Disclaimer: Yeah, sure, like I even want to own a horny gestalt team...

Author's Note: I apologize ahead of time for the mental scarring this chapter may cause.

- Sideswipe and Prowl's Not-So-Excellent Battle -

"Proooowl, Skywarp's hitting on me again!" Sideswipe whined over the comm line.

"So shoot him." Prowl snipped in reply. "It stopped him last time."

"Yeah, until he decided that just meant I was playing hard to get and he tried to serenade me." Sideswipe muttered.

"Sideswipe. See Menasor, running around in circles and making lewd comments?" Prowl asked with irritation. "If you'll recall, I'm the one he's chasing and making those comments to."

"Well, yeah -" Sideswipe began, only to be interrupted by the tactician,

"SO WHY THE SLAG ARE YOU COMPLAINING ABOUT SKYWARP?!" she yelled.

"Good point." Sideswipe replied after a pause.

"If you two ladies're finished comparing suitors, could ya focus on th'fight please?" Ironhide commented irritably, reminding both Prowl and Sideswipe that they were on an open comm line.

"Slag you, Ironhide." the two of them responded at the same time, and there were sniggers from the other Autobots on the line.

"Settle down, everyone." Optimus said, and the line quieted after a series of apologetic murmurs. Full attention was turned back to the battle with the Decepticons, which was actually going quite well, despite the fact that both the Stunticons and Megatron had shown up after the Autobots had left the Ark. This was partially due to Menasor's...preoccupation...with Prowl, as not only was the femme thoroughly distracting the gestalt, but Megatron was only half paying attention to the battle, spending the other half screaming at Menasor to stop chasing the shiny femme and attack the Autobots. Another reason the battle was going so well was Skywarp's apparent attraction to Sideswipe, which he was quite vocal and demonstrative about. This also put Sunstreaker out of the fight, as the yellow warrior had worked himself into a blind rage in his attempts to tear Skywarp limb from limb for daring to touch his twin, but there wasn't really anyone for the twins to get into melee with, anyways, unless you counted Soundwave, and Ironhide had him under control.

The final reason the fight was going so well was the fact that Rumble and Frenzy had taken one look at Menasor chasing after Prowl and began laughing. They had yet to stop, and had only laughed harder when Skywarp had begun hitting on Sideswipe. They also appeared to be the only two Decepticons to know exactly who the two 'femmes' were, having grabbed Jazz as he ran by after Ravage and demanded identities for future mental traumatisation of Skywarp and the Stunticons.

All in all, the battle was more of a joke than anything else, and eventually even Megatron realized it. Unfortunately, Menasor was still not listening to anyone, which presented a bit of a problem in the 'retreat' department. Megatron seemed to realize it as soon as he gave the order, and for a full minute, he just hovered in the air, frowning at the Stunticon gestalt while Soundwave gathered up his cassettes (literally forcing Rumble and Frenzy into their alt modes to do so) and Thundercracker and Starscream pulled Skywarp, now reciting poetry (badly), away from a seething Sunstreaker and a mortified Sideswipe. Finally, the Decepticon leader apparently came to a conclusion, and flew down to join Optimus, who was watching his second-in-command lead the gestalt in circles with amusement.

"Prime. We appear to have a bit of a problem." he said.

"Apparently." Optimus replied, and the Autobot leader would never confess to how hard it was at that moment to stop himself from making a comment about horny mechs and just what Megatron could do to help prevent future occurrences.

"I don't suppose you have an idea for a solution?" Megatron inquired. Optimus thought for a moment.

"I believe I do." the Autobot commander said, then turned and looked back at his troops. "Sideswipe, Sunstreaker, could you please give Prowl some back-up?"

"What? Are you slagging kidding me?!" Sideswipe demanded. "I'm not going over there, not with a horny gestalt running around!"

"In case you'd forgotten, Sideswipe, you and your brother's Lamborghini alt forms are some of the Autobot's fastest." Optimus said mildly. Sideswipe looked sheepish as she realized the Autobot commander meant for them to get Prowl away from Menasor. "Now, will you give Prowl some back-up before she runs out of energy?"

"Of course, sir." Sideswipe said meekly, while Sunstreaker just grunted, eyeing the gestalt warily. Still, the two transformed and sped off. It was only once they were out of hearing range that Megatron turned to Optimus with an amused expression on his face.

"You do realize, of course, that Menasor is equipped with anti-grav thrusters." the Decepticon leader drawled.

"Superion is approximately an hour away." Optimus said blandly. "Until then, having two targets should keep Menasor from wandering very far, and Sunstreaker can work out some of his rage in a useful endeavour." Megatron thought about that for a moment, and watched as the Autobot twins discovered that even Lamborghini's couldn't out-run something that could fly fast enough to keep up with military jets. Then the Decepticon leader looked up to where Skywarp was still struggling against his trine-mates, apparently incensed at how Menasor was now chasing after 'his' femme.

"Starscream." Megatron said, activating his comm line, and his air commander gave him an irritated look, clearly asking what the slag his leader wanted now. "Let him go." Starscream looked incredulous, but as if on cue, Sunstreaker let out a loud war cry and literally threw himself at Menasor, and Megatron's point was made. Starscream and Thundercracker let go of Skywarp, and the black and purple Seeker teleported directly over Menasor's head, already screaming at the gestalt and firing. The two Cybertronian leaders just stood and watched, their confused/amused troops waiting behind them, until Superion finally showed up.

After that, the fight was short, as the second gestalt could keep Menasor's attention long enough for the two femmes to get out of sight. Once they were gone, and Skywarp had been hauled back into formation by his wing mates, some spark of Menasor's intelligence apparently returned, and Megatron was able to order a retreat and have the order followed. He and the other Decepticons left without saying another word (though not for lack of trying on Rumble and Frenzy's parts), while Optimus suddenly found himself facing two very pissed-off femmes demanding to know why he had just let them run around in circles until Superion showed up, instead of helping.

- END -