Standard disclaimers applied. See Chapter 1 for further details.

Author's Note: The very last scene between Neela and Gates at the end of ER's S13 Finale didn't happen.

CHAPTER 3: Such Bittersweet Aftertaste

She had a peculiar habit when it came to taking her coffee. Having been raised in England, she was normally a tea person. But years at County had taught her to tolerate the sludge also known as coffee that someone always kept running. Usually, people here took their coffees black - strong and sending the blood pressures and adrenaline running. The odd time that she needed the extra boost, she would be grabbing for the extra sugar and cream. It took away the bitterness, but still left enough of a coffee aftertaste.

Coming in to work today after getting less than two hours of sleep, she was in dire in need of just straight-up black coffee to get her through the day. Her attempt to be nonchalant about her conversation with Ray failed miserably from the get go. Pratt cornered her as soon as she stepped through the double doors. "Neela, I gotta talk to you, right now."

"Not now, Pratt."

"Yes now, Neela."

He took her by the elbow and led her to the empty lounge. Crossing the length of the room, he went to shut the blinds before walking over the coffee maker. He murmured something about hallucinogens, as he dumped the contents out of the coffee pot and prepared a fresh pot.

"Is there a particular reason you dragged me in here, Pratt?"

"Yes, but I figure you want caffeine in your system before we have a little heart to heart."

"What are you rambling on?"

"This, Neela!" The Attending pulled out a printout from his lab coat and waved it in front of her. Taking the sheet, she quickly scanned the contents. It didn't take long to figure out what it was that Pratt wanted her to see.

"So?" she said offhandedly as she gave him back the sheet.

"So? Is that all you have to say? Ray got stinking drunk and then rather stupidly got into a fight at Luka and Abby's wedding and now this! No word, no explanation, just up and resigns."

"I'm not Ray's keeper, Pratt."

"No, you're his friend, his ex-roommate. Heck, he's my friend too; it's not like him to leave without a goodbye."

"Ray makes his own decisions, Pratt. We have to respect that because we are his friends," she said resolutely as she made her exit.

"Yo Neela ..." His voice halted her at the door. Neela turned back to see that Pratt was holding a cup of freshly brewed coffee towards her.

She offered a weak smile before wrapping her right hand around the handle. Before releasing the cup, Pratt said, "You're a terrible liar, Neela. You are hurting just as much as he did." This time, it was him who left, leaving her with a cup of steaming of caffeine.

The door slammed shut with a resounding bang, leaving her in the silence and the sour note in the air. Her hands shook, leaving her with no choice but to set down the cup in her hand, in case of spilling boiling coffee on herself.

You give me hope and I, like a fool believed you ... was that your goodbye to me, Ray? I wished I could have told you sooner ... Tony and I are done. He could never love me in the same way that I think you loved me. I am sorry, so sorry and you know what ... you too, are the best roommate that I ever had.

oOoOo

The news of Ray's resignation spread quickly in the ER. Shock and disbelief were the most common reactions. The incident at Abby and Luka's wedding was at the forefront of everybody's minds and Neela found herself to be the center of some unwanted attention. She was the sole carrier of Ray's secret and she was going to honour his wishes not to tell anyone about the accident. Perhaps, it was karma - the guilt weighed heavily on her.

She trudged through the cases with her usual professional decorum but anybody who knew her could see that her heart wasn't in it. When she asked to step in as a surgical consult on a trauma, she wasn't emotionally prepared to face Tony Gates.

"Listen Neela. I'm sorry about -"

"No, Tony. I can't take an apology from you right now."

"Neela, I thought we were ok after the wedding."

She tried to ignore him. The conversation that they had prior to her leaving the wedding was a total blur. She felt exhausted just thinking about it.

"Tony ... I can't deal with this."

"This, meaning Ray leaving? Or us?"

She had been talking with her back to him. At his last question, she turned and faced him. "Don't. You never loved me."

"I'm here, Neela. Where's Ray, now? He hightailed out of here the first chance that he got."

"Stop it!"

"News flash, Neela. Truth hurts."

"Don't you think I know that?" she snapped back, " There is no us. There's you and there's me. Ray's gone but it has nothing to do with him being a coward. He waited and watched at the sidelines. Yet in the end, he ended up the victim in all this."

Without another word, she took off for the sanctuary of County's rooftop. She ignored the stares that followed her. She knew that Pratt was the only person who had some semblance of her feelings at the moment.

As if hearing her thoughts, he appeared next to her. "You were right about what you said," she admitted.

Pratt sighed and asked, "Did you love him?"

"I'm in love with a man who won't ever come back, Pratt." The statement hang stagnant in the air with a bitter realization that came too late.

End of Chapter 3

AN: I received a rather negative review the other day. That has gotten me down. I'm just wondering if you guys are still interested in my fics? If so, any suggestions for improvements? Thanks.