Oh hey, sudden darkness. Yeah I don't like Jesse in case you didn't notice. But that was pretty dick-like of him. I'll try to redeem him but I dunnoooo. I'm still deciding whether or not I want him and Beca to hang out at all. He bugs me. Oh how evil I am ;)

I woke up with red puffy eyes, a damp pillow, and a throbbing headache even though I had barely touched any alcohol the night before. It only took a few seconds for what happened to hit me like a ton of bricks all over again and I exhaled shakily, balling up a large portion of blankets into my quaking fists. The thing I definitely wanted most at that moment was for Chloe to randomly burst through my door to help, but instead Kimmy-Jin walked in. She must have been out all night but she looked just as stoic as usual. When she saw the makeup running down my face and how distraught I was she had the courtesy not to shoot me daggers and instead walked silently towards her bed, not speaking a word. My phone vibrated in my pocket.

Wake up already sleepy head! Jeez I got wasted last night and I'm up before you ;) xo

Not even Chloe's adorable morning text messages could cheer me up. I couldn't believe Jesse had done that. I mean I know I hadn't been good to him but that was way too far. I didn't even care if he was drunk. That was over the line and honestly I wasn't sure if I could forgive him. I felt so violated and he had barely touched me. I fell into a sort of daze where time flew by really fast and the only thing that got me out of it was a follow up from my redhead.

Are you okay? Usually you text me back by now. Did I do something wrong when I was drunk? Please respond Bec you're making me worry :/

Not even that made me respond and I couldn't even imagine her worrying. My face didn't move from my pillow for what felt like years. Something was definitely wrong with me. I would much rather have dealt with a hangover than whatever sort of emotional downward spiral I was in at that moment. Kimmy-Jin must have found it too awkward for her to endure because eventually I heard her mutter something before leaving. I was neither sad or happy that she had gone. Having someone else in the room sort of reminded me that the world was still intact although to me it felt like it was falling apart. I know that sounds dramatic but there was definitely something wrong with me at that moment. My phone buzzed again and it took me a few minutes to muster the willpower to look.

I'm coming over

She really cared that much? I knew she had work today. I didn't want her to leave just for me. My body feeling like it suddenly weighed ten thousand pounds made lifting my hand to text back take much more effort than seemed reasonable, but I somehow managed to get out; Don't. Apparently it was too late because by that time she had burst through my door. Our eyes met and she rushed to the bed, looking like she had literally dropped everything to get to my dorm.

"Beca what happened?!" I was sitting up gradually but apparently that wasn't fast enough for her, because she grabbed me by the shoulders and propped me up against the wall. Although any movement on my own behalf made me feel extremely heavy she moved me around like a ragdoll. I didn't respond to her question verbally and just shook my head back and forth. Her concern was radiating off of her in tangible waves.

Her warm hand on my slightly damp cheek made me almost smile but I found myself unable to. She was kneeling on my bed in front of me, "Please talk to me..."

I opened my mouth to tell her what had happened when a sudden wave of tears hit me all over again. I hated crying. I hated it so much. It made me feel so weak and fragile and not Beca-like. And even though I loved Chloe I desperately didn't want to start bawling in front of her. Instead I just started blinking rapidly and I looked away. I heard her make an adorable little whimpering sound from her worry.

"Beca I don't know if this is from something I might have done but I'm so sorry if that's why you're upset," She gently grasped my chin and turned my head to face her. I wasn't emotionally strong enough to move away from her. I stared at her eyes for a few seconds, mesmerized by how amazingly blue they were before I gave into the need for comfort and leaned in closer, kissing her. Since I couldn't really talk I had to show her some other way that my being distraught wasn't at all related to her. When she kissed me back she wasn't as aggressive as usual. Just tender and compassionate. It was making me want to cry even more. Because I remembered Jesse trying to kiss me the night before.

Finally I pulled away from her, the moment our lips detached I breathed out his name, "Jesse," Before placing a hand over my mouth in an attempt to muffle my tears. It didn't work that well. Chloe wiped them from my cheeks with her thumbs, something that would have made me smile but didn't at that particular moment.

"What did he do to you...?" She asked. I detected the hint of rage behind her words. I could perfectly imagine her clawing his eyes out of his head.

"He..." I felt my eyes moving idly to my jacket. The buttons that he tried to undo I hadn't bothered trying to fix and you could clearly tell they had been messed with by a dude. Eventually Chloe looked down too. I heard her gasp and I immediately added on to what I had said, "...he was drunk."

As soon as the words left my mouth she was on her feet headed towards the door. I had never seen her that mad before, not even when she was wrestling Aubrey when she was trying to get the pitch pipe. I shot to my feet, suddenly awake and alert, grabbing her wrist. Even though Jesse did deserve to get bitched out I hesitated letting her do it. She stopped, surprisingly enough, but she didn't look at me.

"Give me one good reason why I shouldn't go to his dorm and rip his fucking balls off right now." Wow. She really was pissed.

"Because I'm sure if he remembers what he did he feels just as shitty as I do," Where did that come from? Those words hadn't even crossed my mind and I had been thinking a lot. Now that I read into that a little more, he might be way too hungover. He hadn't texted me or anything. So if he did remember maybe he was just deciding to continue being a dick. I had hit him in the face pretty hard the night before and for all I knew he might have passed out right there. I didn't know and frankly I didn't care.

"And what if he doesn't remember?" Chloe asked, turning around to face me. I knew that she wasn't mad at me but just by the way that death glare looked I got a little nervous. She was really gonna fuck him up if I let her out of this room, "Are you just gonna pretend like it never happened and let him be mad at you for the rest of your life?" Then she must have noticed the daggers he shot at me all throughout last night. Huh. She hadn't said anything about it then.

"No..." I really didn't know what to say to that. The level of awkwardness would be ridiculous if he didn't remember and I would feel constant tension. For all I knew he could have traumatized me or something. I might be terrified if a guy ever even touches me, and if it affects anything between Chloe and I he's really gonna get it, "...I'll... say something to him?" That probably wouldn't happen.

"Oh Beca..." The redhead's sympathy suddenly came back, the anger at Jesse seeming to have dissipated randomly. She wrapped me tightly in her arms and muttered in a loving way, "You're a mess."

That was true. In fact I couldn't think of a better way to describe myself at that moment. I was utterly lost, unsure of what to do, what to say, how to react. He was drunk. He wasn't sure what he was doing. But that didn't mean it was right at all. Because it wasn't. The only thing I was certain of was that Chloe was going to help me. I hugged her back, trying to show her through the gesture how much she meant to me but finding that impossible. I didn't think I could ever put it into words.

Wait. Yes I could.

"I love you."

The three words left my mouth much easier than I thought they would. They felt almost insignificant and insufficient to describe the feelings I really had for this girl. She was everything to me. I valued her more than I had ever valued anything before in my life. They didn't sound small either. I had managed to steady my voice enough so that they really made an impact. And I thought I had said it right. I had finally said it. I was waiting for her to say it back-

-when she released me suddenly from her grasp and backed away. Tears were streaming down her cheeks and she looked flabbergasted, like she had just been told a family member had died. Were they from happiness? No. She looked way to upset for her to be happy.

"Chloe I-"

"-I have to go." The next thing I knew she had thrown my door open and took off. I ran into the hall as well but she had gone so fast I literally couldn't see which way she went. I walked back into my dorm, not even bothering to close the door, and collapsed onto my bed. For some reason I wasn't crying because my mind just couldn't register what had happened.

Don't hate me this will be explained, mmkay? Sorry it's short but people were gettin' all antsy.