Bows and Bananas

by lizzie-rivers

A collection of Rin and Len one shots. They may be either twins or lovers. Chapter 15: Trapped - Where am I? Nowadays I lose track of the footsteps that trail behind me. There's no one to follow them any more. I can't tell if I care or not. All I care about right now is where in the world I am. I'm confused. Where am I? I'm trapped...

13. I Need You

Right, you guys. I have spent ages on this thing. Seriously, my fingers are exhausted and my head is aching. I've put my heart and soul into this one shot. It's 2am, I was determined to finish it. It's pretty long, but I really hope you'll like it!

Two things so say: One is that this is written in Rin's point of view and she's referring to Len as 'you'. So this isn't RinxReader. Just picture Rin with Len and her mentally referring to him as Len, ok? ^^' Two is that I usually rate things T in a panic and when I look closer, they could probably be rated a K. THIS IS DEFINITELY T for depressing themes, a bit of lime (NOT LEMON) and a bit of gore. This also contains twincest so I'm sorry if you're not a fan of that. Enjoy!

I do not own Vocaloid!

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I Need You

Hello, it's been awhile. Well, actually, no it hasn't. But it seems like it's been forever, when in fact, it's been merely a week.

Can you hear me ok? Do I sound muffled? Or can you not hear my voice at all? You could show me a sign of some sort so I know you can hear me. I'm waiting... No? No sign? Well, I'll just have to trust you can hear me.

I just really need to talk to you. I know it's hard for me to get across. It's very hard. In fact, almost impossible. But I believe I'll get through to you. I've been thinking a lot over the time we've been apart. I'm overflowing with my thoughts and I really need to let them out.

For starters, I was wondering if you remembered that party? You know, the party. The one where... where the drama first started. How stupid of me, of course you do! If you didn't remember that then... well... let's just say I'd be extremely worried.

We were only seven years old. Your hair was actually quite short back then. I remember, mother wouldn't let you grow it until you became a teenager. I also remember you getting jealous of my hair. You always pulled at it when you got mad at me. But then you'd feel bad and gently stroke your fingers through it. I loved your touch. It always made me feel safe. It made me feel happy.

Anyway, Gumi was turning eight. You still remember Gumi, right? We were really good friends with her. She was fun, kind and sweet. Although a little bonkers. But you need someone slightly mad around, don't you? Life is so much more interesting and not to mention entertaining with someone like Gumi about.

It was a sunny, Summer's day. The event was nothing more than a cute backyard tea party with a little bouncy castle. I remember Kaito bounced a little too hard, went flying through the air and landed in a heap in the neighbour's garden. He cried for nearly an hour on Gumi's mother's lap. I seriously doubt you've forgotten Kaito. Who could forget a lovable goofball like that?

All was fine and happy. You and I played tag with Gumi and the other's for hours on end. I've got this odd memory of Piko crashing right into Miki and they both had huge bruises on their foreheads. Ah, Piko and Miki. A mischievous duo nearly as close as you and I. You know, come to think of it, everyone was getting hurt at Gumi's party in one way or another but only in playful ways. You always get a bit bumped when you play, right?

Things were running smoothly until someone showed up late for the party. A girl with long, peachy-pink hair tied in ponytail and chocolate-brown eyes. She wore a little, red dress with a Hello Kitty picture on the bottom left and a little red bow in her hair to match. Yep, like you could forget her. It was Iroha Nekomura, Gumi's cousin.

Iroha was awfully shy and didn't talk much. She just answered questions with a 'Yes' or 'No' or 'Sometimes'. Her voice was soft and sweet. Many of the children at the party quickly took a liking in her and tried to get her to play. But, no. She was quite happy playing in the corner, by herself. Eventually, most of the kids gave up and went on to enjoying the party. You and I, however, took this as a chance to get to know her.

Once we approached, we realised what had Iroha so occupied. In her arms, she cradled a little, white stuffed kitten. She gazed at it lovingly, as if it was a real, living cat. She looked up at us when we sat down.

"Can I have a stroke?" You asked gently, reaching out your hand.

"Ngh!" came the noise from Iroha as she drew her kitten into her chest protectively. Her expression was fierce, surprising for the sweet girl she'd made out to be earlier on.

I got down on all fours and crawled over to her. I reached out as well and said, "We won't hurt him, we just want a stroke."

"It's a she," said Iroha, her nose up in the air. However, she slowly spread her arms and held out the toy cat. "But I guess it's ok if you stroke her a little."

"Yay!" You and I cheered and stroked the plush animal, while Iroha made little mewing noises and giggled.

We managed to ease Iroha out of the corner and got her to play with us and the rest of the children. She was such a lovely, little girl. She seemed really happy. I guess she was just shy meeting all the new people. Her laugh was contagious and the three of us couldn't stop giggling.

After awhile, we started to grow a little bored. The party still wouldn't be over for about half an hour, so we decided to find a game to occupy the three of us. Iroha suggested hide and seek but there weren't really enough places for us to hide ourselves. You then suggested and idea of taking turns to hide Iroha's kitten and the other having to find it. Iroha was, of course, reluctant at first but you managed to convince her. I swear its your smile. No one can resist giving in to your smile.

"I...I don't know," Iroha had said, clutching tightly onto her cat.

You gently put your hand on her shoulder and said, "It'll be alright. We won't hurt her!"

Iroha hesitated but then smiled and carefully held out her cat to you.

"Great!" You said. "Now, my sister and I will hide it!" You gently pushed Iroha away and she went and crouched down in her corner so she wouldn't see us hiding the cat. "Come on," you said and grabbed my hand. You pulled me around the front of the house.

"Why are we here?" I asked and tilted my head in confusion. "We'll get in trouble if Gumi's mum finds us."

"I know, I know," you said and stopped with a mischievous glint in your eyes. "But this is for the game!" You let go of my hand and walked over to the big tree that stood in front of Gumi's house. Before I could stop you, you were clambering up that tree. You sped up it, almost like a cat desperately trying to get away from a dog. Cat... cat... Realisation dawned upon me.

"Don't put Iroha's cat up there!" I cried up to you. "You'll upset her!"

You chucked and stopped on a branch. You carefully set the little, plush kitten down. "It'll be fine, re-" You stopped speaking as we both heard a small cracking noise. I held my breath, expecting the branch to break but thankfully, it held. A car quickly drove past causing a breeze of air to fly by us.

"You stupid head!" I scolded. "Look!" I pointed to the branch, then the road in front of Gumi's house which the branch hovered over. "If that snapped, that car could've hit you!"

By this time, you'd already scrambled your way down the tree. Dusting off your hands, you said, "But the car didn't hit me, did it? Now, we just have to go tell Iro-"

"Gumi said you guys came around here," said that sweet voice you and I had quickly grown to love. I looked around to find Iroha staring at us, her arms behind her back and she was swaying on the spot. "Why are you-" Her gaze focused on the tree. "My kitten!" she cried and ran over to the tree.

"Iroha, no!" I called out and tried to catch up to her. It was no use, by the time I'd reached the tree she was already half way up it. Her light frame allowed her to soar up the tree, even quicker than you did and in a few seconds she was already on the branch where you'd placed her kitten. She picked it up and hugged it close to her chest.

She then looked down to us and said, "I trusted you!" Tears appeared in her eyes. "You promised she wouldn't get hurt! You scared her!" She sniffed and brought her left hand to her face, whimpering quietly.

"Iroha, we're sorry," I apologized, even though it was you who should've been doing it. "We didn't mean it. Please come-"

Crack!

"Iroha!"

Before we could do anything, Iroha started to tumble to the ground. Why? Why did it have to happen? Why did a car have to come down the road that very moment?!

I held back a scream as the car shot into her, sending her flying through the air and landing with a sickening crunch on the other side of the street. I ran across the road and the driver of the car joined me, yelling for help. When I saw her properly, I had to look away. I'll never forget the sight of Iroha's mangled body, covered with blood and her joints bending in all the wrong directions.

I couldn't bring myself to walk back, only crouched down on the edge of the curb, choking back sobs and forcing myself not to be sick. When I looked up I could see multiple people, including Gumi's mother, rushing over to the scene. Many were screaming, others wailing. It wasn't long before I felt someone pick me up and carry me back over to Gumi's house.

I was taken into the living room. You were already in there, sat on the sofa. Although, you weren't...well...you. You were somewhere far away. Your eyes no longer held that happy boy you always were. You weren't frowning, you weren't smiling. Your lips were simply pressed in a thin line. Whoever was carrying me lowered me down on the sofa next to you. They walked out of the room and just left us in silence.

I tried so very hard to get your attention, but you just continued to stare into space. You weren't there. You might as well have died with Iroha.

And that, was the day, that I lost you for awhile.

The doctors said you'd come around after a few days. You'd start being the boy we all knew and loved. But you didn't. Even after Iroha's funeral, you still kept your words locked up inside you. Your gaze still wasn't yours either. You were trapped in some sort of deep depression none of us could get you out of.

The time when you were silent was so lonely for me. We shared a bed and when we used to sleep, we'd snuggle up next to each other and whisper stories to each other but in your depressed state, you simply lay on your side, completely ignoring the fact I was there. I tried hugging you many times, but you just lay as stiff as a board. You never returned them. I cried myself to sleep so many times and you didn't do anything about it.

You and I, we were a team. We were joined at the hip and there wasn't anything we wouldn't do together. But you could no longer come to school. You weren't able to due to your depression so I had to go alone. I still had friends there, Kaito, Piko, Miki and even Gumi. She was still shaken up from the accident. After all, Iroha was her beloved cousin but she still treated us the same way she used to. But, without you by my side for the whole day, things just weren't right.

I talked to you a lot. Mum, dad and the doctors said it was a good way for you to start responding again. I told you stories of things that'd happened in school, I told you jokes and even read books to you. You sat and listened, staring at me the whole time. But your eyes weren't really in focus and you never said a word.

I hated you for leaving me yet not leaving me. But then I also felt sorry for you and started to feel bad for hating. I still loved you more than anyone in the world. I was desperate for you to show your love for me back but you didn't. You were like an emotionless robot.

Finally, when we were twelve, over four years after the accident, you spoke.

It was a Saturday afternoon and I was cooped up in the corner of our room, propped up on a big, orange bean bag and fully engrossed in a book Gumi had leant me. Sunshine poured through the windows, resting on out bed in the center of the room. You were lying on the bed, hands behind your head and breathing deeply. I could tell you were lost in thought.

Suddenly, I heard a rustling noise as you sat up. I looked up at you. You were staring at me with those distant eyes.

"What?" I asked, although I knew I wouldn't get a reply.

You got up off the bed and slowly walked over to me. I lay my book down, wondering what you were up to. You crouched down in front of me. We looked into each other's eyes for a while without moving, without me speaking. Finally, you shifted and wrapped your arms around yourself. I looked at you quizzically. You started rubbing your arms with your hands.

"Are you cold?"

You did nothing.

"Do your arms hurt?"

You did nothing.

"Do you... Do you want a hug?"

You blinked.

I gasped quietly and my eyes widened. "You want a hug?"

You blinked twice.

I got onto my knees and carefully reached my arms out. You didn't come into them so I shifted closer to you and gently wrapped my arms around you. We stayed like that for a few minutes. You were still stiff and I was starting to lose hope but to my surprise, I felt movement and you slowly wrapped your shaky arms around me. I quickly drew back to veiw your face.

What met my eyes was no longer your dull, lifeless gaze, but your sparking, blue eyes that were full of nothing but love and life.

"Len?" I asked hopefully, my heartbeat increasing.

"Rin!"

I threw my arms back around you and tackled you to the ground so I was on top of you. You hugged me back tightly. I buried my face in your neck and gripped your body so tightly, I'm surprised it didn't crumble. I started to feel something wet and found we were both crying.

"Len!" I cried over and over. "Len! Len!"

"Rin, I'm sorry," you choked out. "Rin, it's all my fault."

"Shh," I hushed into his ear. "It's all in the past. It was an accident. Oh, you have no idea how wonderful it is to hear your voice!"

"No, Rin," you sniffed and pushed me back a little so you could look me in the eye. "I mean, yes, I'm guilty about what I did. If I'd never have gone too far then maybe Iroha would still be, you know..." You looked so heartbroken. "But I shouldn't have done that to you."

"Done what?"

"You know exactly what I mean! I locked myself away. I'm sorry!" he cried into my ear. "I heard you crying all those nights, yet I did nothing. I couldn't. I'm sorry!"

"I don't care," I said softly. "You're you again. You're back. I'm happy."

Mum and dad soon walked in on our tearful embrace and it wasn't long until they were sobbing as well. You were no longer trapped. You were no longer the emotionless robot. You were back. You were you again. That was all I ever wanted, for you to be you. I was over the moon. I was so happy I wanted to cry forever. I was so glad...so glad...

That night, we were huddled together once again. How I missed your warmth in the night. I felt complete again with you next to me. It wasn't long before you started going to school again. Everyone was so pleased to have you back. Kaito, Piko, Miki, and Gumi all welcomed you back with loving arms. There were times where you would break down and keep saying that Iroha's death was all your fault but I just held you close and told you it was all an accident and what was done, was done.

Life was good again.

Or so I thought.

It was honestly just a suspicion at first. Maybe even a mistaken sensation. The feeling of having you back after so long overwhelmed me and I had so many emotions bundled up inside me it was hard to make sense of what was what. But I knew the main emotion was love. Deep, deep love. At first, I only recognized it as sibling love. Everyone else would. But over time, I noticed changes.

When we turned fourteen, our parents thought it was time to give us separate rooms. We pleaded and begged and eventually, they allowed us to continue sharing the room but we'd have to have seperate beds. I was on the right side of the room, you were on the left. No matter how hard I tried, I just couldn't sleep without you. You ended up sneaking into my bed most nights and darting back into your own just before our parents woke up.

The feeling of not having you close to me was awful. Especially since you'd 'come back to life' because I was extremely clingy, scared you'd drift off into another depression. You didn't seem to mind but I couldn't help but feel bothersome. What fourteen year old clings onto their brother like that?

I grew even more suspicious as my reactions towards you started to change. We were hitting the dreaded thing known as 'puberty'. I began noticing more about you. Like how you were starting to grow taller than me, your face was losing it's round, childlike features and your voice, although not quite all the way yet, sounded more mature than before. Whenever you looked at me, brushed passed me, said my name or hugged me, I could feel myself growing warm and a tickly sensation resting in my stomach.

Then, something happened that let me confirm my suspicions.

When we turned sixteen, we had a new girl join our cass. Her name was IA. When we first saw her, you, I and the rest of our little group of friends found ourselves gasping. She looked so much like Iroha, just her hair was a lighter pink and her eyes were blue instead of brown. She was sweet and friendly, and had a very similar smile. I remember looking over at you to find you in a daze. Not a depressed daze, but an admiration daze.

We got talking to her. Apparently, she had no relation to Iroha whatsoever but the similarity was still astonishing. Miki took a srong liking to her and the two got talking like they were long lost best friends. Kaito and Piko seemed intrigued also, but you were the one who seemed most interested. You exchanged a few conversations with her, both of you smiling and laughing. I pretended I didn't see it and talked to Gumi.

At the end of the school day, I was by my shoe locker waiting for you to show up. I was growing impatiant. It wasn't like you to keep me waiting. Kaito walked passed and I called on him.

"Kaito? Have you seen Len?" I asked hopefully.

Kaito snickered. "Sure have. He's with that IA girl. They're in the music room." He walked off smirking before I could ask him anything else.

My chest started to feel heavy with worry and panic. I wondered what you could possibly be up to with IA. It must have been something important to keep me waiting so long.

I marched my way to the music room. Luckily, it was on the same floor I was on and it didn't take me too long to get there. I flew down the corridors and slid to a halt in front of the classroom door. I opened it slowly, peeking in.

I dropped my school bag on the floor and cupped my mouth with my hands. What met my eyes was the sight of you pinning a wide eyed IA to the wall. She didn't look at all comfortable, but you were closing in on her. The sound of my arrival startled you both and you both turned around. When I saw you, my eyes grew even wider. You weren't you. You were once again that emotionless robot that you took so many years to break away from. For a second, I was terrified you were going to stay that way but your eyes soon re-adjusted to your surroundings and a look of guilt flashed across your face.

I ran away. I couldn't bring myself to stay. The way you were pinning IA to the wall was causing something dark to stir inside me. Something dark indeed. The anger gnawing at my chest and the tears starting to spill from my eyes told me something. They told me I was jealous.

As I ran home, I thought to myself, 'Why might I be jealous? You can quite happily get a girlfriend if you wanted one. I'm surprised you haven't gotten one already. Kaito has, he's found that Miku girl. I'm sure you'd want one too. But why do I mind so much?'

I stormed through the door and sprinted up the stairs. Mum and dad were out working until later on that evening so I was home alone. Good job too. It would've been awkward to explain why I was crying. I went into our room but in my tearful state, I left the door open and just ran into the corner, throwing myself onto the orange bean bag.

I took in a deep breath and was met with the scent of a mixture of oranges and bananas. Because I used to be the only one to sit on it, it used to only smell of oranges but since the day you broke free, you'd sat on it a lot too and your scent had slowly settled in. I sniffed again and found that the scent comforted me. It was the sign of us two being together. You and I as a team.

When the tears stopped, I sat up and sighed. I puffed my cheeks out in thought. Why would I possibly be jealous? You were my brother. It wasn't like I would be interested in you in that way... or was I? I quickly thought about the strong emotions, the clinginess, the blushing, the jealousy. My mouth dropped open in shock.

I'd... I'd fallen in love with you.

I put my head in my hands and groaned loudly. Why? Why was it you? I knew why... It was your kind personality, your amazing smiles, your loving arms. I threw my head back on the bean bag and frowned. I was surprised I wasn't still crying. After all, I was a girl who has just realised she was in love with her twin brother. No, I just found myself simply angry at those feelings. I was worried too. What if someone found out? They'd be disgusted. Feelings like that are frowned upon.

But, I recalled Gumi always saying, 'Love is love, no matter what. Someone can marry their dog for all I care.' I think a human and a dog are pushing things a little but maybe...maybe we would be ok? It wasn't like I was going to put my feelings towards you into action. I'd keep them hidden. Yep, that was what I was going to do.

I heard the front door shut. Knowing you were home, I sat up straight, grabbed a nearby book and shoved my nose into it. My tears were long gone. I just hoped my eyes didn't look red. The sound of your footsteps approached the bedroom and not two seconds later, your handsome face was in view.

"Rin?" you asked breathlessly. I guessed you must have ran home.

I looked up from my book and said, "Yes?"

You started to approach me, your thumbs twiddling awkwardly. "I'm sorry."

"Sorry about what?" I asked and tilted my head to the side. I decided playing dumb was one of the best escapes.

You scowled and plonked himself down next to me, causing me to bounce up slightly since you now weighed slightly more than me. "You can't lie to me. I saw the look on your face."

"Alright," I sighed and pushed my book onto the floor. "I was just a little surprised was all. No biggie."

You scoffed and said disbelief, "No biggie? Seriously, Rin? What really made you run away?"

"Your eyes," I said sadly. At least that was half of the truth. "You were distant again. I was scared you'd stay like it." I balled my hand into a fist. "I can't let you go silent again! I won't!"

Before I could say anymore, you had grabbed my head and pulled me into your chest. My ear was pressed against your heart and I could feel it beating rapidly. "That's why I'm apologizing. " You wrapped your arms around me and squeezed. You were so warm.

"And IA?" I said without realising and bit my lip hard to punish myself. I should not have said that.

"You mean, what happened?" you asked.

"Mm," was the noise I made to tell you you was right.

"Well," you sighed, drawing out the word. "I'm not quite sure. I didn't mean to...um, corner her. I just, she looks so much like Iroha. I guess I just felt guilty."

"Len," I said said sadly and looked up at you. You were staring up to the ceiling. I reached up and put my hands around the back of your neck, causing you to look down at me. "Like...you wanted to make it up to her?"

You glanced to the side. "I honestly don't know," you said. "I knocked over a pile of music sheets and the sensei ordered me to stay behind and tidy up. IA offered to help. She started asking about Iroha and was she my girlfriend or something. I sort of lost it."

"What do you mean?" I asked, wanting to get more of an answer.

"I lost control," you said and shrugged. "My body was taking the lead. I didn't necessarily want to do that to IA, but I couldn't stop. I couldn't do anything. It was just like before. I was stuck."

"If you ever become like that again, I'd be devastated."

"I know, I would be too," you said and leant down to kiss the top of my head. My stomach did backflips. "I'm sorry."

"You can stop apologizing," I said, averting my gaze since I knew my face was probably crimson. But I had to ask something. I had to know. "Did you actually kiss her?"

"No."

"O-Oh..."

"Why?"

I was stupid. I shouldn't have done what I did next. I didn't mean to but I guess deep down somewhere inside me, I was desperate. I slowly reached up. Your eyes grew wider and wider as I got closer to you. I stopped a few millimeters in front of your face and dreamly shut my eyes.

"Because...of this..."

I went in all the way and planted my lips onto yours. I'd given my own brother my first kiss. You did nothing at first, only stood rigid. But after a moment or two, you started to press back. Our lips started moving together. They seemed to be a perfect fit. All I could taste, feel, smell...it was all you. I wouldn't have wanted anything more.

We'd started adding in our tongues to the mixture when you suddenly came to your senses and roughly pulled back. I let go of you and brought my hands to my chest. You stared at me. I couldn't read your eyes. They were clouded over with so many emotions, it was hard to tell what was what.

You looked up to the ceiling with your hands on your forehead and leant back. You then bent over and moved your hands down to cup your nose and your mouth. You groaned in what seemed to be anger and I backed away slightly, suddenly feeling a little scared.

"Rin!" you exclaimed, standing up straight again. "You...I... What was that?!"

"I...I'm not sure," I answered truthfully. I was in love with you, but I honestly didn't know where the kiss came from. You looked like you were about to explode on me so I quickly said, "Before you accuse me, you kissed me just as much as I kissed you!"

"Argh!" you yelled out and started stumbling around the room. "I did...I DID! Ugh!" You went down to sit on your bed and bent over so your head was on your lap.

I cautiously approached you. I couldn't think of anything to say. I sat down next to you. You seemed to be rocking back and fore. I tried rubbing your back but it only caused you to quickly sit up and look at me worriedly.

"Rin, don't you realise what we've done?!" you asked, your tone panicked and your eyebrows tilted. I didn't reply, only nodded while looking to the side. "Rin, I'm sorry. I should have pushed you off. I shouldn't have let you do that. But...but it felt so good..."

"Then, kiss me again."

"What?! You know I can't..."

"Please?"

"Rin, please I-"

I cut you off by literally throwing myself at you, catching you by surprise. You fell flat on your back, with me laying down ontop of you with my hands on your chest. You were about to say something when I reached down and pressed my lips against yours once again. You started to struggle and tried to speak but I wasn't allowing it and continued to move my lips against yours. It didn't take long before you stopped trying to fight me off and melted into the kiss.

Not ten minutes before I'd told myself I'd never put my feelings towards you in action, but I couldn't help it. My heart had seemed to take control over my body and my mind had shut down. I wanted to be in your arms. I wanted your lips to be pressed against mine. I just wanted you.

After many kisses, touching and gasping, we finally managed to stop. You held me close in your arms and I hugged you back tightly, burying my head in your warm neck. We lay in silence, apart from our deep breathes. Neither of us knew what to say. I was scared I'd say something wrong to you. You were scared you'd say something wrong to me.

I finally worked up the courage to speak and asked, "What now?"

You were silent for a while. I could tell you were thinking carefully about our situation. "Well," you finally said, "I know that after what's just happened, I don't think we can ever go back to just being twins." I sadly nodded against you. "Whatever happens, this has to be a secret between us and only us. We can't let anyone know."

"Right," I said, nodding again but started to feel guilty. You were being so brave for me. I couldn't help but start to regret my actions. I loved you so much yet was so selfish. "I'm sorry, Len. I couldn't help it! I-"

"Shh," you hushed and nuzzled my forehead with your nose. "I wouldn't be giving up what I'm about to give up if I didn't want this. Somehow we'll make this work, Rin. I promise."

We lay like that for a little longer, simply enjoying each other's presence when we heard the front door open and our mother call, "Kids! We're home!"

You sighed and slowly sat up. I was still clinging onto you so you ended up pulling me up with you. You looked at our entwined limbs and sighed, "We should go downstairs separately. We'll cause less suspicion."

I nodded and reluctantly began to untangle myself from you. I scrambled off the bed and straightened out my clothes. Our activities had made them rather wrinkled. You brought your knees up to your chest and stared off into space, obviously thinking again. I watched you as I walked over to the bedroom door. I stood in the doorway for a moment, taking in your state. You looked so worried and the guilt came upon me again.

Without thinking, I said, "Len, I love you." You looked up at me but I left before you had the chance to say anything back. I was scared.

I couldn't look out parents in the eye the whole evening. If they had any idea about what we'd been up to they'd be disgusted. Heck, I wouldn't be surprised if they disowned us. We were filthy, I more than you since I dragged you into everything. Maybe if I'd never even asked if you'd kissed IA, we'd still be just twins.

When I finally got to bed, I was tossing and turning. I couldn't sleep at all. When you came into the room, at first I seriously thought you'd go to your own bed but I soon found the covers being lifted slightly as you climbed in with me. Your arms instantly wrapped around my waist, pulling me closer to you. I could feel your breath on my neck.

"Rin?" you asked softly.

"Hm?" I sleepily responded.

You put your lips by my ear and whispered, "I love you too." You then proceeded to take my chin with your fingers, guided my face to meet yours and kissed me.

And so, our double life began.

In school we were just the Kagamine twins, known to be close but nothing more than a pair of mischievous, joyful siblings, as we also did in out anyone elses presence. But after school, when our parents weren't home, we were a forbidden couple.

We managed to keep it hidden. To this day, I'm surprised no one has found out. I think some of our friends, especially Kaito and Miki (being the more observant) had a few suspicions but at the end of the day I'm sure they waved it off, thinking we'd never do such a thing.

You kissed me and hugged me and caressed me and loved me. I wasn't ashamed to admit to you I loved all of it. I was your partner now and I was truly opening myself to you. If I was down, all I ever needed was a hug or peck or soothing words from you. My regrets to you were starting to disappear when I realised that your love was sincere and willing. You wanted me just as much as I wanted you.

Though there was the constant weight on my shoulders of lying to everyone. We were breaking the law! But it felt too good to stop and I knew both our hearts would shatter if we ever had to pretend being a couple never happened. Those hours after school were some of the happiest in my life.

Then, one Friday you stayed off school. You weren't ill, you'd just failed to get any sleep the night before due to the heat. Summer was fast approaching. But I, being the heavy sleeper I am, managed to sleep through it all. Mother and father gave in to letting you stay off school since the air conditioning was broken and they hadn't got it fixed yet so it was technically their fault. But when they saw I was wide awake they made me go. I was reluctant to leave you but a little bit of bribery (well...kissing...) got me going to school.

I came home to find a note on the fridge. I got myself some orange juice (my reason for approaching the fridge in the first place) and leaned on the kitchen worktop, sipping my juice and reading the note.

Dear Rin,

We got called on an unexpected business trip and had to leave by lunch. We'll be gone for the weekend and probably be back late Sunday evening. We're sorry we couldn't see you before we went. Len's been asleep the whole day. Make the poor boy a sandwich or something. Look after each other and stay safe!

Love, Mum and Dad xxx

I chuckled at the note and got out ingredients to make you a sandwich. You were always so boring when it came to sandwiches. While I'd be experimenting with marmite and jam, you'd be munching on plain cheese or something unimaginative like that. Well, it's only a sandwich, I know. But you could have at least been a little adventurous.

I carried the cheese sandwich I made for you up to our bedroom. I didn't bother to knock and went right in. What met my eyes was you, fast asleep on your bed. I closed the door gently behind me and trotted over to your side. You were mostly spread out, one hand on your stomach, the other to your side. You mouth hung open slightly and your hair was spread out across the pillow. I loved looking at you with your hair down. It was far more sexy than being tied up.

I placed the plate containing the sandwich on your bedside table and bent over you. I didn't want to wake you up, you looked so peaceful. Yet, you looked so adorable to me at the same time that I couldn't resist it and closed the gap between us. I'd only had my lips on your for a few seconds when your eyes opened, closed, and your lips started to move against mine.

You pulled me down onto the bed with you, now kissing me more roughly. Your tongue crashed into mine and we found ourselves battling each other to take the lead. I eventually gave in and let you explore me. You hands had wandered down to my waist and your were holding me tightly.

You suddenly broke the kiss and started planting kisses on my chin. I was breathing heavily as you kissed down my neck at a painfully slow pace. You nipped at me playfully, causing me to squeak in alarm. You chuckled, reached up to me ear and whispered huskily, "Don't worry. I won't hurt you." I shivered.

You started nipping at my ears, causing me to let out little moans. I clasped my hand over my mouth causing you to chuckle again. You pried my hand away from my mouth and nipped at my earlobe, earning little mewls from me. You then dug your head back into my neck and kissed me again. I found myself tugging at your shirt.

"Rin," you sighed when you realised what I was trying to do. "What about mum and dad? What if they walk in?"

I grinned and giggled, "They're away. There's a note downstairs. We've got the house to ourselves the whole weekend."

"Oh, do we know?" you said with a smirk. You flipped me over so you were now on top of me, instead of me lying on you. You leaned down and our lips met once again in a passionate kiss.

I still remember that night clearly. That night, I was happier than I'd ever been. I was able to give my all to the one I truly loved and that made me beyond happy. That night, as I lay on your bare chest and looked up at your tired, yet peaceful face, I found myself smiling with genuine happiness. You'd been just as willing as I was and the night was perfect. But I remember the smile was just as sad as it was happy. I knew we'd regret our actions later. Now we'd gone all the way for each other, we'd never be able to let each other go. I still haven't let you go.

"Hey, Rin?" you breathed out. I was a little surprised. I'd thought you'd fallen asleep.

"Yes?" I asked and looked at your face, meeting your gaze.

"Here," you said. I didn't know what you meant at first until I felt you put something around my neck. It was a little cold on my hot skin and tickled a little as you fiddled with it, tying it together behind my neck. When you finished, you happily said, "There."

In the darkness, it still glimmered. You'd given me a necklace. The chain was silver and it held an azure pendant with little yellow specks. I looked up and said, "Why have you given me this? It's beautiful..."

"Just like you," you said warmly. "You see the colours? It's me. Rin, I want you to always remember that wherever I am, whatever the circumstances may be, I'm always with you. I'm with you no matter what if you wear my necklace."

I sniffed and smiled. I was touched by your words and said, "Of course I'll wear it! I'll never take it off. I love you..."

"I love you too," you said with a small grin and reached down to kiss me.

How?

How can one person go from being so happy to being so sad? Sad isn't even worthy of describing my feelings the next day.

When we woke up, we were a little embarrassed over the previous night's events but we found ourselves continue to kiss each other lovingly and snuggled together. You then insisted we go out. I asked why and what you said touched my heart. You wanted to take me on a date. Of course, we'd show as little PDA as possible but I still found my heart beating rapidly at your suggestion.

We took showers, picked out some tidy clothes and were out of the house by midday. You were wearing blue jeans and a white t-shirt and I was in a blue frock. You showered before me and while I took mine, you were downstairs packing a picnic basket. We were carrying it together with your hand over mine. Passers by thought we were merely sharing the load but we carried it that way just as an excuse to hold hands.

We arrived at the park. We padded along the soft, green grass and made our way over to a large tree which cast lots of shade from the scorching sun. We made ourselves comfortable and opened the basket. You'd packed all sorts of little snacky things and treats but as soon as I noticed the oranges, I ignored all the foods and dove right for one. You shook your head laughing, only to reach in and grab a banana. We were just as bad as each other.

I looked around, taking in the surroundings. The local park was a pretty nice. It was full of trees and all you could really see was green. Although, it wasn't as peaceful as all parks. I didn't really mind the excited yells coming from children in the distance. It was the busy road right next to the park that bugged me. Cars, trucks and motorbikes zoomed up and down the road, making a racket. But I was still glad Len had taken me somewhere. And he's packed such a lovely picnic, even if the sandwiches were a little boring.

I heard a rustling come from the tree above. I looked up, and to my delight, I saw a little squirrel on the branch above. It was cleaning its paws and it's big, bushy tail was fidgeting about.

"Len, look!" I giggled and pointed to the little creature. There wasn't a reply. "Len?" I asked and looked to the side. You weren't there. I stood up in alarm and walked around the side of the tree, calling your name. I quickly spotted you. You were a few feet away and were talking to someone. I walked over to you slowly and the other person who came into view was none other than IA. Her face was all red and she seemed upset. It looked like she was begging you.

"Len! Please I just-"

"IA, no. I've said this before and I'm saying it again. I'm not interested in starting anything with your. You're a sweet girl, really, you are. But I'm not interested. I'm sorry."

"It's Rin, isn't it?" cried IA, making me jump a bit behind you. Neither you or IA had noticed me yet. "You like Rin!"

"Please," you said, holding out your hands in front of your chest. "She's my sister. Why'd I be interested in her?! She's scrawny, short, flat chested, bossy, too big for her boots and annoying. I'd be crazy to like her!"

I felt my heart catch in my throat. I whimpered quietly, brought my hands up to my mouth and tears made their way to my eyes. You twirled around to face me and a look of guilt, that same guilt you'd shown in the music classroom weeks before, showed up on your features. I didn't know if you'd meant what you said, but as I thought more about it, your description started to match me more and more.

"Rin..." you said worriedly, gently holding out your hand. IA was still behind you. She'd stopped begging and was staring directly at me. "Rin," you said again, "I...I didn't mean-"

"I don't care!" I yelled and shook my head. The tears finally spilled and ran down my cheeks. "After everything! After last night!"

"Rin, please! I-"

"Just leave it!" I cried and took off in the other direction. I heard you running after me, your voice calling me. I think IA stayed behind. Only you were on my trail.

I ran out of the park. My head was ducked down and my tears were making my vision blurry. I could barely see. I didn't have a clue what direction I was going in. I had to get home. I had to get somewhere away from everyone else. I had to get away from you. Your words had hit me pretty hard. I didn't even think that maybe you were only saying those things about me to cover up our relationship. I stupidly jumped to conclusions. I guess your first dramatic incident with IA triggered my thoughts but why couldn't I see the truth? I'm so stupid... I'm an idiot!

BEEP!

I stopped in my tracks and looked to the side. I... I was in the middle of the main road! I got really confused and couldn't think properly. Then I noticed it. A van. A van was heading right for me! I couldn't move. I was glued to the spot, overwhelmed with fear.

BEEP!

"Rin!"

I felt my body get violently pushed forward. I landed on the other side of the road and snapped my eyes shut, preparing for the excruciating pain. But, to my surprise, I found none. I felt a little bumped, but hardly like I'd been hit by a van. I opened my eyes and sat up, feeling rather dizzy. I was about to get up and continue to run when I heard people screaming. People were gasping and pointing towards the road. I slowly turned around to see what all the fuss was about.

All the colour drained from my face.

Blood... So much blood...

The red liquid covered the front of the van I thought was going to hit me and was splattered along the road. So... the van did hit something. I stood up and gulped. I didn't really want to look. I didn't want to see the bloody body. It would bring back memories of Iroha. Suddenly, I noticed IA on the other side of the park railings. She was screaming and sobbing.

"No!" she cried. "Len!"

My heart stood still.

...Len?

Without another thought, I galloped forward, shoving all the people starting to crowd around the scene. It was no use, I couldn't get passed. I had to check. I had to see for myself that it wasn't you, that I'd heard IA wrong. To my horror, I caught a glimpse through a small gap in the crowd of blonde hair.

"Let me through!" I screamed at the top of my lungs, causing people to stare. "That's my brother!"

At the word 'brother', people started to shuffle back and cleared a path for me. I ran straight through it, stumbling over my feet as I did so. When I finally reached everything, I dropped to my knees.

There you were, lying lifelessly right before me in a pool of blood. Your white t-shirt was stained crimson, your arms black and blue, your beautiful, blonde hair covered in the sticky liquid and a trail of red running from you lips. I bit my lip and choked back a sob. I had to be dreaming. It wasn't happening. IT WASN'T REAL!

"Len," I whimpered and curled over you. I put my arm under your upper back to hoist you up slightly and my free hand on your cheek. "Len, can you hear me?" All the people surrounding us had fallen quiet.

A small cough filled my ears and your gorgeous, blue eyes slowly opened. They hadn't lost their light just yet. "Rin," you said and smiled. Your voice was raspy and I felt a pang in my chest. You lifted a shaky hand and cupped my cheek, brushing your thumb along my skin soothingly. I felt my face grow wet, from both your blood and my tears. "Rin, all those things I said, I love all of them. If you weren't short or flat or annoying, you wouldn't be you. I've told you before, I love everything about you."

"No," I said and gulped down my sobs. "I shouldn't have ran off. You...how?" I asked. I was still completely unaware of how you'd gotten in front of that van. But then I thought about it...that violent shove... "Len, you pushed me?!"

You continued to smile up at me. "I couldn't let it h-happen to you. I let it happen t-to Iroha. If you got k-k-killed the same way, by my f-fault, I... I wouldn't..."

"But it wouldn't have been your fault!" I cried out, my tears dripping onto your face. Your blood was covering me everywhere but I couldn't care less. "I just said so, I was stupid. Len...don't leave me..."

"Rin..."

"Len, stay awake. People have surely called an ambulance. They'll take you away and fix you up. You'll be ok! Len, please!"

"Rin..."

"What?!" I choked out. My cries were starting to go out of control.

"Rin..." you repeated again as you slowly dragged the hand not on my cheek up to the one on yours. "Please... P-Please kiss me... I w-want... I want one f-final good memory...please..."

I felt everything inside me crumble. You knew you weren't going to be ok. I knew you weren't going to be ok. Even though I could feel myself slowly dying inside along with you, I gave you your wish. I had to make your last moments happy. I reached down and planted my lips on yours. I didn't care about the witnesses. They only thought it was sibling love anyway.

The kiss was tender and sad. It was the type of kiss you'd give a family member before saying goodbye. I guess I was saying goodbye to a family member. But you weren't just my twin, you were my other half, my lover, my light. If your torch dies in a dark room, how do you see? I tilted my head forward even more so my hair washed over our faces, shielding the sight of me starting to move my lips against yours. You weekly kissed back. It broke my heart to realise it was the last time you'd ever kiss me. I started to taste salt. I opened my eyes to find you'd started crying as well. My heart snapped.

I pulled away and you slowly opened your eyes, dreamily staring up at me. You smiled and caressed my cheek again. I held onto your arm. "You're so beautiful," you sighed, gazing at me with nothing but love in your eyes. "I'm g-glad your the la-last thing I got to see. I-I love... I love you, Rin..."

Your hand fell from my face and your eyes slowly closed. The muscles holding your warm smile slowly relaxed and all too quickly, I felt your breath stop.

A very inhuman scream erupted from my throat and I started sobbing, shaking you, trying to get you to wake up. "Len!" I screamed, holding your limp body against my chest. I nuzzled into your neck, only to feel it was losing its warmth. I reached up to capture your cold lips again, but nothing happened. You didn't move. Your eyes wouldn't open, your smile wouldn't return. I'd never hear your voice again. You'd never hug me again. You'd never kiss me again. You were gone.

Someone tried to pry me off you but I fought back, holding onto you tightly and flapping people away from me. They eventually managed to grab a hold of me and picked me up. I kicked and screamed and punched. You were still on the floor. I could see you. But then people crouched around you. Paramedics had arrived, but they'd arrived too late. I screamed more. They had to put me down. They had to let me see you.

Suddenly, I felt a sharp spark of pain in my arm. A paramedic was standing next to the people struggling to hold me with a look of pity on his face. I realised he'd stuck a needle in my arm. I tried to scream again, only to find myself growing awfully dizzy and the room to spin. Everything went black.

I woke up in a white room. I was in some sort of gown and my body had been rid of the blood. I slowly sat up, my body aching all over and looked around. Gumi was sat next to me, staring at me sadly. Her eyes were red, she'd been crying. A tear trickled down my face when I remembered everything. I'd never be able to see you again. Something cold landed on my chest and I looked down to realise they hadn't removed my necklace. Your necklace. I took the pendant in my hands and gazed at it. The amount of tears increased.

Our mother and father returned early from their trip after receiving the news. When they saw me in the hospital, they were crying their hearts out and hugging me tightly. I felt like I'd betrayed them. I hadn't looked after you. You were gone. We'd never get you back. I wanted to apologize to them but I couldn't speak. I wouldn't speak.

My words were sealed away, just like you.

All our friends came to your funeral. It was actually quite a sunny day, almost like you wanted us to try and smile for you. I could almost see you up in the big, blue sky, smiling down on us. Kaito prepared a speech on what a great friend you were and father spoke about how good a son you were. I wanted so desperately to tell everyone how great a brother your were but I couldn't. I found the second I tried to let out any words, the lump in my throat reached the size of a melon and tears threatened to spill. I would speak to you and only you.

Actually, this is the first time I've spoken since the accident. I'm kneeled right in front of you. I do hope you like the flowers I brought. Can you see them? If not, then they're yellow. Yellow was always your favourite colour. It explains the yellow specks on your pendant. The azure is your eyes. Your beautiful, azure eyes. I miss staring into them. Actually, I miss everything. I'd give anything to rewind a week and stop myself from running away. If you were still here, you'd be telling me not to be so silly but I still blame myself. I blame myself for your passing.

You know, I wonder if the tragedy was something, or someone, punishing us. I wonder if someone punished us for our sinful ways. But we couldn't help it. We were very much in love. I..I'm still in love with you. I don't think I'll ever be able to set my eyes on another man. Do... Do you still love me?

I'm clutching my necklace now. You said as long as I wore this, you'd always be with me. I can't tell if you are, but I think so. I think you're watching over me. You've listened to everything I've said. I'm sorry if I rambled a little. You know I can't help it. I'm crying now. I can't stop. My heart is aching.

Even if your mind may be with mine, I still need you physically. I want you to gaze at me with those deep, azure pools that I get lost in so very easily. I long for your strong, yet gentle arms to hold me tight. I wish for your soft, soothing whispers to tell me it's ok. I'd give anything for your warm lips to caress mine. I need you. I need you to be here with me!

But... you can't...

You're far from my reach...

You're on the other side.

I can't get to you.

You can't get to me.

As I clutch your pendant, I wish to myself, wish to myself that I could see you one last time. I shut my eyes tightly and pray. I pray for you to be with me. I open my eyes.

I don't know if I imagined it, but for a moment, I swear I saw your beautiful, shining eyes and that kind, sweet smile.

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Oh, goodness. I had to stop for a few minutes writing this because I started crying. This is worse than Orphan. I just... I can't... ;_;

Thank you for reading the whole thing. I know it was really long, but I hoped you enjoyed it :) (Sorry for any typos OTL)

Wow! I can't believe Bows and Bananas is on 67 reviews! Where'd the time go? :O I wonder if we can reach 75 by the next one shot... hint...hint...