Standard disclaimers applied. See Chapter 1 for further details.
Author's Note: This is such a hard chapter to write. I started multiple of times and ended up being very frustrated with myself and I really wanted to give up. Lyrics borrowed from "Zero" and "Take Me" by Hawk Nelson.
CHAPTER 8: From Zero to 6
She had set the stereo to shuffle play but by this time, she had already listened to every track at least a dozen times. She could identify by ear the song and its corresponding track number. She remembered his words to her during that fateful day at Luka and Abby's wedding. He had hinted that he had started recording again and some songs were meant for her.
All the songs were in some way or another alluding to love and lost, life and all things in between, but as she sought for the hidden message behind the music, she heard his voice speaking to her.
When I hear your name, it's not the same.
No matter what they say, I'm not okay.
"Ever since, losing Michael... I still haven't quite ..."
It's been three months since he left us.
So far nothing's been the same.
I feel like no one's ever had to deal with the pain that I'm dealing with right now.
'Why did you have to choose the war over me - your wife? I loved you but you still left!'
And we started at zero
And went different ways
And if we started at zero
Then how did things change?
It seems like just yesterday we were the same
And my question without answer is:
Am I the one to blame?
"This isn't easy for me, Ray... I mean Tony was new. He has no history... You made me think about things from before. Maybe I rushed into it because it made moving on easier."
"So, I feel like history to you?"
He was such a good description of a favored future man.
He spoke well of other people, and they said the same for him.
"I couldn't separate you from Michael. I couldn't be with you without feeling guilty."
"What about now?"
"Now? Not sure that's matters anymore."
"Meaning?"
Take me under Your wing tonight
Make me so perfect in Your eyes
Please help me get from worse to better
Before these tears soak through this lonely sweater
And let me know that I'm alright
And You'll be here forever, forever
You'll stay
And You promised to love me, You'll love me always
The songs jumped to another track and she decided right then and there to call. Whereas, she lacked courage before, she realized that Ray had to know that she understood. Getting the number wasn't entirely difficult, but dialing the digits certainly was. As the phone was ringing, she kept running scenarios in her mind, just wondering what exactly it was she wanted to say. "Hi Ray! It's Neela!" or "Ray ... umm. ... I don't know if you remember me, but it's Neela."
She want to hang up, when suddenly a voice answered on the other line. "Hello?"
"Oh hi! umm... it's Ray there. I mean uhhh.. May I speak to Ray Barnett please?"
There was a pause and Neela desperately, wanted to hang up the phone.
"Is this Neela?" the feminine voice inquired.
At that, Neela felt a sense of relief, coupled with disappointment, before bravely confirmed her identity. "Yes, this is Neela. Is this, Ray's mom?"
It was and the two women exchanged pleasantries, but there was underlying strain that was very palpable. In the end, Neela found out that Ray was no longer in Louisiana but in Texas with his cousin's family. "He's going through a rough time, Neela. I don't think it's the best time to visit him right now."
"Maybe you can give him a message for me. Please tell him, it's Tracks Zero to 6. He'll understand."