. So the antiserum had worked.
(It's alright: everything's going to be fine.. He was trying to calm her down but she irritatedly snapped at him, her nerves having the best on her.)
She looked around, studying her surroundings. She was lying in a cot in a military plane; it was fairly empty and small.
'It's not a SHIELD plane though..'
"Don't worry. These officials have been sent by Agent Coulson as our rescue team."
She looked to her right and saw Agent Ward, standing in the corner, next to the only porthole on the plane. He looked the same as always: firm stance, unreadable expression and all. And then she noticed how his eyes seemed to soften for a moment as he looked at her and that he was soaked in water.
It took her a moment to realise that she was drenched too.
"They don't have much in here," He said, approaching her. "You passed out while we were in the ocean and that cot was was the only thing they had. No towels, blankets or anything."
"It's enough.." She whispered, looking up at him. "I wasn't really expecting...anything."
Ward looked at her.
"We're heading to the Bus: we should be there in a couple of hours."
She nodded, heartbeat increasing suddenly. Regret and guilt washed through her again.
'Leo..'
The antiserum they had made had worked.
How could she even look at him now? After having put him through all of this..?
"A-Alright," She said.
"HQ told to set up a medical ward to check our values. Once we're cleared, we will be free to reach our team."
She nodded again and stared at him. Her mind started to quickly check his conditions. He seemed fine, without any of the symptoms that she and the firefighters had had.
"I'm fine," He confirmed. "And you seem better too.. Though I think that you should rest."
"No.." She said, trying to get up but her limbs didn't seem to want to cooperate. She felt a heavy tiredness pin her down.
"I insist, Simmons. You have been under a great..pressure today. Rest."
She almost smiled at that. Trust Ward to describe nearly dying as a great pressure.
"Alright," She replied. "Thank you, Agent Ward." He looked at her. "You saved my life, risking yours."
"I could say the same, Simmons. You saved the whole team's life, risking yours."
She smiled slightly.
"Good thing that you knew how to skydive then?"
Ward's lips curled slightly, making his features less stony for a moment.
"You probably should know that Fitz was on his way to jump after you."
Her eyes widened. Her heartbeat rate increased.
"What?" She asked incredulously.
"He was struggling with the straps when I got at the ramp. He had the cure in his hand and was ready to jump."
She looked at him without really seeing him. Leo was going to dive after her?
Ward stared at her before turning around and walking to the porthole again.
"Rest, Simmons." It came out almost as an order.
And she obeyed, lying on the cot.
But sleep wouldn't come.
Leo was going to dive after her. He wanted to save her.
(Are you sure you don't need my help..just..to..? He wanted to help her. She could read it on his face that he wanted to do something for her rather than standing and watching. A part of her wanted to cry for his efforts but the other was losing it's calm. She accused his device of being incorrectly measured. His hurt voice tore her heart but she lashed out at him. Why was she blaming him?)
Leo who had been screaming her name, pleading her to not jump, was going to follow her.
He that had barely passed the physical examination of their Agent's training. Examination that they had taken to enter their current team.
It had been truthfully her idea to get into Coulson's team: that decision brought both into it.
She blinked back tears as she recalled how she had angrily pointed out that he was afraid. His empty stare and answer hit her like a slap on the face because she knew that she had hurt him deeply and she ignored it. He retorted with a lie to cover up his true fears but she mercilessly dug in.
She had exposed his fears and yet...he helped her. The antiserum that they made together had saved her life.
He saved her.
Her heart thumped painfully as she closed her eyes.
(We're going to fix this. Together.)
'Leo...'
-:-
The Bus was currently stationed in a classified location that he couldn't recall. He couldn't care less right now. The plane had landed.
Agent Coulson was out talking with HQ officials near the temporary medical ward, probably explaining the whole situation. The HQ agents weren't very tolerant towards them and didn't seem to want to listen at them.
They had raised a plastic-paned tunnel that connected the plane to the ward, to avoid any exposition.
'There's no danger of infection,' He thought, 'Why don't they believe her theory?'
He and May were standing near the Bus, by the lowered ramp, a dozen of meters away from the tunnel. Skye was inside, sitting near Lola so she could catch a glimpse of the outside. There were SHIELD officials that didn't trust her here and Coulson had asked her to bear with the situation and stay away. She had, rather gracefully, accepted, understanding the circumstances.
There were agents with rifles standing at the sides of the tunnel and all the Team had been asked to stay away from the area.
He looked at the plane as it's door opened. He saw agents, medics probably, in quarantine suits escort Agent Ward to the tunnel. His team mate walked briskly, no sign of visible injury on him.
He had actually breathed in relief: he owed Ward more than he could ever imagine.
And then he saw her.
(Cause I'm pretty sure that every minute of every day, you've been stuck in a lab right beside me.. He meant to be taunting after she referred to his life as pasty. He didn't mean to be so honest. Vulnerable..)
His heart thumped in his chest and he took off before even realising what he was doing. He vaguely heard the HQ agents telling him to stop and then he heard May's voice. Talking sternly to them.
Some part of him was actually sorry for those agents that we dealing first-hand with the Cavalry herself but he didn't bother too much. He just rushed to the tunnel and stopped at the panel.
She walked slowly, wrapping herself in a blanket the HQ agents had provided her. She walked behind them, vaguely aware of her surroundings. She saw the outline of the Bus on her right.
Suddenly a movement caught her eye and she saw him.
(''At the Academy, at Sci-Ops, this plane.. Her anger faded as his words started to sink in. She stared at him: his eyes were blazing, his tone was conceited and he moved his hands in front of him as he usually did when he wanted to prove a point. This could be the last time she ever saw him do this...)
She rushed to the panel on her right and he was there, standing on the other side.
(You've been beside me the whole damn time! They fell silent, anger long faded. The implication of his words hit them both. Hard. They stared at each other, automatically searching into the other's eyes for another answer, another solution.. but there wasn't. She tore her gaze from him when she felt tears welling in her eyes. He stepped back, gaze fixed on her, tears coming up at last..)
He felt his heart thump mercilessly in his chest as he looked at her. These emotions were strong, raw and solely reverted to her: they emotions that he had ignored and barely acknowledged for too long. It had taken him too long to understand.. Almost losing her to realise.
He loved her.
His partner, his best friend.. his other half.
He put a hand on the panel, struggling to keep his voice steady and blinking away the tears.
"Don't you dare to that again," He said slowly. "Ever."
She looked at him with glassy eyes and nodded. Her heartbeat echoed in her ears along with his voice. She looked at his face and saw a look that she couldn't identify. He never looked at her that way. His eyes were boring into hers.
"I'm so sorry.." She said softly, voice cracking at the end. She saw him blink and knew that he was fighting tears as well. She put her hand on the same spot where his hand was.
They looked at each other through the pane, eyes watery and stares wavering between their faces and their hands. They both knew that something had shifted in their relationship. They just didn't know how to deal with it, express it..
"It's either both..or neither.. We're each other's Shield, remember?" He whispered and her eyes widened. "Don't take decisions like that on your own. It will always be me and you deciding, alright? Together."
She nodded, tears falling down her face.
The agents called her and she stepped back reluctantly. He did the same.
"See you later," She said, managing a small smile. A real one.
"See you later..." He replied, smiling slightly as well.
He waited till she disappeared into the medical ward and turned to the Bus.
Three hours, 58 minutes, 36 seconds since she jumped.
It was them again.
-:-
Coulson sent him to his bunk as he came near the Bus. He wasn't reprimanded but just sent away to rest after a rather demanding day. May looked at him as he walked by, a ghost of a smile on her face.
Defining this day demanding was an understatement.
He sat on his bed, sleep a farfetched achievement at the moment. He took the pillow in his arms.
Seeing Jemma had made everything so clear.
His feelings for her but also his uncertainties. He told her to never take any decision on her own because it was something that they had to do together.
But what if another situation like today's occurred again? What if she had to take the decision of risking her life to save the others?
He knew her enough to know that she would never allow others to be hurt in her place. She was loyal and brave like that.
Then what was he supposed to do? Risk losing her again?
He squeezed the pillow tightly.
He never wanted to live a moment like that again. Ever.
He had to overcome whatever fear he had. He had to be worthy for her. Protect her.
He had to.
-:-
After being reprimanded by Coulson, pleasantly surprised by Ward mimicking himself and tackle hugged by Skye, she felt that her team was becoming more and more as a family.
Halfway to the bunks, she saw May.
"Hello, May," she said with a smile. The older woman actually smiled at her.
"It's good to see you, Simmons," She said softly.
"It's good to be here," She tugged at her sleeve. "Have you seen Fitz? I haven't seen him anywhere.."
"Coulson sent him to rest but he's not doing so," May answered. "He just staring at his bunk's wall." She looked at her. "The day has taken quite a toll on both of you."
"Y-yes," She said, concern washing through her. "I'll just go and see him."
May nodded and walked on. She took off for his bunk.
-:-
"And I was going to do it.."
"I know you were," She replied, looking at him with a smile. She was sure that he would have jumped to save her. She was both elated and terrified of this.
He was staring in front of him as though reliving the moment. Her heart constricted as she saw his fingers delving into the pillow, clutching it.
He did that only when he was concerned for something. Worried. But he wasn't allowing her to ask.
"I had the antiserum and the chute.. Everything.. I-I just couldn't get-" He mimicked putting the parachute on.
"Fitz, please.." She tried to interrupt him.
"-the straps on." He kept looking in front of him. "Maybe I could have done the whole James Bond in mid-air.."
She watched as his eyes clouded slightly. He wasn't convinced about himself and kept on rambling. She felt the sudden urge to hold him. The need to touch him and let him know that she was there for him. But would he accept it? Accept her?
"Fitz, shut up.."
"-type.." She reached out for him but stopped midway. He noticed because he faltered in his sentence. "-thing."
She moved her hands to her own face rather than his. She opted for a safer option. Words.
She could always talk him out of these moods.
"Ward did an amazing thing, yes," She conceded and watched how his eyes were still clouded. "But it wasn't Ward by my side in the lab, searching for a cure."
She looked at him. Her eyes softened as she recalled his word when got inside with the helmet, his firmness and focus in getting the antiserum done.
"It wasn't him giving me hope when I had none," She said softly, trying to convey her feelings of gratitude in her words. "It was you."
He was looking down, playing with his hands. She felt her heart constrict again.
She softly nudged his elbow with her own.
"You're the hero," She confessed.
He looked up. His blue eyes were still clouded but he smiled slightly.
"Yeah.." He said with a small nod.
She smiled back, hoping to dispel his uncertainties.
"Yeah.." She repeated firmly, holding his stare. He was her hero. The only one. "Thank you."
He smiled and looked away again.
She knew that he was pretending that everything was alright. She knew that something was bothering him but she didn't know if he would allow her to pry and ask now.
She moved forward and softly kissed on the cheek, hoping to convey her gratitude for saving her, her relief for having him in her life. Her love.
She got up, brushing a hand on his leg to announce her leave. He nodded slightly and their eyes met again.
They both knew that their relationship had shifted. It's weight and importance had changed and it was now trying to find a new balance. They were aware of this.
They both knew that the other was hiding something: fear, uncertainty, feelings.. It was an uncharted territory for them.
They had been granted time. It could have all ended today.
The gratefulness for having time together, allowed them to not think about the uncertainty that they would come across at some point.
They were still FitzSimmons. For now, that's all that mattered.
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