Captain Spirk

Disclaimer: Created by the Great Bird of the Galaxy; the late Gene Roddenberry. We salute you Sir!

A/N: Whelp. It's been a long time and I do apologise for the terrible delay. What can I say; life happens and things were out of my control for some time. But I'm BACK and I'm so glad cause I have missed sharing this story with all of you! I've been receiving very lovely reviews from the last chapter and let me just say it here that I appreciate every single comment and encouragement-your support makes me very, very happy, indeed! So THANK YOU again to all reviewers and readers and thanks for all the alerts too! I hope that all of you will enjoy this chapter.

So read on!

WARNING: Severe emotional roller coaster. Nothing serious.

Chapter 15: Curveball

Bones had interrupted their intense conversation with a surprise visit earlier and at the very moment the Doctor entered the cabin, Kirk could clearly read in his face that it was no good news. Bones' expression was a combination of worry, mingled with an utmost controlled frantic and fear, if that was the right way to put it.

Kirk had tried to appease Bones when the latter launched into a now all-too-familiar tirade mode (since he already knew what was actually happening to him and Spock. Sort off) but to no avail. It was no biggie to Kirk having Bones reacting this way; his friend had been known to panic over small things ranging from Kirk's (unhealthy) eating habits to possibilities of Kirk contracting STDs for sleeping around (which he had not done since forever) to…almost anything regarding Kirk really.

The good doctor however, was having none of Kirk's persuasive 'everything is alright Bones' nonsense.

'I don't know why and how this is happening, but your body is secreting an incredibly high level of adrenaline!'

He definitely yelled the last bit out.

Kirk's first reaction had been: 'Come on, relax Bones; it's not that bad is it?'

The Doctor threw him an incredulous and angry look.

'You think I would waste my energy rushing here if I thought there was nothing serious going on?'

It was an ominous statement and Kirk felt his heart plummeted again. 'What now?'

Spock on the other hand had gone absolutely still as if he was stupefied. Kirk was unable to rouse him from it. And then…

He realised that Bones was speaking again.

'Such a condition is not normal for either Human or Vulcan. If it does not resolve soon, it will eventually kill you both. In approximately eight days.'

And Kirk's own illusion of calm was promptly shattered the moment McCoy blew that bombshell out.

It really seemed to Kirk lately that it doesn't rain but it poured. Here he was, still sharing the same body with Spock, still reeling from information the Vulcan had divulge earlier and still trying to make sense of it all. He fervently wished there was a frigging on/off and even replay button so that he could take a breather from this and digest the information at his own leisure.

It seemed that there are no rest for the weary.

Die? Eight days?

'Bones, it's not funny.'

The Doctor glared at him. 'Like hell it isn't. I'm ordering both of you to report to Sickbay now.'

'With due respect to your medical expertise Doctor, but I do not believe that your beads and rattles are capable of remedying the situation.'

Bones was instantly aggravated. 'Well, at least I could try Spock. What do you expect me to tell Starfleet, huh? That they're golden command team died for no apparent reason and I was not even trying to help?'

Spock's voice was calm and controlled; too controlled in Kirk's opinion and he could sense the Vulcan was silently suffering in misery beneath the surface calm. The message was painfully clear to Kirk: Spock did not wish for Bones to find out. It left Kirk in a difficult terrain.

On one hand, he really wished to keep Spock's private 'illness' quiet. On the other hand, Spock had not told him that the condition could result in something quite as fatalistic and that is serious. Bones' evident proclivity to paranoia notwithstanding; his friend had a genuine medical reason to worry about.

[Captain. Jim. I do not wish for the Doctor to find out. Not like this]

[Spock, you should have mentioned this to me earlier. Bones might be right-heck I think he is telling the truth, I need to know the reason and the solution Spock!]

[Jim, I will tell you-only you- everything you needed to know. I just need you to protect my privacy, during this time. I am asking you to respect this wish…please]

It's not everyday that James T. Kirk had heard about a First Officer pleading with his Captain over such matters. What is happening now is something unlike anything he had read from Starfleet's 'Manual of Standard Procedures in Emergency Situations'.

Really.

Give him crazy Romulans, trigger happy Klingons, and any galactic battle formations that he had to go up against and Kirk could nail it all like a pro he was. Diplomatic missions were always a pain in the ass but nothing he cannot handle. But this? He knew neither tactic nor solution for this convoluted game he is currently a participant of and he didn't even know the rules.

But OK. First things first; he needed to convince Bones to let him settle this mess with Spock alone. Exactly how he was supposed to do to settle it, he had no idea, but…he'll figure it out eventually.

After all, James T. Kirk did not believe in the no-win scenarios.

'Bones, wait. If I told you that I know what's going on, would you trust me to handle this, myself?

McCoy's facial expression mirrored his skepticism.

'I swear Jim, you and Spock will be the death of me one day, and I'll make sure when that happens, I'd come back and haunt the both of you, so help me God.'

Usually Kirk could easily find various possible (sarcastic) remarks to this statement but today, he chose to let it slip. Obviously Bones was completely worried and no one could blame him. Kirk tried but was unable to find any suitable excuse to give McCoy. But he still had to try.

'Bones. I know it sounds crazy, but just this once; let me try to solve this…problem, alright. It's got nothing to do to do with my trust of your medical ability'-he added hastily when McCoy opened his mouth furiously in protest-'I do trust you on that basis explicitly. But I just need you to trust me and Spock regarding this. Just this once-I promise you.'

Kirk knew he wasn't on his best charming behaviour by far (not that his charm had ever worked on Bones to begin with), but he gave it his best shot given the circumstances.

For a while, it looked like Bones was not going to buy it. His friend had that sceptical, 'what the devil is going on' look on his face. Usually that would lead to the both of them arguing with each other to a stand-still. The uncomfortable moment dragged on a bit longer and Kirk could have sworn that he'd started sweating…when Bones gave a disgusted sigh and relented.

'Alright Jim-I'll let it go just this once. I'll give the both of you three days medical leave…THREE DAYS to solve this thing…whatever it is. Otherwise, I'll drag you down to Sickbay. That clear?'

'But Bones…'

'No buts. THREE DAYS, Jim.'

On that note, McCoy glared at them in a final sort of way, and left.

Right.

Kirk waited approximately 2.5 minutes after Bones' departure to initiate his own Vulcan confessional committee of one.

So, since everything was definitely out in the open now, there was absolutely no use in beating around the bushes any longer. Therefore, Kirk went straight for it:

'Alright, Spock. Let's hear the rest of the story.'

The young Captain could detect Spock's ever present Vulcan wall, slowly lowered and felt the sudden onslaught of emotions-not his own- washed over him like a cascading waterfall. It was an entirely overwhelming sensation.

There was sadness there he felt, fear and some other more subtle emotions Kirk could not quite name. But there was one particular emotion he felt that stood more profound from the rest.

Love…or was it lust?

He felt himself strangely drawn to it…

And as soon as he caught the onslaught of all these feelings from Spock, it was gone again in the next instant. Kirk found himself envisioning the brilliant sun suddenly enshrouded by the jealous clouds that stole the very warmth and brilliance of the burning star from him.

It took him a moment to snap out of it.

'Spock?' he began confused.

The Vulcan wall was once again in its place.

Kirk began again. 'Spock. Don't—don't shield away from me—please. I need to know. As a friend, you owe me the explanation.'

Spock's countenance was calm again although Kirk could detect guilt and regret in his First Officer despite the mind-wall.

'Captain. Jim. Forgive me the trouble this has brought upon you. I do not wish it to be so.'

The Vulcan paused for a moment and Kirk did not interrupt.

'The Doctor spoke the truth. If the blood fever of the Ponn Farr also known as the Plak Tow is not satisfied the resulting consequence would be death.'

'But it's just, just…intercourse isn't it? Just that. You, I don't intent to pry but you and Uhura—you didn't? I mean you know, did it. With each other and stuff?'

He really did not believe that Spock was as naïve about love-making as the Vulcan was letting on now. After all, he could still remember the Vulcan's aptness at kissing - in the middle of a freaking emergency - no less. He had to confess to feeling a wee bit jealous at the public display of affection, although whether that envy was directed towards Spock or Uhura, he, himself was unable to make up his mind.

Kirk could sense the darkening of Spock's mood surrounding him like a swirling storm cloud. Apparently he had touched a very sore spot. The memory of the first night when he had sensed that something was not quite right with Spock sprang back to the foremost of his thoughts.

Oops.

Suddenly he felt Spock bristling from within his own consciousness. 'That is something that I do not wish to discuss.' Spock almost hissed those words out. And Kirk, sharing a body with Spock or not, could actually feel goose bumps formed all over his body.

In fear or in excited anticipation even he could not decide. Seriously, Kirk began to wonder why he was having such a difficulty in making decisions especially where Spock was concern, like he was a woman, for goodness sake.

Now, wait a freaking minute…

Kirk paused his thoughts for a moment. 'My God,' he thought shuddering inwardly. Was he…was he actually turned on by Spock's obviously domineering behaviour? Because if he was, now of all times, it would be…complicated to say the least. And inappropriate too. But he did offer help to Spock. So logically, if he could just…

No Kirk, for goodness sake- FOCUS- damnit!

Spock's presence was circulating him like an accusation. Needless to say, the Vulcan no doubt, was surely very aware of Kirk's own internal struggles. Unsurprisingly Spock didn't mention it, although Kirk did receive a very distinct impression that he had only aided in making the situation more difficult for Spock. Not to mention to himself, for that matter.

Despite his own misgivings, in true Kirk fashion, he decided to blunder through anyway. 'Well, if you can't get through something, just shoot at it,' he thought. After all, this is literally a matter of life and death.

'Spock, you know me and I am not someone who is willing to die needlessly,' he began trying to inject confidence into his voice that really he did not felt. 'So, you know, if there is someone who could get you through this, then logically Uhur -,' he didn't quite finished that sentence, Spock made sure of that.

'It is not as simple as that Jim,' Spock said quietly. Too quietly for Kirk's liking.

Kirk frowned. 'Well, it is just your sex drive isn't it? And if Uhura is willing, then, why not?' Personally, Kirk didn't really like the suggestion in the first place. But how the hell was he supposed to help anyway?

'Do you simply believe that pleasing the sexual need is the only reason for Ponn Farr? That any one will do as long as I am able to release myself?'

For Kirk being the young Human male he was, the obvious answer that came to his mind to Spock's question was in the veins of 'Well, yeah.'

The anger surging from Spock's side of the consciousness, however, indicated that Kirk's answer was in error.

'We Vulcans value the sanctity of sexual proximity in higher esteemed than Humans do. To us, it is a matter of compatibility in mind as well as in body. Do not compare me to your own promiscuous ways of perceiving such matters,' there was a hint of condescending in Spock's tone, making his words sound like a personal attack on Kirk.

And the Captain took it as such too. It was Kirk's turn to anger. 'What do you expect me to do huh? Die with you and your Vulcan pride? Who the hell do you think you are to pass judgement upon Humans- upon me- anyway?'

Perhaps it was foolishness to give himself to overwhelming anger so swiftly. Although, in retrospect, the blood fever was affecting Kirk now as much as it is coursing through Spock and various emotions flowed between them, charged and piercing. And neither was willing to back down.

'Don't forget that your Mother was Human too, you're part Human whether you like it or not! And don't think I could forget the way you and Uhura were kissing in front of me to my face on the transporter. Where's your damn Vulcan pride then, huh? Destroyed the way Vulcan was didn't it?' there was an inexplicable bittersweet victory in that statement.

Kirk knew that it was a cruel reminder to Spock of his late Mother who perished on Vulcan. He also didn't know where the dig about Spock and Uhura had come from; but he could not stop himself. The effect of the blood fever rapidly engulfing him.

He expected Spock to lash at him now in anger and he was neither caring nor scared of it. Kirk did not expect for him to do otherwise. For Spock suddenly was withdrawing from him. As sudden as the anger had manifested, it was tucked away again almost instantly.

Kirk felt bewildered and bedeviled like he had never felt before. For a species that pride themselves in logic, Kirk found the Vulcan Ponn Farr to be a far more emotionally taxing experience than any Human emotions that he had to deal with on a daily basis.

'You are right,' Spock's voice was soft and the bite in them was gone. He seemed to have gotten a reign upon himself again. And Kirk is now detecting, sadness, embarrassment and regret from Spock. Almost immediately Kirk wished he could take his words back.

'Spock…'

'Jim, you do not have to apologise,' the Vulcan continued, perceiving the Human's intention correctly.

'But, I am sorry Spock. I didn't mean to, you know, bring it all up again. I don't know why, I said what I said.'

Spock gave a small sigh. 'It is the Plak Tow, Jim. It is overtaking us and our ability for rational thoughts. Faster than I anticipated it to be.'

'Is there no way that we can stop this, Spock?' Kirk asked although he had already known the answer.

'Negative. Once ignited, it is not reversible.'

Kirk prompted them to take a seat. They have been standing for as long as McCoy had visited earlier and that was a while ago. Now, they are back at square one again. All those yelling and arguing did not bring them any closer to a solution and Spock had not revealed any pertinent information apart from the fact that apparently Ponn Farr is a much more complex thing than just sex per se.

'Is this condition something that only your home planet can do for you?' Kirk wondered.

Spock's answer was swift. 'Yes. Traditionally, Vulcan males would make their way to our home planet to be united with our mates. Even now, the same tradition applies in New Vulcan.'

Oh yes, the new planet that had been chosen as Vulcan colony after the destruction of the Mother planet. Kirk knew that Spock Prime was still there. An idea sprang into his mind. Perhaps he could help them! After all; the elder Vulcan would be much wiser regarding this considering where he was from and what he had gone through. He, himself, had developed an affection toward the other Vulcan. He told his Spock so. Heh, his Spock, huh. Where did that come from?

Nevertheless, the young Vulcan did not share Kirk's enthusiasm. 'Perhaps,' was the only thing Spock said.

Kirk did not understand his First Officer's aversion to their contacting the Prime counterpart of himself.

'Come on Spock, he could be able to help us.'

Spock's doubt was apparent and he voiced it. 'I do not think that there is anything that he could do to aid us. Our situation is an anomaly. Furthermore, there will not be anyone waiting for me there,' Spock finished, rather quietly.

For Kirk, the statement 'there will not be anyone waiting for me there' was a little bit of an enigma. So who exactly was Spock expecting to be waiting for him in Vulcan? Surely, Spock was not speaking of a girlfriend of some sort?

Because for all that Kirk knew, Spock was only ever romantically involved with Uhura, although the relationship seemed to have ended and the Vulcan had had no other opportunities to date ever since their five-year mission had started. Otherwise Kirk was sure that he would know of it.

He had been paying close attention upon that aspect, although he'd deny it outright should anyone so much as pointed out his fixation on Spock as Bones had done not so discreetly a couple of times before. The only thing that Kirk knew-courtesy of Bones- was the fact that Nurse Chapel seemed to be carrying a one-sided crush on the Vulcan.

Kirk felt a sense of satisfaction by that one point; the fact that Spock was oblivious to the Nurse's infatuation. Exactly why that was he could not say, or rather, unwilling to acknowledge.

If Captain Kirk possessed of only one weakness, then it would be his expendable ego. Nevertheless, at the moment his mind had latched on a pertinent information and he would not rest until he learned more about it.

So who was Spock referring to?

'Captain…Jim. I recalled that you have stated earlier, that nothing that I could reveal would make you pass judgement upon me.'

Kirk started. That was the oddest statement from Spock that he had heard all day and Kirk was already swimming in oddness to begin with.

'I did say that,' he confirmed cautiously. 'Why?'

Kirk received a distinct impression that Spock was collecting himself for this 'big reveal' whatever it was. Again, Kirk found himself playing pacifist, he was relaying to Spock as much support and encouragement that was his to give. The prior argument that had transpired between them just a short moment ago was duly pushed aside.

When Spock continued, he sounded hollow, as though a big weight was pressing upon him. Even Kirk could feel the heaviness and instinctively, he braced himself for the revelation. 'Go on Spock,' he coaxed, as gently as he could.

For a moment Spock hesitated. But he persists: 'Jim, what I am about to tell you as you could already guessed, is something that I am not proud of. It is a deviation to not only Vulcan principles but to those of Human as well.'

Kirk waited, admittedly not so patiently.

Spock continued: 'On Vulcan, it is customary for children around the ages of seven to nine years old to be betrothed as arranged by the elders to be wed as the Vulcan male reached their Ponn Farr. The choice of a suitable partner was based on mental compatibility rather than physical attributes.'

Paused.

And Kirk found his mind quickened in surprised as he picked up on the clues and deduced the possible conclusion that Spock was drawing at.

Obviously, the Vulcan picked up on Kirk's thought pattern equally quickly too.

'You do understand what I am about to tell you, don't you, Jim?' Spock said in that soft voice again. There was regret in his tone, mingled with embarrassment and guilt.

And Kirk knew.

'You were already betrothed to someone else when you and Uhura started seeing each other,' Kirk answered equally softly.

A fact, not a question.

Spock nodded. 'Yes. Her name was T'pring. She was chosen for me by T'pau, my Grandmother, and approved by Sarek, my Father. My Mother on the other hand, was not so accepting. As a Human – even if she was Vulcan trained - she wished me free to have a mate of my own choosing. And as it was, as we grew older, T'pring and I were estranged, in mind and in body.'

Kirk noted the usage of past tense in regards to T'pring and understood that she had been one of the casualties on Vulcan that fateful day.

'As for Lt. Uhura and myself, we met at the Academy when she was a student in the linguistic class I was tutoring. She is an intelligent young woman, and we found a connection between ourselves and it evolved-into a romantic relationship as you are aware of.'

The pause was longer this time.

'I, I do understand if you don't want to continue Spock,' Kirk said quietly. Somehow, he found himself unwilling to listen, lest jealousy overcame him. Although he was mortally curious to know more. Such contradictory; even he did not know why.

Spock sighed. 'You do not approve, Captain.'

If he could Kirk would have shook his head vigorously. But since that was not an option, he settled on a slight shake.

'It's not that Spock. Who am I, to judge you on such things anyway-I'm known from here to Rygel VI as the 'Galactic Casanova',' he said to lighten the tense mood.

He could sense Spock lightening up slightly. 'I concur, Captain.'

'Hey, it's about you now alright, not me. So, just share it with me if it would help you. Also, come on, I don't condone cheating and all that but y'know-it happens. I'm sure you did not intend to hurt anyone,' though he didn't voice his own personal purgatory.

Immediately, Spock's light mood dissipated to be replaced by an even heavier gloom. 'Perhaps it is such to Human. Not so for Vulcan. For a part of the bonding ceremony between us constitutes the joining of the minds. Therefore, we can perceive each other's thoughts even over a great distance,' Spock's guilt seemed to multiply now.

Alright. Now that kinda make sense of why Spock was feeling this terrible guilt.

Kirk was at a lost to find words of comfort. He felt that he was on a speed learning course on Vulcan customs and found that he did not like it.

He was surprised to find himself commenting. 'She knew then.'

'Yes. And she understandably did not approve.'

There was something else nagging at Kirk presently as this saga unfolds itself, and even though as Spock had continuously pointed out that it was none of his goddamn business, but it is now and he needed to know.

'So did Uhura know? About T'pring, I mean.'

Kirk could sense Spock's surprise at the question.

But he answered readily. 'No, Uhura was unaware of her existence. Even now she does not know. She was never to blame for my own weakness.'

He shouldn't have asked it, don't even want to know, but he did so anyway:

'Why did you and Uhura split up then?'

There he said it.

Spock was taken aback further by the sudden vehemence in Kirk's voice. 'Jim, why is it that you want to know about it so badly? Isn't it enough for you to know that we have separated?'

Perhaps it was indeed the Blood Fever as Spock had mentioned, tearing at Kirk's own personal restrained and letting emotions and feelings that had so far been held caged inside him bursting to break free. But he nearly screamed his frustration at Spock. Nearly.

It was ultimately lucky perhaps that as just as suddenly as the ugly head of jealousy had reared its fangs, Kirk found the feeling deflated almost immediately. It was, after all, never his place to question upon such a thing from Spock. There were limitations even to Starfleet Command prerogative.

Nevertheless, Spock did not dance around the issue. Having been forced to tell all, he felt that there were no more room for secrets within him anymore. Not to this Human at least.

'Jim, we separated because…'

'Stop, Spock.'

'Jim?'

'I said: Stop it. I don't want to know. You're right. It's none of my business.'

And Kirk did not know why he wanted to tear up at that statement. 'Dear God,' he thought. 'What the hell is the matter with me?'

Spock took noticed of the Captain's strange swirl of emotions and found them fascinating. Yet, it was not yet time for that part of the tale to come, therefore he continued:

'Jim, after the destruction of Vulcan and in the wake of all that was happening around us at the time, I find myself experiencing the most overwhelming emotions I had ever felt. Namely sorrow and guilt. For my Mother and also for T'pring. I have found that I have erred terribly and what made it worse is the fact that I could never seek for forgiveness. Neither from my Mother nor from T'pring. Not even from Uhura '

The Vulcan's voice was a mere whisper. Kirk could tell that Spock is fighting very hard to control himself. Spock was fighting to upkeep the veneer of the indomitable Vulcan decorum yet at the same time was able to feel as completely as any Human could. It was tragic thing to learn and for the first time, Kirk thought that he felt and understood the pain of Spock's existence.

Kirk felt his own troubled past paled in comparison to the warring duality of Spock's nature. Pity, tinged with a mixture of various other nameless feelings flooded Kirk's senses and for the moment he forgot his own pain.

Because Spock had never found a sense of belonging, being neither Vulcan nor Human.

Always and ever at odds with the two sides of his combined ancestry.

'At home nowhere but Starfleet.'

A soft female voice and a vision of a smiling older woman who Kirk did not recognize filtered through his memory. Fleeting but tangible. Familiar yet foreign. He shook his head.

Spock's presence surrounding him stiffened considerably. Kirk wondered what it meant.

'Jim. Whence do you come by the memory?' the Vulcan's voice fought to control its normal calm.

James Kirk's own mind wondered about the same thing. Spock's voice broke past his confusion:

'The woman in your thoughts was my Mother.'

To be continued…

I've inserted a couple of TOS references around here. So bonus points for those who can point them out!

Also, yep that's right; Ponn Farr isn't just an excuse to have mad sex. It's an excuse to have mad sex with someone you TRULY love i.e. your soulmate! I didn't invent this fact, it was on Memory Alpha and my boy pointed it out to me when we were watching Amok Time (an excellent excuse to watch Prime Jim and a horny Spock Prime have a go at each other). Gotta love TOS and its (overtly) gay subtext (Yay!)

Please let me know what you think!

REVIEW/CC/COMMENTS LOVED AND CHERISHED: SO DO!

Love you all,

Albukirky