Kai Hiwatari does not like people.
Now, to everyone who has, at the very least, heard of Kai (90% of the entire Bey City population), this is the biggest understatement since Takao Kinomiya claimed Rei Kon was "kinda kitty like, actually". After all, anyone with half a brain could tell you all about Kai and how he kicks puppies, trips little old ladies, eats babies and other horrible actions to things that end in -ies. Only all those stories are just the standard rumor-mill of Bey City, a city so mind-numbingly boring it has nothing better to do than run a rumor-mill on a sixteen year old teenager. Some people have Batman; Bey City has Kai. It's close enough for them. Still, the point stands: everyone knows Kai absolutely despises people. And puppies. And that tree. And possibly that wall over there. Basically, as anyone would tell you, Kai hates everything.
This is pure bullshit.
The truth of the matter isn't that Kai hates everything. In fact, Kai doesn't even hate a large quantity of things. That includes people. He does not despise, or hate, or abhor, or loathe, or detest, or disfavor, or scorn, or execrate, or any other synonym of 'hate' taken from the nearest thesaurus, people. He doesn't even dislike people. Because not liking something is not equivalent to disliking something. Kai's view of people is exceedingly simple: he does not care for people, one way or another. Kai tolerates people the way he tolerates trees, cars, and anything else in the universe he doesn't care for (most of it): they're there, and he doesn't really give a crap about it.
So, no, Kai does not hate everyone and wish for the entirety of the human race to disappear and leave him alone forever.
... Well, most of the time. Sometimes he does, but then again, everyone has that kind of day once in a while. And just like the rest of people who are surrounded by morons, he curbs in his murderous urges in order to properly live in society. ... Okay, more like in order to not be thrown in jail forever. Still, the hatred is not permanent.
Of course, there are a couple of notable exceptions to Kai's view of humanity as a whole. They make up the few people who bypass Kai's usual reaction to a person-- that being, to ignore them forever until they go away. Ignoring the ones Kai has to talk to, or that he used for his own purposes (his old street gang comes to mind), the notable exceptions grow even fewer. His grandfather is the most notable of them all, for reasons that really should be obvious, considering he is Kai's only living relative as far as the teen knows. Amongst other obvious things. The other big exemption to the rule of Ignore It And It Will Go Away is Kinomiya's posse. That, of course, includes Kinomiya himself. These days, Kai even interacts with them of his own volition. Sometimes. Still, they seem unable to leave Kai alone, and so he's given up on trying to ignore them until they go away; just like Kinomiya, that technique only really works with people who have self-preservation instincts. He tolerates them. It even stops Principal Daitenji from bothering him about getting 'friends'. In general, he's completely okay with them being around so long as they don't try to include him too much.
...
But the thing is, he has no idea why.
It's baffling, really.
~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~
"So, are we meeting after school today still?" Kinomiya asks him during lunch, and Kai stares blankly at the other boy's earnest expression.
It's a dark and cold November day, but the four of them still decided to join him on the roof. Not that they'd spoken a lot so far-- five days into November and already teachers had announced all the tests before Christmas, meaning everyone but Kai was busy studying (or, in Kinomiya's case, learning it in the first place). The sheer number of examinations coming up is probably the only reason Kinomiya bothered to ask, for once -- he usually just expects Kai to be there and rants at him when he isn't. If you can call extensive whining a rant, anyway. Normally, he'd shrug off the question and ignore Kinomiya when he takes it as a yes, but today is ... different.
Kai hates November.
"No," he answers, curtly, and completely ignores all sputtering and incoherent demands Kinomiya spews fort afterwards. Those can be summarized in the oft-repeated "Aw c'mon dude why nooooot" that drives Kai up a wall on particularly bad days; as today is a particularly bad day, Kai does not feel any guilt whatsoever in ignoring Kinomiya. Not that he would feel guilt otherwise, mind you. He starts to count down mentally in his head as the others steal a bewildered glint or two in their direction, stretching his legs from his previous sitting position once he reaches five. Four, three, two, one...
The bell rings, right on schedule. Kinomiya starts to gather his things in a rush as the others goad him for not realizing how late it is, and Kai uses this distraction to slip away unnoticed.
He has something far more important to do tonight than being Kinomiya's daily high of the day, or whatever it is. Tonight, Kai has a date.
With his parents.
~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~
People who haven't been in Bey City for very long are usually surprised to learn it has a graveyard. A lot of things in Bey City surprise people, in fact; the insane number of abandoned buildings, for one, and the retarded architecture of half of the city for another. Still, people being surprised a supposed "small town" (Bey City is more of a normal-sized city, actually, but try telling that to the general population and no one will believe you, regardless of numbers and facts and retarded alleyway architecture) has a graveyard has always seemed ridiculous to Kai. After all, if it really was a small town (which it isn't), the graveyard would probably be the only thing of interest in it. People dying is a constant of life, small town or not.
And apparently, people being stupid is a constant of the universe, but Kai tries not to think about that too often, lest he be overcome with the urge to try and control the entire gang system of Bey City again. A huge waste of time that was; though in his defense, he had been twelve when he'd taken up the ridiculous notion. He'd still managed to secure half of it, and that was good enough; the rest weren't worth giving them the time of day, as proven by Halloween's little incident (amongst other things-- many other things).
So here Kai was again, in the "least favorable" part of town. It would almost serve as a ghetto if not for the absolutely ridiculous architecture. Whoever designed this part of the city was either very bored or very high. Kai figures it's the former, rather than the latter-- the alleyways are actually rather 'neat', like the work of an extremely OCD person trying to make the World's Greatest Labyrinth. That or they took the idea straight off of a bad 'dark' movie script, where things such as intelligent architecture are considered completely overrated, and the sheer number of back alleys used for plot purposes is practically over nine thousand.
...
Wait, wasn't that one of Mizuhara's overblown American shout-outs? Kai definitely needed to stop listening to these people. Though, this is what he gets for letting his mind wander, he supposes.
The graveyard is pretty empty at this hour; three o' clock at the afternoon on a Thursday is apparently not the highway time for depressing visits to dead people. Reason number one to skip out on Kinomiya for this, check. Not that people visit graveyards that often in general -- Kai himself included. For most people, it is the sheer depressive feeling of visiting a loved one postmortem, keeping them from doing it too often.
For Kai, it's that he lacks a reason.
~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~
The grave in itself is nothing special. There's no grand statue to indicate its placement. It's one tombstone among many nearly identical ones. A simple marble slate. The first time Kai was brought here-- the first time Kai remembers being brought here-- he hadn't been very impressed. It was a rock sitting on dirt. He'd pointed that out to his grandfather, who had simply told him not to disrespect the dead. He should be grateful, his grandfather had continued, that they had given life to him. Kai had wisely kept his mouth shut after that.
Honestly, he still thinks it's just a rock sitting on dirt. A rock with names and dates on it, true, but just a rock anyway. If he hadn't known this was where his parents rested, it would be just like every other tombstone in the place; the marker of dead people he doesn't know anything about. .... Not that he knows anything about his parents beyond their names, either. Oh, right. He also knows they died when he was three -- or maybe when he was four. He only has the year of death to go off of, so for all he knows it happened on his birthday or something equally dramatic.
So, really, why does Kai bother coming back here every year? It's not like he feels any connection to the rotting bodies that lie about six feet underground. (Kinomiya would probably say something about the whole graveyard being "potential zombie infestation ground", and why does Kai keep listening to those people, now he can't get their running commentary out of his head.) He doesn't know these people, doesn't remember them, and so can't bring himself to care about them. His parents are dead and buried. ("When I die, I don't wanna be buried, what if I'm not really dead and they bury me alive?!" Kinomiya had ranted at him once, and Kai hadn't said anything, but he also doesn't want to be buried -- Kai wants to burn, like -- this is stupid, why is he thinking about this--)
Kai resists the urge to kick the tombstone. Every year he comes by, and he still never remembers the right thing. Or, really, anything. At this point, he might as well just head on home.
He looks at the tombstone -- still a rock on dirt hiding rotting bodies in expensive wooden boxes, still so very, very unimpressive, still leaving him cold -- and lifts his hand out of his pocket as a farewell to Mr. and Mrs. Hiwatari before he leaves.
(And for Suzaku's sake if Kinomiya doesn't get out of his head this instant he will punch the other boy the next time he sees him, warranted or not.)
~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~
The Hiwatari mansion is situated far, far away from the cemetery, all the way to the outskirts of the other side of the city, so far away the mansion is barely even considered to be a part of Bey City at all. And, really, it can't be considered anything but a mansion; huge, empty and imposing as it is, it's at least not a castle -- Kai is vaguely aware of some European ancestry in his family tree that, all things considered, could be from his grandfather's side yet probably isn't -- there's no way Kai would've been able to stand living in a castle of all things. Fruitless spending from his grandfather he could live with; combining it with even more blatant showing off how wealthy they were and Kai might have had to gag himself with a spoon.
... Another Mizuhara-ism. And this is why Kon is the most acceptable of the lot -- he might be just as annoying, but at least he didn't have the ability to create an actual lasting impression on Kai's brain. American sayings that make no sense are still more acceptable than having Kinomiya's running commentary in his head, at least.
Tangents. Kai's mind is always running into overdrive when he isn't concentrating on something in particular. It's useful in a fight; he can pinpoint weaknesses, strategizes on the go when he needs to (rarely; winning using brute force works often in this city), but otherwise it's something Kai could really do without. There's such a thing as over thinking too much, and he still doesn't know why his first reflex when he enters a room is to find all possible and quickest escape routes, why he feels the need to pinpoint every weak points and flaws in the people and places he sees, why he has an internal clock that is correct down to the second, and, most importantly, why the hell can he count the number of bricks (or any other material) in a construction by just glancing at it.
Of all things, that one has got to be the most useless and distracting. Oooh, look, he can correctly guess all the peas in a jar with barely a glance! Whoop-dee-doo.
By the time Kai gets to the mansion, the sun had long since set on the city; it sets earlier around this time of year, so it's not like Kai took his sweet time getting there. It really is just that far away a walk from the cemetery. And, well, pretty much everything else in the city. In theory, Kai could ask a chauffeur and get a limo to bring him anywhere he wanted. In theory, because, well, spoon, gagging himself, etc. Besides, Kai likes walking; he usually runs to and from the city as training.
(...He's not sure what he's training himself for, but if Kai isn't keeping in top shape physically, he starts to feel -- the burn in his chest and the lump in his throat and the urge, just the urge to go, go before he becomes obsolete, becomes weak and--
Well.
It's easier to just train.)
He takes a look at the closed gates and considers, not for the first time, actually ringing so someone can open it for him. As always, he dismisses the idea-- having his entry somewhere be announced gives him hives; something about it just screams against all of Kai's instincts, and he's learned not to question why he has those and just trust them instead. They have yet to led him astray, so there's no point wondering. Kai takes a step back before running and jumping over the stone walls surrounding their property; he does it gracefully by now, without a hitch, giving himself the boost he needs with one hand, but the first few times he'd scrapped his pants (or his hands) on the bricks. He'd either underestimated the height or overestimated his own jumping ability back then, depending on the day. Calculating jumps like these admittedly comes easier now that his brain is not as jumbled as it had been when he'd first come to the mansion.
Kai lands in a crouch on the grass of the other side, staring blankly at the expense of empty property (save for the driveway and a fountain which used to have fish in it until the inevitable realization that fish and fountains do not mix). He sighs as he stands up and brushes off the grass on his uniform pants. It's wet, damp, cold grass. Ugh.
I hate November, Kai thinks as he heads deeper into the Hiwatari property.
By the time he reaches the manor itself, his sneakers are soaked. This is supposedly what he gets for refusing to walk in the paved path.
Kai really hates November.
~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~
"Young Master," the first servant (butlers, maids, cooks, his grandfather has it all; there are far more of them than could ever be needed, too) tells him after Kai had figured he'd managed to sneak in without being seen (which he had; he couldn't be blamed that there was a servant magically waiting at every corner of this mansion), "Please change. Master Souichirou expects you for dinner tonight."
And right this instant, Kai hates everything. He's going to be eating with his grandfather.
Oh, joy.
~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~
It's not frequent for his grandfather to choose to grace Kai with his presence; more often than not the man is busy with overseeing the family business and... whatever else he does during the day (Kai doesn't care to know). Meals with him are thus a rare, but distressing experience. For numerous reasons.
Not that his grandfather -- or anyone else, really -- is aware of how much Kai wishes he'd never have to spend a single meal with him. It's not that his grandfather is a hateful man (or, well, no more than usual for an old man also CEO of his own company) and dislikes Kai or something like that. No, as far as Kai knows, his grandfather is... fond of him. Kai's life would probably be easier if his grandfather did dislike him; if he did, than he'd never pay any attention whatsoever to what Kai did, or care at all.
"Changing" for the meal doesn't imply anything fancy; it simply means Kai should switch out of his school "uniform". He doesn't know why his grandfather is adamant Kai not parade around in it around him and switch clothes; if Kai is going to stay in the mansion, he won't bother putting on his "street" clothes, so what he ends up wearing is extremely similar to the uniform anyway. Meaning, loose pants and a white button up shirt. Really, there's no difference. Maybe if Kai ever bothered to put on the blazer and tie...
Maybe the day someone at that school actually called him out on it, he would. Principal Daitenji would probably be the only one who would bother, but he's satisfied with Kai showing up to school on a regular basis for now. Perhaps next year he'd aim higher. Make him take off his face paint? How daring.
... Freaking tangents.
Kai checks the clock from the corner of his eyes. He's managed to put off going to eat for a good ten minutes with the changing excuse, but if he makes his grandfather wait any longer, the man will probably have something more to harp on him about. Kai really doesn't need that on top of everything else.
He convinces himself his heart isn't heavy with dread when he leaves for the evening meal. Why would he care? He doesn't.
He doesn't.
~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~
So far, except for the usual exceedingly emotional greeting before the meal (consisting of his grandfather going "Kai." and Kai going "Grandfather."), dinner had been a quiet affair. It would almost feel like a normal, quiet meal, if his grandfather had stopped staring at him while he ate.
Kai refuses to look up and meet the man's stare, concentrating on eating... whatever he's eating right now. He can't tell; everything tastes like sand in his mouth. It's like his stomach is filled with lead; his throat is parched no matter how many times he takes a drink. The only thought running through Kai's mind is the same every single time this happens --
What the fuck am I doing wrong?
It's the same routine since he's been twelve. Kai had, at first, tried to ask his grandfather why he was staring, and then when he was met with a simple leveled stare that made Kai feel like he was the dirt on his grandfather's shoes, tried to change his table manners. No dice. Eating less, eating more, Kai had tried everything to make the man stop staring at him, stop judging him. By now, he's given up, and simply tries to finish his meal without any... incident. During or after.
He can taste bile at the back of his throat at that thought and stabs at his food more viciously than he'd intended. Don't start, he tells his body (himself, really), I don't care that he's watching me.
The Nile is a river in Egypt, and something Kai wishes he was better at in general. Somehow, he always has trouble believing himself when he really wants to.
"Kai," his grandfather's voice jolts him out of his thoughts, and he raises his head slowly to look at the man. "I think it's time we start talking about your future."
Kai doesn't react outwardly, but inside his knee-jerk rebelling reaction is to scream out no. He doesn't want someone else dictating his future. He hates having to follow orders, even though he can't do anything but when it comes to his grandfather. Because, more than anything, he wants -- He wants to make that man proud.
Love is the worst thing.
"I've told you before that you will inherit Hiwatari Corporation," his grandfather continues, and Kai nods, stiffly. He'd told him, alright. About fifty gajillion times. "I've let you do as you pleased for a long time now, but from now on I won't accept the kind of ridiculous behavior you've had in the past years. Last summer was an outrage, boy."
Kai frowns at his plate. He's also heard that one before. Repeatedly. "I've told you, grandfather--"
"Whatever you do from this moment on," his grandfather continues as if Kai had never tried to interrupt him, his tone of voice growing firmer, as if speaking to a misbehaving dog (this conversation is doing wonders for Kai's self-esteem, he can already tell), "Should not affect your education in any way. I don't want you to simply pass. I want you to excel, as a Hiwatari should. Don't waste your time in frivolities again. You're capable of great things, Kai. Stop disappointing me and prove it. Prove to the world that you deserve to carry the name Hiwatari. Together, we could achieve greatness, but only if you surpass yourself."
Kai is going to be sick. It doesn't matter how many times he's heard this speech. The point remains the same: he is still not good enough.
"Do you understand?" His grandfather finishes with flair, still staring at him.
"Yes, grandfather," Kai manages to grinds out. He's annoyed as much as he's-- disappointed? ashamed? He's never sure what he feels after this speech. It would probably hurt less if Kai himself didn't also want to surpass himself. To reach -- to reach perfection.
And if he keeps thinking about this, he really will be sick. His heart feels like it's stuck in his throat, threatening to come out in the most awkward of ways-- through his digestive system.
"I'm done," Kai announces, rising up from the table stiffly. His grandfather nods and waves him out.
Then he sighs. "That boy has his mother's character. So rebellious."
Kai doesn't notice, though; he's already out the door by then.
~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~
Kai doesn't run to the nearest bathroom; it would be too obvious. Instead, he walks as fast as he can without turning it into a jog towards his bedroom -- or, more accurately, towards his own private bathroom.
Kai can tell the symptoms of nausea far too well for his own taste. He feels hot even though there are goose bumps on his skin, and soon enough he's going to gag-- he feels faint and knows, without needing to look, that his skin has taken a pallor to it that is not at all natural.
He closes the door to his bathroom behind him before kneeling in front of the toilet. He pants as he stares at the unmoving water, bracing himself on the seat. He can taste the bile at the back of his throat as he gags. Once. Twice.
The third time, he's regurgitating his entire meal. He coughs and chokes and hates himself so much, so damn much, as his body rejects everything he'd ingested in the entire day until he can barely choke out some bile.
Kai would be lying if he said it didn't feel better now that the nausea was gone. He's left panting as he wipes at his mouth with his sleeve -- disgusting. At least nothing got in his hair. His shirt clings to his skin from how much he was sweating. Kai turns around and sits against the wall, huddled in the corner between the toilet and the bath as he always did after his "episodes". He flushes it without looking up and then lets the back of his head rest against the cool tile of the wall. It helps.
He closes his eyes as he works to undo the choker around his neck -- it's, well, choking him. He should've taken it off before, but it was hard to think straight when all he wanted to do was cease to exist. He throws the damn thing at the other side of the bathroom, then moves on to undoing the top buttons of shirt with trembling hands. That done, he brings a knee up and wraps one arm around it. He hasn't been able to fit in the small space in fetus position for a while, but this is fine, too.
Kai spends the next few minutes just concentrating on his own breathing. In. Out. In. Out. In. He doesn't let himself think about anything else.
When the shaking has stopped, he raises himself up -- slowly. He can feel his head pounding. Just the way to end an already horrible day; a headache. He moves to the sink, slowly. He needs to get the taste of vomit out of his mouth.
It's only after he's scrubbed his entire mouth clean obsessively (he really hates the taste of bile) that Kai finally looks in the mirror. He regrets it almost instantly.
His face paint is blurred all over his cheeks, and Kai looks at his sleeve and isn't surprised to find them blue. He always forgets that wiping at his face when it's wet is a terrible idea. His shirt is still drenched, sticking to him awkwardly; his hair is plastered on his face and neck with sweat, too. Kai washes off the face paint and ignores how ... young he looks without it. Vulnerable, even. He doesn't know why he started wearing it, but his face feels naked without the paint.
All this isn't what bothers him, though. He feels -- and looks -- pathetic, but he's used to the sight by now that he doesn't want to punch the mirror anymore, like he'd done the first two times. It had been awkward to explain to his grandfather. He raises his hand to touch the burn scar, all the way around his neck, right where his choker was.
Of all the things Kai wishes he remembered -- why and where he got that scar in particular is probably the one he wishes he'd remember most. Maybe then he could get away with not wearing something around his neck. Kai would be able to answer the questions people would ask. Not that he'd actually answer them, but --
Just having the answer himself would be nice.
...
But, as it stands, he doesn't, and he probably never will.
~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~
Kai skips the next day of school.
He hates November more each year.
You know, at this point in time I won't even bother with an excuse for how extremely effin' late this is, and just go "LIFE HAPPENED. REPEATEDLY. IN A FASHION I DIDN'T APPROVE OF." and leave it at that. (Seriously, I have a million and one reason for why this is so very late, but at this point no one cares.)
So, uh. Yes. This one is ... dry-humor funny at first, and then it dissolves into ANGST ANGST EMO ANGST because Kai has issues. The only important note I can think of for this chapter is: NO KAI IS NOT ANOREXIC/BULIMIC. Otherwise, the whole of it seems kind of... self-explanatory. TANGENT.
Honestly the easiest deal is if you have questions/critique just. Scream at me in your reviews? Seriously I just kind of winged it with this chapter. I have learned that the more you know what needs to happen in a chapter the more you get stuck trying to figure out HOW TO GET TO THAT POINT. /shakefist
Next chapter should come sooner than this one did now that I have gotten over that ... block or whatever! Also school is ending that helps. SO YEAH the next few chapters are pretty much one summer school, two/three ones with MAAAX... as the narrator. (To parallel the American tournament.) Then we get what I like to call the "Christmas Special."
So yes sorry for ... whatever I should be sorry for!
Hope you enjoyed it,
-Zia.