1. Narrator: Philip Nichols
Every Agent,
At the VCTF,
Liked
Christmas a lot.
(Except George who was Jewish,
But that
doesn't concern this tale)
But Jack
Who's lair was close to
the VCTF
DID NOT!
Jack hated Christmas!
The whole Christmas
season.
Now, please don't aske why. No one quite knows
The
reason.
It could be his roses didn't grow quite
Right.
It
could be perhaps, his blue lamps weren't
Bright/
But I,
(Philip Nichols) think that the most likely reason of all,
May
have been his sheriff's outfit was two sizes
Too
small.
But,
Whatever the reason,
His outfit or roses,
He
stood there on Christmas Eve, hating the
VCTF.
Staring through
his computer monitor with a sour,
Grincy frown,
At the
government florescent lights hanging from
The ceiling,
For he
knew every Agent at the VCTF,
Just near by,
Were busy now,
writing Christmas cards,
"And now they are ignoring their
paperwork."
He snarled with a sneer.
"Tomorrow is
Christmas! It's practically here."
Then he growled, with his
serial killer fingers
Nervously drumming.
"I MUST find away
to keep Christmas from
Coming!"
For tomorrow he knew…
All
the VCTF agents
Would be drinking egg nog,
And rushing to do
work, to get
Home early to their families.
And if not, then!
Oh, the Noise! Oh the Noise!
Noise! Noise!
That's one he
hated! The Noise !
NOISE! NOISE!
2. Narrator:
Serialbathera
Philip Nichols got a bit distracted with some
cult business. Something about the number of stab wounds or
something. I wasn't listening…sorry, I rarely listen to the
conversations the characters in my head have with other
people.
Anyway, I was going to have George finish the poem but
then, he was kissing Rich. And then, I thought it would be cute to
have someone non profiler do it. Dr. Spencer Reid from "Criminal
Minds" was going to do it, but then he started a long story about
Christmas traditions and such, which were kind of cute but two
co-workers shushed him, Derek Morgan and Emily Prentiss.
So, Jack
decided he would do the next part.
3. Jack of all Trades
(Jack
lights a cigarette and smokes it for a long time.
He eats a
handful of Cheetoes, watching the audience.)
I don't really like
the poem
Format given.
I think it is a bit cheesy.
I am a
man of my own syntax.
I think it is ridiculous,
Despite
what Philip thinks,
I am not a bad guy.
I don't even totally
hate Christmas.
I just like Halloween better.
The decorations
are cooler.
And there is no jolly fat man.
(Jack smoke
another cigarette)
Anyway, I did steal all the VCTF's
Christmas
Decorations.
Even dressed Sharon up
As a reindeer.
An d I k
now the lesson of the book/old cartoon movie.
(Don't even get me
started on the juvenile
And moronic Jim Carrey version.)
Is
that Christmas is not
About possessions.
It's a feeling
inside.
Well, the VCTF may or
May not have learned that.
I
don't know,
Because unlike the Grinch,
I wasn't caught by
Cindy Lou Who,
I got caught by Samantha.
I ditched reindeer
Sharon,
And me and my love,
Took a cruise to the Bahamas.
Then
after that,
Who knows,
But we have the rest of our lives.
Oh,
by the way,
We got married by the ship's captain,
So, she is
now Mrs. Samantha Trades,
And she already emailed
Bailey and
quit.
And they aren't smart enough to catch us.
4. John
Grant cutting in
He thinks he can do that.
Recall everything so
quickly
Like a quick witted cat.
He left us with a mess,
And
much distress.
As we now, realized he's kidnapped Sam,
And
all the Christmas ham.
5. Narrator: Serialbathera.
Sorry,
John was mauled by several fangirls,
Never to be seen
again.
(Unless you find the basement where he is locked up.)
We
thought of Jill having her say,
But she ran away.
Sorry, don't
mind the rhyming,
It is a bit stuck in my head.
Anyway, Merry
Christmas to all,
And may the new year bring you many Skewed (or
regular Profiler)
Plot bunnies (or guineas if you are Meg) :