Standard disclaimers applied. See Chapter 1 for further details.

Author's Note: The title is a Latin phrase meaning "I hate and I love." Parts from FNL S1E6, "El Accidente." Enjoy!

CHAPTER 4: Odi et Amo

So, he was on the road again. This time, it was to some small town known was Dillon, Texas. His mother had insisted that he wasn't being sent away liked some unwanted foster child.

"Honey, I don't know what you need and I love you too much to just let you wallow in self pity."

"So, you think some hick town in the good ol' state of Texas can?"

"Your cousin, Jason..."

"Who by the way, I barely know. When was the last time that I saw him?"

Jasey sighed, but plunged on with her explanation, "Jason can understand better than anyone. Your Uncle Mitch and I..."

"All of a sudden, you are best friends with Uncle Mitch."

"Ray! Look, you're 28. You're a doctor; you play in a band, and, by all counts, you are an adult. But this - whatever you are doing isn't healthy and as your mother, I'm not going to stand by and just watch you spiral into some dark place. There are people who care about you and love you. To punish one person for the sake of others is cruel and selfish."

"Punishing one person? Mom."

"It's so easy to see it when it's written all over your face. To open yourself up to love somebody means making yourself vulnerable to being hurt. You mind tells you how unfair everything seems, but you have to let a small part of you believe in all the cliches. If it is meant to be, it will be."

oOoOo

"So, they're coming here?'

"Yes."

"For how long?"

"Well, until you ... until everything settles."

"You mean until I get better. I'm not getting better! You and everybody else needs to get into your heads that I'm not going to walk again, this is it!"

"Jason, your mom and I ..." Mitch paused briefly ad glanced over at his wife.

Joanne took hold of one of her son's hand and gave it a quick squeeze, and said, "We love you, Jason. All we want is the best for you and neither one of us are in the position to do so. Now, your cousin, Ray is going through a rough time ... we just ..."

"So, I'm going to be become fast buddies with somebody that I barley remember and everything will be peachy."

"Jason."

"I'm tired, mom. Let me rest before the entourage comes."

oOoOo

One of the great things about going to Texas, was the fact that the Streets had a one-storey home with minimal steps which could help with his mobility issues. His doctor at Baton Rouge had already referred him to a specialist in Texas so he could get fitted for prosthesis.

Thankfully for both sides, Ray's arrival was met with little fanfare. Only Mitch met them at the house. Jasey exchanged a rather awkward hug with her brother. The siblings come together at the trauma in both their respective lives.

Mitch extended a hand to his nephew, "Ray. It's good to have you here."

"Mitch."

"Jason is still over at the hospital right now. Joanne and Lyla are with him."

"Who's Lyla?" Jasey asked.

"Lyla Garrity, Buddy Garrity's daughter. She's Jason's girlfriend."

At the word, Ray scoffed. He had gotten used to pushing himself in the wheelchair, which in this case, he used to his advantage.

"Did I say something wrong? Mitch asked his sister.

Jasey shook her head and said, "Ray is going through a rough time right now, Mitch."

oOoOo

If either cousin was nervous about meeting the other, they didn't show it. After all, they didn't really know each other and both didn't like the setup that their parents had put on. It was almost juvenile, when you thought about it.

It didn't take long to make the drive from the Street's home to the hospital that Jason was staying in. The two siblings Mitch and Jasey were having a quiet conversation together. His Aunt Joanne was driving. Ray opted to listen to his iPod. His hands resting on the blanket that draped across knees.

He insisted on wheeling himself into the hospital. He didn't know what to expect, but if the three adults in front of him were figuring on a miracle, they would be sorely disappointed. When they arrived at the room, they met up with a nurse who was just coming out. Apparently, the Streets recognized her, as they stopped to converse. "How's he doing today, Fran?"

Jasey prompted her son, "Why don't you go and introduce yourself to Jason?"

Ray fought the urge to roll his eyes, and bit back a retort. This is getting ridiculous.

The room was spacious and assaulted by sunlight streaming in from the window. Hanging from the said window, was a sign that said, "GET WELL SOON." Beneath it on the window sill, stood numerous cards that probably had similar messages for a speedy recovery. Along every wall, there were photographs of what Ray assumed, were Jason and his girlfriend. Others were of football players. His eyes wandered to the bed, where several helium-filled balloons were tied to the bed rail. Finally, he rested on the person lying there with his head supported by a collar. The head of the bed was raised to 45 degrees, but the person was in no position to turn and face the door.

"Back again, Fran? Need to break a guy's heart twice?"

"I'm not, Fran," Ray answered.

There was silence. Ray wished that he could see his cousin's facial expression, but he was too far away and the sun was causing a glare.

"No, you're not Fran. Since I have never heard your voice before, you must be my cousin."

"Yeah," Ray confirmed. Despite the fact that they were having a conversation, Ray still didn't make an effort to wheel himself closer to the bed.

"Well, I will get up and shake your hand, Ray, but as you have probably heard I can't. I hear we are supposed to best buddies, do some spiritual cousin-bonding thing that our parents have cooked up for us. Let me tell you something, my dear cousin ..." Jason paused, building up for a confrontation.

"I had a nurse come in here telling me that I can't have sex with my girlfriend because according to her, semen can back up into my bladder and cause a serious urinary tract infection. I love Lyla but I can't do anything more than kiss her because I am confine to this damn bed! What do you say to that, huh, Ray?"

"I say you are understandably pissed off, Jason."

Whatever response Jason Street was expecting, it wasn't this. "I thought you're going to tell me that everything is going to be okay."

"You thought wrong," Ray said simply.

"How come you don't stand a little closer to the bed?"

"Because Jason, as you have probably heard, I can't. At least not yet ..."

"Why not?" This time, the former Dillon QB was confused.

"I had a double amputation. I haven't got fitted for prosthetics yet. What exactly did your parents tell you?" Ray asked as he wheeled himself closer to Jason's left side.

"That my cousin was coming down and that he would understand. I thought you were some shrink."

"No, I'm not in any position to be a shrink," Ray managed a smile at this.

"So, what did they tell you about me?" This time, Jason was able to concentrate on Ray's voice.

"That you had a C7-T1 injury from playing high school football."

"And you know what that means?"

"Yeah. I'm a doctor, or I was a doctor."

"Oh?"

"I resigned."

"Hmm, how did that happened?"

"I typed up a letter of resignation." This time, Jason laughed. It was almost refreshing to have a conversation that wasn't forced.

"I mean why did you quit? Obviously, things were going well for you."

"As in the past tense."

"You lost your legs, not your brain. You can still be a doctor with an artificial set of limbs."

"It's more complicated than that."

"What do you mean it's more complicated than that?" Jason was angry now, "Let me tell you something. My day starts out with me lying on this bed. Actually, my whole day is spent lying on this bed, on my sorry quadriplegic ass. Everyday, people come in here, prod and poke me like a piece of meat. They go ahead and stick a catheter in me in places that you don't even wanna know about. My big adventure of the day is going in the commode, because I gotta go at the same time everyday, so I can teach my body how to crap on the cue. Impressive huh... and then, Lyla comes running in. I gotta tell you what ... I love that girl ... I do. I love her more than life itself. But, if she tells me how great everything's going to be when I finally get out of here one more time, I'm gonna lose it. So, tell me how much more complicated does it get?"

"Listen Street, you may be my cousin, but you know nothing about me. You think you have it bad that you have a girlfriend who is willing to stand by you, day in and day out. You love her and she loves you. There is no ambiguities, no reservations. You don't have to watch from the sidelines as she breaks your heart again and again because she doesn't know what to do. Sure, you are paralyzed but no, I'm not going to be one of those people who feel sorry for you because at least, you know where your relationship stands."

End of Chapter 4

AN: I am so touched by everyone's support for my stories. Thank you so much.