Double, Double Naruto Trouble!
By: Shozetsku
Disclaimer/Warnings/Authoress Notes:
-Not mine, just an unhealthy obsession. And even then, I think it comes from one of my many mental voices. So, it's still not mine.
-Yaoi coming soon, cursing, OOC-ness here, some use of romaji, and an over use of the meanings of people's names. (SOME-one has trouble with names)
-this will be a slightly drawn out threesome.

Spoilers for manga chapter 367!

The voting is as follows:

in first place with 10 votes:
NEJI

in second place with 8 votes:
SAKURA

in third place with 7 votes:
SHIKAMARU & KAKASHI

in fourth place with 6 votes:
SAI & LEE

in fifth place with 2 votes:
SHINO & KIBA

Neji pulled into the lead, though at first it looked like Sakura would win. So when Neji first tied with Sakura I decided to write two versions, but now that he's pulled ahead Neji wins!

Chapter 3: Revelations and Complications

Naruto and Kitsuke looked at each other. 'Well? Who do you think?' Naruto asked trying very hard to keep his face from reflecting his inner dialogue. Kitsuke mentally raised an eyebrow. 'Let me tell you something. I don't know your human friend's names. But I will tell you who I will NOT work with. I will not work with that strange green thing with the abnormal face. And the green thing's friend, that girly male? He's fast, strong, and he's good at tracking, but he has such an attitude so I'd rather not. And as for the girl, I don't think she could keep up.'

'You're harsh you know that right? And their names are Lee, Neji, and Ten-ten.' Mentally scowling while fighting soo hard to not let it show on his face. 'What about Shikamaru?'

'Look, I DO. NOT. CARE. About your human names. It's all just confusing anyways. And which one are you talking about? The fat one?'

Naruto sighed and wanted dearly to roll his eyes, 'His friend, you know, the one that watches clouds?' 'That one? True he'd be useful in a pinch and he'd be convenient if we needed Sasuke stopped in his tracks long enough to be knocked out. But does he really know Sasuke all that well? And besides he's condescending, and that'll annoy me after a while.'

'What? Is there some thing wrong with ALL of my friends?' Naruto asked incredulously, Kitsuke's snappy reply was, 'They're friends with you aren't they? Oh, and before you even mention them, the other two on the cloud-watcher's team? NO. I hate the blonde so much, there's something about her voice…'

'What has been done now that we've released you into the world?' Naruto asked in horrified awe.

'And the stuttering girl? She likes you, so she'll be a distraction. Dogs and foxes don't mix, and the silent one is … odd.'

'so that's a no on anyone from Gai's, Asuma's, or Kurenai's team.' Anyone else you have issues with? What about Kakashi-sensei?' Naruto asked getting annoyed with his doppelganger.

'I'm not done with my list of no's. Now, the pale boy, the freaky one?'

'Sai?'

'Yeah, that's the one, the one that's always questioning your gender. Yeah, he's also a no.'

'Well, he doesn't really have that much of a bond with Sasuke to begin with so... yeah. So who will you work with? Sakura-chan? Kakashi-sensei?'

'The mop-head is...' the Kyuubi paused and Naruto felt his confusion as he searched for the right word. 'How to put this... needed? He should be out on missions, staying tied to Sasuke is just going to be bad in general later.'

'Not asking. You won't tell anyways. So, then Sakura-chan?' Naruto asked, getting impatient. 'She does have the strongest bond, and a medical ninja would be useful considering how shitty our healing rate is right now. But I don't like her pheromones lately. They used to only get really bad around Sasuke. If she starts liking you too then it'll get bad for the blushing girl. Personally I'm rooting for the blushing girl because she's liked you for so long, you're just so DENSE about it.'

'What's wrong with Sakura-chan's pheromones? Wait a minute, do you mean Hinata? Is Hinata the blushing girl? Hinata LIKES me? For how long? Ahh, shit!'

'Later, before your face gives us away kit.' Naruto fought to shove aside the subject of Hinata for the moment, 'So you don't like anyone at all?'

'No.'

'You were pretty complimentary to Shikamaru, Sakura-chan, Kakashi-sensei, and Neji.'

'No, on the cloud boy, the girl and your sensei; the girly male it is then.'

'We have a decision?'

'We have a lack of options.'

'Jerk.'

'Juvenile.'

'Let's just get this over with.'

'Whatever.'

The two boy's turned away from each other and looked straight at Tsunade, and just to creep her out they said in the exact same voice, "Neji."

It worked, she was vaguely creeped out. In truth their internal conversation, or argument, depending on how you looked at it hadn't taken very long; though it seemed to both Sasuke and Tsunade that Naruto and Kitsuke were taking the twins act a bit too seriously.

Tsunade was about to have Neji report to the hospital room as well, but Naruto's and Kitsuke's stomachs began to make themselves heard. Naruto whined, "I need ramen." And Kitsuke got a far off look in his eyes, "I wanna try ramen."

"You're already acting like family, sheesh, don't take this cover story so seriously." Tsunade said folding her hands agitatedly, "And don't forget, tomorrow is the start of you're new mission. You have till then to fill in Neji as much as you see fit. Remember, you're not discharged from the hospital yet, but go get your ramen; I'll send Neji to Ichiraku's. Sasuke," she turned to face him, "I'll be escorting you back, after you."

Sasuke nodded mutely and left the room. Kitsuke rubbed his stomach idly, "Argh, will I even be able to hold anything down with my stomach doing this?"

Kitsuke turned to Naruto for reassurance but Naruto only grinned evilly at the awkward feeling that was originating from Kitsuke's stomach, "Kitsuke. Do you know what it means when your stomach does that?"

Kitsuke rummaged through Naruto's thoughts, 'Desire? I like someone?' The Kyuubi reeled as he tried to digest this information. "How is that even possible?" but Naruto shrugged, "I dunno, you have a gender, so I suppose you also have hormones now. And they're really going. Who are they for though?"

'Who woke us up?' Kitsuke asked in a defeated voice.

Naruto stopped in his tracks. "No. NO! You can't! That is COMPLETELY not fair, Kitsuke!" he stopped himself and made sure that the next part he thought in stead of spoke aloud. 'Why on earth are you gay? Come on! I'm gonna end up bi by the end of the week if you're half as horny as shukaku was supposed to be. Gaara told me about shukaku, a total blood-thirsty horn-dog. I'll be hard gay too by the end of the month.'

They had arrived at the ramen shop, had sat down but were still talking so intensely that they didn't even notice what they were doing.

"I have to deal with this for a MONTH?! Please tell me that by then Tsunade will have found a solution for this!"

"She'll have to figure out what happened first. Then she'll have to come up with a buncha possible solutions figure out the side effects and then the risks, then pick out of those what we can handle, then we have to choose, and then it has to be done. All of that has to be done in between her duties as the Hokage."

"I'm gonna die." Kitsuke said in a low defeated voice, "The world has no meaning. I'm so depressed that I don't even know what to do with myself." Naruto felt the gloom from Kitsuke and shivered, "Oi! Ayame-chan, we need to rekindle my brother's will to live! Two bowls of your beautiful ramen! And keep them coming!"

"Oh! Naruto, you never told me you had a brother." Ayame said happily as she placed two bowls of ramen in front of them, "The first round's on the house to celebrate your brother's first visit. Hopefully one of many."

Kitsuke took a pair of chopsticks and took a first bite of ramen, halfway through the noodles his expression changed to one of happy excitement as he began to eat more. They were on their second bowl of ramen each when Naruto and Kitsuke caught each other's eye.

'I challenge you! No way, you can eat more ramen then me!' Naruto thought, his mouth too full of ramen.

'You're on kit.' And so it began.

"Naruto?" Neji had entered Ichiraku's ramen stand and he stumbled back at the sight of the two Naruto's.

He activated his byakugan immediately, and saw that this person almost had Naruto's exact chakra signature, even if Naruto's signature was somehow different now. Suspicious and curious, he sat down on the other side of the blond Naruto and ordered a bowl of pork ramen. He fought down his overly paranoid instincts, Tsunade had given him enough of the situation that what he saw made sense still. Maybe.

"Tsunade says you and I have been assigned to guard Sasuke." He said as conversationally as he could.

Naruto swallowed the mouthful of noodles he had before answering, "And Nii-san too."

Neji blinked, "Nii-san? Who is Nii-san?"

Naruto shot Kitsuke a look, 'Introduce yourself, you jerk.'

Kitsuke swallowed the last of his noodles with an appreciative sigh, "Ahh. Yo, name's Kitsuke." Naruto smacked a hand to his forehead. 'You are a jerk.'

'You didn't tell me I had to be polite, and anyways this stuff is really good.' Kitsuke retorted, already back to slurping noodles.

"Kitsuke-nii..." Naruto said trailing off. Neji blinked, "Naruto, is this guy your real brother?" Naruto paused but nodded, and Kitsuke shot him a look, 'You're not going to be honest with the boy?' he asked with only the barest pause in his consumption of noodles.

'I'm not talking about this in front of the old man and Ayame-chan or in such a public place. If the rest of the Akatsuki got wind of us.' Naruto left the thought at that. They both shivered at the same time.

Neji saw the simultaneous shiver but disregarded it for now. "Where has he been all this time?" he asked, this time Naruto picked his chopsticks back up and Kitsuke stopped to answer Neji.

"Even though Dad wanted Lil' Naruto here to be treated like a hero of the village he was practical, or maybe it was Sandaime who did it." Kitsuke ruffled Naruto's spiky hair here and Naruto elbowed his arm away, grinning. "But we were separated at birth regardless, I was taken away and raised in a small village where I had private tutoring in the shinobi way. I've been trying to master some of Dad's old techniques but Mom's are easier for me."

Naruto choked on his noodles and started coughing; Kitsuke thumped him hard on the back, "Easy there."

"YOU KNOW ABOUT MOM AND DAD?!" Naruto asked incredulous, 'You really know about my birth parents? You're not making shit up?'

"Sure I know about Mom and Dad. It's one of those things we really need to talk about actually." Neji activated his byakugan again; Kitsuke wasn't lying, or he wasn't giving any biological tells that he was.

spoilers start here

this doesn't hold truely necessary information so if you want to skip it you can

"See, you're going by Mom's last name. Her maiden name. Dad's last name was Namikaze." Kitsuke placed a hand on Naruto's shoulder supportively, 'I'm not lying kit.'

"My, my Dad... Minato Namikaze...the fourth hokage... wait, than what was Mom's name?" Naruto asked trying to filter through the shock and digest this information, "Kushina. I got her hair color, you got Dad's obviously. Other then that from what I can tell, we're the spitting image of Dad."

"I'm SOO going to be Hokage! It's in my blood! Rokudaime Naruto Uzumaki! 'Cause I'm too used to being called that. And anyways, it'll be for Mom from now on." Naruto had jumped out of his seat shouting, but by the time he was done speaking his voice was quiet, he sat down again.

"Another round of ramen. On me." Neji said, stunned, and trying to wrap his head around this information as well. "I-It's on the house!" the old man said, positively beaming at Naruto and Kitsuke, "It's an honor to have served the sons of the fourth Hokage!"

"Free Ramen! I totally love you Dad!" Naruto punched the air and prepared to dig in, but he put two fingers to his lips, "Dad, Mom, bro; you know it's funny, I've never had a family, and then all at once I'm bombarded with it. A brother I never knew I had, my parents names, it's no wonder I could never find them on that stone of ninja who died on missions, because I'm using mom's last name. I've read over the fourth's name dozens of times right next to the name Kushina Namikaze. I never realized; I just thought that he had a sister or something. All this time... it was Mom and Dad."

spoilers end here

"You obviously have a lot to discuss." Ayame said, pushing her father into the kitchen, "we'll give you some space."

"I'll leave as well," Neji said, standing up to leave. But Naruto caught his sleeve.

"Stay." Neji heard the silent 'Please.' that was in his voice as clearly as Kitsuke heard it in his mind. "Alright Naruto." And he sat back down.

There was silence for a long time, broken only by the slurping of noodles and the noises of the street behind them.

"What were you told from Baa-chan?" Naruto asked between mouthfuls of ramen. Neji looked at him, "Not much, that we're going to be guarding Sasuke and that I'm going to be leading the mission, and that's the weird part, I have almost no information and I'm supposed to be in charge."

'She's leaving it to us on how much he needs to be informed, trusting old bat isn't she? You're hokage.' Kitsuke thought, not pausing in his ramen intake. 'Be nice, she could have had you and Sasuke confined right off the bat and you'd never have tasted the bliss that is ramen.' Naruto warned.

"That's because it's a bit more delicate then that." Naruto said dropping his voice and his playful attitude. "Like I said, Kitsuke-nii is going to be helping us; we're going to go around under the guise that we're a regular four man cell. But there is a lot heavier stuff behind this then just that. I'll fill you in somewhere more private."

"Meaning this mission is a headache waiting to happen." Neji said, turning to his own ramen mournfully.

"Pretty much." Kitsuke said with a simple nod of his head.

'What the hell? Do you have absolutely NO tact at all?' Naruto shouted in his mind scrunching his nose as he chewing his noodles

'Don't fault me for not having what you lack.' Kitsuke retorted easily. Naruto glared at him, noodles dangling from his mouth, 'You're getting really annoying really fast you know.' He slurped up the noodles in his mouth.

Naruto heard highly amused laughter in his head; it didn't improve his mood.

Sasuke sat in the extremely Spartan cell he'd been placed in. they were underground, surrounded by thick stone and there were two contingents of ANBU outside the heavy door he stared at. All of which was highly unnecessary in his opinion, Orochimaru was dead, he'd killed Itachi and as far as he cared nothing much else mattered. He known, and expected that this would be his reception back to the village after all this business was over with. He'd planned on killing Orochimaru himself once the old snake bastard reached his period of weakness, but Itachi had surfaced first, tailing Naruto again.

Itachi had been after Naruto the last time he'd been face to face with his older brother as well. What made Naruto so special? The question had burned in his mind when he had been twelve years old. If he'd known about the Kyuubi no Kitsune sealed within his blonde teammate he probably wouldn't have taken his brothers reaction out on Naruto so harshly. As history stood, he'd hated Naruto for stealing his brother's attention, accentuating the fact that he was nothing that Itachi needed to pay attention to. He'd hated the fact that even now his brother treated him like nothing, and yet, the village nothing he'd treated importantly. The hatred was accentuated by the fact that he was scared that Naruto was surpassing him. The town nothing surpassing him, the genius of his age group!

Yeah, it had pissed him off.

Down in that dark cell he did some soul searching; not looking into his heart and seeing what he felt, but looking within himself and trying to figure out if he still had a soul. It bothered him, that to get where he was had been his dearest ambition since about seven. He did feel a huge sense of closure now that itachi was dead and his clan was avenged, but what did he have left after that? It sucked. It really sucked. Even after he'd killed his brother like he was supposed to Itachi was still probably laughing up at him from the deepest pits of hell, because he'd been strung along like his brother had intended. That after all of Sasuke's efforts, as much as it pained him to admit it even only to himself, his revenge left him empty and exhausted after only the briefest sensation of triumphant victory.

Unbidden from his old memories of being a naïve genin of konoha, Sasuke saw Naruto, Naruto in his old orange jumpsuit flashing the 'V for victory' sign, with his million dollar grin. It brought a single chuckle up from the depths of himself, and Sasuke blinked, his furrowed brow unknitting. He hadn't even remembered frowning in the first place. Chuckling was good right?

Maybe having Naruto babysit him till he was trusted again wouldn't be such a bad idea. If he spent time with the blonde, whom he'd had the strongest bond with before he'd left, maybe he could recover his humanity again. What else was left to him now that he was no longer a tool for revenge?

He felt useless, and uselessness pained him.

He wanted to do something, anything, to keep from that uselessness, he needed a purpose. And for now self realization was a good enough purpose for him. After all, if he didn't rediscover who he was, he couldn't find himself a true purpose could he?

Neji blinked his white eyes at the blonde and red head before him. "And that's the whole story?"

Naruto nodded vehemently, "And what's more it's the truth." Naruto turned to Kitsuke, who was starting to get in his nerves, the fox demon was looking into Neji's eyes with a placid expression, when in the back of his mind he was complaining about all of the Hyuuga's creepy eyes and how ironic it was that with eyes of that color they should all be blind and yet they saw better then he did.

'It's an insult to the station of spirits as balancers of the world. We are supposed to be the powerful ones that have powers unrivaled, and yet my eyes are outdone by the whelp sitting in front of us. I ask you, what is this world coming to? Because if it keeps going the way it's going I'll have to graciously duck out of history in a few centuries. I don't like it, it bothers me. We should have gone for the mop head or the female... gah, but the mop-head is needed and I hate the female. And the cloudy one is not strong enough to deal with Sasuke should something happen.

'We've already told the white eyed whelp everything so we're stuck with him I guess.' Kitsuke continued to muse, 'I really hate this situation, that Tsunade woman is a horrible gambler, but she'd make an excellent lawyer, here I am, trapped into a situation, I'm pretty sure I didn't knowingly agree to, feeling preemptive guilt at the thought of ducking out, and on top of that if I don't do it then everything will go to shit...' Kitsuke broke off, he retreated farther into his own mind. He was hiding something from Naruto, they both knew it, but now wasn't the time for that.

But...

When would be a good time to deal with it?

Naruto shook his head mentally, now was not the time for thoughts like that. "You've been awful quiet for a while Kitsuke-nii, do you have anything to add?" Naruto said, with a bit of an edge to his voice. 'What is WITH you?! I've been trying to concentrate on telling Neji what the hell's going on and you're going on an all out mental rant! This is hard enough you know!'

Kitsuke shook his head, "We should get home, and we've got a long day ahead of us." Naruto frowned but nodded.

Naruto shut the door to his, now their, apartment. "You're really uncomfortable, ne?" Naruto asked softly.

Kitsuke turned, he felt the unsaid implications of that statement. "Yeah, that reaction your fan caused never really did go all the way away."

Naruto blushed but nodded. "I'm not gonna have any part in this, but I'm going to tell you two things so you can take care of it yourself. Kage bunshin and henge." Naruto blushed harder as he walked to the kitchen, he searched his drawers for the cold medication Iruka sensei had bought him not long ago. In truth Naruto was never in any need of the stuff but he accepted it anyways from his old sensei for the mans piece of mind.

Popping two cold pills that were sure to knock him out for a solid eight hours Naruto went to bed hoping that it would be enough that he would not have to experience what his doppelganger was bound to do.

Kitsuke wandered around the apartment until he felt that Naruto was asleep. He groaned, "This is so fucking embarrassing! I can't believe that I, the Kyuubi no Kitsune, is reduced to self gratification! Were I still in my demon form I wouldn't even have this problem! How I hate hormones!"

End Chapter 3!

I don't feel like writing this scene. I really don't. I'm in the middle of finals and had I not gotten a review that asked me where the hell this fic's next update was I would have waited until AFTER finals to post.

As it is I really should be studying. Damnit.

Umm, there were a few of you that asked for a foursome. Let me say this now. If I EVER write a foursome it will never see EVER. Besides that point, this is a threesome not a foursome.

Next chapter the tension begins! AFTER FINALS!!!!!!