AN: Wow, thanks for all the love, you guys! ^_^ Sorry if this chappie's a little shorter than the others, but there's plenty more to come! :) Enjoy!
Chapter 3
"Huh?" asked Roman, in reply to Seth's outburst.
"What bitch?" added Dean.
"What bitch?" Rollins repeated, turning off the game. "Guys, my boss. Our bosses. They need to die."
"Wait, Seth-" began Roman.
"You were right, man, we need to do this thing!" he cut him off, more determined than ever.
Dean and Roman exchanged a look. "Hey, we were drunk off our asses last night, man. And didn't you say killing was wrong?" Ambrose asked.
"I know, I know, but that was before Kelly tried to fuck me on top of my fiancée's unconscious body!"
"Whoa, really?" Reigns asked, intrigued.
"Yeah, really! She's gone fuckin' batshit crazy. She took a bunch of pictures of me..."
"Where are they?"
"I can't show you! Don't be so excited about this, look are you guys in or out?"
"I was in last night." the Samoan grinned.
"Yes! Dean?" Seth exclaimed. They both turned to Dean, who looked uncertain. Roman grabbed Dean's phone and on it, spotted a photo of him with his grandmother.
"Ambrose, come on! Seriously. I mean uh...what about your grandma? You know, Boobie?"
"Gam-Gam." he muttered quietly.
"Whatever it is. She didn't get to say goodbye to her favorite grandson. Why? Because his dickbag of a boss wouldn't let him leave. Right? What would Gam-Gam want you to do?" Roman continued.
"She wouldn't want me to kill him."
"Okay, forget about Gam-Gam. She's dead. You gotta accept that." he said quickly, to Dean's dismay. "This isn't about Gam Gam. This is about you. What do YOU want, Dean?"
"Obviously, I want him fuckin' gone." he replied, grabbing a beer from the fridge.
"Exactly!-Yes!" Roman and Seth exclaimed.
"So let's do this!" he cried.
"How do we do this, then?" Ambrose demanded.
"Hey, I thought about this. You know how Kaitie and I watch a ton of Law and Order?" asked Seth. "We're huge Law and Order buffs."
"Yeah."
"Anyways, there's a ton of ways criminals mess up. Things we'd never think of. They leave behind clothing fibers, bullet casings, hair, skin cells -"
"Sperm." Dean chimed in.
"Most of the time it's sperm, but anyway, that's not the point. The point is, we're not qualified." he continued.
"Right." Roman nodded.
"And that's why we need a professional."
"What are you talking about, a hitman?" Dean asked, slightly tilting his head.
Seth nodded. "Yep."
Roman slowly nodded and paced the room. "Yeah. That's a really good idea. Yeah! I mean, we don't clean up our apartments or cut our own hair. No, we pay someone to do that."
"Well uh, I don't actually. Kaitlyn does my hair." he smiled and chuckled.
"She does?"
"Yeah."
"She...trained for that?" Roman asked curiously.
"Doesn't need it." he shrugged.
Dean eyed him down. "...She might."
He shot him a look.
"Okay, well, uh...where are you two gonna find a hitman?" he continued.
"Why don't you guys leave that up to me." Seth replied. "Okay? I got this whole thing figured out. I'll give you a call tomorrow and tell you where to meet me."
"Why don't you just tell us now?" asked Roman.
He looked down and twirled a strand of his hair. "...Cause I don't have it ALL figured out, I got some of it figured out..."
"Ok, well you...go home and start." Roman waved him off.
"I will." he nodded, heading out.
"Y'know, I'm gonna head home, too." Reigns agreed.
"Rome. You're here. This is your house." Dean replied.
"Oh. Oh, I-I couldn't tell by the way you were going in and out of my fridge, drinking all my fucking beer." he said sarcastically, glancing at Ambrose, who froze in mid-sip. He was about to place down the bottle and put it away when Roman stopped him. "No, no. Enjoy."
So, the next evening, the boys had gone through with their plans and Seth had told both Dean and Roman to meet him in a motel room at a deserted part of town. Dean reached the assigned room and knocked on the door. Moments later, Seth opened the door halfway, due to it being chained shut.
He cautiously looked around. "...Were you followed?" he asked quietly.
He looked back at him in confusion. "What? Why would I be followed?"
"People follow people in these types of situations, man. Sure you weren't followed?" Rollins continued.
"Dude, there isn't-"
"Just take one quick look and make sure that no one followed you."
Dean tapped the chain on the door. "Put this down."
"But I want you to make sure-"
"PUT the fucking thing down!" he snapped, reaching in to grab his neck.
"HEY!"
"That's what you fuckin' get. Now put the chain down, close the door, and let me in!"
Seth turned back to Roman. "I pissed him off already."
"Already?" he cried.
"What the fuck's goin' on here, what's the matter with you?" Ambrose glared at him as he was let in. "What are we doing here?"
"Well, I don't want an assassin in my apartment." Reigns replied.
"We don't want this guy knowing where we live, right? Use your head." Rollins agreed.
Dean exclaimed, "Hang on a second, you guys already went ahead and found someone?"
"Oh!" Seth chuckled.
"And he's coming here?"
"Big time!"
"Not we! Seth." Roman chimed in.
"I found a guy! Yeah, it was pretty easy as buying a used futon." Seth smiled.
Dean still couldn't believe it. "You found a hitman online?"
"Yeah!" he exclaimed, opening his laptop. "I mean they don't write 'hitman', right? Cause that's dumb. So, they use little code words, like 'wet work', right? 'Liquidation'. Check him out."
He eyed down the ad and read, "'Skilled professional with years of experience in domestic and international wet work. Fast and discreet. No children or political figures.'"
"That last part was important to me. When I saw that I thought, okay, this is a good idea." Roman nodded.
"I still feel like we should have got a cheese plate or something for this guy. Just to make him feel..." Seth trailed off.
Outside, a car pulled up and its alarm went off while the guys stood up.
"Oh shit, is that him?" asked Dean.
"That was definitely a car."
They rushed to the window, where a man in a black suit stepped out of a black Ferrari.
"Oh! He looks like James Bond." Roman cried in awe.
"He really does, dude! I bet he carries one of those guns you screw together." Seth agreed.
"Yes!"
"Those are the coolest guns they make, man-"
Ambrose cut them off and cried, "This is so dangerous! What if...what if that is an undercover cop?"
Roman scoffed. "Oh, come on!"
"Or better than that. What if he's the real thing and charges so much money we can't afford it, he gets pissed off, kills us?"
"He's not gonna kill us!" Seth assured him.
"Wait. What?" Roman chimed in again.
Seth exclaimed, pausing in realization. "Hold on!"
"That's a thing?" he asked back.
"Could that happen?" he agreed.
Suddenly, a knock was heard on the door, shutting them up.
"Better let him in now." Dean smirked.
"Okay. How's my hair?" Reigns asked.
He shot him a look. "What do you fuckin' mean, how's your hair?"
He quickly shook it off. "Doesn't matter. Okay. Let's do this." they approached the door, where he turned back to Seth. "Ready?"
The two shared excited grins and silently jumped up and down in excitement while Dean rolled his eyes and shook his head. After they composed themselves, Roman opened the door on the man who looked even smoother up close. "...Yeah?" he asked in his deep voice.
In a British accent, he asked, "Is one of you Seth?"
He said nothing and pointed towards Rollins, who slowly poked his head into view. "I am the one they call Seth." he said slowly.
"Mmhmm." the man replied.
"Please come in."
"Thank you." he said, inspecting the small room and eyed them all down. "Are all three of you participating in this?
Roman nodded. "Mmhmm."
"Yes." Seth agreed.
"Well, uh..." Dean trailed off.
"Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yep! Yep!-Yes." his friends vouched for him.
"Very well. Now, before we go any further, I need to know if there are any hidden recording devices in the room. I will find out if there are."
"You know, we..." Roman scoffed.
Seth chuckled. "I'm sure you would, but there's none."
"Yeah, we would never..."
"Because that would be stupid of us. And we're not stupid." he nodded along. Dean just blinked.
"Silly move." Reigns chuckled.
"...That's a no." Dean concluded.
"Then let's get started." the man continued, turning to his suitcase.
"I feel good about this guy." Roman muttered, turning to his friends.
"That's the real deal." Rollins nodded. "Totally legit. And hey, you know, we just want to-"
The man slipped out a large tarp from his suitcase instead of a gun, taking them all by surprise.
"Hey, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, wait. What's this for?" Roman asked.
"For the mess." he replied.
"What?"
"Wouldn't want to leave a stain now, would we?"
"Oh, my God! I fuckin' knew it!" Dean cried, turning the other way.
"Who's first?"
Stunned, Roman quickly waved his hands in protest. "No! No! No!"
Seth's eyes widened. "Who's first? No! We don't-"
"We don't want you to kill US!" Roman finished.
"We want you to kill another person!" Rollins cried.
"Gentlemen, gentlemen. What are you talking about?"
"Your...your ad said you do wet work." he explained.
"That's correct. I urinate on other men for money."
Silence.
"...What was that?" Roman asked, confused.
"What did he say?" Dean muttered.
"I think he said he pisses on dudes!" Seth cried, shocked.
"Why else do you think my ad was in the 'Men seeking Men' section?" the man asked.
"WHERE was that?" Dean cried, before he and Roman slowly turned to Seth.
"You fucking idiot!" Roman cried, lightly shoving the younger man back.
"Could you be fuckin' dumber?" Dean added.
"Why were you looking in the men seeking men...?" Roman trailed off.
Trying to justify himself, Seth cried, "We...are...men...looking... for...a...man! Duh!"
"...How the fuck do people let you work on their teeth?" Ambrose demanded.
"They don't actually. I just hand the tools to Kelly." he shrugged.
"I'm so mad at you right now..." Roman sighed.
The man sighed and replied, "So, I've driven all this way and nobody wants to get pissed on."
"Uh-uh. Well, it's not our thing." Seth shook his head.
"Sorry about that." Roman flashed him a weak smile.
After a pause, the man asked, "...Can I use your toilet? I stored up a rather large amount of pee for this."
They uncomfortably looked towards one another.
"Sure. Yeah. It's right through there." he nodded. "Knock yourself out."
He turned back. "Oh, and by the way, I still want my $200."
"Understandable." Dean nodded.
"$200, huh?" Roman muttered. "For three people?"
"Hey, I thought it was a pretty good deal!" Seth exclaimed.
"You dipshit." he spat back.
"Unbe-fucking-lievable." Dean agreed, glaring at his friend. "Well, I'll be in the car."
While he crossed his arms and headed out, Roman followed him and Seth cried, "Okay well, you guys are gonna chip in for the...am I gonna have to give him all of my mon...money?"
He paused and heard the man urinating in the back, and was hoping that he wouldn't hear him. "Ok, well I'm gonna leave your money on the bed!" he dropped the cash onto the mattress and kept hearing the guy peeing away. "...God, he would've drenched us." he finished, before heading out.