AN: Usual disclaimer, the rights to Star Trek etc belong to someone else. Thank you to those who have already reviewed.

AN2: Readers wondering how they could just have sex in the middle of a bombing, the heat of the moment, the fear of death, newly found realisation that they were hot for one another and crazy mind manipulation, they need to do something to feel in control again. Don't forget for the past three days they had been at the mercy of other people messing with their thoughts and feelings. Something had to give.

Chapter 9

Six months later...

She adjusted her outfit and looked out the window. The climate on New Vulcan was more agreeable than she has remembered. As she stepped off the shuttle, she took in a deep breath to steady her nerves. Today would be the first time she would see Spock since...she struggled to finish the thought. Her therapist said it would take time to recover, she had to take it one day at a time. The Vulcan's had been unusually forthcoming about providing help to treat the 'mental violation' experienced by the crew. Like McCoy, she called it what it was, 'mind rape'. Semantics was not going to hide the brutal attack. Curious, she had asked why she had not been as traumatised as Kirk. The Vulcan doctors who examined her said her mental training and bond to Spock and protected her. For that she was both thankful and guilty.

As she walked into the terminal, she felt her heart racing. She needed to see him, so much needed to be explained and forgiven. If they could start again, things could be better and stronger. She missed their bond, and sometimes thought she could feel it tugging at her mind. In the distance she could see him, and as she got closer she started increasing her pace. He held out his arms, and pulled her in for an embrace. His human side had directed this action, and not even the stares from his contemporaries could stop the rush of affection he directed at her. They touched foreheads, and for a second stood still welcoming the comfort they gave one another. Spock broke the embrace first, he looked down at her. 'Are you well?' he asked cautiously, although physically the same and fully recovered she could see sadness in his eyes. 'Yes, I am fine. What about you?' He pondered the question, 'I am adequate'. He picked up her bags and led them to his home, it was tastefully decorated, and it reminded her of him. 'Would you like a drink?', he walked towards the replicator anticipating her order. She wasn't sure what to think, so far everything had been cordial, but there was something not quite right. It jarred her. No longer able to sense his thoughts she felt disconnected. 'No, no thank you', she stated as she walked towards him, his stoic gaze watched her. She raised her hand and placed it gently on his cheek. She remembered the last time they had been intimate. She looked for something in his face that would show her he still loved her as much as he did then. He raised his hand to cover hers, momentarily leaning into it before bringing her hand down away from his face.

'Nyota, I have missed you' he whispered. She felt a flutter in her chest as relief flooded through her body; maybe just maybe things would be ok. 'But things cannot be the same as before', he said a little louder, as if he had read her mind. She pulled back and hurt showed on her face. Spock continued. 'I did horrible things to you and Jim. I was not in control and hurt both of you immensely'. She was about to interrupt, but he ignored her 'I am sorry'. His sincerity was typically Vulcan. She shook her head, 'it wasn't your fault. Déjà manipulated you'. She had forgiven him during their time apart. He considered her observation. 'I know, but I felt pleasure hurting you, for feeling something for him...' His guilt flashed across his mind. 'Déjà and I...' He did not know how to continue. 'You slept with her?' an involuntary gasp slipped from her lips. He shook his head, what could he say? They did not engage in sexual intercourse, but... Déjà had awoken a base instinct in him, and through their meld they had shared pleasures. Instead he said 'I know about you and Jim'. The guilt she carried with her, bubbled to the surface. She began to cry, 'I'm so sorry, I never meant it to happen…' He wished he could comfort her, out of habit he prodded their bond, it was, as it had been for the past 6 months, gone. 'I did not tell you to distress you. We both engaged in activities that we would not have otherwise done. We both hurt one another'. Over the past 6 months, he has undergone intense meditation and rehabilitation. The final step to regaining balance within his mind was to confront unresolved issues. This is what led him to invite her to New Vulcan. The anger he held towards her and Kirk, as well as his own actions, weighed heavily on him. He sat them down on his sofa. She refused to look at him, so he lifted her face to look at his. 'When we were together you gave yourself to me, we bonded, but I always sensed you were not 100% committed to me'. She was about to deny this. 'When you decided that you were not ready to fully commit to being my kaifa*, I sensed something holding you back'. He took a deep breath and continued 'when I forced you and Kirk to meld with me, it showed me the depths of his feelings for you and that's when I knew he was the reason'. She rushed a rebuttal to his statement, 'But I love you Spock', she clasped his hand, but he withdrew it. 'Yes, but you have always been in love with him and still are.

Uhura angrily yelled, 'No! Meld with me. I'll show you it's not true'. She grabbed his hand to bring it to her face. The last 6 months had given him perspective. He did still love her, and knew deep down she probably did still love him. But he had come to realise she was not in love with him. Not anymore. Too much had happened on that fateful mission. He stopped thinking; she had been staring at him waiting for a response. 'No, Nyota. I will not meld with you. Don't let your fear about what happened anchor you to the past'. He got up and paced towards the window. Overlooking his garden, he remembered how his mother had been fond of gardening. He had taken up this activity in her honour. It was soothing and helped him forget. Lost in thought he did not notice her walk up behind him, she placed her hand gently on his shoulder. 'I don't want to lose you', sadness coloured her voice. Pulling her into an embrace, 'you will never lose me. I am and will always be your friend'.

* kaifa is Vulcan for 'wife'.

AN3: Sorry, shorter than my past chapters have been, but thought ending it as I did worked better than trying to think of something to give people to read.

AN4: OK, a correction, there will be two more chapters after this one. I think you can guess what's coming up next, and then we look into the future…If there are any suggestions about the future feel free to PM me or leave a review.