AUTHORS NOTE: Thanks for all the support everyone! I really greatly appreciate it :)
Reviews make me happy! And motivated to write :) More reviews the faster chapters will come out. I wil be going on orders for the military soon, so i may not come out with chapters as fast. But PLEASE bare with me.
Love you all! Lol :)
It had been about two weeks after the funeral, and my body was exhausted. I cried myself to sleep nearly every night. I couldn't eat because I didn't have an appetite. Quinn and Rachel came over frequently to make sure I was okay, which I liked a lot. Their company helped me feel like I wasn't alone. But once they left, things would get harder. It was like there was some sort of pit in my stomach and it kept getting bigger and bigger. I felt like I was a zombie. A human being that is no longer alive yet continues to roam the earth. Living dead is the better term. Santana was my heart, and her death made me feel like there was nothing left to live for. I built my life around her. Every plan that I ever came up with before now involved her. But now she was gone. I would spray her shirts that she always wore with her perfume, and cuddle with them at night. It comforted me in a way that no one else could. Quinn and Rachel eventually moved in, and that made things a little easier. They would invite to go places with them, and do things that involved taking my mind off of the fact that Santana wasn't here anymore. Sometimes I would feel like I was a third wheel, which made it sort of uncomfortable. But they reassured me I wasn't. Other than that, it was a nice change. I didn't cry as much, I would watch Spy Kids until I fell asleep every night. It was our favorite movie to watch together.
About a month after they moved in, Rachel told me that they were planning on taking a cruise. It was one of the things that Santana and I wanted to do when we had the money, and I didn't feel right going with them.
"Are you sure you don't want to come on this cruise with us, Britt?" Quinn asked. "Its gonna be super fun."
"No it's aright guys. I don't want to ruin your fun by coming and you guys would think that you had to spend time with me. Go on. It's your one-year anniversary. Enjoy it together." I smiled at them and they nodded their heads in approval.
"We'll call you when we get the chance okay? We love you Britt. Let us know if you need anything." And they walked out the door. That's when the feeling of loneliness crept in and I went up stairs to my room, and turned on Spy Kids. But I was still crying. This night was different. I couldn't sleep at all, and found myself in the car driving. I didn't know where I was going, until I pulled up in front of a house in Santa Barbara. I unconsciously drove to Mercedes' house. I saw her car parked in the driveway, so I knew she was home. It was about; 10:30 so I was hoping that she was still awake. I rang the doorbell and waited.
"Britt?" She opened the door fully, and invited me inside. "You look terrible, are you okay? What's wrong?"
"I can't sleep, I haven't stopped crying since two this afternoon. I just.. I miss Santana." I started crying again and she hugged me and rubbed my back.
"I know you miss her, Britt. It's okay. You want to talk about it? I'll go make some tea." She walked me into the living room, and then went back into the kitchen and made some tea for us. The TV was on, but it was muted. It was our performance at Nationals. She came back into the living room, and saw me watching the screen.
"I'm sorry Britt, do you want me to turn this off?" She quickly grabbed the remote.
"No, no. It's okay. I want to watch this." I turned my head back towards the screen, as she turned up the volume.
There ain't no reason you and me should be alone tonight, yeah baby. Tonight yeah baby. I got a reason that you should take me home tonight
"Look at her. She's so beautiful. I loved when she sang, I could listen to it all day."
"Santana was a great singer. That's a fact." Mercedes replied. "Here's some tea for you." I grabbed onto the coffee mug.
"Thank you." I told her. I looked back at the screen, and it was Rachel singing. "Where's Sam tonight?"
"He's out with his friends, they're having a bachelor party." She told me. "He's going to stay the night since he's planning on drinking."
"That's good, at least he knows his limits." She looked at me, with concern.
"So what brought you here tonight Britt?"
"I don't know really, I just got in my car and I ended up driving here. I just wanted to be around a friend." I answered. She smiled.
"I got an idea. If you're up for it, of course. Do you want to look at our old high school yearbooks?" She got up from her seat.
"Actually, I think that's a great idea." I smiled. It was nice talking about the old days, I felt like it kept Santana's memory alive. Mercedes came out from the storage closet she had, and was holding the only one she could find. It was when we were sophomores.
"This is the only one I could find, sophomore year I think?" She sat next to me on the couch and we started turning the pages. We came across a picture of Santana, Quinn and I in our Cheerios uniforms. I chuckled.
"The Unholy Trinity. We were inseparable." I rubbed my fingers over the picture, and smiled. We continued looking through the yearbook, laughing at how ridiculous we were sometimes. We closed the yearbook and continued to talk about memories from Glee Club, and how we all quit at one point to join the Troubletones. We laughed and laughed, and started talking about Santana.
"You and Santana were perfect for each other. Everyone knew it." She looked at me. Tears were falling. "You're a strong person, Britt. You're strong and you're going to get through this. Santana is always with you, even if it isn't physically." I nodded.
"Is it alright if I stay the night? I'm getting tired." I asked.
"That's perfectly fine. Our guest bedroom is full of clutter, but you can have the couch." She looked down.
"It's fine Mercedes. The couch is comfortable anyway." I hugged her. "Thank you, I feel much better." I started to wipe my eyes.
"No problem. My door is always open. Here's the remote, you can watch whatever you'd like." She told me. "You know, if you still have a hard time sleeping tonight, I might have something to help you."
"I'll try anything." I told her.
"Before falling asleep, think of a memory you've had with her. When my grandma passed away, I couldn't sleep. I would cry all the time. So my mom told me that before I went to sleep every night I had to think of a memory with my grandma that made me happy. And I would think of one, and then wake up the next morning because I didn't even realize that I fell asleep."
"Alright I'll try it. Thanks Mercedes. For everything." She smiled, got up, and walked into her room and shut the door. I turned the DVD player off, and put on a random show. All I wanted was the light so the room wouldn't be too dark. I closed my eyes, and a memory came to mind.
Santana was running down the hallway, crying. I saw her from my locker, and chased after her. She was sitting on the stairs, her head on her knees. I sat next to her, and rubbed her back.
"Babe what's wrong?" I asked. She looked up, her mascara was running, and tears were falling.
"This guy is going to air this commercial tomorrow and it's gonna tell the world that I like girls. I'm not ready, Britt. I don't know what to do." She put her head into my shoulder and grabbed onto me.
"It's going to be alright, San. I promise you. You need to tell your parents before they find out the wrong way. I'll go with you." She shook her head.
"No, I don't want you to come. It's not a good idea." She looked down. I grabbed her face, and made her look at me.
"It'll be fine, okay? I'm coming with you. Let's go right now, before we have to perform for the Mash Off Competition." I got up and held my hand out. She grabbed on and we walked home to her house. Her parents were in the kitchen when she walked in.
"Mija what's wrong?" her mom asked. She sat down with them, and I stood behind her.
"Mom, dad. I have to tell you something. Britt and I.. Aren't just friends. We're dating. I like girls, the way that I should feel about boys." She looked down. I put my hands on her shoulders, and started squeezing them. Her parents looked at each other and smiled.
"We have known for a while, Santana." Her dad said. He smiled. "We walked into your room one day and saw you and Brittany cuddling." Santana blushed.
"As for you, Brittany." My stomach dropped. Were they going to be mad? Of course not, I thought. They just said that they're fine with it. "We are going to treat you as if you were Santana's boyfriend. That means, that she has curfview on school nights. And you have to treat her with the utmost respect."
"Don't worry, Mr. Lopez. I promise to treat her like the princess that she is. She means a lot to me, I'll take care of her. I won't hurt her, because I love her too much." Santana looked at me.
"You… Love me?" Her parents got up from their seats.
"We'll leave you two alone now. Do you need a ride back to school after girls?" Her mom looked back at us. Santana nodded. "Alright. Let me know when you two are ready." She smiled and walked into the living room.
"Britt? You said you love me. You mean that?" She asked.
"Yes, I do love you Santana." I knelt in front of her, and took her hands in mine. "I have been thinking about saying those words to you for a while now. And I thought today, this moment would be perfect. You had the courage to tell your parents your deepest secret. You are a strong person, Santana."
"Thanks Britt. You know I wouldn't be the person I am, without you next to me. I love you too." I smiled with delight.
"You love me too?" She pulled me up and sat me on her lap.
"Yes, I do. I had these feelings for you for so long, I knew that it was much more than a crush. I always knew that it was much more than that. I want you to remember this day babe. The day I declared my love for you. That day I told you that I was head over heels, unequivocally in love with you."
And before I knew it, I was sleeping.