Chapter 5
The next day, at Dean's office, Ambrose was busy pouring through a stack of documents when his phone began to ring.
"Yo?" he answered.
"Hey, I'm outside." Roman answered, while he and Seth were sitting in his car, outside Dean's place of work. "Ready to do a little recon?"
"Yeah. I just need to get Laurinaitis to let me leave early." he replied, looking around the office for his boss.
"Why? What's the difference? He's not going to be your boss much longer." he replied, chuckling.
Dean sighed. "All right. I'll be down in three minutes."
"All right, three minutes." Roman hung up, before calling to Seth, "He'll be down in three minutes."
He groggily got up from the back seat from his nap, still wearing his black hoodie. "Oh dude, these seats are crazy comfortable!"
"I know, right?" Reigns smiled. "Hey, want me to do the thing again?"
"Yeah, yeah, do the thing, go."
"One, two, three..." he began, as he leaned his seat back the same time Seth leaned back.
"Ahh." they sighed in unison.
Back in the office, Dean peered over his cubicle wall to see Laurinaitis talking - or screaming, rather - to another employee nearby. As a desperate move, he sighed, leaned over his garbage pail and stuck a pen down his throat. At the sound of Dean's loud wretching, Laurinaitis and his coworkers looked over to see him puking into the trash pail.
"What in God's name...?!" Laurinaitis cried.
"Sorry, sir. I've been fighting this bug all day. I'll just get back to work -" he began weakly, turning back to his desk.
He frowned and shook his head. "No, no, no. You're contageous. Go home. I don't want you getting everyone else sick."
"Probably for the best." he sent him a nod.
"And take all your work with you and have it on my desk at 6 AM, Monday."
"You got it." he nodded, slipping on his jacket.
"Jesus Christ." Laurinaitis muttered.
"Thank you, sir." Dean called.
"And don't forget to take your fucking trash can."
"Yeah, that's fine. Garbage." he muttered, taking the pail with him on his way out.
Later that same day, the three had driven to their first victim's house, Garrett Bischoff's.
"No, no, don't park right in front of the place..." Dean muttered amongst all of the chatter.
Roman's car pulled up slowly to the curb and parked across the street. Roman, Seth and Dean slumped down in their seats.
"Ok, boys. We wait till Bischoff makes a move, and we tail him. All right?" Reigns announced as the three intently looked at the empty house.
"It is on like Donkey Kong..." agreed Dean.
"Hell yeah!" Seth cheered, eagerly gripping on his friends' shoulders.
"Here we go, huh?" he added.
They watched the house with steely determination.
"So uh, I can't see shit because of that little tree blocking the whole house..." Seth announced after a pause.
"Well, if you can move fucking back, I can move my chair fucking back to see if I can see anything." Dean replied.
"You have a whole entire window back there..." Roman agreed.
"Come on, lean back."
"But I like the whole three-man thing." Rollins replied.
They stopped to find Roman interlocking his fingers together and chuckling.
"What's-what's so funny, Rome? You're making a finger web." Ambrose observed. "Is that your way of camoflauge?"
"Well it IS his boss, he has to find a way to hide himself." Seth replied.
"Finger fly."
"Yeah, finger fly, that's actually a pretty damn good idea." he nodded along, imitating him.
"Rollins, just look out your window." Dean said flatly.
"Do the finger fly!" he exclaimed.
"Hey, we can't be playing jokes for two hours, this is serious business." he replied.
"This is fun!"
Later that same evening...
The guys were now bored out of their minds, barely awake. Seth nibbled on a peanut butter and jelly sandwich in a plastic bag.
"Oh my God. I can't believe how much this blows." Dean announced flatly.
"I don't get it. On TV, surveillance always looks so fun. They've got their cups of coffee. Their sunflower seeds. They talk about their lives and shit and then, right when they reveal something really intimate, the perp appears and they spring into action!" Seth exclaimed.
"Yup." Roman agreed.
There was another long, silent pause as they watched the house...
"...Are we even sure this guy's home?" Dean realized, while they exchanged looks.
Pause.
"Well, let's go check it out." Roman announced, opening the door as the others agreed and followed him.
"All right, what do you guys wanna do? What's the plan?" Seth asked as they crossed the street and headed onto Bischoff's lawn.
"Let's look into his windows first." Dean replied.
"No, no. Let's ring the bell. If we hear any movements, we'll know he's here." Reigns replied.
"Why can't we just look through the window?" he hissed back.
"Why bother with either idea, chances are he's not even home anyway!" Seth argued. "I haven't seen any activity in this house..."
"What are you doing?" Dean cried, stopping Roman. "You're not gonna ring the bell-"
The garage door suddenly began rattling and making its way up while the guys jumped and ran to hide.
"Oh!-Oh, shit!" they cried. They leapt over his patio when the door opened fully, while Garrett's car (blasting loud music) sped out of the driveway and into the street. When he was out of sight, the boys caught sight of the open - soon-to-be-closing- garage door.
"C'mon, C'mon!" Dean cried, as he and Roman rushed and slipped inside of the garage just in time. "Seth!"
Rollins rushed as fast as he could, but when he tried to slide under, he crashed into the closed door, falling on his ass. "Oh! Crap. Fuck! I didn't make it in!" he called. He knocked and soon after, the door opened again. "Sorry, guys."
As they eased their way through the garage, Rollins nearly jumped back at the sight of a foux bear standing by the back door. "Jeez, the guy owns a fucking bear?"
Soon enough, the trio entered Garrett's living room, taking in all the utter tackiness.
Roman winced. "Look at this place. It's awful! It's like a douchebag museum. It's like we stepped inside the mind of an asshole."
Seth chuckled. "Aw man, the dude's got a fooseball table!"
"Seth! Don't touch anything, get your hands off that!" Dean cried as he quickly backed away in defense.
He snapped his fingers in realization. "Fingerprints."
"Yeah, fingerprints." he nodded.
"Oh my God. We should be wearing gloves!" Rollins cried.
"Well, we don't have-"
"Oh, I know." Roman announced. "Use your sleeves."
"Wait, what?" Dean asked, confused.
"Use em for gloves!" Seth replied.
"Yeah."
"Oop, I can see my fingerprints from here, this isn't good." he said, quickly using his sleeves to wipe off the handles on the fooseball table.
"Ok, so what's the plan?" Dean demanded.
"We're here to get some intel." Reigns replied.
"Intel?"
"Yeah. Short for intelligence."
"I know what it stands for!"
"Then why did you ask?" wondered Seth.
Roman shook his head. "Why are we talking about this? Let's split up."
"Right."
"Split up."
"Yeah. We'll find something good, and we're in and out of here." he agreed as the three went their seperate ways.
"Wow. We're committing a crime." Rollins rambled on. "This is a crime. Wait. Whoa..."
He approached a table, carrying a box of white powder. (AKA, Cocaine). Carefully picking it up with his sleeves, he turned to Dean and continued, "Now, this would count as intel, right?"
Dean whistled. "Holy shit! That's a lot of cocaine!"
"Have you ever seen this much cocaine in your life? That's gotta be worth what? Ten, fifteen..."
Suddenly he dropped the box of cocaine and it spread all over them and the carpet in a puff of smoke, to their dismay.
Seth cried out. "Ah! I blew it! I blew that, didn't I?"
Dean said nothing and turned the other way, not having any kind of response to dignify what had just happened.
Meanwhile, Roman was searching his boss's bedroom, filled with more tackiness, including a king-sized tacky bed to match. At first, he'd seen nothing worth taking...until he eyed down the Blackberry phone on the beside stand. Smirking, he snatched it up and slid it in his back pocket.
Back in the living room...
"Don't inhale." Dean instructed.
"Grab the box, I'll scoop it in." Seth replied.
"I really don't want to fucking touch it. I don't have sleeved gloves." he complained.
"Well, get something to...scoop it in."
In the meantime, Dean couldn't help but to taste the cocaine that landed around his mouth. He coughed. "Fuck! It's so bitter!"
Meanwhile, Roman had made his way into Garrett's restroom, and at first didn't see anything else worth taking...until he eyed down his toothbrush and then snickered evilly.
"Heh heh heh..." he replied, slipping the object down the front of his pants, purposely brushing his privates to rile Garrett up. "How you like me now, cokehead? Heh heh." he snickered again, placing the toothbrush back in its stand.
Back in the living room...
"Scoop it up, scoop it up..." Seth muttered, still trying to get rid of the scattered cocaine.
"Wait, wait." Dean announced, coming into the room with a dustbuster. "Watch out."
As he began vaccuming up the drug, Seth smiled and cheered along. "Ok, there you go! Go slower!"
"Get on the couch...Stop helping..." Dean stopped, turning to him with a stern, annoyed look.
He slowly backed away, brushed off any leftover cocaine on himself, and coughed while he let Dean take care of the work.
Back in the restroom, Roman was still invading Garrett's personal items. Grabbing some dental floss, he grinned again and did the same thing that he did earlier with the toothbrush. "Mmm, oh yeah..." he chuckled.
In the living room...
Dean opened the dustbuster to empty the cocaine back in the box, while a handful of dust also got dumped out, too. The two looked down at the mess and didn't say a word.
Seth meekly turned to him and finally said, "...You probably should have...emptied the dustbuster first."
There was a few beats of silence while Dean blinked and slowly turned to him.
"Is that what you think?" he quietly (and sarcastically) asked.
Rollins gave him a little nod. "I was thinking that. On account of the dust."
...
"Heh heh...floss." Roman snickered, going through Garrett's entire medicine cabinet.
...
"A sifter." Dean realized, rushing off to find one.
"Yes, that would be good." Seth nodded. "And uh, I'll start picking."
He slowly began picking the non-cocaine items out of the box, but paused, sniffling.
...
Roman eyed down the contents of the medicine cabinet and realized that he'd violated just about everything. With a satisfied smile, he nodded and announced, "That should do it." before shutting off the light and heading back out.
Now, in the living room, as they were picking the dust from the cocaine, Dean and Seth just couldn't help but inhale a bit of the stuff, too. Except maybe they inhaled a BIT too much...
Seth cried quickly, "I feel like things are gonna work out, you know? Cause I'm like a machine, you know? Look how fast I'm picking out this scrap, you know? I'm moving like super fast. I can't even feel my nose."
"No. Do you wanna know what's weird?" Dean asked, just as quickly.
"Yeah."
"That I feel like I should be panicking right now."
"Mmhmm."
"And I am a little bit, but it's in a very very good way."
"I'm witchin' out, right?" Seth giggled.
Ambrose nodded so quickly that he thought his head would fly off. "It's a good kind of panic. Cause I feel like I...I wanna fuckin' die right now, but I also feel very very very good."
"Yeah!" he grinned in agreement.
"HEY!" Roman's angry voice cried, startling the others. "What the hell are you guys doing?!"
"Nothing. But you know, before we go I just wanna take one more quick piss." Dean announced, before running out of the room.
"Take a quick piss and I'm gonna do push ups. Cause I can do anything." Rollins exclaimed, doing a few push ups.
"What the hell have you guys done?" Reigns demanded.
"I'm feeling good, dude! You wanna help me clean? Like we bonded over this. This is like friendship stuff. We broke into someone's house, man!"
"Seth!"
He giggled again. "It's like I had the most amazing experience of my life."
"Seth!" he cried, trying to get him to stop.
"We broke into a man's house..."
"SETH!"
"...and suddenly I'm like and expert at sifting cocaine. It's fucking amazing, dude! Come here! Help me with this." he rambled on.
Later...
"I can't believe we went in completely unprepared." Dean (now sobered up) announced as he, Seth, and Roman were now driving down the street to their next location. "Complete waste of fucking time."
In the backseat, Seth continously rubbed his face, trying to get over his cocaine rush.
"Well, no. Not a total waste of time." Roman announced, slipping out the Blackberry and handing it to Dean.
"What's that? That his phone?" the boys asked.
"Yep. That's his phone, all right."
"You steal this?" Dean wondered.
"I got his contacts, schedule, weird pictures of him doing awesome shit..."
"Nice." he nodded.
"No." Seth spoke up.
"What do you mean, 'no'?" Roman questioned.
"That's a crime!"
Roman turned back to him.
"Nobody said we'd be stealing!"
"That was a good grab." Dean chimed in.
"We broke in! You guys did cocaine!" Reigns argued back.
"That's THREE CRIMES!" he freaked out.
"He's all jizzed out." Dean announced. "Ignore him."
"No. We're literally in the process of getting ready to kill three people, and you're gonna give me shit about stealing a fucking phone?" he demanded.
Seth quickly shook his head. "You run it by me if you're gonna be stealing stuff. You gotta..."
"Run it by you?"
"Run it by me!"
"Okay. Okay. Dean, will you hold this for a second?" Roman began, referring to the steering wheel. Then, he whipped around and began hitting Seth, who cried out in response. "I'm not gonna run anything by you! I'm not gonna run anything by you!" He calmly turned around and took the wheel again. "Dickhead."
"There's a lot of stuff in here." Dean referred to the phone, ignoring his and Seth's antics.
Regaining his composure, Reigns lit up and cried, "I know! That's what I'm talking about. So you wanna hit your boss now?"
"Sure."
"Let's do it."
As revenge from before, Seth slapped Roman on the back of the head.
"Oh!"
"Whoop, you gotta take care of that." Ambrose said calmly, taking the wheel again while Reigns whipped around to attack Rollins once again.
"OW!...Get off me!" Seth cried. "Come on!"
"HEY! You DON'T TOUCH ME! I'm the driver!" the Samoan cried.
"Hey, I need you for the brakes." Dean said flatly.
"Oh, shit, the brakes. Sorry, buddy." Roman told Dean, before trying to turn back to the wheel.
"Get the brakes!" Rollins cried.
"Don't...push...the DRIVER, Seth!" he cried back.
"Get the wheel!"
"You don't fucking push the driver!"
Dean turned back to Seth and muttered, "You don't push the fucking driver man, come on."
"I'm coked out of my fucking head, I'll push whoever the fuck I want to." Rollins cried back, crouching to himself in case Roman decided to attack him again.