A/N: I have a feeling this fic isn't going to leave me alone. I hate when that happens. Oh well!

Disclaimer: Mystic owns the AU, Squeenix owns the majority of the characters, dantesdarkqueen owns Akalara, and I own the fuck-up Kandi. But she's my fuck-up, and I love her (pets Kandi).

Kandi: (draws gun) Get the fuck away from me!

Me: Isn't she the cutest?!

Kandi's hands were still shaking, even as she sipped the cup of green tea Squall had bought for her. He was sitting across the table, leaned back casually and watching her with concern expressed clearly on his face. She set the cup down on the saucer and buried her face in her hands, heaving a very heavy sigh. The SeeD captain reached across and took one of her hands, stroking her fingers gently.

"Dumb question, but...you okay?" he ventured uncertainly.

She gave a very unladylike snort, more than likely to cover up a sob, and nodded. "Yeah...I'm okay," she said, running her hand over her nose in an attempt to wipe it. Squall belatedly handed her a napkin and she took it gratefully, wiping her hand on it and then her nose again. "I mean, I'm pregnant with Kuja's kid and Rude won't talk to me, thinking I betrayed him, but yeah, I'm swell."

"You're very good at sarcasm," he said with a grin.

"Ya think?"

Squall sighed and rolled his eyes. He was so not good at the comforting distressed women thing. "Listen, don't worry about it," he told her. "You said so yourself that Rude never made an attempt to solidify your relationship, right?"

She nodded hesitantly. "Yeah..."

"See?" he continued. "You don't belong to Rude. You had every right to sleep with Kuja...and with me," he added sheepishly.

The red-streaked guardian let out a much needed laugh. "I didn't have much choice with you, Cap'n," she said with a wink. "But I didn't mind at all. Just so you know. It was kinda...kinky. Safe rape's a fantasy for a lot of girls."

"Whatever."

"'Whatever'," Kandi mimicked. She smiled and squeezed his hand. "Thanks for making me feel better, Squall. And not like such a...slut."

His eyes narrowed. "You're not a slut," he said with a growl. "I can't stand that double standard. Guy sleeps with a bunch of girls, he's a stud. Girl sleeps with a bunch of guys, she's a slut. I say, if you're adult enough to fuck and you like to fuck then fuckin' fuck! Damn it!"

She threw her head back and laughed. "I'm gonna quote you on that," she said. "Make a big ass poster of it and keep it in my office. Your words will be immortalized." She sighed and sipped her tea again. "I guess I'm going to be in my office a lot for the next nine months or so. No more field duty for me."

"Can't risk the pregnancy, Kandi," Squall told her. He grinned. "At least you'll have company."

"Akalara?" she asked incredulously. "Okay, she's one of my best friends in all the damn worlds, but can you imagine the two of us pregnant and in the same room together for the next nine months?! Apocalypse anyone?"

"Good point."

"Uh, yeah!" she exclaimed. She looked around Midgar Bread Company and sighed. "I'm hungry."

Squall laughed. "What do you want?" he said, rising from his seat. "My treat."

Kandi never turned down free food. Ever. Ever, ever. "Portabello mushroom sandwich on rosemary faccia bread, extra mozzerella, no onions; a bowl of brocolli cheese soup and a Caesar salad with tons of crutons!" she said excitedly. "Please."

Squall blinked. "You aren't feeling nauseas at all, are you?" he asked.

She shook her head and grinned. "Just got sick this morning after brushing my teeth," she explained. Her face brighted. "And two pickles! I love their pickles."

Squall laughed and bent down to kiss her cheek. "You got it, Babe," he said sweetly. Kandi grinned happily at the prospect of food and turned her head when she heard the bell to the door ringing, waving madly at Zack and Akalara when they came into the restaurant.

"Hey guys!" she said, scooting over and making room for the two chairs Zack pulled up to her and Squall's table. She gave Akalara a sympathetic look. "You okay, Green Girl?"

Akalara looked green and rose from the seat she had just taken. "Excuse me," she murmured, heading to the bathroom.

Zack grimaced. "That'll be you soon enough," he told her with sympathy. "She's been sick since I knocked her up."

"I've not been," she said proudly. "Just this morning while brushing my teeth."

Zack paled. "Do me a favor?" he said. She nodded. "If you are one of those lucky one's that don't get sick, please don't tell her. She'll blame me."

"Can't make that promise, Zacky," she said with a grin. "I'll rub it in her green face!"

He laughed and looked up to where Squall was getting their food. "So," he said, gesturing to the SeeD captain. "Squall's the father?"

"Huh?" Kandi asked, looking over at her friend. "Oh! No. He's not. He's just keeping me company since Rude won't talk to me and I don't want to see Kuja right now."

Zack blinked. "So...who's the father?" he asked, scratching his head.

"Kuja."

"That's why Rude won't talk to you then, huh?" he asked, patting her hand.

She nodded. "Yep," she said. "Bald bastard thinks I cheated on him when he's the one who never wanted to upgrade our relationship."

"Did you want to?" he asked, tearing a napkin apart into little shreds. "You know, move up to a higher status?"

"Yeah," she said, sipping her now cold green tea. "I mean, I'm crazy about the guy. But, I figured, if he didn't want to commit to me, why should I commit to him? I was just acting within the boundaries of the relationship stipulations he had set for us."

Zack set back and studied the ceiling for a minute. "You know," he began. "Since he started seeing you, I don't think I've ever seen him go out with another girl."

Kandi's face went blank. "Had you ever seen me go out with another guy in that time?" she replied.

Zack chuckled and thought. "No," he gave in. "I never did. So, I guess that means he could have, too."

"Yep."

Squall plopped down next to Kandi and dished out their food, laying the majority of it in front of her. "I'm glad it's not my kid," he grumbled. "I couldn't afford to feed you for the entire gestation!"

Kandi grinned and kissed his cheek. "Thanks, Cap'n," she said, biting into one of her pickles.

Akalara came out of the bathroom and stopped dead in her tracks when she saw her friend, her now pregnant friend, eating. A lot. So much food. The green-haired woman glared at her red-streaked counterpart. "I hate you," she said as she ran back to the bathroom.

Lined bottles of liquor danced in the reflective lenses of his sunglasses as he tossed back another shot of whatever the hell the bartender was giving him. He'd lost count of how many he'd actually had. All he knew was that at this point, it wasn't enough. It still hurt. It still hurt bad.

The barstool next to him suddenly became occupied and a few mumbled words were exchanged between the skinny red-head and the bartender. The next thing Rude knew, his shot glass had been substituted for a glass of clear liquid dancing over some ice cubes.

Dark shades turned to his partner and he sneered. "This had better be fucking vodka, Reno," he snarled.

"It's water, Buddy," his partner told him, taking out his pack of cigarettes and lighting one. He offered the pack to Rude. "I'm cuttin' you off, yo."

Rude took a proffered cigarette, swiping Reno's lighter to fire it up. "I was just getting started," he grumbled.

"Listen to you," Reno laughed sarcastically. "You're already shitfaced, forming what appears to be sentences consisting of more than three words. You've had enough, Partner."

Rude sipped the water, wincing as it slid down his burning throat. "Never enough," he said. "There will never be enough to forget."

Reno blew out a stream of smoke. "Whatcha tryin' to forget?" he asked. "Or you tryin' to forget someone, yo?"

"The kid's Kuja's, Reno," Rude growled. "Not mine. That's what I'm trying to forget. My girlfriend got pregnant by some freak in a gods damned thong."

Reno scratched his nose and sipped his own non-alcoholic drink. He figured he'd better stay pretty damn sober for this. "Last time I checked, Buddy," he said cautiously. "She wasn't your girlfriend."

"When was the last time you saw me take home a girl that wasn't Kandi?" Rude asked, drinking his water again. "I've not been with anyone else since the first time I took her out."

"So, you were exclusive, but you failed to tell her this?" Reno asked. Rude's head whipped around. Reno threw his hands up in the air. "I'm just saying, Dude. I mean, let's face it; you're kinda being a girl about the whole thing. I think you should be thankful you aren't going to be saddled with some squalling brat like those fuckers Kuja and Zack. I mean, damn! Zack's younger than us and he's gonna be a dad. That's gotta fuckin' suck. Kuja will probably sacrifice the kid in some wizardy shit and summon a fuckin' rock from the sky to kill us all or something."

"Spawn," Rude spat out. "He's calling it his 'spawn'. How sick ass is that?"

Reno grinned. Time to play 'Rip On The Dude That Hurt Rude'. "Well, like you said, the assfuck wears a thong," he snorted out, pleased to see Rude's hint of a smile. "First time I saw the fucker, I though he was a chick or some really pretty dude in drag."

Rude chuckled and shook his head. "Yeah," he said, sipping his water.

One word sentences. He was getting better already. Reno grinned and nudged his partner in the shoulder. "You know, it doesn't mean you can't talk to her still," he said. "I mean, just 'cause she's having some fucktard's 'spawn' don't mean she doesn't want nothin' to do with you, you know? Have you talked to her since you found out?"

Rude just shook his head.

"Maybe ya ought to," Reno said, sipping his soda. "You know, if ya wanna. No skin off my ass if you do or don't."

Rude took another drink, clinking the ice against the glass.

"But...you know," Reno said with a ferral smile. "One good thing about fuckin' pregnant girls."

Rude raised an eyebrow at that.

Reno's grin widened. "You can't knock them up."

Rude stared at his friend, his own grin covering his face. "Reno?"

"Yeah?"

Rude raised his glass to his friend. "You're a world class idiot," he said.

Reno tapped Rude's glass. "And you wouldn't have me any other way."

"That is true."

Reno lit another cigarette, offering Rude another one. The bald man shook his head. "So, you're really nuts about this chick, huh?" he asked, placing his lighter back in his pocket. "I've never seen you drink over a member of the fairer sex before."

"Just something about her, I guess."

"Why didn't you ever tell her?" Reno asked, flicking the ash off the end of his cigarette. "I mean, I know you're a man of very little words, but Jesus, how hard is it to tell some chick you don't just wanna fuck around anymore?"

"I guess...I didn't want her to get her hopes up," Rude said. "Gwen and Seph just got married; Akalara and Zack are having a baby and getting married. Timing was bad."

"So, you didn't want her to think it was a step closer to a marriage proposal?" Reno asked. Rude nodded. "Damn. I never knew you were so chicken shit, Man."

"Watch it, Red," came the answering snarl.

"Sorry, but seriously, Dude," Reno continued bravely. "Kandi's a smart girl. You tell her something, she'll take it at face value. She wouldn't have expected a little ring just because he friends were getting them. The girl ain't like that."

"And you know her so well?" Rude scoffed.

"Well, yeah," Reno defended. "She's fuckin' my best friend.. Of course I'd know her well. Turns out, she's one of my best friend's, too. She's cool people, Man. Real cool."

Rude just stared at his glass.

"And hot."

"Watch it."

Reno grinned and slapped his shoulder. "Don't fuck this up, Rude," he said sympathetically. "You dig the girl. Hell, I'd even venture to say you love her, but I'd fuckin' get a black eye in the next breath. But I think you know you do. And I also think you know that Kuja is going to be asstastically possessive over her now that she's incubating his 'spawn'."

Rude squeezed the glass in his hand, causing little spiders to break into the crystal where his fingers were pressing in.

Reno smirked. He had him. "I also know," he continued, taking a ridiuculously frustratingly long drag off his cigarette. "That you dig a challenge. And what's more satisfying then getting back the girl you want and beating the fucker that tried to take her in the first place? 'Cause you know what?"

Rude glanced at him over the tops of his sunglasses.

"She digs you, too," Reno smirked, satisfied with himself. "I see the way she looks at you. Girl practically drowns in her own drool when she spies on you sparring with someone."

Rude cocked an eyebrow and the corner of his lips twitched into a half-grin.

"Yeah, she spies," Reno chuckled. "Like I said, she digs ya."

Rude pushed his glass of ice away and rose to his feet, tossing some gil on the bar.

"Where ya going?" Reno asked, spinning around in his barstool.

"Home," was the reply. "I...got some things to think about."

Reno nodded. "Aight, see ya, Man," he said watching as his partner exited the smoky bar. He grinned. Meddling was fun.

A/N: I love Reno. He makes me so happy!

Reno: (smirk) You have no idea how happy I can make you.

Me: (blink) Okay!

Review! Are you guys liking this? I'm having fun writing it! Let me know!