Chapter 3
Ranma sat and patiently waited for a response. After six years, he figured he could give her a few more minutes to gather her thoughts. After all, he had nothing planned for the rest of the afternoon and he was determined to get some answers.
Akane took a deep breath. "I knew this question was coming but I still don't know how to respond." Ranma remained quiet and continued to stare at her, which unnerved her slightly. "There were a few reasons, I just don't know where to start. Can we not talk about this here though? My apartment is a few blocks away, can we talk there?"
They quickly finished their food and left for her apartment. As they entered, Akane said, "Sorry for the mess, I'm still trying to get everything put away."
Ranma glanced around, it was a small apartment, like most in Tokyo. There were very few decorations on the wall but he guessed those items were what remained in the boxes. She had a mix of modern and traditional furniture that looked comfortable and lived in. It was obvious she still loved color, she had splashes of it everywhere. Ranma walked over to the book case and noticed there was one photo on the bookshelf. It pleased him to see that it was the Christmas gift that he gave her years ago; a framed photo of all their friends after the adventure on Toma's island.
"Have a seat. Do you want something to drink?"
"No, I'm fine."
Akane grabbed a bottle of water, sat down on the couch, pulling a pillow onto her lap and took a deep breath. "I'm so sorry for how I acted. I know you may never forgive me for it but there was a reason I left…I wasn't trying to be cruel to you. I was really confused when I woke up next to you, I must've laid there for half an hour just thinking before I went. Part of me felt ashamed. Not of what we did but because …
"Do you remember I told you that I thought you left to be with Shampoo? When I found out I was really hurt but after some time, I realized that you must be happy and that made it a little better. After all, that was part of the reason why I left in the first place.
"It took some time but I got over it. Or at least I thought I did. After a while I started dating. By the time we saw each other in New York, I had a boyfriend. We'd had been seeing each other exclusively for about six months. I… I was never…intimate with him. Hell, in all that time, we never went farther than making out a bit. But one day with you and…well…you know what happened."
Ranma had remained quiet and continued to do so while Akane talked. His hands had clenched automatically at the thought of her kissing someone else. Intellectually, he knew that she would have had other men in her life while they were a part. Emotionally, he had a hard time dealing with it and it was difficult hearing about her past romances, regardless of how vague she was trying to be. Ranma knew he had never been good dealing with his jealousy where Akane was concerned, rational or not.
"Even though, I thought you were with Shampoo, you never sent a message to your family saying that you had gotten married. And until that happened, part of me felt that we were still engaged. I felt guilty dating him because I felt like I was cheating on you. Then we made love and it was wonderful but when I woke up realized I cheated on him. I can't even begin to explain how terrible it was, feeling like I was cheating on both of you.
"I never thought I would be that type of girl. I may have been able to deal with it the next day if I wasn't also…" Akane took a deep breath and looked him in the eye, "Scared. We didn't talk much the day before, not about anything significant. We got some things cleared up but there were so many things that were left unsaid and I just didn't know what to think. I mean, after what we did, I knew you were attracted to me but I didn't know if you felt anything more. I was afraid that you'd wake up and act like nothing significant had happened, or you'd call me a tomboy, or just blow me off completely.
"Worse, I thought that after what happened, you would feel obligated to marry me even if you didn't love me. I never wanted to be like the other girls, trying to trick or trap you into marriage."
Ranma could no longer sit still, so he got up and started pacing. It was obvious he was agitated and trying to control his emotions. "Only you can make me feel THIS crazy. Do you know what you put me through that morning? We could have settled this then if only you stayed and talked to me!"
"I know! What I did was stupid but think about what it was like when we were younger. Every time we made a little progress in our relationship, you would deny it or act like it never happened. I never felt like I was important to you."
Ranma was flabbergasted and looked at her as if she were crazy, "Are you kidding me? I killed someone to protect you."
"And I died for you." Akane sighed and rubbed the bridge of her nose, "With everything that happened at Jusendo, I thought there would be a turning point in our relationship. I had hoped that things would be different, but they weren't. You reacted the way you always did when we would get a little closer, you denied that anything happened. And I don't say that to put the blame solely on you. I was just responsible. I was never brave enough to come out and tell you how I felt. I…I was always afraid you would reject me."
Shaking his head, he said sadly, "You never did trust me."
"I did trust you. I trusted that you would always come to rescue me if I got in trouble. I trusted that you would have my back in a fight. I trusted you to be my friend. But I couldn't trust you with my heart. Think about it. We had been engaged for five years and the only time we held hands was after we left Ryungenzawa. We had never had a proper date. The only time we came close to a date was when Nabiki tricked us into it and you originally thought the date was with her. We kissed once and that was when you were in the Nekoken and you couldn't even remember it."
Ranma was still frustrated but some of his frustration was turned inward. After that fateful night in New York, he had spent a lot of time thinking about their relationship and everything that lead up to her leaving him the way she did. He had already figured out some of what Akane had told him but it was difficult to listen to how she viewed their past. Worse was the pain he could hear in her voice. After all these years and all the time they spent apart, he still couldn't stand to see her hurt, either physically or emotionally.
Ranma rubbed his face with his hands, "I know I wasn't the easiest person to deal with. But you hafta know…" Ranma was interrupted by a knock on the door. Akane eyed it warily, wondering if she could ignore whoever was there. Ranma just raised his right hand and gestured for her to open it.
"Just hold that thought." Akane moved to open the door and was puzzled at who she saw standing there. "Edward? What are you doing here?"
"Akane. Good you're home." Ranma was standing off to one side of the living room, the door blocking his view. Suddenly he saw a tall, sandy blond haired man push past Akane and walk into the apartment. He turned towards her, completely missing the fact that Ranma was there. "I figured it out" he continued, "I know what I did wrong. I wasn't ready to fully commit to you and that pushed you away. I didn't realize until after you left that I couldn't live without you."
Ranma watched as Edward pulled a small box out of his pocket and dropped to one knee.
Angry at the audacity of this stranger, Ranma muttered to himself, "This can't be happening. This has got to be some sick joke."
"Akane, will you marry me?"
Akane was frozen in shock. She fleeting thought, 'The only way for this to get any worse is if Kuno showed up with a dozen red roses, spouting bad poetry'. She scanned the hall before quickly closing the door, not wanting to push her luck. The sound of a throat clearing in the room alerted Edward to Ranma's presence and he got slowly to his feet.
Akane's brain kicked into gear, "Ranma Saotome, this is Edward Adams. Edward Adams, Ranma Saotome." At the mention of Ranma's name, Edward's eyes seemed to widen. She watched as the men began to glaring at one another.
Edward finally broke the silence saying, "Ranma, it's nice to meet you," and sticking out his hand.
"Same," was Ranma's response only response before shaking Edward's hand. Their handshake lasted longer than would be considered polite and looked painful. As they let go, Ranma simply crossed his arms over his chest and continued to stare at Edward.
In response, Edward gave him a tight smile. Now, Edward was no martial artist but if he were, Akane imagined that his battle aura would be showing. "I'm sorry to interrupt you two but it would seem that Akane and I have a bit to discuss. Would you mind terribly if we had some time alone?"
Ranma was about to respond that yes, he did in fact mind, but was stopped when Akane said, "Actually, that's probably a good idea. Ranma, would you mind if we continue this later?"
Ranma glared at her and clenched his jaw. He was so close to telling her how he felt and definitely wanted to find out what her answer was to the proposal. But he knew that whatever claim he had on Akane was lost long ago. Giving her a curt nod, he walked out.
The next night, Akane found herself at her ancestral home. She was sitting in the middle of the dojo, her arms wrapped around her legs as she stared at the shrine. She had been coming to the dojo and sitting in almost the same exact spot since she was a child. She hadn't realized how much she missed the dojo and the sense of peace it could bring her.
Her father had called and asked her to come attend a family dinner since almost all of the "kids" were in town. She had already said greeted her father, Genma and Nodoka. There was still some stiffness in Genma's greeting but she was happy to see that Nodoka had greeted her warmly. In the time Nodoka lived with them, Akane had begun to think of her as a surrogate mother. Sure, Nodoka had some odd ideas about male/female roles, but she was always there for Akane when she needed it. Shortly after the failed wedding attempt, they had begun having lunch once a week followed by a shopping trip to the local mall. They spent most of their time window shopping and chatting. It turned into a ritual of sorts (which drove the other girls crazy).
Akane was always grateful that Nodoka never gave up on trying to teach her how to cook, sew, or trying anything that was remotely domestic. And after the failed wedding attempt, Nodoka had stopped joining in on Genma and Soun's schemes and had tried to give Ranma and Akane space to work out their issues. Akane had missed her dearly over the years.
Nabiki was the only family member who wouldn't be able to attend dinner. She was currently out of the country on business. She owned several companies and liked to visit their international offices to make sure they were running smoothly. Truth be told, her employees were terrified of her and she felt her random visits kept them on their toes. She was rarely in Japan for long and when she was there, she stayed in her downtown apartment. After having been repeatedly hounded by her father about when she was going to settle down, Nabiki had finally told him she would never marry. She enjoyed her independence and her disposable income way too much to give it up for any man and never considered herself the motherly type.
Kasumi and Tofu were arriving shortly with their three boys; Toru age 6, Kinji age 4, and Tomeo age 1. If their parents were to be believed, each had very promising futures in martial arts. It wasn't really a surprise considering who their father was and their mother's lineage. Soun and Tofu were both taking a hand in training the boys and Soun was happy that he finally had heirs for his dojo. Even Genma had started to train Toru in the Saotome School of Anything Goes. Kasumi made sure that either she or Tofu attended every training session with Genma, to make sure he stuck to safe training methods. Neither wanted any of their sons being thrown into a pit of starving cats.
Akane couldn't wait to see her nephews and had reluctantly agreed to not buy them any new toys. Instead, she had planned on sneaking them some candies she brought over from America.
Akane was so lost in thought that she didn't sense Ranma watching her from the doorway. She only noticed his presence as he sat down next to her. They sat in silence for a while before Akane said, "Hi."
"Hey." More silence surrounded the duo until Ranma added, "So, I guess congratulations are in order." When Akane gave him a puzzled look, he continued, "You know, about your engagement to Edward."
"Oh, that."
He ground out, "Yes, that."
"We aren't engaged."
Now it was Ranma's turn to give her a puzzled look, "What? Why? I thought you asked me to leave last night so you could accept and…celebrate in private."
"No, I asked you to leave because the situation was already complicated and having you, of all people there, would have made it worse."
"Why did you turn him down? And what do you mean by me of all people?"
"I broke up with Edward long before I came back. I was honest with him about my past and our engagement. It was obvious he recognized your name when I introduced you two." Akane took a deep breath and continued, "When we started to date, I had warned Edward that it most likely wouldn't work out between the two of us, but he didn't believe me. Edward is a great guy; he's successful, comes from a good family, he's funny, handsome, polite and generous. So, I finally agreed to go out with him. At first it was nice, we got along and I thought things might be different. In the end though, it was the same. So I broke up with him."
"I'm confused; what do you mean the same? The same as what?"
"I told you that about my first boyfriend right? Well after New York, I went back to Boston and told him I couldn't see him anymore. When I explained why, he told me that he was upset but that he would try to forgive me and he didn't want us to break up. If possible, it made me feel worse than I already felt. I knew I didn't love him and couldn't stay with him, so I broke it off.
"After that, I spent a lot of time thinking and realized that I had been running away from my problems. I never dealt with how I felt; I just pushed my feelings aside. When I finally started dealing with things, I realized that I was pretty messed up emotionally. It took a lot of work but I eventually dealt with my insecurities and trust issues. Don't get me wrong, I'm sure I'll always have some issues, I am human after all.
"After I felt like I was in a better place emotionally, I had started to date again. Some of the guys were martial artist but mostly they were nice, normal guys. All of them were really sweet actually. But none of my relationships lasted very long. I couldn't give them what they needed. I never love any of them, or even came close to it. And trust me, I really tried.
"It wasn't their fault, there was always something in me that knew they weren't the one. I always felt bad about hurting their feelings but it was better than letting them think we had any sort of future together. After a while it became easier to not date at all. I hadn't really dated anyone in over a year when I met Edward, and well… I was lonely. I cared for him but never loved him. I broke up with him even before I decided I was moving back." Akane shrugged her shoulders and went back to staring at the shrine.
They sat together in silence for a short while before being interrupted by the sound of small feet pounding on dojo floor.
It would surprise those who knew them but the joint Saotome and Tendo families had learned over the years to not mention the arranged marriage to either Ranma or Akane. With both children out of the house, it became harder and harder for their parents to assert any type of pressure or influence on their children. When the parents did manage to bring up the engagement, both children had similar reactions; phone calls would be ended quickly and if they were visiting, they would simply leave the house all together.
It had been almost seven years since both children and their parents were all together and it proved challenging for the fathers to curb their instincts to meddle. There were several instances which pushed their fathers' self-control to the limit, like when Ranma would be polite and deferential to Akane or when Akane smiled and laughed at Ranma's jokes. Any outbursts were stopped by Nodoka or Kasumi, who would distract the fathers with Sake, food, or Kasumi's sons. At one point during dinner, Ranma had made a joke and in response, Akane laughed and touched Ranma's shoulder lightly. Seeing the excitement in Soun and Genma's eyes, Kasumi chose that moment to announce that she was once again pregnant and was hoping for a little girl.
Since both Ranma and Akane had been dreading dinner, it came as a surprise that they both had enjoyed themselves. After dinner, everyone went to the dojo and watched as the boys gave a small demonstration of their skills. Tofu and Kasumi's pride in their offspring was obvious as their boys performed their katas and then engaged in a sparring match. Eventually, the boys convinced Ranma to join them and everyone laughed as Toru and Kinji chased him around the dojo before dog-piling onto their uncle.
Tofu and Kasumi left shortly after to put their boys to bed while Ranma and Akane stayed a little longer to talk with their parents, who were happy to see them getting along and ecstatic when Ranma offered to take Akane home. When they reached her apartment, Akane thanked Ranma and was surprised when he asked her if he could come up.
During dinner, Ranma decided that it was time to put all his cards on the table and see where they landed. He was tired of living with regret and dealing with what-ifs. And after the fiasco yesterday, he would not be responsible for his actions if they were interrupted again. After all, a man could only take so much.
As soon as they got settled in Akane's apartment, he blurted out, "You know I never stopped thinking about you. Not when you left for school, not when I was in China, especially not after New York and not in all the years since."
Ranma took a deep breath and continued, "I've only had two regrets in my life. The first is how I treated you when we were younger. The second, is that I never told you how I felt about you when I had the chance. I knew I was always a jerk but I never knew how much that affected you until we talked in New York. I'm sorry. Sorry for everything."
Akane was touched by his honesty, Ranma had obviously matured over the years but she knew he still had a hard time expressing his emotions. She reached out and grabbed his hand, squeezing it slightly. "It's okay. I had forgiven you a long time ago for what happened when we were kids, we were both just so young when we met. Besides, you weren't the cause of all out problems. I know my temper, jealousy, and ability to misinterpret a situation made things worse."
Ranma looked into her eyes and said, "I need to know, is there any chance for us to have a future together?"
Akane was honestly shocked by his question. She wasn't dumb, she knew they still had chemistry. During dinner it was obvious that their name calling and arguments had evolved into teasing and flirtation. But she felt it was just that, flirting. She never thought that Ranma would ever have forgiven her for just walking out on him in New York.
Akane stayed silent for so long that it caused Ranma to come to his own conclusion.
"I guess that means no."
"No. I mean yes. I mean…" Akane took a deep breath, "Why? How can you forgive me for everything that happened?"
It took a moment Ranma to realize that he had never come out and told her how he felt. In his mind, his feelings for her were obvious but he never truly expressed his them to her.
"When we were younger, I never thought about things. I was just focused on martial arts and the next challenge. I never really gave much thought to the whole fiancée mess because things seemed to just work themselves out.
"I didn't really start thinking about things, until you left. When you told us you were going, I was so angry with you that I didn't try to stop you. Then you started distancing yourself from me and I couldn't or wouldn't be the first one to try to mend things. I think part of me thought of it as a challenge and I figured if I was the first one to break, I would lose.
"After you left, I started to change. I started to get angry at everyone. Mainly because I was angry at myself and had no other outlet. I was just so damn pissed that I didn't even bother to take you to the airport and that I never once said anything to you about how I felt. I spent a few months snapping at everyone and getting into fights." He rolled his eyes, "I know, I was always getting into fights, but I had stopped trying to avoid them and I stopped holding back. I realized I was going too far when I almost put Ryoga in the hospital. Can you imagine how hard I had to hit Ryoga to send him, of all people to the hospital?
"After that fight, I started to avoid everyone. I would take off on my own for training trips without telling anyone. Mom and Kasumi started to get really concerned. Pop and your dad were still trying to get me to follow you but I would just ignore them. I'd spend most of that time thinking about everything that happened and finally realized how badly I treated you. I mean, l'm not taking all the blame for everything but I started to understand how what I said and how I acted could have been interpreted.
"It wasn't long before Shampoo and Cologne asked me to go with them. I spent the entire time in China either fighting or alone. It drove Shampoo crazy. She really thought that if I went back to the village, she could convince me that I had a place there. She had no idea how wrong she was. Being there gave me a chance to see how the males were treated. Even the male warriors like Mousse had very limited rights and were treated like second class citizens. I still have no clue why she thought I would want to be in a society like that.
"After I left the Amazons, I went to Jusenkyo for my cure." Ranma chuckled before adding, "after all the time and effort we spent in trying to find a cure, it was a pretty anti-climactic trip. I found the guide fairly easily. He walked me to the Spring of Drowned Man, I jumped and that was it. It felt like I had learned enough from the curse and the springs themselved decided I finally earned the cure.
"I left Jusenkyo and was heading home when I found a man traveling alone and being attacked, so I intervened. I found out that he was some rich business man from Australia who was out looking for adventure. He offered me a job acting as his body guard for the remainder of his trip. Since I had nothing else to do and wasn't looking forward to heading back, I agreed. Afterwards, he offered me a full time position as his body guard. I traveled with him to different countries, always trying to learn new techniques as I went. That's how I ended up in New York.
"Shortly after we saw each other, his mistress hit on me. I thought that he would be upset when he came in to see her coming on to me but he just shrugged and walked out. Afterwards, I found out that he didn't care who his mistress did as long as she was up to doing him later. That was when I quit.
"We were in LA at the time. I ended up finding some work as a stuntman and sometimes as an extra in martial arts movies. It was basically a big game for me and it got really boring after a while. I started to get antsy and wanted to travel again. One of the stars on the set of the last movie I worked on was leaving to shoot a new movie on location and offered me a job as a his body guard. Since then I've taken one job after another as a body guard. I've made a bit of a name for myself, so there really isn't a shortage of people who want to hire me on."
Akane sat quietly through his tale, she was fascinated by his story but amazed at how long he was talking. The Ranma she remembered was never quiet but he wasn't loquacious either.
"I spent the entire time before and after New York thinking about you and trying to forget you. I tried dating and had some relationships but I couldn't ever love them. Every time I even tried being intimate with someone, I could only think of you. It was so frustrating. Sure, there were some girls who didn't care but despite how it looked, I was never that type of guy.
"You know, in some ways we are so similar. After a while, it was easier for me to avoid relationships and women altogether. I got lonely like you did but growing up the way I did, I was just used to it.
"You have no idea how many times I thought of going to find you. Sometimes I'd be so angry and just wanted to see you so I could scream at you. Other times, I'd missed you so much that I just wanted to hold you, even if it was just for a moment. But I never did because I thought that you regretted what we did. That somehow you hated me for it."
Taking a deep breath, Ranma took both her hands in his and looked deeply into her eyes, before saying, "No one has come close to making me feel the way I feel when I'm around you. Do you know why I never settled down in one place?"
Akane just shook her head. She was finding it very difficult to breath, much less speak.
"It's because when I think of home, I don't think of a place. I think of you. I love you and always have."
Akane was overwhelmed and tried to blink back the tears forming in her eyes.
"So, do you think we can start over?"
Akane tilted her head to the side, gave him a dazzling smile and said, "Hi. My name's Akane. Want to be friends?"
Ranma gathered her into his arms and whispered into her ear, "No, but it's a good start."