A\N: We have ponies, OCs, authors, requests and mental breakdowns. :)
PS, a Katta is a Ring-tailed Lemur.
PPS, I am so sorry for not updating in like forever! DX I was grounded some time and then all the motivation left me. (I know that´s not a good excuse, but that´s the only I have. DX SSoorryy!)
90) Force him to watch a lunacorn marathon:
Skipper climbed down the hatch of the HQ to find his entire team huddled in front of the TV.
It wouldn´t have been weird if they were watching some ninja action movie or very interesting news. But they weren´t. Instead, they had their eyes glued on pink happy ponies twirling across the screen. Kowalski, as the leader noticed when he stepped closer, was even taking notes.
"What are you men doing?" the penguin asked, unable to hide his surprise.
"We´re watching the lunacorns." Private said.
"Shhh! I´m trying to hear what they´re saying! Rico turn up the volume a bit more."
"Kay, Walski." The maniac coughed up the remote and added about ten bars to the volume measurer.
Skipper looked at the TV again and frowned. A tiny voice in the back of his mind told him to leave immediately, that this looks like another prank from them. But another voice, the curious one, told him to sit down and see what is so interesting about the usually loathed show.
The episode was pretty boring, teaching the kids the importance of honesty. Skipper didn´t really agree to it.
"So that walking blue fluff is saying that you have to be honest all the time? What about when you go undercover and the enemy asks for your ID? What about then? Three years ago, when I went back to Denmark to retrieve a few top secret files, the security guard told me I look awfully familiar to Skipper and asked me if I was him. If I would´ve told the truth, I wouldn´t be sitting here right now. I would be rotting in a stinking cell in Kopenhagen!"
Private opened his beak to explain his leader exactly what the lunacorns meant but was interrupted by Kowalski´s shushing.
"Kowalski, I order you to stop shushing your commanding officer and tell me why you´re so interested in pink and yellow ponies all of the sudden!"
Kowalski reluctantly put his pen and paper down and turned towards Skipper.
"Today I was informed by a group of female visitors about a seemingly new fight tactic shown and explained in today´s lunacorn´s marathon. I thought it would be appropriate for us penguins to know the latest when it comes to fighting and spying. That´s why I gathered Rico and Private here so we can all learn this top secret new weapon. I was going to get you, sir, but you were busy with helping the chimpanzees move their stuff around so I decided not to bother you."
"…Kowalski, are you mocking me? The lunacorns in all their stupidity and innocence could never hold any top secret weapon suitable for a penguin." Skipper said.
"I´m absolutely serious, sir."
Skipper studied his lieutenant closely. The other maintained eye contact with his intense glare. After a moment, Skipper gave in.
"Alright, I believe you, Kowalski. But this better be good."
He sat down next to his team.
Five hours later…
"And that was the lunacorn marathon! Thanks for watching and be certain to watch the next one the following Friday!"
Skipper stood up and glared at his team members. "Top secret weapon, Kowalski? Besides learning about peace, friendship, patience, happiness, love, self control and honesty, I haven´t learned one useful things."
"But Skippah!" Private said. "All of these virtues are very important in life!"
91) Tell him what Skilene actually means:
"AT?" Skipper walked over to the author. "I have a question."
AT put down her book ´looking for alaska´ and turned to him. "What is it?"
"Well, I overheard Sweetpanda12 and DrBlowholeLuv talking about some kind of romance pairing called Skilene and started comparing it to something called Pripper and Jupper. Are those code names or something. I asked Kowalski and he said he didn´t know."
AT smiled. "Well, Skippy. I´m glad you came to me with that question. Skilene is very popular, kinda like Percabeth or Jelena. Some claim to have found actual proof for it but the creators never really put anything concrete in the episodes."
"Well, what is it? Tell me!"
"Hold on, I´m coming to that. The pairing consists of a male and a female, more specifically a penguin and a mammal."
"What?…wait…do you mean?"
"Yes. And there are some pretty hot fanfics written about this pairing in the M rated section of Fanfiction. I could read them to you if you want."
Skipper, now blushing a dark shade of pink shook his head. "No thank you! Marlene and I aren´t together!"
"Yet, you mean. You aren´t together yet. I would highly suggest reading a few of these fanfics, Skipper. The fans seem to know exactly what they´re writing about. You could get a valuable insight about how your relationship with Marlene would be and hinder arguments from breaking out."
"No thank you!" He turned to leave muttering at how the fans should stop sticking their noses into his privacy.
"Wait!" AT said. "Do you want to know what Jupper is now?"
92) Pretend to be both his shoulder-angel and shoulder-devil. (Ie. Poke your head over his shoulder and advice him according to which you are. Then switch shoulders and say the opposite):
Skipper was enjoying a simple and quiet lunch break after a morning of hard training when it happened.
The boys were cooling off at the lemur´s habitat since King Julian had decided to throw a smoothie party. The drinks were free.
Anyway, in his time alone, Skipper had done all the things he´d wanted to do. He enjoyed a cup of fishsuit, read the news, played poker by himself and stood on his head. Now he was bored again.
"I could watch TV." He said aloud for no particular reason. The leader picked up the newspaper and checked what was on right now.
"Let´s see…Final Destination…no…how i met your mother…no…My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic…a definite no!…Madagascar…no…wait!" His eyes fell upon a movie. "R.I.P.D." He heard of the movie it´s supposed to have a lot of big explosions, action and fights, something definitely worth watching. He was about to lay the papers back down when one last title caught his eye. ´Night of the Lover Girls´. Skipper´s beak went dry. ´NotLG´ was his secret obsession. He´d seen that movie a few hundred times but still can´t seem to get enough of it.
Of course he doesn´t get physical with himself when watching it (if you know what I mean ;) but still he admired the actresses and love the amazing romance scenes in it.
"But what if my team back in and find me watching it?" he wondered. "But I don´t feel like watching mindless violence right now, as shocking as it might seem. I want to watch Lover Girls."
"I say watch the movie you really want to watch, mate." Came a voice from his left shoulder.
Skipper turned his head immediately, but there was no one there.
"Don´t listen to him!" Said another voice from his right, making him jump once again.
The penguin turned 180 degrees and faced a familiar looking girl wearing baggy, older looking clothes. It was Panda, but something had changed about her. She was wearing a red bandanna, her hair was in dreadlocks and she had beads braided in them.
She looked like a hippie pirate.
"What are you doing here?" He asked.
"I´m helping you decide." She said.
"Thanks, but no thanks. Now get out."
"Come on, it is a tough decision."
Skipper glared at her, his face getting slightly warm with embarrassment of being caught with the movie. "Get out, I mean it."
"Fine! But if I were you, I would choose Lover Girls." She ducked as Skipper threw the remote at her.
93) Send him to get a shot:
"Smile and wave boys, smile and wave." The penguins stood on their sunny deck, doing their routine as visitors awed and threw fish at them.
It was a fairly normal day and everyone was having a good time until…
Until Alice pushed through the growing crowd at the penguin´s habitat with a cage. "Alright, step aside everyone! I´m trying to get through! Jerks…" she added under her breath then put the plank down and walked across it. The birds immediately tensed as she approached them, a fake reassuring smile on her face.
"Come here…let´s get you to your appointment." She cooed, heading towards Skipper.
"Kowalski?"
"I don´t know of any appointment in this week, Skipper."
Alice scooped said penguin up while he was distracted trying to figure out what was going on with Kowalski. "Gotcha!"
He struggled and tried to peck her hand, but the zoo keeper had already thrown him into the cage.
"Time to get your shot~." She said.
"NOO! LET ME OUT!"
"Skippah!"
-8-
"LET! ME! OUT!" Skipper´s voice was hoarse with yelling threats and insults, but to the doctor and Alice it was nothing more but annoying squawks.
"Does the bird ever shut its beak?" Alice said.
"Well, he´s one of the most resistant animal of the zoo I have to deal with. And the lemur with the silly hat thing comes right after." Doctor said.
"Yeah, where did he get that hat anyway? I don´t remember giving it to him."
"Maurice said that the lemur had always had it." The doctor said, filling the syringe with a clear liquid.
Skipper continued banging against the bars.
"Now hold still, lil guy…"
The penguin stopped banging and shrank back.
The doctor opened the cage and reached inside, his fingers gripping the struggling body of Skipper.
"LET ME GO YOU PSYCHO DOCTOR I SWEAR ON MANFREDI´S GRAVE IF YOU STICK THAT NEEDLE ANYWHERE NEAR ME I WILL-"
His rantings were interrupted by ´thatneedle´.
94) Get his daughter to tell him that she loves Private (requested by Tori Renee Carreido Vargas):
Two days after the shot and Skipper was still pissed. He could barely sit without wincing, so he just stood around uselessly, occasionally swimming in their pool or doing recon around the zoo.
One morning while he was drinking his coffee and reading the newspaper (try reading the news while standing after you just woke up) his daughter Rookie came up to him. She arrived yesterday and was staying with her dad for a few days.
Anyways, this morning while the penguins were eating breakfast and getting ready for today´s training, Rookie changed everything with a sincere look in her eyes and one single sentence.
"Daddy?"
"Yes, what is it, sweetie?"
She sat down on his seat. He kept standing next to her.
"You know, I really like Private."
Said penguin looked up from his plate of scones and blushed a bit.
Skipper gave his youngest soldier a small smile. "That´s understandable, Rookie."
"Thank you, sir." Private said.
Rookie stood up. "No, daddy. I´m don´t like Private the way you do. I am in love with him! He is the sweetest and sexiest boy I know and I want to make love to him so badly."
"…" He stared at his daughter in shock.
The others remained silent, Rico struggling not to laugh.
"Now Rookie-" Her father started angrily.
"But I can´t talk now, daddy. I promised Marlene I´ll help her with raking the leaves in her habitat. See you later! Bye, Private! ;)" She slid out quickly before the leader had a chance to hold her back.
Skipper followed her outside. "We´re going to have a talk about this!" He shouted after her.
(WARNING: This part gets gorey!)
95) Paint scenes from the creepypasta "Cupcakes" all over the wall and force him to cosplay Rainbow Dash:
That night the penguins came back from a mission that involved freeing Mort from a hot dog cart. Everyone was tired and Skipper felt that if one more person plays him a prank, there´s going to be bodies piling up.
They jumped over the fence and the leader climbed down first. For a few moments he didn´t see anything. Not until Rico switched on the light and revealed the horror.
Pictures were painted all over the HQ´s wall. Pictures of bloody cupcakes, bloody tools and bloody ponies. One picture featured a winged pony restrained to a table while a pink pony sawed away on her wings.
Private yelped and covered his eyes. Kowalski immediately ushered the youngster into his gore free lab.
"Wh-what the deuce happened here?" Skipper said.
"I dunno…" Rico said.
The flat headed penguin walked cautiously up to the wall and put his flipper on the drawing. The paint was still wet. He looked around. Since the painting was done recently, it could mean that the sick psycho intruder was still somewhere around here.
He caught Rico suddenly focusing on something above his head and before he had a chance to look up himself, he was covered in slimy, wet goo.
"HEY!"
He heard two pairs of feet hitting the ground.
"This is disgusting."
"Yeah, but he looks like Rainbow Dash now. The only thing he needs are hoofs and blue skin then they could´ve been twins."
Skipper wiped pieces guts and blood out of his eyes and glared at the two people standing in front of him. and Christ´s Disciple, who was strapped to the hang glider they had used to float above him.
DBL dropped the bucket she was holding.. "Hi Skipper!"
"What the fish are you two doing in my HQ?!"
C´sD held up his hands. "Not my idea!"
"I just had a random thought, ´hey, let´s go over to Skipper´s place and dress him up like Rainbow Dash from the story Cupcakes and see his reaction!" DBL said.
"Oh yeah. That makes sense." Skipper took a deep breath. "And you know what, kids? I just had a random thought too. ´Get the hell out of here before I decide to bake cupcakes out of you!´"
He balled his fists and stepped forward.
"Okay, okay!" DBL said. "We´re going."
"Wait," C´sD said. "Would you want some cupcakes first? They´re fresh!" He held up a plate of pink strawberry cupcakes complete with red icing on top.
"OUT!" Skipper yelled.
The two ran for their lives. The leader was shaking with rage. Rico silently hacked up bucket and broom and began washing the drawings off the wall.
96) Tell everyone at a zoo meeting that you ´taught him everything he knows´:
This was getting out of hand. He didn´t know what the fish was going on but he wasn´t just going to sit back and let the zoo torture him. First he needed to know why people were pranking him in the first place.
So he called a zoo meeting. After everyone settled down, Skipper took a step forward and looked around the room. Everyone was looking at him expectantly.
"Alright, people. I called this meeting because lately I noticed some, ah, changes in the zoo. You seem to take great joy in playing stupid, immature pranks on me and I would like to ask you to stop. You can´t expect me lead my team in protecting this zoo if I can barely get sleep anymore cause someone either sends Julian to fluff my pillow or paints ponies on my wall.
It might´ve been funny the first five times you guys pulled off a prank but now it´s just ANNOYING! I want this to stop!"
"Hey guys!" AT suddenly stood up. "Guess what?"
"AT, I´m talking here!"
"Shut up, silly penguin, I wanted to hear!" Julian said.
"It´s not a secret that Skipper isn´t the brightest around here. And I know why. Found out yesterday."
"AT!" Skipper said. "I called this meeting for a reason!"
"Shut up, Skippy."
"What did you find out?" Marlene asked curiously.
AT smiled. "Tell them Mort."
Mort stood up while Skipper fisted his flippers, ready to yell at everyone for not taking him seriously.
"I taught the bossy penguin EVERYTHING he knows!" The mouse lemur stretched out his tiny arms to show exactly how much ´EVERYTHING´ meant.
"Oh really, mate? Arr we supposed to believe that?" Captain Panda Sparrow said.
Skipper hadn´t even noticed her until she spoke up.
"Yes!"
"Prove it."
"Okay!" Mort turned to Skipper. "Roll over, boy!"
The leader glowered at him, but remained firm on his feet. That is, until Julian pulled at the thin clear thread secretly attached to his foot, catching the penguin off balance. He fell off the table he was standing on and rolled on the ground.
The whole zoo applauded and pretended to actually be impressed by this whole show.
Skipper stood up and his ring-tailed friend decided to pull on the string one more time. The penguin fell flat on his face. He sprang up to his feet. "I´ve HAD ENOUGH OF THIS BULLSHIT!" Skipper screamed. Everyone fell silent and turned to him.
His eyes were wild and murderous and he shook with restraint.
"Skippah-" Private said, looking scared. He had never seen his leader throw such a fit before.
The penguin took a deep breath then slid out.
"I think we should stop." Marlene said. "I think he´s had enough."
"No." AT said. "We´re almost there. Just four more pranks and then we´ve reached one hundred."
"Hopefully he´ll last that long." Panda said.
97) Stand in the way of the entrance to the HQ, get a wine glass and try to shatter it with your voice. Stay there until it works or until Skipper wants to kill you. If it does get dangerous, smash the wine glass against the wall and pretend your voice did it:
"My head hurts…I´m not swallowing that disgusting medicine, Kowalski. You can´t make me." Skipper complained, pulling his blanket further up to his beak.
"Well, for your information, sir, it´s not medicine, it´s some aspirins."
"Yeah, and for your information, Kowalski I´m not sick I just have a headache."
"Actually Skipper, it is true. You´re just suffering from lack of sleep. I would say it´s more of a stress headache than a flu."
"Oh really? Stress? Lack of sleep? I´ll give you three tries to guess WHY, soldier!"
Kowalski opened his beak to respond when an ear piercing yowl from the door.
Everyone jumped and put their flippers over their ear holes.
"What is that?" asked Private.
"Dere!" Rico said, pointing.
Julian held a crystal wine glass in his right paw and howled like a banshee on fire.
"RINGTAIL!" Skipper jumped out of bed. "WHAT ARE YOU DOING?"
The Katta held up a paw to silence him and continued squealing.
Skipper elbowed Rico in the stomach, a little harder than necessary maybe. The scarred bird regurgitated a bazooka and his commanding officer grabbed it and aimed it at the mammal in front of them.
"AHHHHHHHHHH- What are you doing, silly penguin? Can´t you see that I am doing something very special here?"
"Get out of my HQ before I BBQ you."
"Not yet, penguin. I have a job to do. AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH… !" He continued shrieking.
Skipper stepped forward and turned his weapon the other way around so it served as a club. "Get…out…"
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"
CRASH!
"I did it! Look!" Julian knelt next to the remains of the wine glass. A moment later something hard hit the back of his head and the lemur sacked together.
Skipper dropped his gun. "Alright, get him out of here." He barked and turned around, getting back into his bunk.
He grabbed the pills from Kowalski´s flipper, choked them down and lay back on his pillow. Rico swung the king over his shoulder and carried him outside.
98) Throw a watermelon on his head. When he turns around, whistle innocently and go: "Who, me?"
"Alright, men. We´re training inside today because…honestly, because I don´t trust anyone else anymore. And we´re way behind the schedule so-"
SPLAT!
"Ow…who the fish was that? Team?"
"It wasn´t me, sir."
"Nuh-uh."
"Not me, Skippah!
"Marlene, why did you just throw a watermelon on my head?"
"What, you think I did it? I´m shocked."
"The fact that you whistled so innocently makes you even more suspicious. Plus the fact you´re in our HQ with no reason whatsoever."
"I just wanted to give you guys some tasty fruit, but when I got closer the melon accidently flew out of my paws and-"
"Marlene…I don´t want to hurt you…I would suggest you go back to your habitat. Right. Now."
"You know, Skipper…the watermelon is still good to ea-"
"OUT!"
-8-
"Okay, that´s enough!" Skipper wiped the remains of the sticky fruit off his head and glared at his team. "I´m done!"
"Wh-what do you mean, Skippah?" Private said, scared that his leader might mean he´ll leave the zoo.
"I can´t take this anymore!" The penguin screamed, his left eye twitching. Right then the other penguins realized just how tired and worn out he looked.
"What do you guys want? My sanity? Cuz if that´s the case, congratulations! I just lost it!"
"Skipper, I think you should get some-" Kowalski started.
"Shut up, Kowalski! You took part in this madness too! Everyone turned against me!" Everyone is-" He never got to finish the sentence as he collapsed like a sack of apples on the floor.
"Stress overload." Kowalski stated calmly.
"We´ve got to get him to the vet!" Private said.
"No shots tho." Rico said.
99) Tell him he's welcome to complain about your behaviour all he likes – without using the letter 'e':
Several hours later Skipper lay in a cage filled with some bedding to make his stay at the vet more comfortable. His team dropped him off in front of the vet´s office, knocked and slid away. Alice opened, quite surprised to find an unconscious penguin, the door and took him inside. She placed a bowl of water and some fish crackers into his cage, before locking up and leaving the zoo for the night.
As soon as she was gone, the lock on the front door clicked and opened. Skipper immediately sat up, despite feeling dizzy.
AT walked in. "How are you feeling, Skippy?" She said.
"Ugh…don´t call me Skippy. What do you want?" After today he was feeling anything but friendly.
"Not much…I just wanted to tell you that I´m sorry for all you went through. It was all my idea. I never thought it would´ve ended like this."
"Stop making fun of me." Skipper said. Glaring.
"I´m not!"
"It might´ve been funny at first. But now it´s just plain annoying. And draining. I can´t do missions, I can´t protect the zoo if I need protection from the zoo!"
"Skipper…look, I´m truly sorry. In fact, I´ll let you complain about myslashour behavior. But without using the letter e. See if you can manage."
"Okay, that´s enough!" Skipper growled. "Either you tell me what the fuck is going on right now or else I´ll-"
"Relax, Skippy!" AT smiled. She stood up and walked over to the door, the penguin watching her suspiciously. She opened the door and everyone from the zoo was waiting outside.
"Huh? Wh-what?" Skipper said.
100!) Reveal this website to Skipper and let him see all the weird stuff we fans have come up with!
Everyone crowded around the very confused penguin who got very mad quickly.
"Somebody explain right now!" He demanded as his team let him out of his cage.
AT had her laptop ready and turned his attention toward the screen. "I found this a while back on a fansite of PoM. They started a game called, Hundred ways to annoy Skipper. And this is what we have been doing. We tried out a hundred ways on how to annoy you."
Skipper stared at the screen for a while, not sure of what to say.
Then, "You guys played a game of annoying me? What the fish is wrong with you all?"
The others laughed. Private hugged his leader. "I´m sorry if we were too annoying."
"Well, I´m glad it´s over." Skipper said, freeing himself from his rookie´s hug.
"I wouldn´t say it´s completely over…" AT said, grinning. "I did entitle the game, a hundred and more ways to annoy Skippy."
"Don´t you dare…"
A\N: DX The ending is so terrible, i´m sorry! Well, we still have one chapter, as a little extra. xP Review…and tell me how bad I was. xPP